Day 162: Good Grief! Letting Go of the Dedicated Daughter

Sadly, my mom passed away last Saturday.  It has been difficult. I don’t quite know where to start. I did not want to say goodbye to my mom, I did not want to let go. I have not been someone who has expressed their feelings, self-honestly in the moment, throughout my life.  However, through all I have learned within DIP I was able to cry alot during the last  week. I can see now, how assisting this is  in releasing the energies.  I did face some sadness, around the inevitability of losing my mom, a few months back through blogging:

Day 113:  Sad about my Mom                                                            http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/day-113-sad-about-my-mom/

Day 114:  Sad about my Mom 2                                                       http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/day-114-sad-about-my-mom-2/

So I won’t look at that point again today but I will instead face the WHY of the sadness. My mom was 86 years old so it was not a big shock/surprise to me when she died.  Strangely, it did not seem to matter. I quite simply felt crushed, like I had been hit by a truck or like there was a heavy black cloud over my head, weighing me down and making me extremely fatigued (once all the busyness of clearing out her home and funeral were over).

I was concerned and confused. Why am I so devastated?  Obviously, grieving is a process and I realize it had only been a week.  Also, obviously, my mom was a very cool human being and I will miss her company very much!  But even understanding these 2 points I was having trouble with the severity of my reaction to her passing.

So yesterday I purchased an Eqafe product, Understanding Sadness:  https://eqafe.com/p/sadness-understanding-sadness-atlanteans-part-102 

I highly suggest anyone experiencing grief to have a listen, it assisted and supported me greatly to a place of some understanding.  It is the first in a series that will follow.  This blog, ‘good grief’,  will be one of several over the next months, as well.

Ever since my dad crossed over, 7 years ago, I have been a very consistent and attentive to my mom.  Although a bit of a burden at times, 1.5/ 2 hour drive one way, mostly I enjoyed it as she was easy and fun to be around.  So every second Sunday, often with my brother, we would without fail visit  her for the afternoon and evening.  If she was ill or in the hospital, I would see her once or twice a week, indeed during the last 6/7 m would visit weekly at least.  If I was not visiting I was thinking of it, planning the visit-what would we do, phoning her, thinking of phoning her, doing a chore/investigating a drug or nursing home/picking something up at a store/worrying/anticipating/etc. about my mom.   I was a very ‘dedicated, loving daughter’.

It is this personality/character, the dedicated daughter, that I am de-constructing in this blog.

What I learned/realized, from the Atlantean interview on Sadness, was I have built up energies in relation/relationship to my mom throughout my entire life, in the form of thoughts, feelings and emotions, which are stored/layered in the physical body. These energies can be of a positive or negative nature, it does not matter.  What happens is, when someone passes, they all come rushing to the surface, like a flood/an overflowing, often having an overwhelming effect and then- in my case- a tiredness or depressing effect.

So when you have a close (or intimate) relationship with someone in your life, there is always present fear of loss.  This fear begins/is formed simultaneously when the intense bond/love feeling begins-as polarities within the mind, the ever present fear ‘this person makes me feel good, don’t let it be taken away, I cannot live without this person/feeling!’

All of this is in fact unnecessary!  We do not need to carry around these energies of fear of loss/anxiety/excitement/anticipation/anger/love, or whatever they may be.  All we require to do is to enjoy their company when we are with them, participate, assist and support them, respect and love them. In other words, all we require as human beings is to act in the physical, to be that expression of love towards them when we are with them and then, when we are not with them, to again act/plan/do/call/write whatever in the physical and not in the mind of energies. This is a true devotion of love and respect for them and for yourself as you are not participating within the mind-generating energies that build up over time as/within you, that   can harm you. So we do not need imaginings/emotions of worry and fear/opinions/pictures as memories in our mind/fantasies about the future with this person–as none of this mind participation with the loved one actually changes anything in reality! – but just down to earth physical interaction.

I have also built a large part of my identity in relationship to/associated with my mom. So MUCH OF THE GRIEVING PROCESS, IS ME HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS , with thoughts like, ‘I’ll pick that up for mom and give it to her Sunday, oh yeah, no I won’t, mom’s gone, what will I do on Sundays? Who am I now, without her? Who wants to spend time with me? My mom is someone who loved me unconditionally. No one else does.’   Pretty self-centered really, there are many other thoughts, however I am focusing on this to really tackle it.

I am actually grieving/mourning the loss of my mom and that part of me I associated with her, the loss of the dedicated/loving daughter, both!

My mom and I had so much fun over the years, we all got closer after my dad passed on, with my other sibling and children or just the two of us, we would go to many shows, symphonies, out for walks and a bite to eat, watch golf or some sport on tv-lol, do shopping chores together, go to dinner at my sisters, it was often relaxing AND I FELT USEFUL, LIKE I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING AFTER BEING AN ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC FOR SO MANY YEARS PRIOR.

So, I will look at this personality within the thought:     I have to call/go see my mom. She needs me!

To Continue

Join us in the Journey to Life!

