Day 311: Re-Defining ‘Power’ From Suppression to Self Expression 5

powerpower 2Please read From Suppression to Self-Expression Part 1 – Part 4  for context to this blog:    You Can Re-Create Yourself:  From Suppression to Self-Expression Part 1

 From Part 1:  Here I begin to examine my  feelings of inferiority towards M, a point which has been suppressed within me my entire life. This is a new point that emerged when speaking with my DIP Buddy, as she assisted me to see how my reaction of fear was actually one of feeling inferior. I did not know that!

RE-DEFINING ‘POWER’

DICTIONARY DEFINITION:    

ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.  great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force.  the possession of control or command over others; authority; ascendancy:  power over men’s minds.
MY DEFINITION:    something that someone has over me, something I fear because I do not have it. the ability of someone/thing to harm me and I am vulnerable against it, like a virus or a person who can humiliate me, control me usually through fear of survival so through money or physical size/strength or intellect or position.

SOUNDING:   ‘ Pow’-Her     pow, as in kaboom, a big explosion, like EMpower her =   EMPOWER ME

EXPLORE IN WRITING:    I actually did misuse power when I used to drink and go to bars to meet men. There you go, I am not so innocent/only playing the victim once again, when I look in self-honestly.  However, usually I have victimized myself, believing myself to be inferior, because of how I have lived in fear of men/authority figures/anyone I see as bigger/stronger/smarter, starting from my childhood as my dad was an intimidating, authoritarian ruler lol of the house.   I felt silenced/unsafe/basically unloved by this male presence, he was unpredictable, his alcohol abuse and verbal attacks on his children, he was clear the hierarchy of life : white men, men, women, children and he used the word inferior often enough.

NEW DEFINITION:    The ability I possess in each moment here, to put the time and effort into understanding a situation/person and remain with it -out of my mind of the past and of fear of inferiority- to assess the best way forward in any given situation, within the physical, determining ‘best for all’ solutions,  the goal being to EMpower myself/the other person/or the situation in a way that considers all involved. 

 

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Eqafe:  Series on Suppression  Starts here:     Suppression: Introduction – Atlanteans – Part 218

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material

Day 310: You Can Re-Create Yourself! From Suppression to Self-Expression 4

break free 2 break freePlease read Suppression:  Inferiority Part 1 and Part 2  for context to this blog:    You Can Re-Create Yourself:  From Suppression to Self-Expression Part 1

 From Part 1:  Here I begin to examine my feelings of inferiority towards M, a point which has been suppressed within me my entire life. This is a new point that emerged when speaking with my DIP Buddy, as she assisted me to see how my reaction of fear was actually one of feeling inferior. I did not know that!

Continuing:

Self Corrective Application and Commitment Statements  

When and as I see myself thinking M is wrong, difficult to understand/doesn’t understand me and then participating in spiteful backchat I stop and I breathe. I remind myself to access what is here in the physical and to focus on solutions. I realize I bring the past with me when I have these thoughts, with all sorts of assumptions and opinions and have no right to judge M. as I do not know how she/he is experiencing life and all his/her pre-programming. Thus I commit myself to focus on understanding, slowing myself down and to be self-honest in the moment, thus allowing communication/our relationship to no longer be limited by the past  but open to grow/expand in equality and solutions that are best for all involved.

When and as I see myself reacting with all sorts of emotion to M. wanting to give up/thinking this is too much to handle I stop and I breathe. I remind myself to get out of my head, use my breath to stabilize the emotional reactions. I realize I have relied on thesereactions for years to ‘make me feel better’ about myself in relation to M. I use this ‘positive’ ego energy experience where I make myself superior to M and put her down in my mind to assert a position of strength, whenever I think and or fear she /he has the ‘upper hand’. I can see the times I have stopped my reactions the conversation flows instead of sparks building and communication breaking down. Thus I commit myself to be more aware when speaking with M. and stop myself immediately when I feel anyreaction arise.

When and as I see myself becoming the bullying character, where I swing from the positive energy experience of superiority to the negative of inferiority, coming out as guilt for having put her/him down in my mind, I stop and I breathe. I realize both of thesepolarized reactions are just veils, covering the truth of me: the bully distracts me from the initial reaction of anger/spitefulness, which is there to cover the fact that I feel inferior in relation to the how we grew up, past mistakes I have made, money, power. Thus I commit myself to stop victimizing myself by stabilizing with breath, and then letting go of these two polarized reactions. I also commit myself to let go of the initial fear/inferiority point by reminding myself the truth; that we are just two physical beings here in equality and when I am calm he/she is also calm and we are able to create solutions and communicate with relative ease, realizing no one can harm me/emotionally abuse me unless I allow it.

