Day 304: Realizing and Living my Utmost Potenital: Self Purification

pure 2pure 4Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principle #4: Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others.

How am I living this principle throughout each day?

I can see that my body and being is forcing me to slow down, not allowing me (as much) to move in energy, as the quantum physical reactions ie. of going into anxiety/building anxiety is more immediate and extreme/severe. Thus I am more aware of my bodyand my breath moment to moment, staying here one breath at a time, I am more aware when the energies are starting to build and use the tools of focusing on what is before me and breath to flow with tasks rather than rushing. I am sticking to my daily processcommitments, while realizing/reminding myself often I can only do things in the physical one breath at t time. I am participating in rushing much less (in the last week) and participating in resistance/procrastination a bit less, even if I do find I am still resisting ie. writing or working on my timeline I AM getting these main points done, each day I am committed to do so.

*Of course, this is a process from consciousness to awareness and so not perfected as yet. I had a phone conversation with someone recently where a reaction was upon me so fast I did not catch it in time. So I spoke with my DIP Buddy about it, which was extremely assisting for me to see exactly what was behind this reaction, in fact why I react with certain thinking patterns to this person quite often and have throughout my entire life! So I applied self-forgiveness outloud about this point within our phone conversation and for the past. You cannot change what you are not aware of or what you do not understand. I feel more confident I can change this relationship going forward, within walking a living change when I am with or speaking with this person.

*I am committed to consistently working on my DIP timelines, specifically reactions. It still seems like a daunting task, like it will ‘take forever’ and is still a tangled web but a little less so as I remind myself just do one point at a time/one breath at a time, eventually it will get done. This involves, for one thing, the writing of self-forgiveness and commitment statements.  As points open up, I can see how  I can apply what I am learning about me:  why I react/when I react/how I react, to many similar situations in my life.

I see I am more focused when speaking with others, on reality and on the person before me,  thus have the opportunity to walk process in real time.  I am sometimes able to see my quantum reactions before I speak  so I do a quick forgiveness statement (in my head) and then apply/live the correction in immediacy. Meaning, stop the reaction, take responsibility for the reaction and get back to focusing on who I am with and how to address the situation (should there be one) in the physical.

I am focusing on solutions more, when talking to others and when I am alone, meaning because I am more aware (not lost in my mind of thoughts/imaginations lol) I am better able to look at/identify the problem, big or small, then put my attention towards applying/ living a solution.

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pure 3

Day 296: Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential: Principle #3

living wordsin and outThe Desteni of Living

 Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ My Declaration of Principle–  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principle #3: Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa.

1. I was out for dinner with my husband and in a conversation, where I would usually react to something he said OR become robotic/suppress my reaction and respond in a manner I think I should/destonian like lol, I was able to express myself in a way that was passionate/get my point across strongly, without using energy/becoming angry or shouting/increasing volume. Interestingly, I find often my partner mirrors my behavior, as he did this time, we did not escalate into an argument but remained respectful of each other and calm, heard each others points and left it at that. Neither of us was trying to ‘outdo’ the other/be ‘right’/get in the last word kind of thing, as we have in the past-for years!

2. I am no longer looking at my Desteni I Process (mind construct) as homework/a burden/something I have to or should do/an obligation but living the realization: it is for me to heal me-face who I have become and make the changes necessary to become/livewhat is best for all. I am approaching the self-forgiveness within self-honesty and not something ‘to get through’/that is overwhelming and thus suppressing what is actually behind all the postponement-the points I should be tackling/healing, but simply unfolding it in the moment, meaning asking myself questions like : what do I see here, why, where did that come from, what is the core of the emotion/thought here? So looking at the problem and answering/finding the solutions within the self-forgiveness. I am finding, while it is more writing surprisingly, it actually takes less effort (energy) and time than all the mind interference, as in thoughts and emotions (guilt/dread) that go along with postponement lol.