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

http://forum.desteni.org
http://equalmoney.org/forum/
http://desteniIprocess.com

Day 161: Solution to ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic 2

Please refer to the 2 previous post, Day 159 and Day 160,  for context to this blog.

From the previous post:  Where did my extreme thinking come from ?  Why did it manifest? …So basically, throughout my 18 years living in my parents home, I never knew which home I was going home to.  And the two experiences were opposites to the extreme!  One home I dreaded/felt under attack, the other I welcomed and felt safe and secure.

How does this extreme thinking manifest today?

In my marriage I can see this extreme thinking, often when my partner and I have an argument or I am concerned about money.  I can go from being quite stable and content within my life to imagining/planning my great escape in my secret mind, as in getting my own apartment and then going into fear and anxiety about surviving on my own and then going into guilt about hurting my partner and our children.  All unnecessary and quite ridiculous.  These revenge fantasies are a waste of time and do not solve the issue at hand. All I require to do, I now realize after examining this issue within the act of daily blogging (applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application), is to stop and breathe, to stay out of my mind and assess the situation calmly, then to direct myself within my day and, when the time is appropriate, to discuss the matter using common sense with my partner, and not go into my mind of the past-with associations and relationships from past memories -while remaining with breath AND IT ALWAYS WORKS. No drama required!

When I was an active alcoholic, the ‘all or nothing’  thinking would manifest much more absurdly, like;  ‘I am going to write a song today and it must be a hit song so I can make some money to keep the house for my children and show them ‘dreams come true’ as this will make me a good mom and I can buy them things to show them my love’, obviously putting insane pressure on myself, to the point I could not even enjoy the creative process as much as I should have, and living in delusion of fame and fortune not to mention living in extreme self-interest. So any small step I could take/took was never enough and this was ultimately self-defeating and self-sabotoging. I also beLIEved my ‘higher power’/god wanted me to write music ‘for the good of all’  but in common sense how could this be?  What difference would it make?  Is a song so important?  Of course not!  It was my mind, consciousness, based in self-interest and survival,  relying on my ego, needing/desiring to be special/important, which enslaved me and it worked all right!

I see this ‘all or nothing thinking’  within my participation with my online course, being very productive one day to the point of over doing it, and then the next day feeling exhausted and having to get caught up with family/work  responsibilities. So back and forth to the extreme, really going for it and then giving up, like ‘I can’t do this anymore, there is not enough time’. So as I continue to allow myself to relate to the internal conversation and the emotions, they build and build until I can’t not stand the stress anymore-overload, panic, time to bail, time to run!  This in turn leads to a lack of consistency, therefore little forward movement step by step, day by day, which is the recipe for success. The fear of failure and rejection becomes overwhelming and so to escape the negative energy experience of fear of failure, one tends to replace it with a positive  energy experience as an escape, so I reach out for a sweet treat or go rollerblading or have a nap or just plain give up and do not complete my daily tasks/commitments.  Instead, I tell myself  ‘I am free, ah, thank god that is over’ and I feel relieved and so that is ‘good’.  When all I require to do is to apply/direct myself daily within stability, having a reasonable schedule/plan and sticking to it.  That means dedication and perseverance, something the alcoholic finds difficult because it’s not exciting, it’s normal=boring to the alcoholic mind, which is quite immature.

I also see this ‘all or nothing thinking’ within my family life, worry thoughts about the safety of my adult children, my mom’s health–they will die–  or gossipy/judgmental thoughts about my siblings/friends–they are wrong or I don’t want to be with them anymore, paranoid/suspicious thoughts about my partner–I want out of this union/I don’t trust him or his intensions. Will not elaborate more here but I have written about this is other blog posts, see within my timeline, and will investigate these further in blogs to come.

Finally, extreme thinking comes out as fear of death /disease, like every little ache or pain or bump means I have cancer and I’m going to die. As I have blogged about his extensively in the past and will again, I will not go into more detail here.

In Cathy Krafft’s blog post today, she examines this point-the fear of death- brilliantly and comes to some very cool realizations! I highly recommend reading this post.  http://cathy4worldequality.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/day-236-calling-the-beast-by-its-name-breast-cancer-fear-of-death-day-21/#comment-1535   An excerpt:  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in shame and fear within the need to have or be with someone / in a relationship in order to confirm the definition I have of who I am.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself into and with a relationship with my mind.

The point within ‘all or nothing’ thinking I have realized is what a waste of time it is, as I always, eventually, calm down and pick up where I left off  BUT there is only so much time in a day and within a lifetime so why waste it on reactions, when you already know the outcome. It is round and round, up and down when all one requires is to examine the point of the extreme thought/s in self-honesty-so face yourself- and then learn to direct yourself so as to produce an outcome that is best for you in your life and best for all.

