Day 161: Solution to ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic 2

Please refer to the 2 previous post, Day 159 and Day 160,  for context to this blog.

From the previous post:  Where did my extreme thinking come from ?  Why did it manifest? …So basically, throughout my 18 years living in my parents home, I never knew which home I was going home to.  And the two experiences were opposites to the extreme!  One home I dreaded/felt under attack, the other I welcomed and felt safe and secure.

How does this extreme thinking manifest today?

In my marriage I can see this extreme thinking, often when my partner and I have an argument or I am concerned about money.  I can go from being quite stable and content within my life to imagining/planning my great escape in my secret mind, as in getting my own apartment and then going into fear and anxiety about surviving on my own and then going into guilt about hurting my partner and our children.  All unnecessary and quite ridiculous.  These revenge fantasies are a waste of time and do not solve the issue at hand. All I require to do, I now realize after examining this issue within the act of daily blogging (applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application), is to stop and breathe, to stay out of my mind and assess the situation calmly, then to direct myself within my day and, when the time is appropriate, to discuss the matter using common sense with my partner, and not go into my mind of the past-with associations and relationships from past memories -while remaining with breath AND IT ALWAYS WORKS. No drama required!

When I was an active alcoholic, the ‘all or nothing’  thinking would manifest much more absurdly, like;  ‘I am going to write a song today and it must be a hit song so I can make some money to keep the house for my children and show them ‘dreams come true’ as this will make me a good mom and I can buy them things to show them my love’, obviously putting insane pressure on myself, to the point I could not even enjoy the creative process as much as I should have, and living in delusion of fame and fortune not to mention living in extreme self-interest. So any small step I could take/took was never enough and this was ultimately self-defeating and self-sabotoging. I also beLIEved my ‘higher power’/god wanted me to write music ‘for the good of all’  but in common sense how could this be?  What difference would it make?  Is a song so important?  Of course not!  It was my mind, consciousness, based in self-interest and survival,  relying on my ego, needing/desiring to be special/important, which enslaved me and it worked all right!

I see this ‘all or nothing thinking’  within my participation with my online course, being very productive one day to the point of over doing it, and then the next day feeling exhausted and having to get caught up with family/work  responsibilities. So back and forth to the extreme, really going for it and then giving up, like ‘I can’t do this anymore, there is not enough time’. So as I continue to allow myself to relate to the internal conversation and the emotions, they build and build until I can’t not stand the stress anymore-overload, panic, time to bail, time to run!  This in turn leads to a lack of consistency, therefore little forward movement step by step, day by day, which is the recipe for success. The fear of failure and rejection becomes overwhelming and so to escape the negative energy experience of fear of failure, one tends to replace it with a positive  energy experience as an escape, so I reach out for a sweet treat or go rollerblading or have a nap or just plain give up and do not complete my daily tasks/commitments.  Instead, I tell myself  ‘I am free, ah, thank god that is over’ and I feel relieved and so that is ‘good’.  When all I require to do is to apply/direct myself daily within stability, having a reasonable schedule/plan and sticking to it.  That means dedication and perseverance, something the alcoholic finds difficult because it’s not exciting, it’s normal=boring to the alcoholic mind, which is quite immature.

I also see this ‘all or nothing thinking’ within my family life, worry thoughts about the safety of my adult children, my mom’s health–they will die–  or gossipy/judgmental thoughts about my siblings/friends–they are wrong or I don’t want to be with them anymore, paranoid/suspicious thoughts about my partner–I want out of this union/I don’t trust him or his intensions. Will not elaborate more here but I have written about this is other blog posts, see within my timeline, and will investigate these further in blogs to come.

Finally, extreme thinking comes out as fear of death /disease, like every little ache or pain or bump means I have cancer and I’m going to die. As I have blogged about his extensively in the past and will again, I will not go into more detail here.

In Cathy Krafft’s blog post today, she examines this point-the fear of death- brilliantly and comes to some very cool realizations! I highly recommend reading this post.  http://cathy4worldequality.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/day-236-calling-the-beast-by-its-name-breast-cancer-fear-of-death-day-21/#comment-1535   An excerpt:  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in shame and fear within the need to have or be with someone / in a relationship in order to confirm the definition I have of who I am.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself into and with a relationship with my mind.