3. I stopped participation in a reaction of jealousy when looking at pictures from my daughter’s wedding, on her facebook page-almost immediately-and re-defined ‘L’s wedding’ : it was an awesome/enjoyable event, not about me. I was able to turn my attention and focus from indignance like, ‘humph…where am I in these pictures?’ to enjoying the pictures for what they are in Reality/physically; a record/image of an event that was joyful and meaningful to many :)

So I can see myself changing, more in the moment/as it occurs or shortly afterwards, from existing as only self-interest ‘what about me?!’ attitude into ‘how can I assist and support another/what can I offer/give in this situation?’ which is more in-line with what I say I would like to be/who I am/ who I aspire to be.

 

 

Day 295: Previously Unpublished: Facing a Biopsy : Fear and Worry 2

WORRY

For proper context , please read the last post. From Day 294:  This post was previously unpublished because I had not told my husband I needed a biopsy.  I decided to post it because, having read it again recently, I thought it may support and assist another who is facing a biopsy, as it helped me tremendously.  I have since then been informed my biopsy results were ‘normal’.

I have been told I need to have a breast biopsy because they think there may be increased CALCIFICATION in my left breast. They are concerned because this could be a sign of there being cancerous cells but more so a condition of pre-cancerous cells/stage zero cancer.

Commitment Statements : trying to stay out of fear/worry/anxiety

When and as I see myself forgetting my very origin of me/myself, my being and my body and my alignment to the physical and so this physical existence I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to access what is here in reality before me, the physical. I realize it is in this very forgetting that has caused (or partly caused) the calcification of the breasts in the first place. I realize it is my responsibility as life to remain aware/here, in order to birth myself as life in the physical and to thus stand as an example to others. I commit myself to the process of breath awareness in each moment and to bring myself back to reality each time I find I am lost in my mind.

When and as I see myself neglecting me, my body and this very existence that I exist within & thus not living the life that had been given to me in every single breath that I breathe and within every thought, word and deed I stop, I breathe. I remind myself/make sure I am accessing what is real, as in what is here in the physical. I realize when I am not present/aware I can very quickly go into characters in my mind, based on the past and my pre-programming, which means I am then merely existing as/from the starting point of the past, not here as life. Thus, I commit myself to the process of being ever aware of the life that has been given me, within each thought/word/deed.

When and as I see myself going into fear, within thoughts/thought patterns of having breast cancer and could die I stop, I breathe. I remind myself it is not supportive but leads to further reactions which can be harmful to the physical body. I realize I have notrespected my body/my being/myself through improper use of my mind throughout my life but I can now, as what is best for all and thus best for me. I realize only in this way will I be of assistance and support to myself and others. I understand it does not changereality to participate in my mind, whatever the outcome of the biopsy is, I will take treatment as /if required and/or make changes to my diet/lifestyle as required and J and H will do the same. I will share with J and H what I have learned from Desteni/Eqafe so that we all have the tools necessary to not re-create the conditions currently present in our physical bodies-tissues/cells/blood/etc. Thus, I commit myself to the process of staying out of my mind of fear/imaginings and becoming a physical being and not a mind programmed being.

When and as I see myself going into imaginations and backchat, in and around this issue with myself/H/J I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to check where I am and what I am doing in physical reality and to carry on with the task at hand/my daily responsibilities. I realize this does not mean I am not caring for/loving myself/J/H but that I am stopping the mind patterns in which I come from the starting point of the past. I realize that living in the past/memories can be harmful, as they inevitably lead to energetic reactions and I refuse to participate any further. I am now standing up from this and stating ‘Till here no further!’ I now understand the body has the power to heal itself, although treatment may be necessary for any one of us because of manifested consequence. I realize further mind participation will just re-create the same environment which damaged/changed/altered the cells/tissue in the first place. I will share with J and H what I know. Thus, I commit myself to putting my time to practical use-in the physical- by preparinginformation/links to send to J/H and possibly publish as a blog to share with others. I commit to stay with the physical-doing/acting/creating- instead of allowing mind possessions within imaginations and backchat/internal conversation and the emotional reactionsof worry/fear/anxiety/stress that follow.

