Day 328: Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential: Self-Awareness

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness:  To be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

*I am seeing that I am able to question my self-honestly within points that I look at daily, more often anyway as it is a process, and I’m very surprised at how much I suppress/lie to myself lol.  I then remind myself, within my self-forgiveness, to  ‘come out with it’/get to the point/be straight forward to myself. I am aware that, when I do this any physical discomfort I was experiencing diminishes much more quickly.

*I am aware of self-doubt, self-sabotage thoughts that come up, as they are coming up versus sometime later looking at it.  Most recently I saw thoughts with emotional reactions of doubt, suspicion, judgement, blame around my Desteni process, where I really do not want to write or work on my timelines (Desteni I Process Pro) inline with the agreement I have committed to, so instead question/doubt the validity of the group.  Here, I am faster back to physical –see this deception in my mind as my own pre-programming, living a life where I often have start something excited but then sabotage myself by giving up/quitting and thus remain isolated and stuck in the past.

*I am-more often- able to allow another to talk and be really here/present with them, able to not just listen but hear them, using patience, consideration and kindness, ie hyper owner gift shop, was aware of her need to express herself in that moment, I saw my judgement as it came up, ‘OMG she’s so hyper, does she think I’m stupid, I get it’  and made a decision in that moment to allow her time to get it all out, as she was very anxious/concerned about something and then I saw her in different light, not ‘against me’/lying to me kind of thing but really sincere in trying to assist me to get best value for my money.  As well, I asked myself how would I want someone to treat her if she were my daughter (mother/friend/whatever) and I was able to live the answer into action and stay with my breath.

*I am more aware of my body and not overwhelming myself/going into anxiety about responsibilities whether it be process or heath, telling myself/reminding myself I can only do things one breath at a time and to stay with 4 count breath- in 4 counts/hold 4 counts/out 4 counts/hold 4 counts.  I also find it supportive to not put myself forward in time and frighten myself as in , ‘OMG I’m suppose to live like this, you gotta be kidding’ but just focus on 1 breath, the breath I am taking now.   This is very practical, as I did this when I quit drinking alcohol, just focused on 1 day/24 hours not looking at a lifetime and freaking myself out, lol.  

 

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Day 321: Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential: Self-Awareness

 
Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well.

So how am I living this/experiencing it?

* By slowing down.   Slowing down assists me to be aware of my physical body.  I can see/am realizing how I effect and harm my physical body throughout the day.  I see how it stiffens thus building and  then causes aches/pains in my muscles/joints and anxiety in my solar plexes and stomach areas causing nausea and digestive problems.

* By being more aware of the first ‘pixel’ picture coming up in my mind, usually as an image/picture or a word, and then stopping at that point versus following that first pixel.  This results in my being able to stay slowed down so I can respond/move in effectiveness/as the directive principal of me versus as a mind consciousness system, which is controlling my every thought/word and deed.  I can see I am doing this increasingly in my interactions with my partner/husband and so stopping reactions, yet allowing myself to express a point we are discussing in the moment.

* By examining my relationship with my daughter (I will also do so with my son in some future moment).  I can see  that, within that relationship, I often fall into imagination , seeing us sharing time together doing things I/we enjoy.  This sounds harmless however, when it is not a ‘looking’ –  which is me deciding in a moment to plan/investigate a point – it is just thoughts based on memories that simply ‘pop up’ in my mind, which can keep us both in limiting roles, in a box so to speak.  I now realize/understand (through walking a process within  DIP Pro/Eqafe Interviews) that I do this in self-interest because she represents something that I do not give to myself–time to enjoy shopping without rushing, buying her something and never myself, creating with food/crafts and trying out new things, being in a role of assisting and supporting, planning family events, etc.  However, as I participate in these imaginations it brings up feeling reactions of excitement, love, hope, anticipation, which build and build when we are apart (she is 25/lives few hours from me) lots of positive energy.  When there is the rise , there is the fall, high, low, excitement, depression…

