Most of my anger I work through now, as it occurs but there are some incidences which linger within me. As I have been working on this anger point, I find a connection of I dont trust that person so I will stay away from them, that seems to go along with my anger, almost like they are the enemy. Sometimes this is acceptable for a period of time but other times it is impossible. Note: I realize staying away is avoidance and no solution and am facing all anger points in this process. In one case it is a relative of mine who I see now and then at family functions and in the other case it is someone in a group I belong to, so same scenario, I deal with them from time to time.
Therefore, because I do not see or have much
contact with these 2 people, I find my
anger fades into the background and I just feel mistrust, some mild
resent. I was not going to address these points but when I reviewed the
memories, there was the anger , alive and well coming up, through
emotions, into my
physical body as
reactions!
My relative is through marriage. I
assume her husband has spoken of me as she seems-they seem- mostly distant-friendly in a superficial way. I was at a shower recently in which I bought a gift and she ignored it, just opened it and put it immediately aside and did not
look at me or thank me. I dont
care about the
money, I
thought it was rude to not acknowledge a persons effort to get to the shower-it was a 2 hour drive-it was a snow storm-to shop as it takes
time out of ones day and costs money-gas for the transportation to and from the shower-a whole Sunday taken up. I
understand she had already received the same gift but that should not matter. No
smile, no nothing. I would not have come if I knew she would act that way towards me. A few weeks later, at a holiday gathering she said nothing to me all evening, which was ok but then near
the end of the night she comes up and asks me about my daughter. Nothing else, not a how are you doing, what are you doing, it
made me feel like she doesnt like me and validated my mistrust of her and her rudeness, once again
angered me.
The other person is in the same AA (alcoholics anonymous) group I am in. About a year ago she said something I found to be very harsh and over-the-top and not exactly accurate. I understood the point and corrected myself, I had made a mistake and took
responsibility for that mistake. She is in an higher position than me but this is no reason to take advantage of that position and put down those you are supposedly leading. I get the
feeling she thinks she is smarter, better,
superior, ahead of me, therefore I am of little importance. It frustrates and angers me that some people because of their position in
life, get to say whatever the heck they want but I have to walk on eggshells-that is how it feels anyway. In a group setting I get the impression she thinks it is ok to ignore me, not answer me. I understand everyone is in their own process so I let it go but I cannot deny it angers me, not often, not severely but somewhat.
Questions:
What have I learned so far?
It is not to
judge another but to understand them and my self-responsibility to examine and direct my own
thoughts and reactions.
It is important to answer this
question because we are actually inter-dependant beings, not
living in a bubble but
together -connected-on earth, we are not
separate.
Thought: You dont like me but you dont even
know me. I dont like you either and do not trust you. You think you are better than me.
I realize I am
separating myself from these two
individuals by holding onto anger-resentment. This inaction only festers within ones
mind and body, eventually harming oneself and the other. Therefore, in the next post I will deconstruct this thought and answer the question (why do I take it personally), within the above 2 examples, facing my anger as the problem, and then re-construct the thought, using
commitment statements as a first step in the process to walk, which is the solution to eliminate the anger for
good!
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Most of my anger I work through now, as it occurs but there are some incidences which linger within me. As I have been working on this anger point, I find a connection of I dont trust that person so I will stay away from them, that seems to go along with my anger, almost like they are the enemy. Sometimes this is acceptable for a period of time but other times it is impossible. Note: I realize staying away is avoidance and no solution and am facing all anger points in this process. In one case it is a relative of mine who I see now and then at family functions and in the other case it is someone in a group I belong to, so same scenario, I deal with them from time to time.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
an alcoholics journeytolife 