When and as I see myself participating in emotional reactions, which create harmful energies in the physical body, and then the behavioral changes and consequences that follow, in and around this issue of waiting for biopsy results for myself/J/H I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to pull my awareness out of the mind and back to the physical. I realize this pattern is useless, as it does nothing to support myself or J/H but staying with breath/here is stabilizing and calming so I can deal with whatever comes with all 3 of us. Thus, I commit myself to stabilizing myself and remaining calm through breath awareness in each moment here.

 

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer
aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjQuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLW5hM3hQUy1zUkdJJTJGVVkzaF94VF9CNkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJ2QSUyRnIzcy1YeTJaYnlrJTJGczMyMCUyRmp1c3QlMkJkbyUyQml0LmpwZw==DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

 

 

Day 294: Previously Unpublished: Facing a Biopsy : Fear and Worry

worry 2This post was previously unpublished because I had not told my husband I needed a biopsy. I decided to post it because, having read it again recently, I thought it may support and assist another who is facing a biopsy. I have since then been informed my biopsy results were ‘normal’.

SF Statements: Trying to Stay out of the Energies of FEAR, Worry, Anxiety

I have been told I need to have a breast biopsy because they think there may be increased CALCIFICATION  in my left breast. They are concerned because this could be a sign of there being cancerous cells but more so a condition of pre-cancerous cells. I am reminding myself what my report says (from recent mammogram and ultra-sound) that is appears benign, and that there MAY have been a change, as in increased calcification, but that the test results are inconclusive. Staying here, out of my mind is tough. Focusing on breathing is supporting/assisting me to stay calm. Only a few time (maybe 3 or 4) have I felt it possess me. I am focusing on what is before me in physical reality and what I am learning in recent eqafe interviews, that each atom in the cells and make up of my body, has more power/potential = life force than ones being-awareness, and there are 7 followed by 27 zeros atoms (approx), in the human physical body! And that my beingness has but a fraction of this life force.

Fear and anxiety is accumulating as I /we are also waiting to hear about 2 other family member’s biopsy results. So now I add myself, seems overwhelming. I do not want to tell my husband but I may. It just seems then we’ll be talking about it more and he willworry and this may add to my worry, but I am not positive about this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the very origin of myself/me in the here of my being and my body and my alignment to the physical and so this physical existence .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect me, my body and this very existence that I exist within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the life that had been given to me in every single breath that I breathe and within every thought, word and deed.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become fear/worry/anxiety, fear of loss, fear of death and suffering, and as fear/worry/anxiety think ‘OMG, I could have breast cancer, I have done this to myself, is it too late to heal?’ In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to assume the worst, becoming the ‘disaster’ character.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations of: being told I have cancer in a doctor’s office, being in the clinic/on the table as they do the procedure, being in pain from the biopsy, getting a phone call from my doctor with results or just to come in which means it is not benign, being told it is benign, having pictures of my 2 family members (who are awaiting biopsy results) come up in my mind, being told family member’s results: good and bad.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to in backchat like: I hate tests/biopsy, I am afraid it will be painful, why don’t they sedate you, it’s cruel. I hate the doctors and nurses/technicians and I dread waiting for that phone call. If I talk to people about this, it makes it more real, if I talk about it I will focus more on it and that can make matters worse. Why am I so fearful if I havn’t even had the test yet-so have not heard the result yet! I could die, I don’t want to die. I’m sure it’s benign, they said it looks benign, then why do they want to do a biopsy? (I know why) what if it’s not benign…

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the following emotional reactions, in and around this issue: FEAR: fear of loss of my life, fear of death, fear of an incurable disease, fear of pain/suffering, fear of losing a family member, fear of another family member having cancer again, fear of a life wasted/or not lived to my utmost potential. Also, stress, anxiety, tension, worry, regret, anger at medical people and anger at myself/self-blame/self-judgement.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into physical body/behavioral changes and consequences like: tension /tightness in my chest and shallow breathing, breathing too quickly, pain/tension in my shoulders and upper back/back of neck and head, anxiety stirring in my solar plexes and stomach. This has the consequence of putting too much stress on my digestive system, trouble sleeping, possibly increasing number/severity of menopausal sweats, creating energies /usingenergy to eat away at the flesh thereby possibly creating the very disease/condition I am concerned about, using the body to feed the mind consciousness systems so strengthen the mind and all it’s energetic reactions instead of strengthening my resolve here.

to continue

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer

 

living words 3DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

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Day 292: Re-Defining Breast Micro-Calcifications

living wordsliving words 4Please read the previous 3 posts : Overwhelmed with Information: ‘It’s too much for me to handle’ for proper context to this blog.