I /you can only do anything breath by breath-point by point- using energy in the form of so rushing/panicking -is self-sabotaging. thinking/believing there is not enough time or ‘I can’t’ is just that –thoughts. The thoughts themselves are not reality, you here is the only reality there is and when one slows down and moves with breath, much is possible and you will find -as you prioritize and commit to a daily schedule YOU CAN. There is no higher power outside of you that is going to heal you, your alcoholism or your thinking/paranoia.  The solution to ‘all or nothing’ thinking is YOU!   But as I mentioned, this is a process that takes time and requires patience and dedication.  There is much support for this within the Desteni I Process Course and FREE DIP LITE , course.

To understand paranoia, the context of how it is being defined and discussed within these blogs, and the  Mind in its relationship to THOUGHT   Read Creation’s Journey to Life Blogs – introducing/outlining the context for/as Paranoia in relation to Consciousness: DAY 395, DAY 396, DAY 397, DAY 398, DAY 399, DAY 400

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 160: Solution to ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic

Please refer to the previous post for context to this blog. From the previous post:

This blog series will focus on alcoholism but it is equally written for the social and heavy drinker.  Alcohol, any alcohol is not suggested/recommended as, it may quiet the mind/relax one for a short period of time, but the ‘coming down’ /hangover part, after one sobers up, is often, and increasingly filled with paranoid thinking and extreme feelings (ie. depression)  so is simply not ‘worth’ the quick high and definitely not ‘best for all’ when considering mankind/human beings as a whole. Within these blogs, abstinence is recommended.

definition of paranoid: baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

This website,   http://www.rightdiagnosis.com/a/alcoholic_paranoia/intro.htm

lists some of the symptoms of Alcoholic Paranoia as:

• Delusional jealousy
• Delusional suspicion
• Distrust
• Sexual brutality
• Impotency after alcohol consumption
• Recurring state of panic
• Paranoid thinking

What is the solution to the ‘all or nothing’ thinking of the paranoid alcoholic?  First one must stop drinking-total abstinence.  It assisted me to belong to a group, AA (alcoholics anonymous).  Then, equally as important, after one has been sober for minimum of 3 months to begin a self-honest investigation into your thinking processes, understanding of your thinking processes and stopping & changing your thinking processes.

STOP TALKING INSIDE YOUR HEAD. STOP CONTEMPLATING.. THEORIZING..HESITATING.. DOUBTING,  STOP ISOLATING

You do not require thinking to be here as life, you require breath, breathing in and out, here in stability.  Sound too simple?  (favorite pass time of the paranoid alcoholic-we complicate things).  Try it!  Stop thinking right now and just focus on your breath, in and out, for 60 seconds.  Are you ok?  Now, stop breathing, for 60 seconds, not so easy is it?  In fact, breath is the very thing that gifts you life, without it you will die.

I realize this is a massive task but not an impossible task.   A few blogs ago, I redefined the word impossible:

Impossible =I’m Possible         I’m possible, in that the trinity I exist as, of mind/body/beingness, is the actual manifestation of ‘possible/possibilities’, being in the process of becoming life as the living word in the physical, and so I become the directive principal of me here, thus no longer search outside of myself but realize all is me, within and without, and I take full responsibility of what occurs in both universes and direct both in awareness, moment by moment with breath.  As ‘I’m possible’ I am pulling this life force/awareness into myself in the very movement of investigation, participation and integration to become part of  my whole self to create what is best for all.

Please investigate the Quantum Mind Interview Series for incredible support into understanding the mind in absolute detail of how each thought you ever had was made and why.  I also understand how many alcoholics love the dramatic, excitement, a challenge, especially when they are told  ‘NO, you can’t’ …well, this is an exciting  journey and challenge, unraveling the mind.

In order to stop using your mind of consciousness, you need to understand why and how a thought arises-over and over and over again or why a pattern comes up, almost relentlessly until you cave in, after being tortured , hounded, hunted into submission. I recall thinking,  ‘Hell, just forget it, I can’t stand the noise in my head, I need to shut it up and I know how’ and then going to get a bottle.

Where did my extreme thinking come from ?  Why did it manifest?  As I look back, I can see as a child being very fearful of my father, when he would be coming home, if he was coming home.  As a chiropractor he worked 2 nights a week and I would always be relieved when it was just my siblings and my mom for dinner.  As we got older, the first thing anyone asked when they arrived home was ‘is Dad home, is he drinking?’ and then I would go into combat mode if he was home and/or drinking.  My father picked on his children, sometimes when he was sober but always when he was drinking. I felt on guard, unsafe and unsure, like in a war zone.  Home should be a safe haven but it was often (not always) the opposite.  Also I often did not like what we had for dinner when my dad was home.  Later, when I was a teen, he cooked sometime and it was pretty awful.

When it was just my mom at home, as I walked through that door after school ,COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY, she was light and friendly and interested in our day, for the large part she was very respectful of us and made great food, she seemed to enjoy being our parent and preparing healthy and delicious meals!

So basically, throughout my 18 years living in my parents home, I never knew which home I was going home to! And the two experiences were opposites to the extreme. One home I dreaded/felt under attack, the other I welcomed and felt safe and secure.

To continue

 

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Equal Money Get real!

Eqafe  Listen to those walking through forgetfulness to HERE.