The point within ‘all or nothing’ thinking I have realized is what a waste of time it is, as I always, eventually, calm down and pick up where I left off  BUT there is only so much time in a day and within a lifetime so why waste it on reactions, when you already know the outcome. It is round and round, up and down when all one requires is to examine the point of the extreme thought/s in self-honesty-so face yourself- and then learn to direct yourself so as to produce an outcome that is best for you in your life and best for all.

I /you can only do anything breath by breath-point by point- using energy in the form of so rushing/panicking -is self-sabotaging. thinking/believing there is not enough time or ‘I can’t’ is just that –thoughts. The thoughts themselves are not reality, you here is the only reality there is and when one slows down and moves with breath, much is possible and you will find -as you prioritize and commit to a daily schedule YOU CAN. There is no higher power outside of you that is going to heal you, your alcoholism or your thinking/paranoia.  The solution to ‘all or nothing’ thinking is YOU!   But as I mentioned, this is a process that takes time and requires patience and dedication.  There is much support for this within the Desteni I Process Course and FREE DIP LITE , course.

To understand paranoia, the context of how it is being defined and discussed within these blogs, and the  Mind in its relationship to THOUGHT   Read Creation’s Journey to Life Blogs – introducing/outlining the context for/as Paranoia in relation to Consciousness: DAY 395, DAY 396, DAY 397, DAY 398, DAY 399, DAY 400

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 160: Solution to ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic

Please refer to the previous post for context to this blog. From the previous post:

This blog series will focus on alcoholism but it is equally written for the social and heavy drinker.  Alcohol, any alcohol is not suggested/recommended as, it may quiet the mind/relax one for a short period of time, but the ‘coming down’ /hangover part, after one sobers up, is often, and increasingly filled with paranoid thinking and extreme feelings (ie. depression)  so is simply not ‘worth’ the quick high and definitely not ‘best for all’ when considering mankind/human beings as a whole. Within these blogs, abstinence is recommended.

definition of paranoid: baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

This website,   http://www.rightdiagnosis.com/a/alcoholic_paranoia/intro.htm

lists some of the symptoms of Alcoholic Paranoia as:

• Delusional jealousy
• Delusional suspicion
• Distrust
• Sexual brutality
• Impotency after alcohol consumption
• Recurring state of panic
• Paranoid thinking

What is the solution to the ‘all or nothing’ thinking of the paranoid alcoholic?  First one must stop drinking-total abstinence.  It assisted me to belong to a group, AA (alcoholics anonymous).  Then, equally as important, after one has been sober for minimum of 3 months to begin a self-honest investigation into your thinking processes, understanding of your thinking processes and stopping & changing your thinking processes.

STOP TALKING INSIDE YOUR HEAD. STOP CONTEMPLATING.. THEORIZING..HESITATING.. DOUBTING,  STOP ISOLATING

You do not require thinking to be here as life, you require breath, breathing in and out, here in stability.  Sound too simple?  (favorite pass time of the paranoid alcoholic-we complicate things).  Try it!  Stop thinking right now and just focus on your breath, in and out, for 60 seconds.  Are you ok?  Now, stop breathing, for 60 seconds, not so easy is it?  In fact, breath is the very thing that gifts you life, without it you will die.

I realize this is a massive task but not an impossible task.   A few blogs ago, I redefined the word impossible:

Impossible =I’m Possible         I’m possible, in that the trinity I exist as, of mind/body/beingness, is the actual manifestation of ‘possible/possibilities’, being in the process of becoming life as the living word in the physical, and so I become the directive principal of me here, thus no longer search outside of myself but realize all is me, within and without, and I take full responsibility of what occurs in both universes and direct both in awareness, moment by moment with breath.  As ‘I’m possible’ I am pulling this life force/awareness into myself in the very movement of investigation, participation and integration to become part of  my whole self to create what is best for all.

Please investigate the Quantum Mind Interview Series for incredible support into understanding the mind in absolute detail of how each thought you ever had was made and why.  I also understand how many alcoholics love the dramatic, excitement, a challenge, especially when they are told  ‘NO, you can’t’ …well, this is an exciting  journey and challenge, unraveling the mind.

In order to stop using your mind of consciousness, you need to understand why and how a thought arises-over and over and over again or why a pattern comes up, almost relentlessly until you cave in, after being tortured , hounded, hunted into submission. I recall thinking,  ‘Hell, just forget it, I can’t stand the noise in my head, I need to shut it up and I know how’ and then going to get a bottle.

