Day 268: How Can You Stop Blaming and Start Taking Responsibility?

Self-Responsibilityself-responsibility (1)For proper context to this blog please read the previous post:  After listening to the Eqafe Interview:   Blame, the Hidden Nature I can clearly see how I missed a huge point in regards to someone I blame for my past.  In fact the point I missed, within my taking self-responsibility for what occurred, was MY VERY STARTING POINT!  The mind is tricky. I say this because when I think about this person from my past with my conscious mind, what comes up is a feeling of liking and acceptance with a slight amount of regret/frustration but what is resonating in the background is direct blame and anger for many years of struggle

Walking the Corrective Process:

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my anger and blame towards my ex for what happened after we split up.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve my ex was the indirect cause of my alcoholism, mental illness and financial struggles for about 10 years after we split up.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the fact that I ignored all the warning signs that indicated he would not be a stable partner to have children with, that he would not be a suitable partner for me when we were opposites in that I enjoyed the home life and he enjoyed staying out late/n the city life, that he would not be a financially stable partner to purchase a home with, that he would not be a stable partner to carry the financial load when I had children and so I would have to continue working full time when we had a family, that he would not be a suitable partner if I wanted a monogamous marriage & that he would not be a suitable partner for me if I wanted responsible/no use of drugs and alcohol in the home.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my ex for who and how he was during our marriage, when I knew this before we married. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my ex that he was not honest with me when we got married, `never thought it would be forever` when I was deceptive within my starting point of marry him under false pretensesmeaning I did not love/accept him for who he was but an ‘idea’ in my mind of him as someone he would become; responsible/stable/committed/reliable and I did not share this openly with him but kept it in my secret mind of desires.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control my ex throughout our entire relationship and not just let him go, seeing in common sense, if I wanted so much to change about him, he was not a practical partner for me to be in a relationship agreement-marriage with.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to desire-need my ex to be a certain way as in a `the nice guy-good guy` when we were together because I felt incomplete, broken inside due to my own childhood and wanted my ex to fix it by re-living and thus re-creating my past, this time with a man who treated me well (kind-loving-respectful-attentive), and this was in direct opposition to my role within the marriage and the face I presented to the outside world as `the strong one-the together wife with the troubled husband`.

To Continue

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Day 267: Blame: How Could I Have Missed This?

blame 2blame

After listening to the Eqafe Interview:   Blame, the Hidden Nature I can clearly see how I missed a huge point in regards to someone I blame for my past.  In fact the point I missed, within my taking self-responsibility for what occurred, was MY VERY STARTING POINT!

The mind is tricky. I say this because when I think about this person from my past with my conscious mind, what comes up is a feeling of liking and acceptance with a slight amount of regret/frustration but what is resonating in the background is direct blame andanger for many years of struggle

I am referring to my ex-husband and although the interview suggests that one face points of blame privately, I feel confident he would be cool with me investigating and taking responsibility for our marriage, in this manner.

One of the areas the interview focuses on, within blame is to look at the situation from the starting point. When I do that, I can see I should not have married him in the first place, that was the point of self-responsibility I missed! He was not a suitable partner for me, we basically did not want the same things/life. Although he said he wanted a family and home, when we lived together he did not behave as a committed partner, coming home/calling when he said he would, being reliable/dependable within the union or beingstable/responsible financially. Instead, he preferred the bachelor/no responsibilities kind of life (not a judgement but an observation). I ignored this because of my own fear of facing loosing him/being alone and this was self-interest. I certainly should not have married him without sitting down and talking about what the commitment of marriage entails and the vast consequences of not living up to that commitment. I am referring specifically with the fact of having children together. If it had been just him and I theconsequences would not have been so severe.

The fact is there was zero money left after the marriage and we had two small children. I was not mentally/emotionally capable, at that time, to deal with this fact (together with my ‘broken heart’) and so did not stand up and walk through my life making common sense decisions but used spirituality (prayer, going inward into my own mind in an obsessive way which led to mental illness) and then alcohol to cope. I did get employment but could not sustain it and so made a modest income by having a daycare in my home and having tenants in my home, which was great but not enough to really ‘stand on my own two feet’ kind of thing. Therefore, I borrowed and went into debt which led to building more stress.

When I look at the time leading up to our marriage, there were obvious red flags/warning signs which I ignored. These red flags were not subtle but I was determined/stubborn like ‘it must be, this must happen, he will change, they are wrong, we love each other and that is all that matters’. I had no flexibility nor did I consider my own true well being within the situation and I certainly didn’t have my ex’s true well being at heart either. I was like a bull with the ‘bit between my teeth’and I would not let go. We would be married and that was that.

In reality, all my ex-husband did was be himself throughout our marriage. I married him hoping he would change/wanting him to change and this is an unfair and deceptive way to enter a marriage. In fact, I had a secret/hidden agenda: I will marry you with anidea/picture in my mind of who I want you to be and you better/must live up to it. It is not who you are now but it is what I desire you to be. 

I now realize I was desperate to CONTROL HIM.  Why? Interestingly, he was in many ways like my own father. A true Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one side of him was light hearted, fun, playful like a child and the other side a drinker, unpredictable, moody,angrydepressed, verbally abusive. I could not control my father/what happened during my childhood but my unconscious mind stepped forward and wanted to control my present by re-playing the past/re-creating it. This I should have done through self-investigation/therapy on my own to sort out my own inner turmoil/demons in and around childhood issues, instead I used him to sort through/work through many thoughts/emotions/feelings/memories–my mind of the past–in our present. It was unfair of me to use a marriage and my ex in this was. I also cannot blame myself, as at that time I did not see this at all but was obsessed with him and an idea of marriage, husband, home, children = me/my future/happy.