Desteni I Process  There is a FREE course called DIP Lite and a course for Professional status.

Desteni Forums

Self Forgiveness Blogs 

Equal Life Foundation Facebook. Join Us!

Day 159: ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic

PROBLEM:    The ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic

This blog series will focus on alcoholism but it is equally written for the social and heavy drinker.  Alcohol, any alcohol is not suggested/recommended as, it may quiet the mind/relax one for a short period of time, but the ‘coming down’ /hangover part, after one sobers up, is often, and increasingly filled with paranoid thinking and extreme feelings (ie. depression)  so is simply not ‘worth’ the quick high and definitely not ‘best for all’ when considering mankind/human beings as a whole. Within these blogs, abstinence is recommended.

To qualify, I drank alcoholically for approximately 10 years and have been sober now for 9 years. I still face paranoid thoughts/thought patterns each day but now I know what they are and what to do about it!

What comes first the paranoid or the alcoholic?  Well, alcohol is but a symptom. You, as in ones thinking, existed here first and you reach out to alcohol to stop the constant inner chatter and thus medicate/alleviate  how your feeling. Therefore, the paranoia came first and the alcohol simply brings it to the forefront even more.

One of the problems with ‘all or nothing’/extreme thinking is that it is always an end point like, ‘Screw him, I’m going to find my own apartment and move out, I’m not going to speak to her anymore, I just won’t have family dinners anymore, I give up, I can’t do this, why should I bother trying, I’m not smart enough so why am I torturing myself?’…etc.

There are consequences to such thinking, including;  tension within your relationships, , lack of communication leading to relationship breakdown or possible estrangement of those you love/care about. As well, physical body changes caused by the emotions that are brought on by the extreme thinking, as in anxiety and stress, which can cause all sorts of aches and pains and eventually compromise your physicality to the point of high blood pressure, heart attack and stroke. So this is no joke, such thinking needs to be stopped, examined and corrected!  This is a process of course and requires patience and perserverance.  There is much support for this within the Desteni I Process Course and FREE DIP LITE , course.

Another problem with extreme thinking is that it feeds upon itself/ has a life of it’s own, and is not based in reality!  What do I mean by that? Firstly, as one follows the first thought as, say a sentence or a picture that comes up, you access all sorts of memories from your past as experiences, like there is a data base of memories/thoughts/feelings to choose from that connect/relate to that first thought and there you go, you are in full robot mode, an automatic organic robot, one thought after another. THIS IS ACTUALLY A MIND POSSESSION, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN REALITY-AS HERE AS A PHYSICAL BEING BUT YOU ARE LOST IN YOUR MIND OF THE PAST-you are being fed thought and after thought and just reacting to them. You are no longer the directive force/directive principal of you, acting from the present moment in reality.  In this reactive mode you can make all sorts of decisions that can harm you and others.  For example, with an ‘all or nothing’ reaction of blame, a thought arises, then you feel your heart start to race and a feeling of  indignation arise within your solar plexes, which may bring on an energy of excitement , like , ‘Yes! there you go I am right, they are wrong’ and you get ‘all worked up’ in self-righteousness.  This is but one example, of course.

And it is at this point the active alcoholic justifies running to the liquor store. The thinking could go something like this, ‘I dislike X, she hurt me, I’m right to blame, I know I am right and feel a little better about it but this really hurt so I’ll allow myself to have a few drinks, I feel so much better about all of this situation already and I know I should/can trust my feelings, no one will know.’

But you cannot trust your paranoid thoughts and subsequent feelings in this case, as you were not in reality, you were delusional, in an extreme reaction of ‘all or nothing’ thinking

Reaching out for a bottle is but a temporary and quick fix, the lack of the alcoholic to ‘postpone gratification’, to act like a child and want a sweet treat as a reward for going through something they perceive was painful/difficult.

The IMPORTANT questions are:

NOT why can you not delay gratification BUT  why do you need gratification/a reward ?  

NOT why can you not ‘deal with your past and your emotions/feelings in a healthy way’  BUT why do you need to access emotions and memories ?

IS THIS WHO WE ARE? A COLLECTION OF MEMORIES? Or are we here as life, responsible as life?

The answer as the SOLUTION to follow

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 158: Greedy Canadian Banking CEOs Salaries: from 7 to 15 MILLION

‘The National’, a nightly newscast in Canada, reported last evening  a fact that shook me -and I hope others- 30 years ago the Canadian Banks CEO’s earned 20 times the average Canadians annual income,  TODAY the Canadian Bank’s CEO’s earn 200 times the average Canadian’s annual income!  What??  Isn’t anybody outraged.  Actually, the question is why isn’t everyone outraged? Because some are, as the story reported, others say, ‘Well, they earned it’. I disagree.

http://www.cbc.ca/thenational/indepthanalysis/thebottomline/2013/04/canadas_banking_system.html

Canadian bankers were among some of the highest-paid banking executives in North America last year, with three in the Top 10, according to a new list compiled by Bloomberg Markets magazine.  In all, six Canadian bank CEOs were in the Top 20, led by the Royal Bank of Canada’s Gordon Nixon, who came in at No. 4.