Dictionary Definition: Breast calcifications are calcium deposits within breast tissue. They appear as white spots or flecks on a mammogram and are usually so small that you can’t feel them. Although breast calcifications are usually noncancerous (benign), certain patterns of calcifications — such as tight clusters with irregular shapes — may indicate breast cancer. Micro-calcifications. These show up as fine, white specks, similar to grains of salt. They’re usually noncancerous, but certain patterns can be a sign of cancer.

My Definition: A thorn in my side, a mystery which is controlling me, taking me to places within and without, where I do not want to go/I am afraid of going.

Sounding:

breast: B-rest = slow down and also give the body rest/healing time

micro: extremely small/minute

microscope = look closer at the fine details of your body and your life, as they make up the totality of you within and without

calcify: to become ridged or hardened = moving too fast within my mind and within the physical world (thus moving within energy and not a stability), without considering my body and being, has resulted in the breast tissue hardening/calcifying.

Explore in Writing:

I went for my biopsy yesterday and it was fine. I was concerned because many women reported (online) of it being extremely painful. But this was not my experience. The nurses/doctor/technicians gave me all the time I needed to ask questions and answered everything thoroughly. They were clear and honest about the procedure and it was NOT painful. I stayed with breath awareness (aware/focused on reality before me in each moment-meaning I was not in my mind of thoughts/emotions/imaginings-breathing slowly in and out) and sometimes I counted inside my head using 4 count breath (4 in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold etc.).

So now I am waiting for the results and will go from there. However, I have been doing research and it seems no matter what the biopsy outcome is, I still have a large amount of micro-calcifications in my left breast and some in my right breast (they are not concerned with how they appear in my right breast at this time). It seems-no matter the outcome-sometimes there are false negatives and false positives of any test and things/breast tissue can change over time so there is still concern. Part of me thinks just remove the area of calcification regardless (lumpectomy) and part of me thinks just leave them and do /follow an alternative treatment program and part of me thinks do a combination of both! Obviously, I have to wait for the results to decide the best method of treatment for my body and being.

Re-defining the words/term Breast Micro-calcifications:

A condition in my breasts that is present at the current time and has been for a least 4 years. This condition may have changed from 2012 to now (July 2014), in that there may be more/increased micro-calcification in my left breast, the doctors are unsure because of mammograms now being digital versus film so more detail of the breast tissue is seen AND my breasts are now less dense, having gone through/going through menopause, so again more detail/calcification is able to be seen.

Thus, I am redefining this term as: an existent condition within my breast tissue, which I am in the process of healing/stabilizing by walking a treatment plan of: possibly surgery (to be determined) and an alternative treatment plan, which includes Dr. Kelley’s One Answer to Cancer (a radical change of diet, supplements, detoxes for all the major organs among other things). Thus I am addressing my whole self, mind/body/being, taking a holistic approach, which makes sense to me. I realize it took time to create this situation and will take time to heal it, thus I remind myself to be patient yet vigilant in my daily approach

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer

 

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                        Personal Growth: DIP:  https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

