Day 295: Previously Unpublished: Facing a Biopsy : Fear and Worry 2

WORRY

For proper context , please read the last post. From Day 294:  This post was previously unpublished because I had not told my husband I needed a biopsy.  I decided to post it because, having read it again recently, I thought it may support and assist another who is facing a biopsy, as it helped me tremendously.  I have since then been informed my biopsy results were ‘normal’.

I have been told I need to have a breast biopsy because they think there may be increased CALCIFICATION in my left breast. They are concerned because this could be a sign of there being cancerous cells but more so a condition of pre-cancerous cells/stage zero cancer.

Commitment Statements : trying to stay out of fear/worry/anxiety

When and as I see myself forgetting my very origin of me/myself, my being and my body and my alignment to the physical and so this physical existence I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to access what is here in reality before me, the physical. I realize it is in this very forgetting that has caused (or partly caused) the calcification of the breasts in the first place. I realize it is my responsibility as life to remain aware/here, in order to birth myself as life in the physical and to thus stand as an example to others. I commit myself to the process of breath awareness in each moment and to bring myself back to reality each time I find I am lost in my mind.

When and as I see myself neglecting me, my body and this very existence that I exist within & thus not living the life that had been given to me in every single breath that I breathe and within every thought, word and deed I stop, I breathe. I remind myself/make sure I am accessing what is real, as in what is here in the physical. I realize when I am not present/aware I can very quickly go into characters in my mind, based on the past and my pre-programming, which means I am then merely existing as/from the starting point of the past, not here as life. Thus, I commit myself to the process of being ever aware of the life that has been given me, within each thought/word/deed.

When and as I see myself going into fear, within thoughts/thought patterns of having breast cancer and could die I stop, I breathe. I remind myself it is not supportive but leads to further reactions which can be harmful to the physical body. I realize I have notrespected my body/my being/myself through improper use of my mind throughout my life but I can now, as what is best for all and thus best for me. I realize only in this way will I be of assistance and support to myself and others. I understand it does not changereality to participate in my mind, whatever the outcome of the biopsy is, I will take treatment as /if required and/or make changes to my diet/lifestyle as required and J and H will do the same. I will share with J and H what I have learned from Desteni/Eqafe so that we all have the tools necessary to not re-create the conditions currently present in our physical bodies-tissues/cells/blood/etc. Thus, I commit myself to the process of staying out of my mind of fear/imaginings and becoming a physical being and not a mind programmed being.

When and as I see myself going into imaginations and backchat, in and around this issue with myself/H/J I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to check where I am and what I am doing in physical reality and to carry on with the task at hand/my daily responsibilities. I realize this does not mean I am not caring for/loving myself/J/H but that I am stopping the mind patterns in which I come from the starting point of the past. I realize that living in the past/memories can be harmful, as they inevitably lead to energetic reactions and I refuse to participate any further. I am now standing up from this and stating ‘Till here no further!’ I now understand the body has the power to heal itself, although treatment may be necessary for any one of us because of manifested consequence. I realize further mind participation will just re-create the same environment which damaged/changed/altered the cells/tissue in the first place. I will share with J and H what I know. Thus, I commit myself to putting my time to practical use-in the physical- by preparinginformation/links to send to J/H and possibly publish as a blog to share with others. I commit to stay with the physical-doing/acting/creating- instead of allowing mind possessions within imaginations and backchat/internal conversation and the emotional reactionsof worry/fear/anxiety/stress that follow.

When and as I see myself participating in emotional reactions, which create harmful energies in the physical body, and then the behavioral changes and consequences that follow, in and around this issue of waiting for biopsy results for myself/J/H I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to pull my awareness out of the mind and back to the physical. I realize this pattern is useless, as it does nothing to support myself or J/H but staying with breath/here is stabilizing and calming so I can deal with whatever comes with all 3 of us. Thus, I commit myself to stabilizing myself and remaining calm through breath awareness in each moment here.

 

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer
aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjQuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLW5hM3hQUy1zUkdJJTJGVVkzaF94VF9CNkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJ2QSUyRnIzcy1YeTJaYnlrJTJGczMyMCUyRmp1c3QlMkJkbyUyQml0LmpwZw==DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

 

 

Day 294: Previously Unpublished: Facing a Biopsy : Fear and Worry

worry 2This post was previously unpublished because I had not told my husband I needed a biopsy. I decided to post it because, having read it again recently, I thought it may support and assist another who is facing a biopsy. I have since then been informed my biopsy results were ‘normal’.

SF Statements: Trying to Stay out of the Energies of FEAR, Worry, Anxiety

I have been told I need to have a breast biopsy because they think there may be increased CALCIFICATION  in my left breast. They are concerned because this could be a sign of there being cancerous cells but more so a condition of pre-cancerous cells. I am reminding myself what my report says (from recent mammogram and ultra-sound) that is appears benign, and that there MAY have been a change, as in increased calcification, but that the test results are inconclusive. Staying here, out of my mind is tough. Focusing on breathing is supporting/assisting me to stay calm. Only a few time (maybe 3 or 4) have I felt it possess me. I am focusing on what is before me in physical reality and what I am learning in recent eqafe interviews, that each atom in the cells and make up of my body, has more power/potential = life force than ones being-awareness, and there are 7 followed by 27 zeros atoms (approx), in the human physical body! And that my beingness has but a fraction of this life force.

Fear and anxiety is accumulating as I /we are also waiting to hear about 2 other family member’s biopsy results. So now I add myself, seems overwhelming. I do not want to tell my husband but I may. It just seems then we’ll be talking about it more and he willworry and this may add to my worry, but I am not positive about this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the very origin of myself/me in the here of my being and my body and my alignment to the physical and so this physical existence .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect me, my body and this very existence that I exist within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the life that had been given to me in every single breath that I breathe and within every thought, word and deed.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become fear/worry/anxiety, fear of loss, fear of death and suffering, and as fear/worry/anxiety think ‘OMG, I could have breast cancer, I have done this to myself, is it too late to heal?’ In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to assume the worst, becoming the ‘disaster’ character.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations of: being told I have cancer in a doctor’s office, being in the clinic/on the table as they do the procedure, being in pain from the biopsy, getting a phone call from my doctor with results or just to come in which means it is not benign, being told it is benign, having pictures of my 2 family members (who are awaiting biopsy results) come up in my mind, being told family member’s results: good and bad.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to in backchat like: I hate tests/biopsy, I am afraid it will be painful, why don’t they sedate you, it’s cruel. I hate the doctors and nurses/technicians and I dread waiting for that phone call. If I talk to people about this, it makes it more real, if I talk about it I will focus more on it and that can make matters worse. Why am I so fearful if I havn’t even had the test yet-so have not heard the result yet! I could die, I don’t want to die. I’m sure it’s benign, they said it looks benign, then why do they want to do a biopsy? (I know why) what if it’s not benign…

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the following emotional reactions, in and around this issue: FEAR: fear of loss of my life, fear of death, fear of an incurable disease, fear of pain/suffering, fear of losing a family member, fear of another family member having cancer again, fear of a life wasted/or not lived to my utmost potential. Also, stress, anxiety, tension, worry, regret, anger at medical people and anger at myself/self-blame/self-judgement.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into physical body/behavioral changes and consequences like: tension /tightness in my chest and shallow breathing, breathing too quickly, pain/tension in my shoulders and upper back/back of neck and head, anxiety stirring in my solar plexes and stomach. This has the consequence of putting too much stress on my digestive system, trouble sleeping, possibly increasing number/severity of menopausal sweats, creating energies /usingenergy to eat away at the flesh thereby possibly creating the very disease/condition I am concerned about, using the body to feed the mind consciousness systems so strengthen the mind and all it’s energetic reactions instead of strengthening my resolve here.

to continue

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer

 

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Day 292: Re-Defining Breast Micro-Calcifications

living wordsliving words 4Please read the previous 3 posts : Overwhelmed with Information: ‘It’s too much for me to handle’ for proper context to this blog.

Dictionary Definition: Breast calcifications are calcium deposits within breast tissue. They appear as white spots or flecks on a mammogram and are usually so small that you can’t feel them. Although breast calcifications are usually noncancerous (benign), certain patterns of calcifications — such as tight clusters with irregular shapes — may indicate breast cancer. Micro-calcifications. These show up as fine, white specks, similar to grains of salt. They’re usually noncancerous, but certain patterns can be a sign of cancer.

My Definition: A thorn in my side, a mystery which is controlling me, taking me to places within and without, where I do not want to go/I am afraid of going.

Sounding:

breast: B-rest = slow down and also give the body rest/healing time

micro: extremely small/minute

microscope = look closer at the fine details of your body and your life, as they make up the totality of you within and without

calcify: to become ridged or hardened = moving too fast within my mind and within the physical world (thus moving within energy and not a stability), without considering my body and being, has resulted in the breast tissue hardening/calcifying.

Explore in Writing:

I went for my biopsy yesterday and it was fine. I was concerned because many women reported (online) of it being extremely painful. But this was not my experience. The nurses/doctor/technicians gave me all the time I needed to ask questions and answered everything thoroughly. They were clear and honest about the procedure and it was NOT painful. I stayed with breath awareness (aware/focused on reality before me in each moment-meaning I was not in my mind of thoughts/emotions/imaginings-breathing slowly in and out) and sometimes I counted inside my head using 4 count breath (4 in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold etc.).

So now I am waiting for the results and will go from there. However, I have been doing research and it seems no matter what the biopsy outcome is, I still have a large amount of micro-calcifications in my left breast and some in my right breast (they are not concerned with how they appear in my right breast at this time). It seems-no matter the outcome-sometimes there are false negatives and false positives of any test and things/breast tissue can change over time so there is still concern. Part of me thinks just remove the area of calcification regardless (lumpectomy) and part of me thinks just leave them and do /follow an alternative treatment program and part of me thinks do a combination of both! Obviously, I have to wait for the results to decide the best method of treatment for my body and being.

Re-defining the words/term Breast Micro-calcifications:

A condition in my breasts that is present at the current time and has been for a least 4 years. This condition may have changed from 2012 to now (July 2014), in that there may be more/increased micro-calcification in my left breast, the doctors are unsure because of mammograms now being digital versus film so more detail of the breast tissue is seen AND my breasts are now less dense, having gone through/going through menopause, so again more detail/calcification is able to be seen.

Thus, I am redefining this term as: an existent condition within my breast tissue, which I am in the process of healing/stabilizing by walking a treatment plan of: possibly surgery (to be determined) and an alternative treatment plan, which includes Dr. Kelley’s One Answer to Cancer (a radical change of diet, supplements, detoxes for all the major organs among other things). Thus I am addressing my whole self, mind/body/being, taking a holistic approach, which makes sense to me. I realize it took time to create this situation and will take time to heal it, thus I remind myself to be patient yet vigilant in my daily approach

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer

 

living words 3Cool Google Hangouts:   To watch and to join in!  You can participate in live hangouts each week, ask questions.

                        Personal Growth: DIP:  https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

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Day 290: How You Can Stop Feeling Overwhelmed

stress freestress free 2

Please read the previous post :  Overwhelmed with Information: ‘It’s too much for me to handle’ for proper context to this blog.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think I cannot handle/cope with information, that it is overwhelming me/that I am not competent enough to ‘sort it out’ and come up with a treatment plan for healing my physical body/the ‘fine calcification’ in my breasts.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think/beLIEve/perceive I need to rush/there is not enough time, to do exactly what doctors recommend/the exact treatment they suggest instead of trusting myself to slow down (not too slow-still move forward) and determine what is best for my body.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fearworryanxiety creating stress within my physical body, which would then create the very thing I fear-disease/invasive breast cancer leading to suffering and death-in and around this situation of the fine breast calcifications existent in my physical body.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to then -as a result of participating in the fear- create the physical consequence/behavioral changes of cramping, digestive problems, tiredness,headache, sore muscles in upper body and face, teeth aching.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘for every solution I investigate there is a paradoxical problem’ and because I believe I am incompetent, I will not be able to discern/choose the ‘right’ path for me to heal.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am wrong /bad/a coward to not have a ‘stereotactic core needle biopsy’ as it will be too painful (for one reason, I have not cancelled it yet), that I will ‘pay’ for not doing what the doctors suggests, that there is no other alternative or I will choose the wrong ‘other alternative’, that it is typical of me to not comply to the accepted society norm.

To continue

Please Read:   Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer

From Eqafe :   My Life With Cancer
aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjQuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLW5hM3hQUy1zUkdJJTJGVVkzaF94VF9CNkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJ2QSUyRnIzcy1YeTJaYnlrJTJGczMyMCUyRmp1c3QlMkJkbyUyQml0LmpwZw==DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

 

Day 286: How I Live The Desteni Principles

prin 2 2prin 2The Desteni of Living:  My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principal #2. Living by the principle of What is Best for All – guiding me in Thought, Word and Deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

I am becoming more aware of my words when I am speaking to others, as in considering them more and realizing what I say/the words I speak can have an effect on another and so it is my responsibility to slow down and consider them in each moment.

I am more aware of:  ‘old tapes’ playing in my mind like thought patterns when they first come up, how I slip into imagination with memories and/or imagined play outs of a situation, how I see something in the physical and connect something from my past-a picture popping up in my mind and then going into thinking.  Thus, I am now being more persistent/diligent (it is not easy)  in stopping the engagement in my mind and instead asking myself, ‘how can i deal with this in the physical, considering all involved?’   For example, I used to go into judgements about my partner and my step-daughter about tidiness and cooking for them, today I stopped this and realized all I require to do is know what to cook and purchase it and prepare it and that is it, simple.  I also remind myself that picking up a few things/putting things away for a few days while my step-daughter is here is not a burden but my privilege.  There are simple solutions to make the little bit of extra ‘housework’ efficient, for example tomorrow night we will go out to a restaurant (I realize we are fortunate we can afford this), another evening I will cook a frozen pizza, so each night is not cooking a large meal with lots of clean up.

I am stopping my reactions, seeing them in real time more and more and not engaging.  An example of this just occurred in a phone conversation with someone who I have had a history of reacting to quite a bit, there was a pattern that unfolded where she did not understand me and I would usually react in alot of energy of defensiveness, frustration, anger, impatience, self-doubt, and then (after I hung up the phone)  blame, guilt, regret but I did not allow it to play out.  As soon as I saw the point where we would start arguing and creating more misunderstandings I was able to top and breathe and remained silent/still for a moment and then very carefully spoke, and clarified the situation.  At that moment, the built up tension dissipated and we could continue on with our conversation in a more relaxed and trusting way with each other.

I am noticing more and more how ‘needing to be liked’ has controlled/directed my thoughts/words and deeds throughout my life.  The character within me is of ‘not good enough’ and inferior.  Thus, I am seeing this come up now in awareness-sooner- and have started to ask myself ‘why do you need them to like you? what is the self-honest/best for all answer/comment/communication in this circumstance? do you really care if they like you? why are you afraid of making a mistake? what do you think this says about you-if you make a mistake?  do you know how to slow down and respond calmly, if you do make a mistake?  do you know how to support yourself when you feel threatened/attacked and simply communicate with another person?’   AND I answer myself/or introspect to determine the answers.  Thus, I am able to start to let this go.  I realize it is not about someone liking or not liking me and NO I actually do not ‘care’ or ‘not care’ it just is what it is, we are not going to be close to all people/feel comfortable with all people and that is ok/cool.

 

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Day 280: How I Live the Desteni Principles 1

principals 2principalsPlease refer to:  The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

I will write what I am aware of living now and re-visit this principle in future moments.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

*  My Behavior Toward/With Another:  It is no longer acceptable to me to hang onto blame and judgement of myself and/or another.  After an encounter/conversation with another (only seldom, at this point, am I able to change in the moment) I am able to see/realize/understand rather quickly my responsibility within it.  It is much easier for me to be aware of- and then let go of- nasty backchat/judgements and instead go into wanting to understand another and/or a consideration of the other person, like ‘well, I really don’t know them or all they have experienced in their life so how can I judge?’, I can now quickly remind myself ‘they don’t know me so I should not take it personally’ and I am able to stabilize or if they do know me I don’t take it personally anyway because they are simply responding according to their own pre-programing/thinking patterns based on their past, just as I had done my whole life, so again, I have no right to judge/blame.

I can now step back and consider, ‘ok, if you feel guilty Sandy, what is going on within you?’ and I look at the situation  – how it physically in reality occurred and I find often I have taken some short cut/broke a rule and set myself up to be a victim.  I have looked at how I have done this throughout my life and I require to slow down, remind myself to breathe and practice  patience and consideration of others.    I am able to apply quick self-forgiveness for any nasty backchat/revenge fantasy (where I imagine/ re-play the scene in my mind, saying the ‘perfect’ thing back to spite them, especially if I think they ‘hurt my feelings’ lol)  and instead ask myself ‘how could I have turned this around to assist and support that person?’  I am also able to quickly remind myself this is not who I want to be/allow myself to be anymore (reacting/gossiping/saying spiteful things in my own secret mind about another) and that it is my responsibility to speak up self-honestly in a moment and then support and assist another as equals, not see another as the enemy/bully and me the victim.

*  Worrying About My Children:  I have been able to let go of the incessant worrying about my children’s safety and health.  Note: there is still some concern that comes up but it is more realistic and looking at situations then out of control worry. Also note, stopping the worrying does not mean that I love them/care about them any less! This not to perfection yet but I am able to stop when I see thoughts coming up and not go into a full blown mind possession about it.  I remind myself to be patient (waiting for test result for my daughter) and that being stable is what will support my daughter and not weakened/confused/fearful because of participating in emotional energy reactions.  When I see myself starting to think fearful thoughts about my son driving/coming home very late from work, I am now able to stop before it goes any further.  I remind myself:   how useless worry really is/it does not change anything/the facts of a situation,  I am a physical being and to do the next physical thing before me, as in move/direct myself &  I also remind myself I have ‘been there done that’ meaning I have lived in my own mind for 50 years now and I can see how /where it leads BUT I have not tried to live as a completely physical being (I do see how changing just a little has benefited within growing relationships, music, my health and more).

I was also very worried about my own health, test results around a certain issue and, when I went for a 6 month check yesterday, one of the areas of concern in my breast had completely disappeared!  I had not allowed myself to indulge in imaginations/thoughts about it before hand/stopped them almost immediately when they came up,  and this had the effect of me being more calm during the testing, not sure if that made a difference or not but it was much better for me as I did not get myself all upset before or during the appointment.

*  Personal Health and Well Being:   Firstly with regards to night sweats/hot flashes, it is no longer acceptable to me to live solely in reaction (something happens and then I react to it ) but rather as an active creator/an aware participant with and as life , who is self-responsible within directing their own mind in each moment.  Having said that, I did transcend the sweating for awhile (about a week! it was very mild, easy to sleep!) but as I slowly let up and went more and more into my mind of reactions/energy, the sweats returned with a vengeance .  So now I am in the process of using breath in awareness in each moment (again more and more) and I can see that they are becoming ‘lighter’/less severe, but not yet back to the point of being mild.

I am more aware of my reactions in the moment as they come up, reactions being: emotions (negative ie. anger/sadnesss) & feelings (positive ie. excitement/happiness).  Thus, I am able stop participation in them more and more quickly.  Often, when I feel any movement in my solar plexes, I say out loud or to myself ‘I am with you body’ and I take a deep breath in and slowly exhale, I remind myself where I am and what I am doing and to focus on physical reality.  I find by not participating in these energies I have less anxiety/stomach problems and am not as tired throughout the day or evenings!

 Music:  I am no longer allowing myself to be the ‘lesser version’ of me,  anything less than free to express in the moment, who I am here as in who I can become boundlessly , no longer allowing myself to limit me within songwriting.  How am I doing this?

I am writing melodies in the moment, in self-honesty, meaning not coming from the starting point of the past, with memories and thoughts.  When I see myself going into the past I stop and do not continue until I am clear.  I am not allowing myself to go into future moments (less and less) within excitement when I create a melody I enjoy, so stopping participation in fantasy/imagination of future projection of praise or ‘success’.  When I see it happening I stop and breathe and make sure I am accessing what is real, which is simply me sitting at the piano.  I am stopping comparisons and thus competition in my mind, more and more, where I make myself inferior to another artist. When I see myself going into these emotional energies, I immediately stop and get back to reality and the creation process.  As well, I am not allowing myself to indulge in self-doubt nearly as much, by judging a song as ‘bad’, I less and less let a song possess me (going round and round in my head)/can just leave it  OR if I find I want to re-work a melody, I don’t stress about it but do it in the moment and it is a joyful experience, I find it comes out simply, no struggle.

I am not using my tape recorder when I wake up to record a song idea of melody and lyrics, as I used to do often, which only confused me as I would start too many songs and not complete them.  I am practicing playing the keyboard in self-honesty, meaning using my whole body physically and not having thoughts: self-judgements, criticisms, opinions running around in my mind and simply feeling the music/rhythm  which is proving to be much more enjoyable and making me a more competent musician (still long way to go as a musician).  I am singing in self-honesty, meaning-like with the keyboard-using my whole body and breath in awareness without thoughts running away in the background/lots of backchat going on in my mind.  This is again more enjoyable and I find my voice softer and more clear and capable/seems ‘easier’ to sing!

Most importantly, I am able to realise and live my utmost potential by being aware of all of these points in my daily life and within each breath, in more and more consistency.

 

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Creations Journey To Life

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Day 278: The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

change 52. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that
my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action ofrealising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself fortransgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I amand through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what Iaccept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with thisresponsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromisingwho I am, what I live and how this affects others
6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others aswell and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility formyself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way thatis best for me and so others as well
 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughtsand Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I seemy thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately takeresponsibility and change for myself and so for others
8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibilityand become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting andsupporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to seewhere I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of selfhonesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth,that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today,to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and  give the best possible life for all on Earth.

Day 273: Changing versus Avoiding part 3

change 4 change 5From Part 1:   Avoid =  A  Void   Dictionary Definition: Void:  without contents; empty useless; ineffectual; vain.devoid; destitute, a gap or opening, as in a wall. a vacancy; vacuum.

So if I am allowing a void to exist in my mind, by avoiding/not facing certain issues, I am essentially saying to my mind, ‘oh, hey, here ya go, I’m not doing anything with this thought so you can take it and run with it’ and so abdicating any responsibility to what comes up in my own mind!

NOTE:  I am writing one forgiveness statement and one commitment statement for each issue here. However,  I have, in previous blogs, written about most of these issues  in detail, as in all of the mind dimensions:  Here are some of them:    Fear of Disease   Worry About Health    Shopping Guilt/Finances   Fear for the Safety of my Children    Insecurity/Inferiority 

Fear of Breast Cancer

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting breast cancer/any cancer/disease and for participating in imaginations of feeling a lump, being in my doctor‘s office, getting tests done, then going into thought patterns which create reactions of anxiety and stress, in and around this issue.

When and as I see myself engaging in fear reactions around getting breast cancer/cancer/disease I stop and breathe. I make sure I assess the situation within physical reality and that I am going for exams/tests when/as the doctor recommends it. I remind myself I no longer allow energies to control my ‘who I am’/within and my day/movement without. I realize that the physical/substance can be trusted to perform in consistency, as in the beating of ones heart. Thus I commit myself to stay with the physical and not the fleeting and inconsistency of energy in the mind.

Fear of Being a Leader

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when looking at the point of becoming a leader/hearing the words leader/leading/leadership, then going into thought patterns and backchat like ‘I am not capable of being a leader/I could never be an effective leader’, having images in my mind of what/who a leader is, specifically a tall, muscular man who is very commanding and ‘frightening’ looking and sounding, having expectations of myself of how/who I should/will be as a leader thus limiting myself, thinking ‘I do not have what it takes to be a leader, I am not smart enough, it is too difficult, I shouldn’t/won’t even try, I will just give up now, it will take to much time and effort to be a leader’. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in self-sabotage and abdicate my responsibility to create/build the patience and perseverance required within myself to support/assist another.

When and as I see myself reacting in fear to being/becoming a leader and interpreting this as a huge burden in my mind, I stop and breathe. I make sure I am assessing what is here in this physical moment as reality and not an image of what/who is a leader, in mymind. I realize these reactions/future projections are self-sabotaging as they can limit me, as I do not know what can open up as I walk my process. Thus, I commit myself to putting in the time and effort to become the living expression of the wordleader/leadership instead of focusing on my perceived limitations in my mind and then giving up.

Shopping: Guilt and Excitement

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed in an energetic reaction of excitement around the situation of planning, shopping and then purchasing items for my daughter’s home for her shower/wedding gifts. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into guilt and self-judgement because I have spent my money and time ‘frivolously’. I also see my mind goes to spending time and money on what I will wear, what my son and husband will wear on her wedding day. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and anxiety about money and having enough money ‘for the future‘, guilt about enjoying shopping for my daughter, anxiety and obsessing about getting her ‘everything she needs’ for her home.

When and as I see myself going into reactions and thought patterns of guilt about shopping for my daughter’s wedding/showers and fear of not enough money/finances in the future I stop and breathe. I remind myself to assess the situation in physical reality and not from the starting point of thought patterns/reactions in my mind. I realize I am enjoying myself within my daughter’s wedding celebrations and preparations. I see I am buying items she needs and a few to decorate her home. Thus I commit to breathawareness with my feet on the ground. I commit myself to the process of staying out of my mind of reactions of excitement and guilt, simply move in the physical to get things done and make decisions of time and financial management with careful consideration.

Finances:  Fear of Money 

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in thinking patters from the starting point of fearing money in and around the issue of finances within my marriage. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in pictures and imaginations in my mind, which bring up the reactive energies of: fearanxietyworry, suspicion, greed, spite, paranoiagiving up (extreme thinking), superiority, victimization.

When and as I see myself going into thinking patterns of fear/worry about finances within my marriage I stop and breathe. I remind myself to assess the situation in physical reality , not from the starting point of ‘fearing money’ or from the past as experiences. I realize everything is financially stable now and my partner and I have a enjoyable and stable union. I also realize I have made clear/communicated to him several points I was concerned with in and around this issue and we have come to an mutual agreement. I see that he has always ‘stuck to his word‘, as I have, so far in our relationship. Thus, I commit myself to staying out of my mind of ‘what if‘s’ and focus on what is here in physical reality and how I can continue to contribute financially to our household.

aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjQuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLW5hM3hQUy1zUkdJJTJGVVkzaF94VF9CNkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJ2QSUyRnIzcy1YeTJaYnlrJTJGczMyMCUyRmp1c3QlMkJkbyUyQml0LmpwZw==DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

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Day 272: Changing versus Avoiding part 2

changechange 6

From the previous post:   Avoid =  A  Void

Dictionary Definition: Void:  without contents; empty useless; ineffectual; vain.devoid; destitute, a gap or opening, as in a wall. a vacancy; vacuum.

So if I am allowing a void to exist in my mind, by avoiding/not facing certain issues, I am essentially saying to my mind, ‘oh, hey, here ya go, I’m not doing anything with this thought so you can take it and run with it’ and so abdicating any responsibility to what comes up in my own mind!

NOTE:  I am writing one forgiveness statement and one commitment statement for each issue here. However,  I have, in previous blogs, written about most of these issues  in detail, as in all of the mind dimensions:  Here are some of them:    Fear of Disease   Worry About Health    Shopping Guilt/Finances   Fear for the Safety of my Children    Insecurity/Inferiority 

Fear of Car Accidents

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a reaction of fear that my children and/or myself will be injured/killed in a car accident , specifically my daughter when she is driving up north where the winter conditions are very snowy and icy. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I don’t want to live without them, if they are not alive then I don’t want to be alive’ and then participate in a reaction of fear of being alone/without them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in pictures in my mind /imaginings of my daughter’s car spinning out on the highway (this happened to her last year), her in the hospital, police coming to my door, a funeral, a casketimagining how devastated I would be, thinking that is the worst thing that can happen to a parent/to me, a crushed up car, the moment of impact and the noise it would make like loud crash/screetching/sirens.

When and as I see myself going into thought patternsimaginings and emotions about my children/myself being in a car accident or other fatal incident I stop and breathe. I ask myself ‘what is it that these relationships are giving you that you are not giving/gifting to yourself?’ I remind myself to look at the point from a physical reality perspective and thus direct it in a practical manner, like contact my daughter about road conditions that day, educate them about driving in winter conditions. I realize they are grown adults with common sense, I cannot control others or the weather nor do I want to, worrying does not change the facts, people die and I do not control when. I commit myself to use my time here effectively by doing what I practically can to support/assist my children when it comes to driving and safety and then letting it GO so I can LIVE each moment instead of obsessing about things I cannot change.

Fear of family alcoholism

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/fall into thought patterns about family alcoholism/my alcoholism, which in turn create emotions/projections/imaginations in and around this issue, mostly fearing my children will become alcoholics because I and several of their relatives experienced alcoholism.

When and as I see myself going into fear that one or both of my children will become alcoholics I stop and breathe. I make sure/remind myself to assess the point in physical reality/space/time and not within projections in my mind. For example, if I observe one of them is creating consequence because of drinking I communicate to them about it by opening up a discussion: asking questions/offer support/make suggestions. I realize they see me and their step-dad walking a daily commitment to not drink alcohol and have witnessed this for the last 10 years, I realize they have much information on this subject and supportive people to talk to if this should happen to them, I realize some young people drink/party alot then greatly reduce the amount they drink as they get older, lastly I can see that my daughter is (at this time) a social drinker-does not drink much at all.

Inferiority/Insecurity with Authority Figures 

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a pattern of ‘needing to be liked’/feeling secure/ ‘good’ when a person, who I see as an authority figure, gives me feedback/responds to me and if they do not respond/’ignore me’ or respond in a way I perceive as ‘negative’, I then go into insecurity and inferiority, then I swing to superiority and gossip in my mind saying all sorts of nasty backchat, about that person and/or the organization in general, to make myself feel better because I feel I do not belong/am not part of the clique/in crowd/do not ‘fit in as usual’- kind of thing.

When and as I see myself participating in the ‘needing to be liked’ character within and around the issue of authority figures in my life I stop and breathe. I remind myself no one can make me feel anything about myself, it is my reactions to whatever is occurring that I am experiencing , and it is my sole responsibility to look within myself and sort out whatever is going on and stabilize myself back to physical reality. I realize flying around in emotions is self-sabotaging behavior, as it disempowers me because I cannotcommunicate self-honestly or see thing clearly-as they are in reality- when I am in paranoia in my mind. I also realize when I am participating in emotional reactions, I cannot assess what is going on in any given moment for real. Thus, I commit myself to stay in the moment with what is physically going on when around authority figures/groups in my life and out of my mind of backchat and harmful emotions.

Inferiority/Insecurity with Peers/Friends/Relatives 

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with a desire/need to be liked by another, specifically certain relatives/peers, who I believe/perceive don’t like me/think I am inferior. Within that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to THEN engage in nasty inner conversation about that person and react/experience myself as inferior to that person, going to my ‘safe’ place of in-security. Or I fall into the pattern of beLIEving myself to be superior to another based on my interpretation of another’s action/inaction/ communications.

When and as I see myself becoming/reacting with emotions of inferiority/insecurity in and around ‘needing to be liked’ by others I stop and breathe. I make sure I assess the point from a physical reference and not my own mind of past experiences. I remind myself it simply is not important how another sees/feels about me,  it is not about ‘liking’ or ‘disliking’ another that is important but about respecting all others as one and equal to myself and all , and being there as an example to others as how I live this truth.  I realize I do not control others but I can and am, indeed responsible to control what goes on in my own mind and thus can support /assist another. I also understand I cannot see reality/what the situation really is when I am all caught up in myself/how I am interpreting the situations. Thus, I commit myself to the process of stopping all such reactions to external stimuli from others and start living/directing myself within physical stability and physical reality.

to continue in the next post

eqafe

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Day 270: Beyond Blame Part 4

no blame 2no blameFor proper context to this blog please read the Part 1 Part 2 and Part 3 :  After listening to the Eqafe Interview:   Blame, the Hidden Nature I can clearly see how I missed a huge point in regards to someone I blame for my past… what is resonating in the background is direct blame and anger for many years of struggle

When and as I see myself going into thought patterns, which bring up memories and then suppressing emotions of anger related to blaming my ex for my financial and mental struggles after we separated, I stop and breathe. I remind myself I knew on several levels he did not want to be in a committed relationship with me before we were married, that he and I did the best we could/were capable of at that time, that he did not force me to drink or isolate after our marriage I did that myself, he cares about me even to this day and I care about him.  In that, when and as I see myself participating in self-blame, within memories of when I ignored and then suppressed all the warning signs that my ex was not an appropriate partner for me to enter into a marriage with , I stop and breathe. I realize blaming myself is self-sabotaging and does not change the past.  I commit myself to stop all such blame of my ex and myself for the events that followed our marriage break-up.  I commit to focus on what is real in our lives today and deal with issues (regarding our children), as they arise, in a practical and calm manner.

When and as I see myself going into fear of conflict with my ex today and then suppressing thoughts and emotions , I stop and breathe. I remind myself that I am not always going to get the response I desire, as my ex will respond according to his own ideas and ways of doing things. Therefore, I will support myself by-if I see a reaction has come up within me- leaving it and not judging him/having expectations and then reacting in disappointment or- if there is no movement within me = I am stable- I will respond self-honestly using a calm/stable voice, within what is here in the moment, reality to facilitate a solution that is best for all involved. I thus commit to change me.

When and as I see myself participating in the entire playout/scenario: where I go into blaming backchat, then the emotions arise , imaginations where I re-play and change the past so ‘feel better’ about myself OR memories and then the inevitable body stresses that ensue , I stop and breathe. I bring myself out of my mind and back to the physical. I make sure I assess whatever is going on in the present as a physical reference, as what is a practical in the moment, and not an energy reaction based on the past or belief about myself or a judgement/opinion of another. I realize/remind myself my ex and I were not equipped with the necessary life tools to communicate effectively when we were married. I also realize I had a need to control him during our marriage (and when we were dating) because of unresolved issues from my childhood, I now understand I could not face my own fears of him rejecting me and so suppressed them, in self-interest not considering what would be best for him/both of us. I no longer allow energies tocontrol my decisions and communications and commit to the process of dealing with life‘s issues self-honestly in the moment, not allowing myself to go into fear and then suppression. Thus, I simply allow myself to continue with my own self-responsibility and delete reactions as I realize that building up blame and anger in the face of repeated patterns only frustrates me.

When and as I see myself creating a consequential outflow of upsetting my children/ex and then stressing relationships in and around this issue, I stop and breathe. I make sure I am staying in the reality of this here moment and not going into the past as memories. I realize I would react the same way if someone was criticizing/attacking one of my parents, they have heard it all before, they are sick and tired of my ‘poor single mom stories/role. I remind myself how important my relationships are, how I want to build trust so I am able to support and assist my children and ex (and they for me) and enjoy their company and not the opposite. Thus, I commit myself to treating my children and my ex as I would want to be treated -with respect as an equal and one being here- and commit to the process of changing me.

 

diplDIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.