Interestingly, I can see how this comes out as a fear, as the polarized  negative energy,  that I could lose her/this experience one day.  I can also see how imagination gets me into the habit on conjuring up an idea of our relationship instead of expressing my true being/self self-honestly in the moment, so our relationship is less authentic.  Thus, I have made a commitment to stop feeding into this pattern of imagination around my daughter and thus eliminate/reduce the fear that follows.  I will also do this by practicing giving these things, that I enjoy and project onto my daughter, to myself!  Does this take away from real time with my daughter?  Of course not, it actually makes it more enjoyable because I no longer limit our interactions to superficial imaginings and stops any expectations of the future with an energy attachment, where I can become disappointed if reality does not turn out as I had ‘imagined it’ lol.  Meaning, I don’t make our time together ‘more than it is’ by putting pressure /expectations upon it.

As well, I find there are times where I try to ‘buy’ my children’s love/time/attention by promise or talk about something, within an excitement/positive energy, and then I speak too fast.  This is done within self-interest (also to support/assist but there are elements of :  they will love me/respect me more if I do this, they could help/assist me in the future if I do this and I may need them).  I did this often, when my children were young and I was drinking and most often did not follow through with what I was ‘offering’.   I still find myself doing it today and I am becoming aware of it and commit myself to slowing down so I do not suggest something  that in reality I am not comfortable with or where I over-commit what I would be willing and able to provide.  Again, this does not mean I will not support them/plan a vacation with them/purchase something they need but that I slow down and consider all involved before I act/speak as it effects their lives equally.  In so doing they and I can trust my word.

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Day 315: Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential: Self-Responsibility

 Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principle #5:  Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

How am I living this principle throughout each day?

*  Physical Stability:

I am seeing how, in my process, I am building up emotional and feeling energies and reacting to them on a physical level, much faster! Meaning, I am going into anxiety much faster and so reacting with behavioral/physical changes such as: feeling very nauseous, loosing my appetite, feeling physically very tired, body aches, tightness in my solar plexes and throat, tightening of my jaw and jaw/teeth aching, shortness of breath–overall feeling unwell. Yesterday this happened and the consequence was my husband and I had to cancel going out for the evening. Another consequence is that as this is happening I am able to focus less on what I am doing/facing/who I am with thus I am not really/fully present thus I compromise myself by becoming less effective in supporting myself and/or another. I realize this is happening when/as I participate in thoughts and reactions about time, as in ‘there is not enough time for me to do all the tasks I need to do today, hurry!’ and then I move within energy versus stability/ awareness.  I can see this happens when I sit at my computer,  when I work around the house doing chores and even when I am watching a show/video. Therefore, beginning last night, I made the self-commitment to be acutely more aware of what my body is experiencing, what is moving within me from moment to moment!  Even though I have become  more aware of my mind in the last 3 years, my thoughts/emotions, I require even more diligence so that I am aware of any movement within my body as it occurs (this is a process). When/as I see I am starting to tense up/go into anxiety about my day, I stop and breathe and slow down/calm down/stabilize myself before continuing on with the task at hand.

* Reaction of Anger Toward Another:

I reacted in anger and spite to something someone said and could quickly see I did not approach the issue from the starting point of finding solutions but in self-interest to lash out/get revenge for the emotions /personalities I had allowed to come out in me. I was in blame and spite. Once I saw this, I realized I was not directing myself in a responsible way for all involved-I was letting the mind tell me who I am/how to feel! So I pulled them aside and said I notice how often we miscommunicate/don’t seem to understand one another and said there were some points I needed to clarify. Then I suggested that it would be helpful if they could be specific about what they needed/required from me (and another person involved), what exactly was it we could contribute so all involved would be treated fairly. This person and myself both calmed down and were able to quickly come up with a solution!