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Day 290: How You Can Stop Feeling Overwhelmed

stress freestress free 2

Please read the previous post :  Overwhelmed with Information: ‘It’s too much for me to handle’ for proper context to this blog.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think I cannot handle/cope with information, that it is overwhelming me/that I am not competent enough to ‘sort it out’ and come up with a treatment plan for healing my physical body/the ‘fine calcification’ in my breasts.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think/beLIEve/perceive I need to rush/there is not enough time, to do exactly what doctors recommend/the exact treatment they suggest instead of trusting myself to slow down (not too slow-still move forward) and determine what is best for my body.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fearworryanxiety creating stress within my physical body, which would then create the very thing I fear-disease/invasive breast cancer leading to suffering and death-in and around this situation of the fine breast calcifications existent in my physical body.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to then -as a result of participating in the fear- create the physical consequence/behavioral changes of cramping, digestive problems, tiredness,headache, sore muscles in upper body and face, teeth aching.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘for every solution I investigate there is a paradoxical problem’ and because I believe I am incompetent, I will not be able to discern/choose the ‘right’ path for me to heal.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am wrong /bad/a coward to not have a ‘stereotactic core needle biopsy’ as it will be too painful (for one reason, I have not cancelled it yet), that I will ‘pay’ for not doing what the doctors suggests, that there is no other alternative or I will choose the wrong ‘other alternative’, that it is typical of me to not comply to the accepted society norm.

To continue

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer
aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjQuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLW5hM3hQUy1zUkdJJTJGVVkzaF94VF9CNkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJ2QSUyRnIzcy1YeTJaYnlrJTJGczMyMCUyRmp1c3QlMkJkbyUyQml0LmpwZw==DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

 

Day 286: How I Live The Desteni Principles

prin 2 2prin 2The Desteni of Living:  My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principal #2. Living by the principle of What is Best for All – guiding me in Thought, Word and Deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

I am becoming more aware of my words when I am speaking to others, as in considering them more and realizing what I say/the words I speak can have an effect on another and so it is my responsibility to slow down and consider them in each moment.

I am more aware of:  ‘old tapes’ playing in my mind like thought patterns when they first come up, how I slip into imagination with memories and/or imagined play outs of a situation, how I see something in the physical and connect something from my past-a picture popping up in my mind and then going into thinking.  Thus, I am now being more persistent/diligent (it is not easy)  in stopping the engagement in my mind and instead asking myself, ‘how can i deal with this in the physical, considering all involved?’   For example, I used to go into judgements about my partner and my step-daughter about tidiness and cooking for them, today I stopped this and realized all I require to do is know what to cook and purchase it and prepare it and that is it, simple.  I also remind myself that picking up a few things/putting things away for a few days while my step-daughter is here is not a burden but my privilege.  There are simple solutions to make the little bit of extra ‘housework’ efficient, for example tomorrow night we will go out to a restaurant (I realize we are fortunate we can afford this), another evening I will cook a frozen pizza, so each night is not cooking a large meal with lots of clean up.

I am stopping my reactions, seeing them in real time more and more and not engaging.  An example of this just occurred in a phone conversation with someone who I have had a history of reacting to quite a bit, there was a pattern that unfolded where she did not understand me and I would usually react in alot of energy of defensiveness, frustration, anger, impatience, self-doubt, and then (after I hung up the phone)  blame, guilt, regret but I did not allow it to play out.  As soon as I saw the point where we would start arguing and creating more misunderstandings I was able to top and breathe and remained silent/still for a moment and then very carefully spoke, and clarified the situation.  At that moment, the built up tension dissipated and we could continue on with our conversation in a more relaxed and trusting way with each other.

I am noticing more and more how ‘needing to be liked’ has controlled/directed my thoughts/words and deeds throughout my life.  The character within me is of ‘not good enough’ and inferior.  Thus, I am seeing this come up now in awareness-sooner- and have started to ask myself ‘why do you need them to like you? what is the self-honest/best for all answer/comment/communication in this circumstance? do you really care if they like you? why are you afraid of making a mistake? what do you think this says about you-if you make a mistake?  do you know how to slow down and respond calmly, if you do make a mistake?  do you know how to support yourself when you feel threatened/attacked and simply communicate with another person?’   AND I answer myself/or introspect to determine the answers.  Thus, I am able to start to let this go.  I realize it is not about someone liking or not liking me and NO I actually do not ‘care’ or ‘not care’ it just is what it is, we are not going to be close to all people/feel comfortable with all people and that is ok/cool.

 

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