It was also like, I do not feel good, you must make me feel good, you cannot leave because I need you to mask how I really feel, you/love is my drug (I did not drink alcoholically at this time), I focus on you so I do not have to look at/within myself for real.  You have problems ok, I will help you change them, I am so together, look at me helping my poor boyfriend/husband, I am a good person, who you are defines me/my ‘who I am’ so you cannot leave me!!

What I should have done, when I saw the many red flags/warning sign as we were dating/living together was sit down in a rational/calm way and have a serious discussion about our future, how we see our marriage, what is the commitment specifically, who is responsible for what financially now and after we have children, what are the consequences if we do not live up to these responsibilities-who will suffer and how.

To continue

 

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Day 259: Re-Defining: ‘Night Sweats’ 4

brain-fogstressed-mature-woman-menopause-28070714From the previous post:   “If my current definition of  menopause/night sweat/hot flash contains all sorts of negative “baggage”, then the experience of the ‘hot flash’ will be worse than what it “really is” because  letting go of those negative attachments allows the person to breathe in the moment of the sweat   without all of the “self pity”, “misery”, “terror”, “fear of death” – or whatever one may have experienced before.  You may be surprised how much this simple thing can change your experience.   Very often our thoughts aggravate our experiences allowing yourself the simple act of breathing through this physical “transition” will be of great support to your body – essentially giving yourself the “space” to move through it with the least resistance.”  Cerise Poolman

RE-DEFINING NIGHT SWEATS

Dictionary Definition:   from Everyday Health:  In addition to hot flashes, many menopausal women experience the symptom’s nocturnal accomplice known as night sweats. You wake up in the middle of the night cold and clammy, your heart pounding, and the sheets drenched in sweat. It’s hard to calm down and get comfortable again, and it’s impossible not to be irritated by the interruption to a good night’s sleep.

My Definition:  Something I have to endure/suffer through, an experience I have no choice in, in which I feel helpless and hopeless.  An intolerable  cycle of waking up sweating, throwing off the covers and then getting chilled, so hot then cold, then trying to go back to sleep for a few minutes.  This occurs about every 30 minutes, every night, my fate in which there is no escape except over time (average is 4 years, I have gone through about 2). Waking up tired or getting up in middle of night, frustrated, defeated and bewildered.  Feeling drained, not being able to be as productive, determined, creative, physically active, getting as many tasks done in a day.

Sounding:    nights wet

Explore in Writing:  The medical industry does not fully understand why the sweating occurs.  However, from what I understand through my participation with Desteni (taking the DIP Pro online course),  the sweating is the body being too full of built up energies. Energies created through my participation within the mind of emotions and feelings which I have suppressed-held within me.  So now the body is releasing all the energies at once to make space for the next cycle of the mind, to continue what the mind has been doing, which is resourcing substance from the physical body to continue it’s (the mind consciousness systems) own existence.

This experience feels like a battleground between me and my body and my mind.  A contest to see who will win, a fight, a dreading, my peace/reprieve from life’s daily struggles lost/stolen from me through my pre-programmed life design and the design of my mind and body.  A a good nights sleep/rejuvenation of the physical body, to face the next day, is gone. A lost battle, the consequence of living as a mind versus a total physical being,  it feels like a giving in/giving up to suffering, no control signifying the aging process and inevitable death, defeat, victimization, self-pity, regret and sadness.  A reminder of time/the clock ticking, like time is almost up here and a reminder of all the moments/days/years I wasted in fear/alcoholism, not in reality but lost in my mind.  It is therefore my responsibility and no one/nothing else to blame.

I don’t like who I am within it, I feel like I am cycling between moaning and complaining  and then re-stating a resolution to not moan and complain so much, lol.

New Definition:  A physical release of stored up energies within the physical body, which occurs in some women during mid-life. There is a decrease in estrogen production in women during this stage of life, this estrogen decrease causes the normal functioning of the hypothalamus (the area of the brain that acts as the body’s thermostat)  to be thrown off-course and it thinks that the body is overheating. This overheating results in the release of the energies through sweating.

“The drop in estrogen that comes with menopause (as it is no longer required to produce an egg when one is past the child bearing years) affects the part of the brain called the hypothalamus. This region is responsible for regulating body temperature.  During menopause, the hypothalamus gets “fooled” into sensing that the body is overheating. It then sends out signals to the body to dispel this perceived heat, increasing blood pressure, heart rate, sweat production, and temperature.”    http://www.34-menopause-symptoms.com/night-sweats-causes.htm

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Day 258: Night Sweats 3: Re-writing the script

aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjEuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLUdHaFNRX211Z3Z3JTJGVVV1SGFfNjBaUkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJzYyUyRlBfd3VCUEpyUU1vJTJGczMyMCUyRndpc3Nlbi1nZWhpcm4tSEEtSGFtYnVyZy0uanBn9a39d-259720_118628354889641_100002274320770_182556_5708042_oFrom the previous post:   I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous…I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer…I will deconstruct my reactions to these sweats within the thought:

‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

“If my current definition of  menopause/night sweat/hot flash contains all sorts of negative “baggage”, then the experience of the ‘hot flash’ will be worse than what it “really is” because  letting go of those negative attachments allows the person to breathe in the moment of the sweat   without all of the “self pity”, “misery”, “terror”, “fear of death” – or whatever one may have experienced before.  you may be surprised how much this simple thing can change your experience.   Very often our thoughts aggravate our experiences allowing yourself the simple act of breathing through this physical “transition” will be of great support to your body – essentially giving yourself the “space” to move through it with the least resistance.”  Cerise Poolman

Commitment Statements:  Re-Writing the Script

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’, I stop and breathe.   I  remind myself it is important to me to take care of my physical body the best way I know how and studies have shown women who take estrogen increase their risk of beast cancer. Thus, I commit myself to not participate in thinking about the next sweat or thinking about how the night will go.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others and judging myself as old/boring/unimportant/embarrassing because of writing about this issue/experience, I stop and breathe.   I  make sure I am writing my journey to life in self-honestly and as this is what I am facing day and night, it is appropriate to face this point and others write about what they are currently facing in their lives.  I remind myself I do not require opinions/memories/self-judgements, which only sabotage my process.  I remind myself the sweats are a physical consequence of every moment of my life, that I cannot change but I can change how I approach it/deal with it.  Thus, I commit myself to the process of remaining out of my mind and walking one breath at a time.