* My Body Language:

I was out for dinner with a man (seated beside him), who I have considered to be misogynistic, and after about 45 minutes I woke up, lol, as I was not aware but lost in my mind, of thoughts/memories/judgments from the past! He was speaking alot during the dinner to the other 3 of us present. I also saw how I had moved away from him, turned my Body in the other direction and further back from the table, my arms and legs were crossed at times as well. My face and mouth were tight, frowning. My husband said he noticed I was not enjoying myself and looked pissed off, well he said ‘you didn’t look very happy’. So what I immediately did was apply self-forgiveness and a self-corrective statement inside my head/to myself and I committed to not see him as the past/with no past between us, like it was the first time we were to together (of course I still had context) and refused to allow myself to follow/engage in memories/thoughts/judgments, but to let them gently go as they arose. I asked myself, ‘what is going on now in reality, is he doing anything now that is upsetting/abusive?’ The answer was no, he was just sharing stories of his life and travels. The effect was immediate, my body relaxed, I turned back/joined the table once again, I did not allow myself to have any expectations like all of a sudden he would include me in the conversation because I was being so understanding, lol, no that is what ‘remembrance’/ context is for.  If I am to give myself/my attention unconditionally to another, I cannot have an angenda or any judgement  or expectation of how they will respond to me.  I demand this person to change, each is walking their own path here in this lifetime, I cannot change anyone but only myself and stand as an example.  As I let go, I quickly began to enjoy myself, enjoy the stories of his travels across the world and learn from him!  I engaged another person across the table (who was also not much included in the discussions) and enjoyed that. Then I noticed this man looked at me a few times to include me in the conversation (or his dialogue) and asked me a few brief questions.  I can see that as I stabilized/accepted him and moved toward him, he moved toward me.  Now, when I see this man in some future moment, I will not have built up more emotional energies-another layer to limit our interactions/relationship, I can be more clear and ‘here’ thus allow the relationship to have the opportunity to grow.

 

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Day 304: Realizing and Living my Utmost Potenital: Self Purification

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principle #4: Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others.

How am I living this principle throughout each day?

I can see that my body and being is forcing me to slow down, not allowing me (as much) to move in energy, as the quantum physical reactions ie. of going into anxiety/building anxiety is more immediate and extreme/severe. Thus I am more aware of my bodyand my breath moment to moment, staying here one breath at a time, I am more aware when the energies are starting to build and use the tools of focusing on what is before me and breath to flow with tasks rather than rushing. I am sticking to my daily processcommitments, while realizing/reminding myself often I can only do things in the physical one breath at t time. I am participating in rushing much less (in the last week) and participating in resistance/procrastination a bit less, even if I do find I am still resisting ie. writing or working on my timeline I AM getting these main points done, each day I am committed to do so.

*Of course, this is a process from consciousness to awareness and so not perfected as yet. I had a phone conversation with someone recently where a reaction was upon me so fast I did not catch it in time. So I spoke with my DIP Buddy about it, which was extremely assisting for me to see exactly what was behind this reaction, in fact why I react with certain thinking patterns to this person quite often and have throughout my entire life! So I applied self-forgiveness outloud about this point within our phone conversation and for the past. You cannot change what you are not aware of or what you do not understand. I feel more confident I can change this relationship going forward, within walking a living change when I am with or speaking with this person.

*I am committed to consistently working on my DIP timelines, specifically reactions. It still seems like a daunting task, like it will ‘take forever’ and is still a tangled web but a little less so as I remind myself just do one point at a time/one breath at a time, eventually it will get done. This involves, for one thing, the writing of self-forgiveness and commitment statements.  As points open up, I can see how  I can apply what I am learning about me:  why I react/when I react/how I react, to many similar situations in my life.

I see I am more focused when speaking with others, on reality and on the person before me,  thus have the opportunity to walk process in real time.  I am sometimes able to see my quantum reactions before I speak  so I do a quick forgiveness statement (in my head) and then apply/live the correction in immediacy. Meaning, stop the reaction, take responsibility for the reaction and get back to focusing on who I am with and how to address the situation (should there be one) in the physical.

I am focusing on solutions more, when talking to others and when I am alone, meaning because I am more aware (not lost in my mind of thoughts/imaginations lol) I am better able to look at/identify the problem, big or small, then put my attention towards applying/ living a solution.

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Day 296: Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential: Principle #3

The Desteni of Living

 Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ My Declaration of Principle–  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principle #3: Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa.