Where did my extreme thinking come from ?  Why did it manifest?  As I look back, I can see as a child being very fearful of my father, when he would be coming home, if he was coming home.  As a chiropractor he worked 2 nights a week and I would always be relieved when it was just my siblings and my mom for dinner.  As we got older, the first thing anyone asked when they arrived home was ‘is Dad home, is he drinking?’ and then I would go into combat mode if he was home and/or drinking.  My father picked on his children, sometimes when he was sober but always when he was drinking. I felt on guard, unsafe and unsure, like in a war zone.  Home should be a safe haven but it was often (not always) the opposite.  Also I often did not like what we had for dinner when my dad was home.  Later, when I was a teen, he cooked sometime and it was pretty awful.

When it was just my mom at home, as I walked through that door after school ,COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY, she was light and friendly and interested in our day, for the large part she was very respectful of us and made great food, she seemed to enjoy being our parent and preparing healthy and delicious meals!

So basically, throughout my 18 years living in my parents home, I never knew which home I was going home to! And the two experiences were opposites to the extreme. One home I dreaded/felt under attack, the other I welcomed and felt safe and secure.

To continue

 

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Equal Money Get real!

Eqafe  Listen to those walking through forgetfulness to HERE.

Desteni I Process  There is a FREE course called DIP Lite and a course for Professional status.

Desteni Forums

Self Forgiveness Blogs 

Equal Life Foundation Facebook. Join Us!

Day 157: Taking Responsibility for Blame

Please refer to Day 155 & Day 156 for context to this blog.

From the preveious post:   I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on’ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

Walking the solution:  Commitment statements and self-corrective application statements

When and as I see myself becoming judgement within the above thought, assuming this man is wrong and I am right to blame him for ending his marriage, I stop and I breathe, bringing my awareness back to the physical as I now see/realize/understand I have no right to judge this man as I do not know all the circumstances/reasons behind his decision, blame only divides and polarizes all involved in this situation, I am actually using blame to validate myself (my anger about my own past) within self-interest so I ‘feel better’ being ‘right’ and making him the ‘bad guy’ who is ‘wrong’, blame does not change the situation but could cause the consequence of harming another.

When and as I see myself being directed by fear within this situation I immediately pull myself back down to earth and stabilize myself with breath. I remind myself I am allowing an energy, that I have given a negative charge to, to tell me how to feel and behave in this moment and it is actually not reality, it is living from the starting point of the past, as I now understand the past experiences I have had do not have to be in control of how I act today, I have common sense and can see my life is stable today, I can speak with the wife (in this situation) and share/support her with what she is going through, I do not have to be in the company of someone I am uncomfortable with and can decline an invitation from this man should it arrive, when I am in this man’s company in a group ( AA or a party situation) I can trust myself to remain ‘here’ with breath and not go into my mind of memories and associations around divorce, everyone is one and equal, man and woman, and I no longer allow myself to discriminate based on the past.

When and as I see myself participating in internal conversation/backchat around this situation, I stop and breathe, and bring myself back to the physical as I now realize I am only talking to my own memories, which is going to then bring up emotions and result in harming my physical body, the memories are not to be trusted-not reality- as I have changed them to suit my need to be ‘right’ & continue playing the character of;  the wronged one/the poor single mother/the victim, I often desire vindication (within these internal conversations) from the past and in this case was using this situation to validate my feeling of hate/mistrust of men in general/husbands and I do not allow this within and as myself any longer, I do not have to play the role of protector of  this woman as she is quite capable of dealing with the circumstances of her life and it is just nasty gossip when the starting point is ‘the man was wrong and the woman was right’, it is not truly supportive for the other person as it is really self-interest in disguise, to make me feel superior/strong when I was feeling inferior/weak so replacing one polarity with another instead of remain here as stability, as I do not require to feel anything at all because it is over/was the past and not reality in this moment.

When and as I see myself participating and engaging with pictures/imaginings in my mind around this issue, I stop and bring my awareness back down to earth, to what is here and real, before me in my day. I remind myself it is not assisting to me or anyone else to deal with a present situation from the starting point of the past, as it clouds what is really before you, finally, I cannot effectively direct myself here when I am lost in my mind of imagination.  So, I  tell myself  ‘NO MORE, I do not accept my awareness, my ‘who I am’ to be defined within such images/energies. I commit me to change!’