When and as I see myself particpating in emotional reactions of  anxiety, dread, helplessness, hopelessness, victimization, self-sabotage, self-blame, blame, impatience, self-pity and particularily fear, fearing the next sweat and fearing how the night will unfold/will I get enough sleep, I stop and breathe.   I  realize, since I have starting writing about this issue, the sweats have ‘calmed down’, as I am staying more and more with breath awareness through each sweat (and inbetween) I seem to be having less sweats during the day and night and they are less intense.  Therefore, I commit myself to continue using resolve and  dedication and know one day they will end, in time or by transcending them completely.

When and as I see myself engaging in inner chatter/backchat in and around this issue, I stop and breathe.   I see/realize/understand that it is quite useless and in fact only aggravates the situation even more to talk away inside my mind, as it builds up energies/feeds upon itself causing the body to react in a more severe manner than it would if I would simply remain here with breath.  I commit myself to the process of stilling/silencing the mind and continue on with my day, moving with my feet firmly on the ground.

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Day 257: Reacting to Night Sweats 2: Walking a process towards healing

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From the previous post:   I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous…I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer…I will deconstruct my reactions to these sweats within the thought:

‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to negatively charge the words/phrases: menopause, hot flash, night sweats.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as boring/old/uncool/uninteresting/unimportant around the thought, ‘Everyone (other ‘Journey to Life’ writers) is writing about such cool stuff, menopause is so unsexy/unhip, I used to be cool/people thought I was cool, this is embarrassing and humiliating.’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an energetic reaction of fear, as the very foundation of this thought, fearing I will be tired all day and not be able to accomplish my daily responsibilities, fearing I will ‘loose it’ like my sanity and have a mental breakdown, fearing the ‘design’ of my human body like it is hopeless/helpless in the face of time and I am aging and walking toward death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in backchat/inner conversation like: nothing is working, I have tried everything and wasted my money on all sorts of homeopathic remedies, I am weak and a fool, why do somewomen not suffer through this and I am, it is my fault for being such a drama queen and alcoholic all my life (been sober now 10 years), I built up all these energies inside of myself and now I am paying for it, I deserve this, I am a helpless victim of my body, OMG it’s getting worse not better, my sister said some women still have sweats into their 70′s I cannot bear that thought, if I take the estrogen then I could get cancer, I could get cancer anyway, I don’t know what to do, it is overwhelming.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of emotions such as: fearanxiety, dread, helplessness, hopelessness, victimization, self-sabotage, self-blame, blame, impatience, self-pity, and misery in and around this issue.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to aggravate the situation/hot flash-through participating within the negative emotions which creates energies of anxiety causing my breathing to become shallow, holding my breaththereby holding on to the energies-not releasing them, tensing my facial muscles and jaw, tensing my neck/shoulders, creating a stirring fear in my solar plexes/chest/stomach, causing me to go into all sorts of thought patterns thereby not being able to fall back tosleep.

to continue

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Day 256: Reacting to Night Sweats

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Angst is pure witte energie

I have, in July 2012 examined the point of  menopause  as in the agreement of passing time. In this post I will look at the point of night sweats I am facing in the present. I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous, about every 30-40 minutes, now and then an hour. It has definately ‘turned my world around’ and somewhat consumed me, as in changed my day and night pattern, with regard to sleep and sometimes consumed my mind. I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats (day and night) seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer.

I have tried everything and the only thing that worked (not entirely but I could get a decent night sleep) was taking estrogen (a hormone replacement). I took it for 6 months and it was awesome, it felt like my life was given back to me. I was soooo grateful for agood nights sleep! However, after having an irregular mammogram, it was suggested by my doctor to go off it. Now I am having the same thoughts as I did before I went on the estrogen, like ‘oh god, its almost bedtime, I have to go through that again, I can’t stand it’. It just plain sucks to dread going to bed. Sleep should be a welcome part of a 24 hour day, to rejuvenate the body, not to endure suffering! (it is not painful, I would call it suffering though). So I am back to trying all sorts of diet changes and natural remedies but nothing is giving relief.

It is strange because a few months ago I was not having much backchat/thoughts or reactions as there was a slight ‘let up’ in severity of the sweats, so I could ‘handle it’ better. When I traced my steps I noticed a few changes I made that may have caused thischange in the severity of the sweats. So I have started taking hormeeel drops again (suggested by my naturopathic doctor) and going for longish walks again (although it is freezing out, lol) and may cut out one of my two cups of coffee in the morning, in hopes to have this relief come back. Been about 3 days, no change yet.

It is frustrating, it’s like there is a meter of internal heat that I-my mind/body/being-can ‘handle’ and once I am over that temperature the mind-thought patterns and reactions start up again.