1. I was out for dinner with my husband and in a conversation, where I would usually react to something he said OR become robotic/suppress my reaction and respond in a manner I think I should/destonian like lol, I was able to express myself in a way that was passionate/get my point across strongly, without using energy/becoming angry or shouting/increasing volume. Interestingly, I find often my partner mirrors my behavior, as he did this time, we did not escalate into an argument but remained respectful of each other and calm, heard each others points and left it at that. Neither of us was trying to ‘outdo’ the other/be ‘right’/get in the last word kind of thing, as we have in the past-for years!

2. I am no longer looking at my Desteni I Process (mind construct) as homework/a burden/something I have to or should do/an obligation but living the realization: it is for me to heal me-face who I have become and make the changes necessary to become/livewhat is best for all. I am approaching the self-forgiveness within self-honesty and not something ‘to get through’/that is overwhelming and thus suppressing what is actually behind all the postponement-the points I should be tackling/healing, but simply unfolding it in the moment, meaning asking myself questions like : what do I see here, why, where did that come from, what is the core of the emotion/thought here? So looking at the problem and answering/finding the solutions within the self-forgiveness. I am finding, while it is more writing surprisingly, it actually takes less effort (energy) and time than all the mind interference, as in thoughts and emotions (guilt/dread) that go along with postponement lol.

3. I stopped participation in a reaction of jealousy when looking at pictures from my daughter’s wedding, on her facebook page-almost immediately-and re-defined ‘L’s wedding’ : it was an awesome/enjoyable event, not about me. I was able to turn my attention and focus from indignance like, ‘humph…where am I in these pictures?’ to enjoying the pictures for what they are in Reality/physically; a record/image of an event that was joyful and meaningful to many :)

So I can see myself changing, more in the moment/as it occurs or shortly afterwards, from existing as only self-interest ‘what about me?!’ attitude into ‘how can I assist and support another/what can I offer/give in this situation?’ which is more in-line with what I say I would like to be/who I am/ who I aspire to be.

 

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Day 286: How I Live The Desteni Principles

The Desteni of Living:  My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

Principal #2. Living by the principle of What is Best for All – guiding me in Thought, Word and Deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all.

I am becoming more aware of my words when I am speaking to others, as in considering them more and realizing what I say/the words I speak can have an effect on another and so it is my responsibility to slow down and consider them in each moment.

I am more aware of:  ‘old tapes’ playing in my mind like thought patterns when they first come up, how I slip into imagination with memories and/or imagined play outs of a situation, how I see something in the physical and connect something from my past-a picture popping up in my mind and then going into thinking.  Thus, I am now being more persistent/diligent (it is not easy)  in stopping the engagement in my mind and instead asking myself, ‘how can i deal with this in the physical, considering all involved?’   For example, I used to go into judgements about my partner and my step-daughter about tidiness and cooking for them, today I stopped this and realized all I require to do is know what to cook and purchase it and prepare it and that is it, simple.  I also remind myself that picking up a few things/putting things away for a few days while my step-daughter is here is not a burden but my privilege.  There are simple solutions to make the little bit of extra ‘housework’ efficient, for example tomorrow night we will go out to a restaurant (I realize we are fortunate we can afford this), another evening I will cook a frozen pizza, so each night is not cooking a large meal with lots of clean up.

I am stopping my reactions, seeing them in real time more and more and not engaging.  An example of this just occurred in a phone conversation with someone who I have had a history of reacting to quite a bit, there was a pattern that unfolded where she did not understand me and I would usually react in alot of energy of defensiveness, frustration, anger, impatience, self-doubt, and then (after I hung up the phone)  blame, guilt, regret but I did not allow it to play out.  As soon as I saw the point where we would start arguing and creating more misunderstandings I was able to top and breathe and remained silent/still for a moment and then very carefully spoke, and clarified the situation.  At that moment, the built up tension dissipated and we could continue on with our conversation in a more relaxed and trusting way with each other.

I am noticing more and more how ‘needing to be liked’ has controlled/directed my thoughts/words and deeds throughout my life.  The character within me is of ‘not good enough’ and inferior.  Thus, I am seeing this come up now in awareness-sooner- and have started to ask myself ‘why do you need them to like you? what is the self-honest/best for all answer/comment/communication in this circumstance? do you really care if they like you? why are you afraid of making a mistake? what do you think this says about you-if you make a mistake?  do you know how to slow down and respond calmly, if you do make a mistake?  do you know how to support yourself when you feel threatened/attacked and simply communicate with another person?’   AND I answer myself/or introspect to determine the answers.  Thus, I am able to start to let this go.  I realize it is not about someone liking or not liking me and NO I actually do not ‘care’ or ‘not care’ it just is what it is, we are not going to be close to all people/feel comfortable with all people and that is ok/cool.