Access the specific salaries here:

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/business/canadian-bank-ceos-among-highest-paid-in-north-america-209625141.html

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/business/canadian-bankers-rank-amongst-some-of-the-highest-paid-ceos-in-north-america-209469961.html

I don’t get it, how do we justify this kind of economic divide?!

Well, I heard one justification last night, on the same news cast (the link to the story was not working) in which a financial analyst said Canada did not suffer as much as the U.S. within economic hardship/consequences in the last recession, 2007-2009. Supposedly, this hardship was diverted due to the suave of Canadian banking CEO’s, as in their great powers of foresight and strategy.  The leading cause of that recession was the housing bubble crash (subprime mortgage crisis) and subsequent bailouts of several financial institutions.

Read about this here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_recessions_in_the_United_States

Ok, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, let’s say it was a bit of business common sense mixed with some luck, nonetheless, it is their JOB!  We all-most able bodied adults-work in some capacity or another in service to make the world/country function within some stability. So, whether it be serving a coffee or passing a bill in the House of Commons, it is each person’s responsibility to complete their job related tasks to the best of their ability, on a daily basis. For that, each (should) receive some financial compensation so they can operate/function within their home and provide for their families.  It is that simple, no more, no less, we as physical beings, move about completing tasks each day, mostly it is a repeating of several small, basic, tasks which, over time creates and maintains various systems so our lives are comfortable. This is the minimum each needs and deserves.  It is only the mind-the human mind- that’s starts complicating it from that point of simplicity, adding:  opinions, emotions (such as greed) ideas (such as ‘better than/superior’) self-interest, family loyalty, order of importance (hierarchy)!  But we can all see, as physical human beings , we are here equally.

Let us not kid ourselves, these bankers as well as receiving a salary of 7-1o-15  million in 2012, had a little money to start with, vast fortunes to be exact, multi-millions of dollars we’re talking, before their outrages 2012 salary.

Are they spending it/spreading it far and wide for the good of all?  No, they are saving it= hoarding it to build equity/power/increase their empires , as they know too well, money is power and control in this world, and this makes them ‘feel safe’ so they are never never part of the 99%, serving that cup of coffee for $10 an hour.

BTW,   if you received a salary of 10 million last year, that works out to $5,000.00  AN HOUR VERSUS $10.00 AN HOUR (MINIMUM WAGE MANY RECEIVE  in Canada).

This exurpt is taken from ‘The Disabled Women’s Network’ :  http://dawn.thot.net/minimum_wage_q_a.html

“2. How many people work at the minimum wage?

…In 2000, approximately 1.2 million workers in Ontario (Canada) were in jobs that paid less than a poverty-level wage. Given the lax enforcement of employment standards laws, there are undoubtedly many workers who are paid less that the minimum wage.

3. Who is most disadvantaged by a low minimum wage?

Women, immigrants and visible minorities are over-represented in Ontario’s low-wage workforce. In 1999, women represented 60% of all workers earning below poverty level wages. 31% of visible minorities and 41% of recent immigrants are forced to work in jobs that pay less than poverty level wages. However, a low minimum wage affects everyone by undercutting wages generally.”

So, how are these HUGE salaries beneficial to the world and human beings at large? They aren’t!  They only serves to increase the divide /equity gap between the rich and poor through the accepted practices of capitalism, causing political unrest -war, causing abuse of the animal kingdom and environment-through consumerism, causing mental illnesses-through financial stresses , causing homelessness-through unemployment and low incomes, crime, great tragedy in the the small and large of the lives of billions of human beings on this planet.  It is sickening.

This quote,  taken from ‘Creations journey to Life’, illustrates what I am talking about,

‘Many has Justified that “It is Okay to be part of the 1% that Controls Everything, because You Would’ve Done it As Well if You Were in Their Position” all Paranoid Justifications …because Wealth Gives you the Power to Have Control Over other Humans and Make Them Your Slave and you have Justified this form of Losing as ‘Acceptable,’ because Apparently you are Earning your Bread by ‘the Sweat of your Brow’ and you Will Justify through Your Losing Thought that you have Done it through Hard Work: No You Haven’t, you have Done it by Manipulating Other Humans into Submission and you were Just a Better Loser as Thinker – and now you have Power because You can Starve Others Through Money ‘If They Don’t Do What You Tell Them to Do’

Read the entire blog here:   http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-401-thinking-is-for-losers.html

There is a solution, a new system, with a new starting point as it’s foundation ,  a system based on principals of equality, an Equal Money System.

Equal Life Foundation and the Equal Money System

Please investigate:  Equal Money Wiki here:    http://equalmoney.org/wiki/Housing

And the Equal Life Foundation : Bill of Rights here:     https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation/posts/137442196442458

Take Responsibility for what is HERE as this world, within AND without:            http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

EQAFE:

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Day 157: Taking Responsibility for Blame

Please refer to Day 155 & Day 156 for context to this blog.