From what I understand, from my participation within Desteni, the sweats are caused by all the energies I have built-up, throughout my lifetime, and held within my physical body. So all my suppressions, issues (thought/feelings/emotions) I did not address in the physical,  are still existent, alive and well, and  stored/layered within the muscle tissue of the physical body.   As my body is ‘full up’/ there is no more room in the physical body, it requires releasing these energies as sweat/heat, to re-charge/make room for more mind participation in my futures days (god forbid lol).  Thereby the mind systems can survive-keep living on.  Within this, I realize I am responsible to the process of releasing  these energies and then to not build them back up again, which means to the process of  becoming wholly physical, so not again participating within the mind consciousness systems of thoughts/feelings/emotions/memories/etc!

I will deconstruct my reactions to sweating, especially at night, within the thought, ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

to continue
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Day 235: From Anger to Forgiveness 3

 1378175_247863385367125_1424571162_nContinuing From Day 231: Anger and Hate 1
                            and Day 234: Healing Anger  2
Statements of Commitment to Change and Living the Change
When and as I see myself thinking, ‘‘I hate that man, he used me, he almost killed me’ or going into thought patterns around this issue, I stop and breathe. I make sure I look to see what brought on the thought and the actual reason for the anger and not follow the energies of blame and superiority but remain and focus on what is before me in the physical. I realize the anger comes from me not growing up and facing life in reality. I also realize this is my fear of speaking up (I suppressed many thoughts/emotions/questions when I was seeing this person because I did not like what I heard the times I did speak up) that started as a child seeing my mom acting submissive while being bullied by my dad and that my fear is a fear of loss, based in self-interest and not what is best for all.
When and as I see myself becoming possessed by emotions of fear, anger, hatred and spite, wanting revenge, humiliation, regret, resent, shame, guilt and blame in and around this issue I stop, I breathe. I remind myself it does not change the past to engage in these energies but only harms the body more & I remind myself to not separate myself from another using the mind (delving into the past as memory experiences) but that we are all here as life on this one planet we share.
I realize I was trying to abdicate my responsibility around this issue, as I would do anything (not too out of the ordinary but nonetheless) to manipulate this man so he would see me.
I realize I was drinking alcoholically during the years I dated this person and this had an adverse effect on my decision making. Mostly I realize I was afraid of life/to face life on my own, as a single parent and so focused/projected this fear onto this other being so I would not have to face myself!
When and as I see myself participating in backchat/inner chatter around the issue of anger toward this person, I stop and breathe. I make sure l look at what connected me to the first thought and bring my awareness back to the physical so I am able to focus on my daily tasks, accomplish my responsibilities without getting further distracted in my mind, talking to my memories. I realize I was drinking alcoholically during the years I dated this person, as I was using alcohol as a tool to stop the voices/thoughts running wild in my own head so I was not mentally stable. I also realize, while my illness was not my ‘fault’, as fault/blame is not the point here, the point is there was a problem in the physical with me being mentally and physically unstable and to FIX IT, as in take self-responsibility to find a solution and heal. This is exactly what I did/am in the process of doing within stopping the use of all alcohol and drugs and taking DIP, gifting myself back to myself and then to all, as me.
When and as I see myself going into my imagination, with moving images/memories/scenarios if I should ‘run into’ this person, I stop and breathe. I make sure I am in reality and stabilize myself with breath, touch my body and hear the sounds around me, I remind myself I am a physical being and I am not able to effectively direct myself here if I am lost up in my head of imagination. I bring my awareness back down to earth and carry on with my day. I realize I was into spirituality in and around the time I was involved in this relationship and thought my dreams were a message/sign from ‘my higher power’ and I should continue to pursue him.
When and as I see myself letting anger control me, telling me how to feel and how to act in an instant, which creates behavioral changes in my physical body and consequence in my life, I stop and breathe. I remind myself that holding onto anger and/or suppressing anger creates disease as the energy gets layered & stored within the physical body and eats away at the flesh, causing (one of the causes) aging and eventually death/decay.
I realize I have done much healing over the last 10 years, as I stopped drinking and began the long journey to piece my life/self back together. Thus, I am no longer abusing my body with alcohol, sleeping pills, poor eating habits OR my mind with believing in some higher force/being communicating with me/directing my life. I am in the process of birthing myself as life in the physical with Desteni. Through Desteni, I have come to understand my/the mind and thus have been able to let go of much fear and so experience less stress/anxiety/harmsin my body. I realize I have much to be grateful for and get on with the task at hand and focus on the physical, where the real power is, the real solution is, the real answer is, which is: we are one and equal here on earth and must create a planet which reflect this. To accomplish this for all please investigate LIG, Living Income Guaranteed.

8164239-green-earthJoin us at: DESTENI

Have a look at our solution to all the problems in this world, and i mean ALL: EQUALMONEY   and   Living income guaranteed

Support our research and by one or more of our educational products that will surely blow your mind:   EQAFE

Walk yourself out of your illusion back into the physical LIFE substance through using the tools in this course: DIP


Do the course of a lifetime and change yourself in order to change the world:  DIP  If not able to afford this one, here is a free version to get you started in becoming a REAL caring human being: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 234: Healing Anger, An Old Wound 2

angerContinuing From Day 231: Anger and Hate 1

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would die, could not enjoy life/have a worthwhile life without this person, to the extent I obsessed and harm myself physically and mentally. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself -looking back now- to go into self-blame and shame over how I lived out this fear and self-belief for years, in self-pity, that I was ‘alone’ (all one) and I ‘missed out on the love of my life’ lol.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my human physical body in many ways over a number of years around this issue of obsessing this person and then holding anger within me, such as: going into extreme anxiety when I would call him/he would call me/before a date which led to tension/pain in my shoulders, back, neck and head, nausea in my stomach, shallow breathing, holding my breath, & using alcohol to medicate myself so I could function after I found myself hearing voices as a result of extreme obsessive thinking, to the point of becoming an alcoholic for a 10 year period (I have been sober now for 9 and a half years!).