 

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Day 280: How I Live the Desteni Principles 1

Please refer to:  The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

I will write what I am aware of living now and re-visit this principle in future moments.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

*  My Behavior Toward/With Another:  It is no longer acceptable to me to hang onto blame and judgement of myself and/or another.  After an encounter/conversation with another (only seldom, at this point, am I able to change in the moment) I am able to see/realize/understand rather quickly my responsibility within it.  It is much easier for me to be aware of- and then let go of- nasty backchat/judgements and instead go into wanting to understand another and/or a consideration of the other person, like ‘well, I really don’t know them or all they have experienced in their life so how can I judge?’, I can now quickly remind myself ‘they don’t know me so I should not take it personally’ and I am able to stabilize or if they do know me I don’t take it personally anyway because they are simply responding according to their own pre-programing/thinking patterns based on their past, just as I had done my whole life, so again, I have no right to judge/blame.

I can now step back and consider, ‘ok, if you feel guilty Sandy, what is going on within you?’ and I look at the situation  – how it physically in reality occurred and I find often I have taken some short cut/broke a rule and set myself up to be a victim.  I have looked at how I have done this throughout my life and I require to slow down, remind myself to breathe and practice  patience and consideration of others.    I am able to apply quick self-forgiveness for any nasty backchat/revenge fantasy (where I imagine/ re-play the scene in my mind, saying the ‘perfect’ thing back to spite them, especially if I think they ‘hurt my feelings’ lol)  and instead ask myself ‘how could I have turned this around to assist and support that person?’  I am also able to quickly remind myself this is not who I want to be/allow myself to be anymore (reacting/gossiping/saying spiteful things in my own secret mind about another) and that it is my responsibility to speak up self-honestly in a moment and then support and assist another as equals, not see another as the enemy/bully and me the victim.

*  Worrying About My Children:  I have been able to let go of the incessant worrying about my children’s safety and health.  Note: there is still some concern that comes up but it is more realistic and looking at situations then out of control worry. Also note, stopping the worrying does not mean that I love them/care about them any less! This not to perfection yet but I am able to stop when I see thoughts coming up and not go into a full blown mind possession about it.  I remind myself to be patient (waiting for test result for my daughter) and that being stable is what will support my daughter and not weakened/confused/fearful because of participating in emotional energy reactions.  When I see myself starting to think fearful thoughts about my son driving/coming home very late from work, I am now able to stop before it goes any further.  I remind myself:   how useless worry really is/it does not change anything/the facts of a situation,  I am a physical being and to do the next physical thing before me, as in move/direct myself &  I also remind myself I have ‘been there done that’ meaning I have lived in my own mind for 50 years now and I can see how /where it leads BUT I have not tried to live as a completely physical being (I do see how changing just a little has benefited within growing relationships, music, my health and more).

I was also very worried about my own health, test results around a certain issue and, when I went for a 6 month check yesterday, one of the areas of concern in my breast had completely disappeared!  I had not allowed myself to indulge in imaginations/thoughts about it before hand/stopped them almost immediately when they came up,  and this had the effect of me being more calm during the testing, not sure if that made a difference or not but it was much better for me as I did not get myself all upset before or during the appointment.

*  Personal Health and Well Being:   Firstly with regards to night sweats/hot flashes, it is no longer acceptable to me to live solely in reaction (something happens and then I react to it ) but rather as an active creator/an aware participant with and as life , who is self-responsible within directing their own mind in each moment.  Having said that, I did transcend the sweating for awhile (about a week! it was very mild, easy to sleep!) but as I slowly let up and went more and more into my mind of reactions/energy, the sweats returned with a vengeance .  So now I am in the process of using breath in awareness in each moment (again more and more) and I can see that they are becoming ‘lighter’/less severe, but not yet back to the point of being mild.