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 156: Judging Another’s Decision As Wrong 2

From the Previous Post:  I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on‘ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words ‘new girlfriend’ to:  a negative charge, to my ex-husband, to memories of my previous marriage, to a female who is younger/slimmer/prettier, thus to competition and polarity thinking versus one and equal female relationships, to threat/warning/danger/loss/ownership.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/be possessed by the emotions/negative energy reactions of:  anger, fear, dislike, blame, worry, judgement, regret, sadness, self-righteousness, helplessness, victimization, superiority, inferiority.

Why am I allowing this energy to direct and control me?  I do not want this man’s wife to suffer as I did in the past and I do not want to go through a separation/divorce again-so I am using my mind of memories and past experience as a starting point in this moment/in this situation, I  ASS-U-Me his wife will take a victim stance as I did in the past and I desire to protect her from emotional pain so she can move forward in her life in a healthy way, I do not want to let go of my past associations/relationship to husband=mean /abusive & wife= innocent/victim because I want revenge for what I blame my father and ex-husband for-verbal and emotional abuse of me and my mother over many years HOWEVER this is based on memories and memories have a way of being changed within our minds to suit our own personal needs to be ‘right’ and validate our characters we have built up over time-in that I/my mom could have spoken up/taken action/made changes but stayed silent (for the most part) and ineffectual within our marriages.

THUS,  I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to DESIRE TO PROTECT this woman and myself from the consequences of a ‘bad marriage’ thereby absolving her and I from blame and not taking responsibility for circumstances within our lives  but putting it all on the ‘husbands’ so I can have my positive energy reward/experience which is the ‘good’ feeling of innocence instead of /to replace the ‘bad’/negative feeling of- pain/uncertainty/fear/anger- I am facing at the moment.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on men/husband’s in general by blaming this man for leaving his wife and judging his decision as wrong, thus turning him and his wife into polarized characters of;  the good wife/the bad husband, strong/weak, right/wrong, bully/victim, happy/sad, etc.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to cause the following behavioral changes within my human physical body, due to my reactions around this thought and situation:  a feeling of anxiety/excitement in my solar plexes as much energy is created from all the emotion that arises-like a danger/fight or flight response which is automated, stiffness in shoulders/neck, tightening of jaw, shallow breathing- sometimes holding my breath unaware, increased heart rate.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences within my life and others within this situation, some of which are:  I give into my desire to be ‘right’ making another ‘wrong’ thus create a positive energy experience where I am validated and I feel good and I am comfortable with this BUT this is done in delusion and not reality as I do not know all the circumstances within this situation or what would in fact be best for all involved, I cause stress within my marriage through conversation that becomes increasingly polarized and negatively charged between my husband and I, my husband feels attacked as a man/husband and thus I create tension/stress in my marriage-the very thing I say I supposedly do not want!

To continue:  with Commitment Statements, as the Solution that is walked breath by breath

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 155: Judging Another’s Decision As Wrong

I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on’ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become judgement and as judgement think, ‘I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.’

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by fear as the foundation of this thought, as in I am afraid for his wife’s future and mental health/stability,  I am afraid this could happen to me again, I fear I cannot trust what he says in the future, I fear I will be in a situation again in which I am uncomfortable with what he is sharing regarding stories of his past, I am afraid I will be angry at him and this could come out in the form of a reaction or communicated by my body language and then I will upset others and I will have to face the consequences of my communication, I am afraid my husband will be angry at me for not wanting to socialize with his friend and there could be consequences from this.

Why am I possessed by all these fears?  Because of holding onto memories, of past experiences, in which my first husband left me and I went through much emotion/mental turmoil and spiraled into mental illness and then alcoholism. Also, because I hold an opinion that some men are liers and cheaters and this has harmed me and harms others. Because I did not speak up, in self-honesty in the moment, in the past and simply tell this man I would prefer if he not share sexually explicit stories of his past, as I did not want to come across as ‘no fun/too stuffy/uptight’ when his wife and my husband just laughed so I joined in, because I am blaming him and allowing myself to judge him as the villain in this situation and his wife as the ‘wronged one/innocent/victim’, because I still hold onto a belief in ‘ownership’ of another within a union/marriage, and finally, because I do not trust myself in that I could react and ‘act cold’ or blurt out something I regret later, not considering all involved in self-responsibility,if we got together with him and his new girlfriend.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my imagination with:  memories of my first husband leaving our marriage, a specific memory of walking on an icy street-when I realized our marriage was over- feeling ‘devastated’ and full of fear and regret for having chosen him as a partner and guilt about him being the father of our 2 children (lol, very self-righteous) and relating this /assuming this is how the wife in this situation must feel-so projecting my stuff, from my past, onto her. Also, imagining the man ‘happy’ and relieved his marriage has ended and the woman sad and lonely, pictures in my mind-moving images- of my husband deciding he want to leave me.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in internal conversation/backchat within this situation like:  So X is just discarded like garbage and voila here is the replacement, because the replacement is slimmer, not so shy and quiet, blah, blah… , so this is ok? I am suppose to say this is cool with me, to just switch partners? How about supporting your partner when they need it? ‘For better or for worse?’ Did those words mean anything?..I DO NOT TRUST HIS WORDS/WHAT HE SAYS NOW, I only listened to his gross stories so as to not make waves/go along with the evening,  he was always saying how much he loved his wife and  then just dumped her so I wonder if my husband could do the same?’