From the preveious post:   I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on’ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

Walking the solution:  Commitment statements and self-corrective application statements

When and as I see myself becoming judgement within the above thought, assuming this man is wrong and I am right to blame him for ending his marriage, I stop and I breathe, bringing my awareness back to the physical as I now see/realize/understand I have no right to judge this man as I do not know all the circumstances/reasons behind his decision, blame only divides and polarizes all involved in this situation, I am actually using blame to validate myself (my anger about my own past) within self-interest so I ‘feel better’ being ‘right’ and making him the ‘bad guy’ who is ‘wrong’, blame does not change the situation but could cause the consequence of harming another.

When and as I see myself being directed by fear within this situation I immediately pull myself back down to earth and stabilize myself with breath. I remind myself I am allowing an energy, that I have given a negative charge to, to tell me how to feel and behave in this moment and it is actually not reality, it is living from the starting point of the past, as I now understand the past experiences I have had do not have to be in control of how I act today, I have common sense and can see my life is stable today, I can speak with the wife (in this situation) and share/support her with what she is going through, I do not have to be in the company of someone I am uncomfortable with and can decline an invitation from this man should it arrive, when I am in this man’s company in a group ( AA or a party situation) I can trust myself to remain ‘here’ with breath and not go into my mind of memories and associations around divorce, everyone is one and equal, man and woman, and I no longer allow myself to discriminate based on the past.

When and as I see myself participating in internal conversation/backchat around this situation, I stop and breathe, and bring myself back to the physical as I now realize I am only talking to my own memories, which is going to then bring up emotions and result in harming my physical body, the memories are not to be trusted-not reality- as I have changed them to suit my need to be ‘right’ & continue playing the character of;  the wronged one/the poor single mother/the victim, I often desire vindication (within these internal conversations) from the past and in this case was using this situation to validate my feeling of hate/mistrust of men in general/husbands and I do not allow this within and as myself any longer, I do not have to play the role of protector of  this woman as she is quite capable of dealing with the circumstances of her life and it is just nasty gossip when the starting point is ‘the man was wrong and the woman was right’, it is not truly supportive for the other person as it is really self-interest in disguise, to make me feel superior/strong when I was feeling inferior/weak so replacing one polarity with another instead of remain here as stability, as I do not require to feel anything at all because it is over/was the past and not reality in this moment.

When and as I see myself participating and engaging with pictures/imaginings in my mind around this issue, I stop and bring my awareness back down to earth, to what is here and real, before me in my day. I remind myself it is not assisting to me or anyone else to deal with a present situation from the starting point of the past, as it clouds what is really before you, finally, I cannot effectively direct myself here when I am lost in my mind of imagination.  So, I  tell myself  ‘NO MORE, I do not accept my awareness, my ‘who I am’ to be defined within such images/energies. I commit me to change!’

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 156: Judging Another’s Decision As Wrong 2

From the Previous Post:  I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on‘ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words ‘new girlfriend’ to:  a negative charge, to my ex-husband, to memories of my previous marriage, to a female who is younger/slimmer/prettier, thus to competition and polarity thinking versus one and equal female relationships, to threat/warning/danger/loss/ownership.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/be possessed by the emotions/negative energy reactions of:  anger, fear, dislike, blame, worry, judgement, regret, sadness, self-righteousness, helplessness, victimization, superiority, inferiority.

Why am I allowing this energy to direct and control me?  I do not want this man’s wife to suffer as I did in the past and I do not want to go through a separation/divorce again-so I am using my mind of memories and past experience as a starting point in this moment/in this situation, I  ASS-U-Me his wife will take a victim stance as I did in the past and I desire to protect her from emotional pain so she can move forward in her life in a healthy way, I do not want to let go of my past associations/relationship to husband=mean /abusive & wife= innocent/victim because I want revenge for what I blame my father and ex-husband for-verbal and emotional abuse of me and my mother over many years HOWEVER this is based on memories and memories have a way of being changed within our minds to suit our own personal needs to be ‘right’ and validate our characters we have built up over time-in that I/my mom could have spoken up/taken action/made changes but stayed silent (for the most part) and ineffectual within our marriages.

THUS,  I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to DESIRE TO PROTECT this woman and myself from the consequences of a ‘bad marriage’ thereby absolving her and I from blame and not taking responsibility for circumstances within our lives  but putting it all on the ‘husbands’ so I can have my positive energy reward/experience which is the ‘good’ feeling of innocence instead of /to replace the ‘bad’/negative feeling of- pain/uncertainty/fear/anger- I am facing at the moment.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on men/husband’s in general by blaming this man for leaving his wife and judging his decision as wrong, thus turning him and his wife into polarized characters of;  the good wife/the bad husband, strong/weak, right/wrong, bully/victim, happy/sad, etc.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to cause the following behavioral changes within my human physical body, due to my reactions around this thought and situation:  a feeling of anxiety/excitement in my solar plexes as much energy is created from all the emotion that arises-like a danger/fight or flight response which is automated, stiffness in shoulders/neck, tightening of jaw, shallow breathing- sometimes holding my breath unaware, increased heart rate.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences within my life and others within this situation, some of which are:  I give into my desire to be ‘right’ making another ‘wrong’ thus create a positive energy experience where I am validated and I feel good and I am comfortable with this BUT this is done in delusion and not reality as I do not know all the circumstances within this situation or what would in fact be best for all involved, I cause stress within my marriage through conversation that becomes increasingly polarized and negatively charged between my husband and I, my husband feels attacked as a man/husband and thus I create tension/stress in my marriage-the very thing I say I supposedly do not want!