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest many negative consequences resulting from this issue of my mental obsession and then anger at his person over the years, including: I have used my anger to justify blaming him for the past and this has kept me stuck in the past by not allowing myself to take full responsibility for my actions. Thus, I have been a time loop thus limiting myself/my growth by relying on the past to tell me who I am in this moment, instead of letting the pictures/memories that come up go absolutely. I have blamed him (and others) in anger for my not ‘succeeding’ in life because of wallowing in self-pity and self-interest based on the past, like ‘I’m so broken because of him and that is why I do not go out into the world and try’. I have blamed him in anger for not meeting anyone new, which I felt would have assisted me financially/emotionally, when the truth was my alcoholism kept me isolated and unable to form a healthy relationship with anyone. I have held onto anger beLIEving he caused my mental illness and alcoholism and therefore he hurt my children and caused me to loose 10 years of my life in an alcoholic daze. The consequence of this is that I did not/have not completely empowered myself as a whole being/life but abdicated this responsibility by continuing to believe all my nasty backchat, imagination and replay memories in my mind, causing me to remain stuck. As I have been so possessed by anger, I have become the manifestation of anger and spite by and allowing it to embody me/’be me’ so that it can fester and grow stronger instead of allowing me to grow stronger as life here, with breath in and as the physical reality.

 

8164239-green-earthJoin us at: DESTENI

Have a look at our solution to all the problems in this world, and i mean ALL: EQUALMONEY   and   Living income guaranteed

Support our research and by one or more of our educational products that will surely blow your mind:   EQAFE

Walk yourself out of your illusion back into the physical LIFE substance through using the tools in this course: DIP


Do the course of a lifetime and change yourself in order to change the world:  DIP  If not able to afford this one, here is a free version to get you started in becoming a REAL caring human being: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 233: Practical Support for Schizophrenia 2: 10 Key Points to Stop Your Thoughts

information-overloadinner explosionsWHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE HEARING VOICES

Note: There is much supportive information/tools here to assist someone who is hearing voices/schizophrenic.  Obviously you cannot incorporate/get through everything at once. Just take what you need and come back another day!

Please read the previous post, Part 1 for context to this blog:  Firstly, I would like to emphasis that I am not a medical doctor or a trained health care professional, I am merely someone who has experienced ‘voices in the head’/schizophrenia and has ‘recovered’ from this, as I have been stable for many years, and not on any medication of any kind for many years .  Secondly, if you are someone who is experiencing ‘voices in the head’, you should see a doctor about this immediately and/or if  you are someone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, it is suggested you continue your treatment/seeing your doctors/taking any prescribed medication. Complete recovery and going off medication is very possible, and likely in time, however the body and mind sometimes require assistance to aid healing. So any reduction in medication should be done with your doctor and over time.

All human beings are the same, everyone hears voices to some extent, so don’t let a label like mental illness or schizophrenia concern you/’get you down’. Don’t believe/participate in the thought that you are ‘less than’/inferior. Breathe through emotions of shame/humiliation/powerlessness.  Also do not participate in blaming the system or your health care professionals, as they are doing the best they can to support you with what they know and blame is, in itself, quite useless.  Better to focus on your process and get well.

Understand, these ‘voices’ are just you-YOUR MIND-all the downloaded information from your parents in your dna, and all the thoughts/memories you have stored within you from your entire lifetime.  You were not ‘suppose to’ access all this information/knowledge/extra thoughts and must stop participation with them.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE HEARING VOICES:   Stop Your Thoughts!

SO THE KEY HERE BEING your focus is switched from the inside, your mind/head,  to the outside–your body/world/reality.  The goal is to stop thoughts and this will stabilize your mind and your body and your being. Surprisingly, there is great peace/understand/empowerment that will eventually come with this.  It is not religious/spiritual , IT IS PHYSICAL.

10 Suggested Tools to use to Stop Your Thoughts

1.  Focus on your breath:  4 count breath:  In 2/3/4/ Hold 2/3/4 Out 2/3/4 Hold 2/3/4    *using breath, with no other thought, will slow down your mind

2.  Do not participate—listen to your inner chatter.  As you participate within the mind the (voices/noise in your head)- because it is random information that you are accessing –you are therefore not ‘directing’ it (the mind/thoughts) but letting them run wild/rampant = you don’t know what you are doing so it is coming out more and more gibberish/sounding more and more insane.  Therefore use the tools below to stop your thoughts.

3.  Curiosity killed the cat-put your curiosity aside when it comes to the temptation to ‘listen’ to your own ‘voice in the head’ but be gentle with yourself, it will take time.  Having said that,  understanding can be empowering so you can safely educate yourself about the mind by reading/listening to audios  by clicking on the many links included in these posts. See the previous blog for lots of cool links.  (blogs and vlogs)  Specifically,  the free interviews at Eqafe:  The Imagination Series, The Quantum Mind Series , The Future of Consciouness Series

4.  Do not believe your thoughts—voice.  Therefore, do not entertain thoughts of suicide-let them go-it is not necessary-be gentle with yourself, you will get better. Do not act on these thoughts-voices-do not trust them.

5.  Do not be afraid or in awe—it is your mind ONLY –even though it may seem like it is not.  It is not god or another ‘higher’ or ‘lower realm’.  It is neither to be revered or feared, spiritualized or demonized, idolized or hated. It just is simply a part of you that requires to be brought back to stability, stilled, calmed if you will.

6.  Write. Writing is an invaluable tool to help you see yourself on paper.  Thoughts are slowed down and you will find you are more focused.

Here  is the first link to 4 blogs I did on ‘Spirituality As A Mind Possession’, which will give you a clear idea of how writing can assist you to heal.  The process is specific and one takes full responsibility within the process, meaning no blame should exist within one’s writing.