I am more aware of my reactions in the moment as they come up, reactions being: emotions (negative ie. anger/sadnesss) & feelings (positive ie. excitement/happiness).  Thus, I am able stop participation in them more and more quickly.  Often, when I feel any movement in my solar plexes, I say out loud or to myself ‘I am with you body’ and I take a deep breath in and slowly exhale, I remind myself where I am and what I am doing and to focus on physical reality.  I find by not participating in these energies I have less anxiety/stomach problems and am not as tired throughout the day or evenings!

*  Music:  I am no longer allowing myself to be the ‘lesser version’ of me,  anything less than free to express in the moment, who I am here as in who I can become boundlessly , no longer allowing myself to limit me within songwriting.  How am I doing this?

I am writing melodies in the moment, in self-honesty, meaning not coming from the starting point of the past, with memories and thoughts.  When I see myself going into the past I stop and do not continue until I am clear.  I am not allowing myself to go into future moments (less and less) within excitement when I create a melody I enjoy, so stopping participation in fantasy/imagination of future projection of praise or ‘success’.  When I see it happening I stop and breathe and make sure I am accessing what is real, which is simply me sitting at the piano.  I am stopping comparisons and thus competition in my mind, more and more, where I make myself inferior to another artist. When I see myself going into these emotional energies, I immediately stop and get back to reality and the creation process.  As well, I am not allowing myself to indulge in self-doubt nearly as much, by judging a song as ‘bad’, I less and less let a song possess me (going round and round in my head)/can just leave it  OR if I find I want to re-work a melody, I don’t stress about it but do it in the moment and it is a joyful experience, I find it comes out simply, no struggle.

I am not using my tape recorder when I wake up to record a song idea of melody and lyrics, as I used to do often, which only confused me as I would start too many songs and not complete them.  I am practicing playing the keyboard in self-honesty, meaning using my whole body physically and not having thoughts: self-judgements, criticisms, opinions running around in my mind and simply feeling the music/rhythm  which is proving to be much more enjoyable and making me a more competent musician (still long way to go as a musician).  I am singing in self-honesty, meaning-like with the keyboard-using my whole body and breath in awareness without thoughts running away in the background/lots of backchat going on in my mind.  This is again more enjoyable and I find my voice softer and more clear and capable/seems ‘easier’ to sing!

Most importantly, I am able to realise and live my utmost potential by being aware of all of these points in my daily life and within each breath, in more and more consistency.

 

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Day 278: The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

Here I share my  ‘Desteni of Living’ –  my commitment too apply the following principles and to stand as a living example to others.  In coming blog posts and videos I will be walking each individual Principle and how I am already Living the Example of each Principle and/or How I Walk a Practical Process of Self-Correction and Responsibility to Become the Living Example of each Principle. 

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that

my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action ofrealising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself fortransgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I amand through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what Iaccept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with thisresponsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromisingwho I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others aswell and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility formyself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way thatis best for me and so others as well

 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughtsand Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I seemy thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately takeresponsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibilityand become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting andsupporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to seewhere I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of selfhonesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth,that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today,to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and  give the best possible life for all on Earth.

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Day 203: Stop Taking it So Personally! Part 3

Taking Things Personally:  Part 1

Taking Things Personally:  Part 2

From Part 1:  I have been listening to the Reptilian series on ‘Taking Things Personally’…I can see that I have lived ‘on guard’ … which really harms/limits my relationship to others and to myself, as it’s sole purpose is to create mistrust. Therefore, I keep my distance …This guard is forever looking/fishing for a certain look/word/movement, any little thing to take personally from the other person, which I will then jump all over as it is validating what I have already been brewing in my own mind.  So, what is in and behind this thought?