To continue:  with Commitment Statements, as the Solution that is walked breath by breath

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 155: Judging Another’s Decision As Wrong

I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on’ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become judgement and as judgement think, ‘I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.’

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by fear as the foundation of this thought, as in I am afraid for his wife’s future and mental health/stability,  I am afraid this could happen to me again, I fear I cannot trust what he says in the future, I fear I will be in a situation again in which I am uncomfortable with what he is sharing regarding stories of his past, I am afraid I will be angry at him and this could come out in the form of a reaction or communicated by my body language and then I will upset others and I will have to face the consequences of my communication, I am afraid my husband will be angry at me for not wanting to socialize with his friend and there could be consequences from this.

Why am I possessed by all these fears?  Because of holding onto memories, of past experiences, in which my first husband left me and I went through much emotion/mental turmoil and spiraled into mental illness and then alcoholism. Also, because I hold an opinion that some men are liers and cheaters and this has harmed me and harms others. Because I did not speak up, in self-honesty in the moment, in the past and simply tell this man I would prefer if he not share sexually explicit stories of his past, as I did not want to come across as ‘no fun/too stuffy/uptight’ when his wife and my husband just laughed so I joined in, because I am blaming him and allowing myself to judge him as the villain in this situation and his wife as the ‘wronged one/innocent/victim’, because I still hold onto a belief in ‘ownership’ of another within a union/marriage, and finally, because I do not trust myself in that I could react and ‘act cold’ or blurt out something I regret later, not considering all involved in self-responsibility,if we got together with him and his new girlfriend.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my imagination with:  memories of my first husband leaving our marriage, a specific memory of walking on an icy street-when I realized our marriage was over- feeling ‘devastated’ and full of fear and regret for having chosen him as a partner and guilt about him being the father of our 2 children (lol, very self-righteous) and relating this /assuming this is how the wife in this situation must feel-so projecting my stuff, from my past, onto her. Also, imagining the man ‘happy’ and relieved his marriage has ended and the woman sad and lonely, pictures in my mind-moving images- of my husband deciding he want to leave me.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in internal conversation/backchat within this situation like:  So X is just discarded like garbage and voila here is the replacement, because the replacement is slimmer, not so shy and quiet, blah, blah… , so this is ok? I am suppose to say this is cool with me, to just switch partners? How about supporting your partner when they need it? ‘For better or for worse?’ Did those words mean anything?..I DO NOT TRUST HIS WORDS/WHAT HE SAYS NOW, I only listened to his gross stories so as to not make waves/go along with the evening,  he was always saying how much he loved his wife and  then just dumped her so I wonder if my husband could do the same?’

To continue:  with Self  Forgiveness Statements and Self-Corrective Application Statements as the Solution that is walked daily.

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 154: Why are 2 Million Living in Bomb Shelters in Beijing?

HOUSING  in Beijing, China is so expensive as many as  2,000,000 people are living in underground bomb shelters.

I first heard about his astonishing statistic on The National, a Canadian nightly news broadcast, May 14, 2013.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2013/05/14/wrd-china-wealth-gap-mercier.html

The story focused on 24-year-old Xiang Xiaojiang, a migrant worker who earns $600  a month at an online retail centre in Beijing. He told reporters living above ground is financially out of reach for him, he pays $100 a month for a 100 square foot room with no windows and no private bathroom. It is a dark and dismal maze of tiny apartments through underground tunnels.

There are thousands of these tiny spaces located just one or two stories below street level. If this figure, of 2 million, is accurate, that would mean 10 percent of the city’s 20 million people sleep in windowless, subterranean residences.

This problem is a reflection of the growing gap between rich and poor in Beijing, as well the wildly expensive housing market in China’s largest cities.

This quote, is taken from an article published in an online paper ‘The Atlantic Cities’   http://www.theatlanticcities.com/housing/2013/04/beijings-bomb-shelter-dwellers-may-be-making-rational-choice-about-their-commute/5293/

‘And yet, if you ask them, many of these people, most of them migrant workers, will tell you their choice to live underground is vastly better than the alternative.’

Sounds so familiar doesn’t it?  The famous old, ‘Well if their children didn’t work in that sweat shop, they would all starve and be on the street, just ask them, they are grateful!’  justifying our blind greed as we continue on a never ending quest for the latest fashion, at department stores all over America.