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/day-16-self-forgiveness-on-spirituality-as-mind-possession/

7.  Thoughts/emotions/feelings/memories–which you are accessing– are simply energy and therefore do not last and have no real power.  Whereas, that which is substantial/real/to be trusted is the PHYSICAL, YOU ARE A PHYSICAL BEING, therefore get out of your head, get real, be HERE.

8.  If you find your mind is racing, say outloud (whisper if others are present) ‘Slow down’, even saying it in slow motion,  ‘slooow doooown’ a number of times. Breath and repeat this any number of times until you feel stable.  Be gentle but firm with yourself .  Take a deep breaths inbetween. If YOU HEAR BACKCHAT JUST IGNORE IT, like  ‘no don’t’ slow down, you don’t know what you’re doing…’  No need to trust these thoughts-voices or any emotional reaction you may have to them, you can acknowledge them, breathe and gently let them go.

9.  Watch tv/movies if you are having trouble stopping your thoughts/your thoughts are racing.  Enjoy and FOCUS on your hobby.

10.  Feel your body-squeeze your hands/feet/feel your heartbeat, remind yourself  ‘I am a physical being

11.  Listen to/hear the sounds around you

ALSO

Learn and use the Desteni Tools of :  self-forgiveness, writing, breath, walking a daily self-corrective application.  Note: there is a fee for DIP (Desteni I Process Pro) but if you cannot afford it, you can blog for partial or full sponsorship, within the guidelines outlined.

Take the DIP Lite, a free online introductory course, to get you used to writing and identifying mind reactions/trigger so you will become less reactive because you understand what makes you tick, in a practical way.  It is you writing about you-so you can access this and voice it out loud, instead of all the thoughts going round and round in your head in frustration and confusion.  Much more healing than only a therapy session, both is cool, using a therapist in a formal setting and using yourself as your own therapist at home. SO BRING YOUR THOUGHTS FROM INSIDE YOUR MIND TO 2D-PAPER AND THEN INTO 3D-SPEAKING.  Then you can see and hear the thoughts and it becomes more clear how absurd much of it is, how to heal – let it go etc.

Stopping participation in Thoughts - Practical Application sharing from the Destonians.

Note:  The Destonians are a group of people online who are in the process of  stopping participation with the mind, the act of thinking, so as to birth themselves as life in the physical. They are not people who have or have experienced schizophrenia.  There is one Destonian (that I know of) who has, Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem,  see his blog here:  A Schizophrenic’s Journey To Life

*Writing

The writing out your thought process/pattern assists in then seeing the thought pattern when in then you can direct it   *dip lite  *dip pro

For thoughts that are coming back, I have to write it out and understand what it is related to; if I do not understand, I will not stop participating

Probably notice most effectiveness in actually writing out on paper or computer all the stuff/points that is accumulating and cycling within my mind – then after the writing there will be at times more stability and quietness – though it does not always work

Just writing away sometimes up to 1000 words helps to get shit out; it’s like flushing the mind-toilet.

*Physical Senses

I focus on senses like eyesight or hearing, on feeling the physical with physical sensors that makes silence in mind

When I see myself in my head with thinking, I find to ‘snap myself out of it’, listening to the sounds around me, ‘hearing’ what is in my environment assists with being here, then return to my breath

In terms of not participating in thoughts I find it useful to listen to the sounds that are in the room like the pc fan, the neighbors sound that come from the walls etc. Ambient noise

*Breath

take it one breath at a time-just one-use the 4 count breath, so to focus on stopping one thought at a time using one breath at a time

Walking and using the 4 count breath together:  I found that synchronizing my breathing counting and my steps are really bring me here, and can spot things around me I normally wouldn’t

Suggest practicing the four count breathing in the evenings before resting, just practicing being with breath/the body – during the day, just move your awareness to breath when/as you see you’re not here

One thing that I have been working with is realizing that I am stopping ONE thought only – the mind has the tendency to make it as though I am “swamped” (and to race) with a bunch of thoughts but really it is only one thought at a time plus the energy behind/around it, so remembering that it is just to stop the one thought, and then move out of the energy has been helpful for me

One thing I’ve done is a bit like exaggerate the breathing process whenever I see an energetic experience like slight anxiety comes up, like breathing it out before it even manifests, that way I bring myself back here and ensure I don’t feed the experience with thoughts.

Breathing for me all the way….unless I find myself wandering in a moment and then I stop and TRY to do Self Forgiveness there and then if I can – if not I breathe deeply and tell myself to slow down in a gentle but firm way

I found whenever I feel bored I will have thoughts – so I keep staying in breath and if I couldn’t stop myself once I keep trying – persisting

*Focus on the physical/physical tasks

Focusing my attention on what I am busy with so whether I am making copies or writing a blog – I immerse myself here instead of in the thoughts, feeling hands and fingers, placing my feet on the ground – feeling myself breathing, straightening my body

I’ve noticed that doing physical things helps me getting out of thoughts, until it is repetitive things like washing dishes, then I tend to have many thoughts. To stop I breathe to ground myself and focus on the physical activity.

Another tool I used is called “sticking to the physical” or my words “what’s practical.” So everything that is not practical is not relevant.