 

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Eqafe:  Series on Suppression  Starts here:     Suppression: Introduction – Atlanteans – Part 218

Cool Google Hangouts:   To watch and to join in!  You can participate in live hangouts each week, ask questions.

Personal Growth: DIP:  https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

A Living Income Guaranteed LIG:  https://www.youtube.com/user/BIGuaranteed

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material

 

Day 309: You Can Re-Create Yourself : From Suppression to Self-Expression 3

no power 2no power 3Please read Suppression:  Inferiority Part 1 and Part 2  for context to this blog:    You Can Re-Create Yourself:  From Suppression to Self-Expression Part 1

 From Part 1:  Here I begin to examine my feelings of inferiority towards M, a point which has been suppressed within me my entire life. This is a new point that emerged when speaking with my DIP Buddy, as she assisted me to see how my reaction of fear was actually one of feeling inferior. I did not know that!

Continuing:

Voicing:   intense/direct voice:   releases mind/body from suppression system

For me to learn:  do not place people in a superior position in which I fear them OR in a superior position in which I revere them(secretly fear as well).   In both cases I victimize myself, as I take the inferior position that I am less than/not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, ‘M is wrong! What is she/he suggesting anyway? I don’t understand M.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in inner chatter/backchat like: He/she is so spoiled, just like when we were younger, I always give in, he/she likes messing with me, F** M is so controlling, I’m not playing this gameanymore’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, spite, righteousness, superiority, suspicion, and judgement toward M. In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility and ‘throw my hands up in the air’ in regards to M like it is too much to handle/give up, when all I ever require to do is remain calm/stabilize, clarify with M and suggest solutions that are best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I have relied on these reactions for years to ‘make me feel better’ about myself in relation to M. and so I crave/use this ‘positive’ ego energy experience where I make myself superior to M and put her down in my mind to assert a position of strength, whenever I think and or fear she /he has the ‘upper hand’.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into a polarized reaction, swinging to the negative experience, in which I  bully myself with all sorts of backchat resulting in reaction of self-doubt/self-judgement/guilt/inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage my own mind in conversation/backchat like: well, he /she is not so bad, they had it worse than me, it’s not their fault, what did I say that set her/him off, I have to be more careful, why do I always react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I am using this bullying character to SUPPRESS my initial reactions of anger/frustration and so occupy my mind so I am distracted therefore do not stop to consider/face my first reaction of superiority.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that both of the positive reaction and negative reaction hide/veil/suppress  the truth of me: that which is behind my polarized experiences, which is inferiority and victimization.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear/fear of humiliation-as in being verbally abused, fear that M. is right/superior, fear I am less than/weaker than M because he/she has the power of more money/age/position in society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘power’ as the amount of possessions/money one has, position in family and society in general.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that this inferiority started when we were growing up, as I allowed myself to compare what M. had (physical items) to what I had and then continued into adulthood as he/she had much financial stability, where I struggled financially and lived in debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the hierarchical design of comparison, competition, family, age, money, order of birth, meaning someone who is older is ‘higher up’ the totem pole of privilege, deserves more money, receives and gets more respect, is listened to more, has more power, and thus is in less danger.

To continue

principals 3

 

Eqafe:  Series on Suppression  Starts here:     Suppression: Introduction – Atlanteans – Part 218

Cool Google Hangouts:   To watch and to join in!  You can participate in live hangouts each week, ask questions.

Personal Growth: DIP:  https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

A Living Income Guaranteed LIG:  https://www.youtube.com/user/BIGuaranteed

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material

 

 

Day 308: Suppression: Inferiority 2

triedPlease read  the previous post for context to this blog:    You Can Re-Create Yourself:  From Suppression to Self-Expression Part 1

 Suppression: Free Yourself – Atlanteans – Part 228

Why do we suppress? Because of an inherent belief ‘this is too much, I can’t handle this now, I can’t look at this now, I’ll just put it over here in my mind, I’ll look at it later’ so we push things aside that we are reacting to but this is no solution. As a solution, I will walk a self-forgiveness process, firstly forgiving the suppression itself and then all of the dimensions of the specific pattern I go into with M. Then I will write out self-correction/commitment statements, which I must walk/live daily in order to truly change myself and my reactions within this pattern. It takes time, do not be discouraged when/as the same thoughts/reactions/patterns come up. It is a process, it will take time and living the change over and over to finally be gone for good. However, you will find as you begin to live/speak/become this change, it becomes easier and easier, the other person will change in relation to you as well. There will be, indeed a ripple effect within all of your other relationships and living as you start to take responsibility for your own reactions. It took time to program yourself/your responses this way, makes sense that it will take some time and dedication on your part, to re-write the script/re-program your mind ‘change your mind‘! (be consistent with your change toward the person/situation and they will see you have changed for good and adopt to the new you).