So, the issue being non-affordable housing, within reasonable distance in the city, so that people don’t have to spend hours commuting, there is also a cost associated with a commute and these people cannot afford to purchase a car!  They are stuck between an rock and a hard placed and end up with little choice, living in a bomb shelter being  the lesser of two evils.

The point being, these spaces have led to a rise in dangerous living conditions and it is obviously mentally/emotionally unhealthy as well, as it is common to find multiple people sharing these small emergency shelters.Would you want this for yourself or your family, as your home?  No. So why do we assume/think  it is ok for anyone else?  It is quite a depressing sight and is no place for children, or anyone, to call home.

Why is housing not a basic human right globally?  Why is a safe, secure, affordable home not guaranteed to all human beings on earth?  Surely, all need a dwelling place and,  as a physical being equal to any other physical being, all deserve a home!

I live in Canada, within the ‘Canadian Bill of Rights’ part 1, it states:

“1. It is hereby recognized and declared that in Canada there have existed and shall continue to exist without discrimination by reason of race, national origin, colour, religion or sex, the following human rights and fundamental freedoms, namely,

(a) the right of the individual to life, liberty, security of the person and enjoyment of property”

I do not know for sure, but I’m going to guess many countries have some such similar statement within their bill of rights. It sounds good but  is  materialized only for some, so in reality, it is useful as a goal only.

There is no excuse for this situation. As human beings, one and equal, all deserve a home above ground, with windows and all the necessities to provide a enjoyable environment for their families.

Please investigate: Equal Money System here

http://equalmoney.org/wiki/Housing

And the Equal Life Foundation : Bill of Rights here

https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation/posts/137442196442458

The Journey to Lifers

Take Responsibility for what is HERE as this world, within AND without:
Desteni
Equal Money
DIP Lite Course (FREE)
DIP Pro
Eqafe (Self Perfection music, books, audio, etc)
0

Day 153: Who Creates The Subservient Woman? continued

Please note:  Blogs: Day 147-152 are relevant to this post.

Thought:  I’m not good enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the ‘I’m not good enough’ character in reaction to a non-response from another or what I perceive to be a negative response from another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, when someone  does not respond to me/notice me, that I am insignificant because I ASS-u-Me they are ignoring me and think I am insignificant, thereby completely victimizing myself and following another instead of directing myself/standing as myself but waiting for their response to validate me/give me purpose instead of validating myself in that moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear, anger, blame, judgement, self-judgement and self-punishment when another person does not respond to me and to allow these negative energies to possess me. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the positive energies of relief, validation, ease, feeling  a false sense of stability if they should respond at a later time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage in internal conversation/backchat like: he/she thinks it’s ok to ignore me because I’m insignificant/I’m a failure/I’m not as good as the others/I will die /I’m not going to make it/my work is not as good as the others/I don’t do enough/I don’t do things right/I’m not that smart/I’m not thorough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then experience physical body reactions of :  a severe welling up in my solar plexes-reacting like I’ve been attacked-like a ball of  anxiety, tightening of my shoulders and upper back, clenching of my jaw, all this resulting in body aches and extreme uneasiness causing tension and stress throughout my body.

When and as I see myself going into the ‘I’m not good enough’ character because of a non-response or a response I thought was negative from another, I pull myself out of my mind of thought and back down to earth, I use my breath to stabilize myself and remind myself no one can create my reaction BUT ME and that is the part I am responsible for. I also realize I tend to ‘jump to conclusions’ moving too quickly in my mind and need to slow down and consider my every thought/word /deed, as in stabilize myself here and then assess/speak/direct the situation in common sense and self-honestly, considering all involved equally.  In that , I also see I need to stop all judgements and assumptions and look at what is real, my part in it, and go from there.

When and as I see myself going into polarizing energy emotions, depending upon how the situation turns out-gets left or resolved- I stop myself and bring myself back here, to the physical and deal with the situation in reality, as energy is not required and only depletes me. I now see/realize/understand I have been dependent upon the acceptance and approval from others-usually men but sometimes women in authority positions- to tell me how to feel, as depending upon the interaction I am : happy or sad/high or low/good enough or a loser/will live or die.  I commit to no longer give someone, outside of myself, such power/authority.

When and as I see myself participating in nasty backchat/internal conversation around this issue I stop, I breathe and bring my awareness out of my mind and back to here, to the physical world, as I now see/realize/understand I am all alone up there in my mind of chatter and paranoia-it is isolating and dangerous as there is no reference or check with reality, it is based on my past experiences/memories from my past and not based on reality today/here, I have no right to judge another and make assumptions about what they say/think of me, as it is obviously what I think AS IT CAME FROM INSIDE OF ME therefore it exist within me and so is my issue to deal with.  I also understand it is quite useless to worry/obsess about this point and  it is better/common sense to just ask the person and see if they have some support/insight they can offer if they feel I have an area that needs attention/improvement.

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

For further reference, read  the Equal Money  Wiki

• Place your questions as the Equal Money Forum
• Visit the Group Capitalism vs. Equal Money group on Facebook.
• Read the Equal Money  Wiki
• Read Economist’s Journey to Life