I realized how helpful it is to stop and leave my desk for a moment, to be physical, to take some fresh air outside, to see people – and then restart, with another approach to things, instead of participating in the “obligation” of doing the task, but instead dedicate myself to it

I also focus on my body, when doing the simple things, like walking for instance; I notice the movement of my body and try not to walk automated but to actually walk myself

Also having my day scheduled and directed helps with keeping moving and not sit around and get lost in my mind, I usually listen to interviews or music when I am doing stuff around the house or relaxing, so just keeping busy and at night I practice breathing and staying in breath and obviously during the day when I am aware of it

Be spontaneous in movement, because the mind can also get busy when you do the same thing for very long and then drift into alternate realities, so instead of drifting into alternate realities in the mind, take a moment to walk a bit and interact in this REAL WORLD

Stopping for a play break with the cats is also very assisting – or playing with the dogs (lol – wrote gods) – enjoy laughing with them really helps with being here focused in the physical

I do touching stuff like when I walk past gates and houses

That was my saving grace in the beginning of process, touching walls and tables and anything I could get my hands on to be ‘here’ and not in my head

*Self-Forgiveness

 Is simply another tool one can write out and then speak out loud. ‘I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a loser’

I find certain thoughts where I think I might trip down the stairs or the cat might get out and get run over, that I immediately stop and say s/f right away and say it exactly as how I saw it in the mind

*Tell your mind/self:  ‘No, stop’

I have to remind myself that I’m saying stop to myself not to the thoughts and then it’s easier to actually stop

Note: Self-forgiveness is a tool you learn and apply through taking DIP Pro or DIP Lite, a free online introductory course, but for now you can simply use this sentence to assist yourself:   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to _____ie. feel frightened or think, Ì hate my life` or I`m depressed today or I don`t want to do x.

The reason one applies self-forgiveness is it eliminates the need for a `higher power` or outside source to heal you and puts the responsibility and power onto you-you are the source of the problem and the solution.  It also slows you down and gives you a fresh start to be the director of your own mind.  Becoming the absolute director of your mind-in control of your mind in each moment, is a process that takes many years so remind yourself to be patient.

*Eqafe Interviews

Listening to Eqafe interviews assist me in stopping the thinking especially when I am driving.

Lol I start the Eqafe interview over if I wander off into thoughts, so sometimes I start the same point at the interview like 20 times – that assists with discipline and how I miss specific points deliberately as well as making sure I actually hear the information

I find there are always the same places in the interview where I go off into thoughts.so rewind and really pay attention to why I went away

You just bring yourself back to the interview, rewind and become committed to the listening

Listening to Eqafe, I find not just listen but really learn/pick up points from it. Really helps.

aus_thumb3Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 232: Practical Support for Schizophrenia 1

inner explosions information-overloadNote: There are many useful links here with valuable information so you can understand your own mind and experience.  Obviously you cannot incorporate/get through everything at once. Just take what you need and come back another day!

Firstly, I would like to emphasis that I am not a medical doctor or a trained health care professional, I am merely someone who has experienced ‘voices in the head’/schizophrenia and has ‘recovered’ from this, as I have been stable for many years, and not on any medication of any kind for many years .  Secondly, if you are someone who is experiencing ‘voices in the head’, you should see a doctor about this immediately and/or if  you are someone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, it is suggested you continue your treatment/seeing your doctors/taking any prescribed medication.

Complete recovery and going off medication is very possible, and likely in time, however the body and mind sometimes require assistance to aid healing. So any reduction in medication should be done with your doctor and over time.

To understand why you have a voice in the head that is speaking to you and what it is, read:  http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/alien-voices-and-sounds-in-head-day-294.html

This is a brief outline of my story,  an excerpt taken from a blog I did, nearly two years ago now.  (I edited a few lines from the original). You will see Desteni referenced, this is because it is largely through the DIP course (Desteni I Process) that I was able to recover completely.  I realize, the accepted medical assumption is that there is no cure for schizophrenia and although I understand why they say that/what they are referring to, I disagree with the medical industry here.  They do not understand the mind. To understand the mind is an extensive process, a process I am currently walking, which will take several years.  I have included many links within these 2 posts, which will clarify what I mean.

http://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/2012-why-i-could-hear-the-desteni-message/

…the second reason I was open to the Desteni material was,  I had experienced problems with my mind. I had experienced/heard voices in my head and listened to them until I was quite insane. I could not sleep and was barely able to function. I medicated myself with alcohol but then became an alcoholic. These voices seemed to ‘know’ things that were impossible and predicted things that quickly came true, several unexplainable things occurred to me over the years, the voices/communication terrified me at night so I also took sleep medication. I was able to ‘pull my self back together’ over a number of years so I was, once again, a  fully functional human being but subsequently questioned the sanity of ‘believing in/worshiping/trusting’ a creator that could produce such a fuck up. It was not that ‘difficult’ to become broken after all, it was not such extreme behavior that led to my ‘sickness’. I had obsessed, gone into, delved into my mind too deeply is all. Not suggesting that is the proper thing to do, of course it is not, but I thought ‘no wonder so many people are mentally ill!’  And so many people sadly kill themselves when hearing voices. So tragic and unnecessary. I stopped the voices by simply stopping my mind=I did not listen to thoughts!  The booze helped tremendously ( sober 8 years now) and then belief in a ‘higher power’=spiritualism but mostly I did not listen to my mind and engage in the act of ‘thinking’ and it literally stopped the insanity. This occurred slowly over several years. But then, the question, ‘ what and why had this happened to me?’

I never went the medical-traditional route. They have little understanding of the mind.  At that time, I was concerned with being diagnosed as schizophrenic, given pills and possibly losing custody of my children . I understand I self medicated using alcohol.  I also did not trust any doctors to understand what I was experiencing.  They would try to ‘figure it out’, meaning they would try to figure out my mind/the mind.  I would have felt humiliated and ‘less than’. Desteni has make me  realize I am whole now, I need not ‘ascend’ any spiritual steps, I need not listen to or ‘figure out’ my mind.