Voicing for self-forgiveness:    gentle voice:   releases your beingness from the suppression system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t handle the things that are coming up inside my mind and my life, in relation to the patterns I see I am stuck in with M.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself in relationship to my own mind and my own life within this belief of me not being good enough or strong enough or having the necessary tools or skills to face and confront whats coming up inside my mind and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that this was simply a belief, that I immediately gave into this belief and within giving into the belief I became it and so did not see any other way out, when all the while the potential for me to face and deal with and confront whats in my mind and in my life has always been right here, I just needed to see through this belief.

tried 2I no more accept and allow myself to victimize myself in relationship to my own mind and my own life, I here on forward support myself to no more suppress, to not believe this belief and to instead, every moment a challenge comes up and this idea/belief of ‘I can’t do this/I can’t handle this’ to stand my ground, bring the information and the points right here within myself, to face them, confront them and find solutions for them.

Eqafe:  Series on Suppression  Starts here:     Suppression: Introduction – Atlanteans – Part 218

Cool Google Hangouts:   To watch and to join in!  You can participate in live hangouts each week, ask questions.

Personal Growth: DIP:  https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

A Living Income Guaranteed LIG:  https://www.youtube.com/user/BIGuaranteed

 

 

 

 

Day 307: You Can Re-Create Yourself! Suppression to Self-Expression

sisterHere I begin to examine my feelings of inferiority towards M, a point which has been suppressed within me my entire life. This is a new point that emerged when speaking with my DIP Buddy, as she assisted me to see how my reaction of fear was actually one of feeling inferior. I did not know that!

But whoooa…gotta back up to fully understand, point by point, what is going on within the mind to truly change oneself and not kid yourself with another quick fix, thinking I have changed/transcended a point within me, only to have it possess me the next time I speak with or see that same person, over and over again!

I have been stuck in thinking and reaction patterns within my relationship with M for years!

Throughout the last 3 years I have become more aware of my own mind-meaning I am no longer accepting my mind to simply suppress this point of inferiority, so I am able to identify the emotions that come up after speaking on the phone or in person to M. Actually, reactions come up when I simply think about speaking to M in some future moment!

Let’s see if I can piece some of this together, as it seems rather muddled like a puzzle to me in this moment. I will look at some of my inner conversation/backchat that inevitably comes up. It starts with a fear like paranoia, “I do not trust M, he/she is out to get me, definitely knows how to ‘push my buttons’ hmm, just like my dad, he/she is sneaky and mean and enjoys humiliating me, how sick, I don’t trust M or my dad, they have similar nasty vindictive behavior/responses towards me, I can’t feel at ease taking to them, I never know when they will ‘attack’ me, they are inconsistent and unpredictable, I’m on edge and then as soon as I let my guard down and I am feeling normal/some confidence/comfortability BOOM they get me again!, Man I never learn, what do I expect. “

So, this is my interpretation/perspective. Trouble is there is no understanding or room for growth within the relationship, no building trust through mutual respect and support, it is like I am /we are in a vortex, time looping as in replaying the same stuff over and over. Time to STOP and change this pattern for good!

The Pattern:   swinging from one polarity to the other

From Inferiority:   this comes out as fear of being put down/humiliated/having my buttons pushed      *This mostly comes up in my subconscious and/or unconscious mind, although I am starting to becoming aware of it.

Into Suppression:   veiling/masking SUPPRESSING the STARTING point of inferiority.       *Unconscious Mind

To Superiority:    then I go into my ego within self-interest (a desire existent within me like, ‘F** just give me what I want/agree with me) this comes out as emotional reactions of blame, anger/frustration which builds into anxiety.       *Conscious Mind 

back to inferiority:    as fear builds once again that they ‘did it again, I am all upset after having been with them/speaking to them, damn it!’…and on it goes

To continue

principals 3DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection

 

Day 306: Suppression 4: Re-Defining the Word ‘Neighbor’

neighborsPlease read the first post of this series on suppression, for proper context to this blog.

From the first post:  After listening to the Atlantean Eqafe Interview:  Suppression: Energy Effects I found a memory which contains alot of emotional energy, as in spite and anger that I need to face…‘The memory can get fueled and charged so much that it can overwhelm/overtake/possess you.’… looking at the memory today thoughts came up ‘she’s an idiot’ ‘i just want to put her in her place!’ with the emotion of superiority.

