Here I share my ‘Desteni of Living’ – my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others. In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle.
Principal #2. Living by the principle of What is Best for All – guiding me in Thought, Word and Deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.
I am becoming more aware of my words when I am speaking to others, as in considering them more and realizing what I say/the words I speak can have an effect on another and so it is my responsibility to slow down and consider them in each moment.
I am more aware of: ‘old tapes’ playing in my mind like thought patterns when they first come up, how I slip into imagination with memories and/or imagined play outs of a situation, how I see something in the physical and connect something from my past-a picture popping up in my mind and then going into thinking. Thus, I am now being more persistent/diligent (it is not easy) in stopping the engagement in my mind and instead asking myself, ‘how can i deal with this in the physical, considering all involved?’ For example, I used to go into judgements about my partner and my step-daughter about tidiness and cooking for them, today I stopped this and realized all I require to do is know what to cook and purchase it and prepare it and that is it, simple. I also remind myself that picking up a few things/putting things away for a few days while my step-daughter is here is not a burden but my privilege. There are simple solutions to make the little bit of extra ‘housework’ efficient, for example tomorrow night we will go out to a restaurant (I realize we are fortunate we can afford this), another evening I will cook a frozen pizza, so each night is not cooking a large meal with lots of clean up.
I am stopping my reactions, seeing them in real time more and more and not engaging. An example of this just occurred in a phone conversation with someone who I have had a history of reacting to quite a bit, there was a pattern that unfolded where she did not understand me and I would usually react in alot of energy of defensiveness, frustration, anger, impatience, self-doubt, and then (after I hung up the phone) blame, guilt, regret but I did not allow it to play out. As soon as I saw the point where we would start arguing and creating more misunderstandings I was able to top and breathe and remained silent/still for a moment and then very carefully spoke, and clarified the situation. At that moment, the built up tension dissipated and we could continue on with our conversation in a more relaxed and trusting way with each other.
I am noticing more and more how ‘needing to be liked’ has controlled/directed my thoughts/words and deeds throughout my life. The character within me is of ‘not good enough’ and inferior. Thus, I am seeing this come up now in awareness-sooner- and have started to ask myself ‘why do you need them to like you? what is the self-honest/best for all answer/comment/communication in this circumstance? do you really care if they like you? why are you afraid of making a mistake? what do you think this says about you-if you make a mistake? do you know how to slow down and respond calmly, if you do make a mistake? do you know how to support yourself when you feel threatened/attacked and simply communicate with another person?’ AND I answer myself/or introspect to determine the answers. Thus, I am able to start to let this go. I realize it is not about someone liking or not liking me and NO I actually do not ‘care’ or ‘not care’ it just is what it is, we are not going to be close to all people/feel comfortable with all people and that is ok/cool.
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