So when I found the Desteni site I soon discovered they spoke about and explained the mind!  What a huge relief to me to find out I wasn’t crazy and wasn’t broken or I hadn’t crossed some spiritual line that was sacred. I was completely validated in that the mind is a program and everything in existence is in me already. Desteni has shown me that I had accessed -by mistake- thoughts that have been programmed into me and that it is not my ‘fault’ but it is my responsibility to stop the mind as it is not ‘life’ and is in fact what has caused all the fuck ups in this world through participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions. I do not need to be a slave to my ‘personality’ or my pre-programmed life, that is not who I am.

I am life ‘here’ in this moment of breath and I am learning to live this way. It is a process that is challenging but giving my life meaning beyond anything I ever imagined. I am becoming free of what I thought I was slave to: society, religion, being a woman in a man’s world, feeling alone in what I considered an insane world, fear of death, fear of poverty-or more accurately being middle class slave, addiction, fear of standing up/speaking up, fear of life, fear of myself-not being able to trust myself.  I trust myself more and more. Desteni has given me this, invaluable!

My story of hearing voices:  2011 Hearing Voices-Mental Illness:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k8HruRv4CI&list=HL1386456273&feature=mh_lolz

So, was I schizophrenic?  I would guess yes, that would have been my diagnosis.

Schizophrenia is a mind physical malfunction-where you access your backchat-subconscious mind –so there is a back and forth conversation going on-you speak in your mind, then you listen- and get an answer back like there is someone in there talking to you-so not at all self-directed inner talk and beyond thoughts that just pop up in the mind of a ‘normal’ person.  Sometimes thoughts/voices can overlap of course or there could be more than one voice (just more thoughts/knowledge and information within you,as that is all it is)  speaking.  Note:  This is what I experienced, I am not saying this an all encompassing definition of schizophrenia.

WHAT IS THIS?/WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?  It is the part of your mind where you have gathered all the thoughts throughout your entire lifetime/all the data you’ve collected-knowledge and information/all the images from the physical world, movies, books you’ve looked at/it is even information from generations past. So you see it is a vast library, the human body and mind are vast with intricacies indeed.  As within, so without, there is a universe within you just as there is a universe out there.

The poor conscious mind is not meant to deal with this.  As I have learned  from the vast material (blogs and vlogs) from the Desteni Site and my DIP course, the mind is in itself  a  life force/intelligence which stores memories/information/pictures etc. when used ‘normally’ within the mind.  But when a malfunction occurs, as you have ‘gone too deep’ inside your own  mind, this amazing machine can overload you with thoughts, thus you become overwhelmed and confused.  Other strange things can happen, which makes the one hearing the voice to think it is separate from them, and then they often spiritualize, demonize or just plain idolize this voice because it knows all sorts of things/knowledge/information which just seems impossible to be coming from them, and so they separate themselves from this voice, which is just themselves = their mind!

Therein the problem.

HOW CAN AN ONLINE COURSE cure your mental illness if the entire world’s medical industry cannot?   http://www.cmha.bc.ca/get-informed/mental-health-information/schizophrenia#F  ‘Schizophrenia is treatable, but there is no cure’. But then goes onto say ‘Recovery, in full or in part, is still possible even after having the disorder for decades’ so perhaps the author of this article means, as with alcoholism, the condition/illness is just one thought away or one drink away.  Of course, I agree with this but that does not mean you cannot be cured or need/deserve to be saddled with a label for you entire life.

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/alien-voices-and-sounds-in-head-day-294.html

from the above link:

Thus, primarily within this all is to understand: whatever you’re hearing / participating within the Mind – originate from Memories. Memories – in terms of what one had seen/heard/experienced throughout one’s life, whether one was conscious of the reality-imprints or not. And so, why/how people believe / would believe hearing sounds/voices in the head is ‘other-worldly contact’ or ‘other beings/forces doing it’; because the Mind/Consciousness is not Understood, and not seen/realised/understood how you can hear Sounds in your Head from actual reality-memories of sounds in your external environment, how you can hear other voices speaking to you in different tonalities – coming again, from memories in your Mind as voices of others that was imprinted into you, and if/as you unconsciously reacted to another person’s voice and for example imagined them to be ‘beastly’ in a way, can create an entity out of it in the Mind and then suddenly hear these ‘beastly creatures with a beastly voice’ speaking to you, but all of it was interconnected in the Mind’s imagination, the voice of another, the image representation of a beast also imprinted from your external world/reality, attach the two, generate a fear around it and one can generate such a fear/reaction to it, that one essentially create one’s own Beast in the Mind ‘talking to you’ – your own Fear, your own Creation speaking to you, yourself.

So, one can start seeing here the Consequence of not Understanding Consciousness and Imagination, and how in the Quantum Dimensions of Consciousness, one can create/produce/manifest an entire alternate reality, that within the Mind is SO REAL, cause we already exist in such a way where we’ve made our own Minds MORE REAL than what is actually in fact going on in/as Physical Reality.

For further assistance and support regarding Thoughts and Thinking – we propose the Following Interviews:     Thoughts and Thinking: A deliberate creation of control     How Thoughts Create Physical Reality

And, as we’ve mentioned – one have to reference one’s own Self Honesty and one will see, realise and understand for Self how self started wondering, thinking, imagining things and then it ‘came alive’ in one’s own Mind.

So, in the Interview to come – we’ll assist and support with practical perspectives with regards to how to let such Imaginations go, and ‘return to reality’; and assist and support self to ‘get to know the Mind/Consciousness’ so that one do not create one’s own Possessions within one’s own Mind/Imagination.

To continue:   Tools for Stopping Thoughts in the next post

aus_thumb3Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Note: there is a fee for DIP (Desteni I Process Pro) but if you cannot afford it, you can blog for partial or full sponsorship, within the guidelines outlined.