Dictionary Definition:  Neighbor

a person who lives near another. a person or thing that is near another. one’s fellow human being: to be generous toward one’s less fortunate neighbors. a person who shows kindliness or helpfulness toward his or her fellow humans: to be a neighbor to someone in distress.My Definition: A person who is like an obligation, bit of a pain because I am forced-I did not choose-to be friendly with them, make small talk when I see them. Often I am busy and some people like to chat alot/on and on and I walk by with my head down or a quick hello and then feel guilty if I did not stop and talk, especially if it is a new neighbor/they have recently moved into the home/street/neighborhood and I have not taken the time to welcome them or get to know them. Most neighbors are cool but some are difficult then ‘neighbor” is defined as someone to avoid/look out for and walk the other way!

Sounding: Neigh–Bor Nay–Boor: NO bullying, NO being rude

Explore in Writing: I live in the city and my street has well over 200 hundred houses on it, if not 300+! People are constantly moving in and out of homes on my street. I cannot keep up. The next door neighbor is practically ‘on top of you’ so I find that we all try to be respectful and give each other space, which is cool. I have lived here for almost 11 years now so I find, although I get along with most of my neighbors there are a few I tend to avoid, as I am holding onto a memory/the past/some event that occurred and judging them by it. I have placed them in a box labelled ‘difficult-do not open’. I realize that people can change, I have changed! I also realize that I had no right to judge another-based on all sorts of assumptions/projections/emotions on my part.  I commit myself to focus on understanding rather than judging another in relation to my neighbors.

Re-Definition: Neighbor

A person who lives next door or close by , on my street. Someone I can greet upon seeing/passing and at times, when it is practical within my day and their day, stop and chat with, share, offer assistance and support and enjoy sharing each others company even just for a few minutes.

detox 3DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Day 305: Suppression 3: So How Do You Stop Suppressing Harmful Emotions?

superiority 2Please read the previous post for proper context to this blog.

From the previous post:  After listening to the Atlantean Eqafe Interview:  Suppression: Energy Effects I found a memory which contains alot of emotional energy, spite and anger, that I need to face…‘The memory can get fueled and charged so much that it can overwhelm/overtake/possess you.’… looking at the memory today thoughts came up ‘she’s an idiot’ ‘i just want to put her in her place!’ with the emotion of superiority.

When and as I see myself going into reactions of spite and anger, each time I now see my neighbour, based on a memory of when she complained about my dog, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself to focus on what is physical and real before me. I realize that behind this emotional reaction is my beLIEf that I am superior, seeing this woman as less than me, participating in the mind‘s design of grading people/hierarchy.Thus, I commit myself to, when i see her and/or her husband be pleasant, a simple hello and carry on.

When and as I see myself going into and re-playing specific conversations, within this memory, of how I judged and blamed my neighbour that day I stop and I breathe. I realize to engage in re-playing the past in my mind only brings up the emotions again and thus makes any interaction/relationship in the moment or future moments impossible but only serves to further divide us/keep us separate. I also realize I do not know my neighbours or the path they have walked in life, thus I do not know why they react in the way they do/what they lived through to bring about who they are today. I remind myself to stay out of my mind of the past with pictures/conversations-voice tonalities/imaginations of revenge and use my breath to stay in the physical/in my body/back down to earth where only the solutions can be found. Thus, I commit myself to the process of slowing down in daily interactions with others, then to focus on understanding the other within asking myself ‘how can I assist and support this person/in this situation to bring about a solution that will be best for all?’ , versus judging another.

When and as I see myself participating in nasty backchat about my neighbour I stop and I breathe. I realize these thoughts-as nasty inner conversations within my own mind-come from me and thus exists as me! Thus, I commit myself to face all such backchat as myself.

When and as I see myself participating in spiteful imaginations, re-playing and then changing memories, to a scenario where I ‘win’/come out ahead I stop and breathe. I realize that by engaging in this I am letting the mind completely control and possess me in that moment, as I am acting solely within self-interest so that I ‘feel better’ about myself and I am once again superior to her in my own mind, like I am putting her back in her rightful place, knocking her further down the totem pole/below me. I remind myself that I am a physical being, as is my neighbour and I refuse to hold a grudge/begin a long feud as this is exactly how wars start, by lack of communication/misunderstandings/self-interest and I will not participate in even the smallest of war.  I realize, in truth I am one and equal with my neighbours. I stay with my body and breath and continue with what is before me in my day.

detox 2DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime