Day 296: Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential: Principle #3

living wordsin and outThe Desteni of Living

 Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ My Declaration of Principle–  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principle #3: Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa.

1. I was out for dinner with my husband and in a conversation, where I would usually react to something he said OR become robotic/suppress my reaction and respond in a manner I think I should/destonian like lol, I was able to express myself in a way that was passionate/get my point across strongly, without using energy/becoming angry or shouting/increasing volume. Interestingly, I find often my partner mirrors my behavior, as he did this time, we did not escalate into an argument but remained respectful of each other and calm, heard each others points and left it at that. Neither of us was trying to ‘outdo’ the other/be ‘right’/get in the last word kind of thing, as we have in the past-for years!

2. I am no longer looking at my Desteni I Process (mind construct) as homework/a burden/something I have to or should do/an obligation but living the realization: it is for me to heal me-face who I have become and make the changes necessary to become/livewhat is best for all. I am approaching the self-forgiveness within self-honesty and not something ‘to get through’/that is overwhelming and thus suppressing what is actually behind all the postponement-the points I should be tackling/healing, but simply unfolding it in the moment, meaning asking myself questions like : what do I see here, why, where did that come from, what is the core of the emotion/thought here? So looking at the problem and answering/finding the solutions within the self-forgiveness. I am finding, while it is more writing surprisingly, it actually takes less effort (energy) and time than all the mind interference, as in thoughts and emotions (guilt/dread) that go along with postponement lol.

3. I stopped participation in a reaction of jealousy when looking at pictures from my daughter’s wedding, on her facebook page-almost immediately-and re-defined ‘L’s wedding’ : it was an awesome/enjoyable event, not about me. I was able to turn my attention and focus from indignance like, ‘humph…where am I in these pictures?’ to enjoying the pictures for what they are in Reality/physically; a record/image of an event that was joyful and meaningful to many :)

So I can see myself changing, more in the moment/as it occurs or shortly afterwards, from existing as only self-interest ‘what about me?!’ attitude into ‘how can I assist and support another/what can I offer/give in this situation?’ which is more in-line with what I say I would like to be/who I am/ who I aspire to be.

 

 

Day 286: How I Live The Desteni Principles

prin 2 2prin 2The Desteni of Living:  My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principal #2. Living by the principle of What is Best for All – guiding me in Thought, Word and Deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

I am becoming more aware of my words when I am speaking to others, as in considering them more and realizing what I say/the words I speak can have an effect on another and so it is my responsibility to slow down and consider them in each moment.

I am more aware of:  ‘old tapes’ playing in my mind like thought patterns when they first come up, how I slip into imagination with memories and/or imagined play outs of a situation, how I see something in the physical and connect something from my past-a picture popping up in my mind and then going into thinking.  Thus, I am now being more persistent/diligent (it is not easy)  in stopping the engagement in my mind and instead asking myself, ‘how can i deal with this in the physical, considering all involved?’   For example, I used to go into judgements about my partner and my step-daughter about tidiness and cooking for them, today I stopped this and realized all I require to do is know what to cook and purchase it and prepare it and that is it, simple.  I also remind myself that picking up a few things/putting things away for a few days while my step-daughter is here is not a burden but my privilege.  There are simple solutions to make the little bit of extra ‘housework’ efficient, for example tomorrow night we will go out to a restaurant (I realize we are fortunate we can afford this), another evening I will cook a frozen pizza, so each night is not cooking a large meal with lots of clean up.

I am stopping my reactions, seeing them in real time more and more and not engaging.  An example of this just occurred in a phone conversation with someone who I have had a history of reacting to quite a bit, there was a pattern that unfolded where she did not understand me and I would usually react in alot of energy of defensiveness, frustration, anger, impatience, self-doubt, and then (after I hung up the phone)  blame, guilt, regret but I did not allow it to play out.  As soon as I saw the point where we would start arguing and creating more misunderstandings I was able to top and breathe and remained silent/still for a moment and then very carefully spoke, and clarified the situation.  At that moment, the built up tension dissipated and we could continue on with our conversation in a more relaxed and trusting way with each other.

I am noticing more and more how ‘needing to be liked’ has controlled/directed my thoughts/words and deeds throughout my life.  The character within me is of ‘not good enough’ and inferior.  Thus, I am seeing this come up now in awareness-sooner- and have started to ask myself ‘why do you need them to like you? what is the self-honest/best for all answer/comment/communication in this circumstance? do you really care if they like you? why are you afraid of making a mistake? what do you think this says about you-if you make a mistake?  do you know how to slow down and respond calmly, if you do make a mistake?  do you know how to support yourself when you feel threatened/attacked and simply communicate with another person?’   AND I answer myself/or introspect to determine the answers.  Thus, I am able to start to let this go.  I realize it is not about someone liking or not liking me and NO I actually do not ‘care’ or ‘not care’ it just is what it is, we are not going to be close to all people/feel comfortable with all people and that is ok/cool.

 

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Day 280: How I Live the Desteni Principles 1

principals 2principalsPlease refer to:  The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

I will write what I am aware of living now and re-visit this principle in future moments.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

*  My Behavior Toward/With Another:  It is no longer acceptable to me to hang onto blame and judgement of myself and/or another.  After an encounter/conversation with another (only seldom, at this point, am I able to change in the moment) I am able to see/realize/understand rather quickly my responsibility within it.  It is much easier for me to be aware of- and then let go of- nasty backchat/judgements and instead go into wanting to understand another and/or a consideration of the other person, like ‘well, I really don’t know them or all they have experienced in their life so how can I judge?’, I can now quickly remind myself ‘they don’t know me so I should not take it personally’ and I am able to stabilize or if they do know me I don’t take it personally anyway because they are simply responding according to their own pre-programing/thinking patterns based on their past, just as I had done my whole life, so again, I have no right to judge/blame.

I can now step back and consider, ‘ok, if you feel guilty Sandy, what is going on within you?’ and I look at the situation  – how it physically in reality occurred and I find often I have taken some short cut/broke a rule and set myself up to be a victim.  I have looked at how I have done this throughout my life and I require to slow down, remind myself to breathe and practice  patience and consideration of others.    I am able to apply quick self-forgiveness for any nasty backchat/revenge fantasy (where I imagine/ re-play the scene in my mind, saying the ‘perfect’ thing back to spite them, especially if I think they ‘hurt my feelings’ lol)  and instead ask myself ‘how could I have turned this around to assist and support that person?’  I am also able to quickly remind myself this is not who I want to be/allow myself to be anymore (reacting/gossiping/saying spiteful things in my own secret mind about another) and that it is my responsibility to speak up self-honestly in a moment and then support and assist another as equals, not see another as the enemy/bully and me the victim.

*  Worrying About My Children:  I have been able to let go of the incessant worrying about my children’s safety and health.  Note: there is still some concern that comes up but it is more realistic and looking at situations then out of control worry. Also note, stopping the worrying does not mean that I love them/care about them any less! This not to perfection yet but I am able to stop when I see thoughts coming up and not go into a full blown mind possession about it.  I remind myself to be patient (waiting for test result for my daughter) and that being stable is what will support my daughter and not weakened/confused/fearful because of participating in emotional energy reactions.  When I see myself starting to think fearful thoughts about my son driving/coming home very late from work, I am now able to stop before it goes any further.  I remind myself:   how useless worry really is/it does not change anything/the facts of a situation,  I am a physical being and to do the next physical thing before me, as in move/direct myself &  I also remind myself I have ‘been there done that’ meaning I have lived in my own mind for 50 years now and I can see how /where it leads BUT I have not tried to live as a completely physical being (I do see how changing just a little has benefited within growing relationships, music, my health and more).

I was also very worried about my own health, test results around a certain issue and, when I went for a 6 month check yesterday, one of the areas of concern in my breast had completely disappeared!  I had not allowed myself to indulge in imaginations/thoughts about it before hand/stopped them almost immediately when they came up,  and this had the effect of me being more calm during the testing, not sure if that made a difference or not but it was much better for me as I did not get myself all upset before or during the appointment.

*  Personal Health and Well Being:   Firstly with regards to night sweats/hot flashes, it is no longer acceptable to me to live solely in reaction (something happens and then I react to it ) but rather as an active creator/an aware participant with and as life , who is self-responsible within directing their own mind in each moment.  Having said that, I did transcend the sweating for awhile (about a week! it was very mild, easy to sleep!) but as I slowly let up and went more and more into my mind of reactions/energy, the sweats returned with a vengeance .  So now I am in the process of using breath in awareness in each moment (again more and more) and I can see that they are becoming ‘lighter’/less severe, but not yet back to the point of being mild.

I am more aware of my reactions in the moment as they come up, reactions being: emotions (negative ie. anger/sadnesss) & feelings (positive ie. excitement/happiness).  Thus, I am able stop participation in them more and more quickly.  Often, when I feel any movement in my solar plexes, I say out loud or to myself ‘I am with you body’ and I take a deep breath in and slowly exhale, I remind myself where I am and what I am doing and to focus on physical reality.  I find by not participating in these energies I have less anxiety/stomach problems and am not as tired throughout the day or evenings!

 Music:  I am no longer allowing myself to be the ‘lesser version’ of me,  anything less than free to express in the moment, who I am here as in who I can become boundlessly , no longer allowing myself to limit me within songwriting.  How am I doing this?

I am writing melodies in the moment, in self-honesty, meaning not coming from the starting point of the past, with memories and thoughts.  When I see myself going into the past I stop and do not continue until I am clear.  I am not allowing myself to go into future moments (less and less) within excitement when I create a melody I enjoy, so stopping participation in fantasy/imagination of future projection of praise or ‘success’.  When I see it happening I stop and breathe and make sure I am accessing what is real, which is simply me sitting at the piano.  I am stopping comparisons and thus competition in my mind, more and more, where I make myself inferior to another artist. When I see myself going into these emotional energies, I immediately stop and get back to reality and the creation process.  As well, I am not allowing myself to indulge in self-doubt nearly as much, by judging a song as ‘bad’, I less and less let a song possess me (going round and round in my head)/can just leave it  OR if I find I want to re-work a melody, I don’t stress about it but do it in the moment and it is a joyful experience, I find it comes out simply, no struggle.

I am not using my tape recorder when I wake up to record a song idea of melody and lyrics, as I used to do often, which only confused me as I would start too many songs and not complete them.  I am practicing playing the keyboard in self-honesty, meaning using my whole body physically and not having thoughts: self-judgements, criticisms, opinions running around in my mind and simply feeling the music/rhythm  which is proving to be much more enjoyable and making me a more competent musician (still long way to go as a musician).  I am singing in self-honesty, meaning-like with the keyboard-using my whole body and breath in awareness without thoughts running away in the background/lots of backchat going on in my mind.  This is again more enjoyable and I find my voice softer and more clear and capable/seems ‘easier’ to sing!

Most importantly, I am able to realise and live my utmost potential by being aware of all of these points in my daily life and within each breath, in more and more consistency.

 

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Day 278: The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

change 52. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that
my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action ofrealising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself fortransgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I amand through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what Iaccept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with thisresponsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromisingwho I am, what I live and how this affects others
6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others aswell and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility formyself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way thatis best for me and so others as well
 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughtsand Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I seemy thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately takeresponsibility and change for myself and so for others
8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibilityand become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting andsupporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to seewhere I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of selfhonesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE
11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth,that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today,to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and  give the best possible life for all on Earth.

Day 259: Re-Defining: ‘Night Sweats’ 4

brain-fogstressed-mature-woman-menopause-28070714From the previous post:   “If my current definition of  menopause/night sweat/hot flash contains all sorts of negative “baggage”, then the experience of the ‘hot flash’ will be worse than what it “really is” because  letting go of those negative attachments allows the person to breathe in the moment of the sweat   without all of the “self pity”, “misery”, “terror”, “fear of death” – or whatever one may have experienced before.  You may be surprised how much this simple thing can change your experience.   Very often our thoughts aggravate our experiences allowing yourself the simple act of breathing through this physical “transition” will be of great support to your body – essentially giving yourself the “space” to move through it with the least resistance.”  Cerise Poolman

RE-DEFINING NIGHT SWEATS

Dictionary Definition:   from Everyday Health:  In addition to hot flashes, many menopausal women experience the symptom’s nocturnal accomplice known as night sweats. You wake up in the middle of the night cold and clammy, your heart pounding, and the sheets drenched in sweat. It’s hard to calm down and get comfortable again, and it’s impossible not to be irritated by the interruption to a good night’s sleep.

My Definition:  Something I have to endure/suffer through, an experience I have no choice in, in which I feel helpless and hopeless.  An intolerable  cycle of waking up sweating, throwing off the covers and then getting chilled, so hot then cold, then trying to go back to sleep for a few minutes.  This occurs about every 30 minutes, every night, my fate in which there is no escape except over time (average is 4 years, I have gone through about 2). Waking up tired or getting up in middle of night, frustrated, defeated and bewildered.  Feeling drained, not being able to be as productive, determined, creative, physically active, getting as many tasks done in a day.

Sounding:    nights wet

Explore in Writing:  The medical industry does not fully understand why the sweating occurs.  However, from what I understand through my participation with Desteni (taking the DIP Pro online course),  the sweating is the body being too full of built up energies. Energies created through my participation within the mind of emotions and feelings which I have suppressed-held within me.  So now the body is releasing all the energies at once to make space for the next cycle of the mind, to continue what the mind has been doing, which is resourcing substance from the physical body to continue it’s (the mind consciousness systems) own existence.

This experience feels like a battleground between me and my body and my mind.  A contest to see who will win, a fight, a dreading, my peace/reprieve from life’s daily struggles lost/stolen from me through my pre-programmed life design and the design of my mind and body.  A a good nights sleep/rejuvenation of the physical body, to face the next day, is gone. A lost battle, the consequence of living as a mind versus a total physical being,  it feels like a giving in/giving up to suffering, no control signifying the aging process and inevitable death, defeat, victimization, self-pity, regret and sadness.  A reminder of time/the clock ticking, like time is almost up here and a reminder of all the moments/days/years I wasted in fear/alcoholism, not in reality but lost in my mind.  It is therefore my responsibility and no one/nothing else to blame.

I don’t like who I am within it, I feel like I am cycling between moaning and complaining  and then re-stating a resolution to not moan and complain so much, lol.

New Definition:  A physical release of stored up energies within the physical body, which occurs in some women during mid-life. There is a decrease in estrogen production in women during this stage of life, this estrogen decrease causes the normal functioning of the hypothalamus (the area of the brain that acts as the body’s thermostat)  to be thrown off-course and it thinks that the body is overheating. This overheating results in the release of the energies through sweating.

“The drop in estrogen that comes with menopause (as it is no longer required to produce an egg when one is past the child bearing years) affects the part of the brain called the hypothalamus. This region is responsible for regulating body temperature.  During menopause, the hypothalamus gets “fooled” into sensing that the body is overheating. It then sends out signals to the body to dispel this perceived heat, increasing blood pressure, heart rate, sweat production, and temperature.”    http://www.34-menopause-symptoms.com/night-sweats-causes.htm

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Day 258: Night Sweats 3: Re-writing the script

aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjEuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLUdHaFNRX211Z3Z3JTJGVVV1SGFfNjBaUkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJzYyUyRlBfd3VCUEpyUU1vJTJGczMyMCUyRndpc3Nlbi1nZWhpcm4tSEEtSGFtYnVyZy0uanBn9a39d-259720_118628354889641_100002274320770_182556_5708042_oFrom the previous post:   I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous…I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer…I will deconstruct my reactions to these sweats within the thought:

‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

“If my current definition of  menopause/night sweat/hot flash contains all sorts of negative “baggage”, then the experience of the ‘hot flash’ will be worse than what it “really is” because  letting go of those negative attachments allows the person to breathe in the moment of the sweat   without all of the “self pity”, “misery”, “terror”, “fear of death” – or whatever one may have experienced before.  you may be surprised how much this simple thing can change your experience.   Very often our thoughts aggravate our experiences allowing yourself the simple act of breathing through this physical “transition” will be of great support to your body – essentially giving yourself the “space” to move through it with the least resistance.”  Cerise Poolman

Commitment Statements:  Re-Writing the Script

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’, I stop and breathe.   I  remind myself it is important to me to take care of my physical body the best way I know how and studies have shown women who take estrogen increase their risk of beast cancer. Thus, I commit myself to not participate in thinking about the next sweat or thinking about how the night will go.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others and judging myself as old/boring/unimportant/embarrassing because of writing about this issue/experience, I stop and breathe.   I  make sure I am writing my journey to life in self-honestly and as this is what I am facing day and night, it is appropriate to face this point and others write about what they are currently facing in their lives.  I remind myself I do not require opinions/memories/self-judgements, which only sabotage my process.  I remind myself the sweats are a physical consequence of every moment of my life, that I cannot change but I can change how I approach it/deal with it.  Thus, I commit myself to the process of remaining out of my mind and walking one breath at a time.

When and as I see myself particpating in emotional reactions of  anxiety, dread, helplessness, hopelessness, victimization, self-sabotage, self-blame, blame, impatience, self-pity and particularily fear, fearing the next sweat and fearing how the night will unfold/will I get enough sleep, I stop and breathe.   I  realize, since I have starting writing about this issue, the sweats have ‘calmed down’, as I am staying more and more with breath awareness through each sweat (and inbetween) I seem to be having less sweats during the day and night and they are less intense.  Therefore, I commit myself to continue using resolve and  dedication and know one day they will end, in time or by transcending them completely.

When and as I see myself engaging in inner chatter/backchat in and around this issue, I stop and breathe.   I see/realize/understand that it is quite useless and in fact only aggravates the situation even more to talk away inside my mind, as it builds up energies/feeds upon itself causing the body to react in a more severe manner than it would if I would simply remain here with breath.  I commit myself to the process of stilling/silencing the mind and continue on with my day, moving with my feet firmly on the ground.

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Day 257: Reacting to Night Sweats 2: Walking a process towards healing

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From the previous post:   I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous…I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer…I will deconstruct my reactions to these sweats within the thought:

‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to negatively charge the words/phrases: menopause, hot flash, night sweats.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as boring/old/uncool/uninteresting/unimportant around the thought, ‘Everyone (other ‘Journey to Life’ writers) is writing about such cool stuff, menopause is so unsexy/unhip, I used to be cool/people thought I was cool, this is embarrassing and humiliating.’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an energetic reaction of fear, as the very foundation of this thought, fearing I will be tired all day and not be able to accomplish my daily responsibilities, fearing I will ‘loose it’ like my sanity and have a mental breakdown, fearing the ‘design’ of my human body like it is hopeless/helpless in the face of time and I am aging and walking toward death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in backchat/inner conversation like: nothing is working, I have tried everything and wasted my money on all sorts of homeopathic remedies, I am weak and a fool, why do somewomen not suffer through this and I am, it is my fault for being such a drama queen and alcoholic all my life (been sober now 10 years), I built up all these energies inside of myself and now I am paying for it, I deserve this, I am a helpless victim of my body, OMG it’s getting worse not better, my sister said some women still have sweats into their 70’s I cannot bear that thought, if I take the estrogen then I could get cancer, I could get cancer anyway, I don’t know what to do, it is overwhelming.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of emotions such as: fearanxiety, dread, helplessness, hopelessness, victimization, self-sabotage, self-blame, blame, impatience, self-pity, and misery in and around this issue.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to aggravate the situation/hot flash-through participating within the negative emotions which creates energies of anxiety causing my breathing to become shallow, holding my breaththereby holding on to the energies-not releasing them, tensing my facial muscles and jaw, tensing my neck/shoulders, creating a stirring fear in my solar plexes/chest/stomach, causing me to go into all sorts of thought patterns thereby not being able to fall back tosleep.

to continue

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Day 256: Reacting to Night Sweats

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Angst is pure witte energie

I have, in July 2012 examined the point of  menopause  as in the agreement of passing time. In this post I will look at the point of night sweats I am facing in the present. I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous, about every 30-40 minutes, now and then an hour. It has definately ‘turned my world around’ and somewhat consumed me, as in changed my day and night pattern, with regard to sleep and sometimes consumed my mind. I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats (day and night) seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer.

I have tried everything and the only thing that worked (not entirely but I could get a decent night sleep) was taking estrogen (a hormone replacement). I took it for 6 months and it was awesome, it felt like my life was given back to me. I was soooo grateful for agood nights sleep! However, after having an irregular mammogram, it was suggested by my doctor to go off it. Now I am having the same thoughts as I did before I went on the estrogen, like ‘oh god, its almost bedtime, I have to go through that again, I can’t stand it’. It just plain sucks to dread going to bed. Sleep should be a welcome part of a 24 hour day, to rejuvenate the body, not to endure suffering! (it is not painful, I would call it suffering though). So I am back to trying all sorts of diet changes and natural remedies but nothing is giving relief.

It is strange because a few months ago I was not having much backchat/thoughts or reactions as there was a slight ‘let up’ in severity of the sweats, so I could ‘handle it’ better. When I traced my steps I noticed a few changes I made that may have caused thischange in the severity of the sweats. So I have started taking hormeeel drops again (suggested by my naturopathic doctor) and going for longish walks again (although it is freezing out, lol) and may cut out one of my two cups of coffee in the morning, in hopes to have this relief come back. Been about 3 days, no change yet.

It is frustrating, it’s like there is a meter of internal heat that I-my mind/body/being-can ‘handle’ and once I am over that temperature the mind-thought patterns and reactions start up again.

From what I understand, from my participation within Desteni, the sweats are caused by all the energies I have built-up, throughout my lifetime, and held within my physical body. So all my suppressions, issues (thought/feelings/emotions) I did not address in the physical,  are still existent, alive and well, and  stored/layered within the muscle tissue of the physical body.   As my body is ‘full up’/ there is no more room in the physical body, it requires releasing these energies as sweat/heat, to re-charge/make room for more mind participation in my futures days (god forbid lol).  Thereby the mind systems can survive-keep living on.  Within this, I realize I am responsible to the process of releasing  these energies and then to not build them back up again, which means to the process of  becoming wholly physical, so not again participating within the mind consciousness systems of thoughts/feelings/emotions/memories/etc!

I will deconstruct my reactions to sweating, especially at night, within the thought, ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

to continue
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Day 247: Anger and Jealousy 3

cell sellFor proper perspective to this post, please read part 1 and part 2

From part 1:  Problem: Within the above statement/thought there is a truck load of memories and associated emotions of resent/anger/jealousy, which chain me to the past. I am existing in separation from this couple, limiting both them and myself to ideas/characters which I hold onto to, to define all of us, based on memories of the past. Thus, I am unable to see what is here, as direct reality and unable to change what is here. Solution: Change my relationship to what is actually here in reality-from mind to physical-and thus change my relationship to myself and others, into what is best for all.

Thought: I always felt ‘less than’ going to their cottage. Why do they get the perfect life? It really makes me angry!

Continuing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within a number of emotional energetic reactions, with regards to this thought, such as: anger, resentment, jealousy, inferiority, superiority, comparison, humiliation, spite, regret, shame, embarrassment, judgement of another, self-judgement, self-sabotage, self-doubt and self-pity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry as an emotional energetic reaction of defense, simply because I did not/do not ‘feel good about myself’.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage within polarities in my mind, when I spent time with this couple in the past, and in my imagination today. These polarities kept me occupied within feeling less than and competitive so I was not able to respect (hold myself in a loving way/hold them in a loving way) myself or them, I was unable to focus on reality and simply be there, consumed within self-interest about what their opinion was of me and what I did not have (materially and emotionally) versus what they had. Therefore, I was unable to enjoy myself, honor myself and them, simply see the situation for what it was; they had more money and so more material possessions, period.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the emotions/energies of confidence-superiority and insecurity-inferiority, swinging between the two polarities because of my own discomfort level. So feeling first insecure/less than and then desiring to escape this ‘bad feeling’ by talking to myself/inner chatter or having a few drinks (I was not drinking alcoholically at this time, but still used alcohol to boost my ego/liquid courage lol now and then) so ‘feel better’ as I could justify I was the ‘better person’ because they were ‘materialistic’ and I was ‘humble’ lol or ‘feeling better’ with alcohol in me so I could ‘act’ confident and the time would pass faster.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to physical change/physically react when trapped in thought patterns around this issue/couple such as: my whole body contracts in fear and self-doubt causing my breath to become shallow, my back and neck stiffen and begin to ache, my brow creases and my jaw clenches, I create energies/movement in my solar plexes which goes into my stomach causing nausea/stress/anxiety. No wonder I could not enjoy myself!

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that others are aware, or should be aware of how I am experiencing myself , it should be obvious to them when I am uncomfortable others, and that they should take responsibility for me, blaming them for how I was feeling, ‘How insensitive this couple and my husband are, can’t they see how uncomfortable I am here!’ and ‘I am not impressed with their excessive wealth, it just makes the inequality in the world more blatant, I do not enjoy using their toys, I just want to go home.’ But if I was not impressed, why was I so uncomfortable and jealous? It was both, some jealousy/desiring the ‘good/easy’ life and some judgement of how it is wrong people exist in such extreme financial polarities on this earth

To continue
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Day 211: SOLUTION to Canada’s Minimum Wage Disgrace

clip_image002_thumb1A Living Income Guaranteed Is the Solution To Canada’s Minimum Wage Problem

Within the proposed Living Income Guaranteed, only those who are unable to work or lacking access to basic human necessities, will receive it. The reason for this is to ensure, for those who are able/capable to work, there is incentive to do so.
The minimum wage will be double the income guarantee. So for simplicity sake, let’s say the Living Income Guarantee is based on the numbers found by the group (used as an example in the previous blog) done in Vancouver, B.C., $19.14 per hour or $34,835 annually.
This would be provided for all who are not working, specifically;  quote taken  from What is the Living Income Guaranteed?   ‘LIG is a economic and political mechanism to ensure the establishment of Fundamental Human Birth Rights of the public through allocating an allowance on a monthly basis to every eligible individual that is currently in a position of being unable to sustain themselves – and/or people in their custody – financially to a level that Human Dignity deserves and that currently lack such support due to reasons beyond their immediate control including – but not limited to – unemployment, lacking access to food, lacking access to housing, lacking access to healthcare, lacking access to education, physical disability, being retired or not old enough to have a job….with guaranteed access to their fundamental human birth rights: Food, Water, Housing, Healthcare, Education, Clothing, Transportation, Public Services, etc.’
To Review:
SCENARIO 1:  2 full time Minimum wage earners @ $10.25/hr, with one child
The expenses added up to: $53,364 *note: with 2 children the expenses add up to $62,000
The wages added up to: $42,640
To keep in mind here, I did this estimate very conservatively, using a bare bones approach, it did not include any savings for retirement, a large purchase like a car or a home, loan payments, lost wages due to the unexpected, family pet to name some, but not all, possible life expenses.
SCENARIO 2:  2 full time LIVING wage earners @$19.14/hr, with two children
The expenses added up to: $5,288/month $63,456
The wages added up to: $6,125/month $73,500
Again, this estimate was prepared using a bare bones approach, the number used are very conservative and realistic but do not include any savings/budgeting: for vacation (mine did, lol, everyone deserves an annual break/enjoyment), retirement, a large purchases like a car or a home and ongoing costs associated , loan payments, lost wages due to the unexpected, family pet to name some, but not all, possible life expenses.
As you can clearly see, within the living income approach a family/individual has a budget that works, a budget that allows for covering some of the life expenses that are not covered in the two models.
SCENARIO 3:  A Living Income Guaranteed:
Here, any persons who cannot work or do not have access to basic human necessities, would receive the minimum living allowance of approximately $3,200/month or $38,400/yr (which is based, for simplicity sake in this blog, on $20/hr full time 40 hr/week) per person in the household. Looking at the second scenario of a family of 4, assuming none were employed, they would receive $153,600/yr.
*Remember here, there was MUCH not included/left out with respect to living expenses, in the 2 scenarios above, so this is enough for a decent life for 4 people, not an extravagant life.
There are people in the current system who have MUCH MORE than this who did nothing (as inherited/born into wealthy family) to earn/’deserve’ this life. If you are wondering about those who have an abundance of wealth now, no they would not receive the LIG as, in common sense, they simply do not need it.
And those that do work,  ‘we propose that the Minimum Wage is Doubled (twice the Living Income Allowance)’  http://basicincomeguaranteed.wordpress.com/2013/10/11/376-what-is-the-living-income-guaranteed/
Therefore, based on a living wage of $20/hr, 2 adults working full time they would be paid @ $40/hr totaling $6,400/mo each $76,800/yr. x 2 = $153, 600/yr. The difference in this scenario is adding on the monthly allowance for the 2 children brings the yearly income to $230,400!
At this point, please ‘Keep in Mind’:
1. The numbers I am using in these blogs are but an example, not necessarily the accurate/actual numbers that will be used/proposed by The Equal Life Foundation, which is the group advocating for A Living Income Guaranteed.
2. The Living Income Guaranteed model/approach was not created from the starting point of keeping people in a life situation where they have just enough to survive but that they, as equal to all other human beings on this planet, deserve a life which empowers them to be the best person they can be, so they are free to grow/learn/express/explore/expand as life.
Finally, an income opportunity and life for ALL to enjoy an annual vacation, explore the beautiful world, create a living space that is awesome, purchase materials/goods to sew or build, play with music and afford musical instruments, learn to build your own home and grow your own food, purchase land and design an awesome house, learn about culture/food/animals in other parts of the world, etc. You get the picture, finally you are not limited because of money and stress, you can breathe and begin to consider who you are, who you can become now that you’re not flat broke all the fucking time. YES!
3. This will have the effect of benefiting all of humanity as they discover and share their individual gifts, no longer allowing just the lucky few/families to benefit from man’s labor, as is the current system on earth.
How many Einsteins have we missed? How many potential authors/poets/musicians/inventors/scientists have died in childhood due to starvation/the lack of proper distribution of earth’s resources?
4.  Many will refute these figures and say it is impossible. It is not. To justify doing nothing, with the excuse ‘it is impossible’ is the LIE and an EVIL ( backwards is LIVE) mother f***n one at that.
The money to fund the Living Income Guaranteed will come from the nationalization of  resources, ‘banks and basic services which means that if, for example, your oil, gas, water, electricity, telecommunications ,transportation is defined as patrimony of the people, the profit that comes from the consumption/purchase of such goods and services should be sufficient to fund the Living Income Guaranteed for eligible individuals.’
Funding will also come from what was spent (trillions) on the military machine, to name one industry that will slowly dissipate, as over time people will see it is no longer required. War is all about money, greed, power and control. To use ‘God’ to justify killing/warring with others is just a convenient cover-up to continue with an antiquated approach to life, one that considers only ones own survival/interest/pleasures. Time to take responsibility for what we have all created equally here, a giant mess, and bring it back to what is real, as the physical. We are all here as billions of individuals but on one planet, earth and there is nothing we can do about that. But we can change the currents systems so all may enjoy a life worth living. There is enough here for all to live abundantly, it will just take time. We need to move ourselves in this direction.
5. Having said that, and having focused so far on the outer, what also requires to be changed is the inner. Meaning, we need to change the money system and/at the same time we also need to change ourselves within, change human nature. This means, each one must focus one oneself, in a process of self-discovery/awareness. A tall order, yes, impossible, no.  It is simply a decision  and a process.
215833_10150167859561275_578586274_7196492_6916509_nCheck out the Bill of Rights @ the Equal Life Foundation – a comprehensive approach to our Co-existence to ensure the Right to Life, Freedom and Dignity for All.
Check out the Living Income Guaranteed – with solutions that can be established in this lifetime to end the disaster of a profit driven system.
Check out the FREE Downloadables at EQAFE! Educational series with Insights and Practical Support.