Thought:  ‘I don’t want to talk to her, it’s always uncomfortable/difficult’

Continuing:

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself  to see/realize and understand how engaging in my mind of memories/backchat/emotion gets me all worked up and limits my interaction with this person, as I  live in the past as memories, and has the consequence of bringing on physical body changes like: stress building from the emotional energy created in my solar plexes- causing my stomach/neck/shoulder muscles to tighten and stiffen,  shortness of breath, increased heart rate, slight headache at the back of my head and forehead.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself  to see/realize and understand the many consequences of taking things personally with this person creates, as:  I completely separate myself from her and thus destroy any chance of a relationship of support/enjoyment/sharing with her, this has a wide reaching effect as cutting off others we mutually know-or will come in contact with-within the AA (alcoholics anonymous) community who may require support/assistance, I feed my mind, validating/strengthening memories as opinions/assumptions/emotions instead of strengthening my stand here as life-speaking self-honestly in the moment, I live in delusion and not here in reality, I do not ‘do unto another as I would have them do unto me’ when I judge and separate myself from this woman based on the past as memories.

Solution:  Self-Corrective Application

When and as I see myself avoiding this woman and hiding behind a person I label as ‘easy to talk to’ I stop, I breathe.  I remind myself I am a physical being and to treat her as I would want to be treated, and so to refuse to take every little thing personally with this woman, by remaining out of my mind of the past, when I am with her.  I no longer accept and allow myself to access my imagination/imagining her criticizing me thereby creating all sorts of energy inside my body, essentially allowing my mind in that moment to direct me instead of directing myself and thereby allowing myself to say hello. I commit myself to my physicality by remaining with breath when I am with her and commit to speaking with her at the next AA meeting.

When and as I see myself being controlled by fear of this woman’s disapproval, by projecting my own fears onto her, I stop, I breathe.  I realize whatever is going on inside my own mind is my responsibility. It is useless to blame another as then I never can face myself for real and effect a change!  I understand she was -for the most part-kind  and supportive of me in the past, I have context of the past so do not require memories/pictures coming up in my mind creating fear, and I can trust myself/remind myself  that some people, unfortunately, participate in gossip therefore cannot be trusted and behave accordingly with her.  I remind myself, I know who I am and why I have chosen my means of income (I have foreign students boarding in our home) thus I do not require to doubt/judge myself as ‘not good enough’ and project this fear onto another in blame. I am here, I am doing this.

When and as I see myself participating within my mind of imagination and spiteful backchat about this woman I stop and bring myself back to the physical, with what is real before me, with breath.  I realize, when I see her at a meeting i can simply in that moment decide if I want to talk with her and walk up and do so-no thinking required!  I understand, in that way, I can communicate self-honestly -and I commit to stay with breath during our interaction/conversation and NOT take her movements/voice tonality personally but to stay aware of any/all movements/reactions within myself, so as to correct myself in the moment and carry on with the conversation.

When and as I see myself engaging/conjuring up emotions, as I have allowed the mind to take me down the rabbit hole by following the first thought, Be-LIE ving  ‘I don’t want to talk to her, it’s always uncomfortable/difficult’ when all that was before me in reality was this woman-no more no less- everything else is self-created and therefore my responsibility to correct. I commit to be present in any interactions with her in any given moment, when I see her at AA meetings.

When and as I see I have taken this thought-taking things personally -so far that it has created stress/uncomfortability within my physical human body, I stop , I breathe and remind myself breath is the physical means/tool we use to re-constitute the body/heal/bring the body back to it’s natural state, as what is here as life. I realize I am one and equal to this woman and also to everything that I allow within myself. I remind myself to treat her as I would want to be treated, thus no longer accept and allow myself to drag around the past and forgive/let it go and so also let go of the consequence of physical changes happening within me, when we have an interaction or I simply see her at a meeting.

When and as I see myself creating consequences from taking things personally with this woman I stop, I breathe.  I now see/realize and understand, although I do not control others, I do control-am responsible to control -what is going on in my own mind, so to stop all inner chatter about this woman, which is causing a separation between us.  I also understand I do not enjoy the company of some beings as much as others, for various reasons, but I do not require to use my mind to know this. I realize I no longer find it acceptable to exist unaware, as a hypocrite, who holds ‘grudges’ against another, instead I commit to ‘do unto another…’ in self-honesty and be here in the physical with another being. I also understand I no longer accept the blind strengthening of my mind but make the decision in each moment to choose to strengthen my stand as a physical being. I am here, I commit to change me!

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