To continue:  with Self  Forgiveness Statements and Self-Corrective Application Statements as the Solution that is walked daily.

Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.

Day 146: Is Philanthropy Evil? Equal Health Care Should Be A Basic Human Right 2

SOLUTION:

The solution is a new system of governance, with the starting point of equality, an Equal Money System, which will include within it’s bill of rights-Human Rights Bill- equal health care for ALL human beings on earth.

Is philanthropy evil if there is a solution?  I would have to conclude yes it is, but we are all responsible. No one can point the finger, we must all stand up and create a new system/human rights that are best for all, and not just some.  We know inequality is evil and yet we ignore it. We allow the devil and the angel within us to tug and pull, we know there is a war going on both within us and without-just watch your nightly news.  Yet we continue to allow the polarities of rich/poor to exist, as we justify our societies by pointing out the ‘good work’ and ‘good nature’ of the few well meaning billionaires, “See, we aren’t so bad, he’s helping them , those poor poor people over there, I would too if I had that kind of money, but I’ll just let him do the ‘helping’” And we turn our backs on unspeakable suffering and death.

The problem of preventable death from disease in ‘third world’ nations must be tackled at its root-Inequality.  Therefore, the foundation of the system needs to change to one of EQUALITY. Within an Equal Money system IT WILL BE  A HUMAN RIGHT TO PROVIDE  THE SAME AVAILABLE  HEALTH CARE TO ALL, WHICH WOULD INCLUDE VACCINES, EQUIPMENT, CLEAN WATER so that human life/health is not dependent upon the ‘good nature’ of one philanthropic ka-billionaire!

I mean, is it not a little egotistical to be looking like a savior to these people and the world at large, ‘look at what I can do’…instead of ‘how can I use this money to improve the lives all human beings? How can this foundation be the beginning of changing the system-create a world wide health care system -for all to always have access to the best available information/technology/research/education/treatment. How can we ensure/guarantee this?’

There is only one way I know of, through the power of democracy, one man one vote.  So, the question to ask, if I was this multi-billionaire foundation, is ‘how can we use our money AS A FORCE of change for the betterment of human kind?’  Sure, continue with the preventative vaccine development and treatment, BUT at the same time dig out and remove forever the Root Causes of these problems.

Simply providing a vaccine, without considering the quality of life one is leaving behind is irresponsible.  I understand one organization cannot do everything and that the intentions are benevolent, I also understand that they are providing support and assistance to villages/communities in areas that would otherwise not receive it so it is ‘better than nothing’ at this point/time.  What is perplexing, however, is if this philanthropic organization is so brilliant (the head is considered a genius in his field)  then why do they not see short coming in this approach.  Sure, continue on the path of getting these vaccines out to the people who need them and the research to develop new vaccines for other diseases BUT at the same time why not put your money-ALOT of money-you have at your disposal into assuring  this never happens again, that ALL people, always, are assured the best possible healthcare/vaccines as a Basic Human Right.

With all the available resources that money provides, why does this foundation and it’s members not  consider an new economic approach as a foundation to change the world?

Thus , we propose a new Bill of Rights, under a new Economic system, EMC, Equal Money Capitalism.

From :   The Equal Life Foundation  Bill of Rights :

1. An Equal Economic Right that insures that all financial needs are accessible and available to ensure that the fundamental requirements of a healthy and fulfilling life can be realized and manifested.
2. An Equal Health Right that provides all essentials to building strong physical embodiments, insuring vitality and well-being along with clarity of intellect, emotional balance and physical stability….
5. An Equal Education Right that supports every individual in his or her pursuit of excellence and fulfillment of potential, supporting intellectual development and practical applications thereof to contribute their lives as relevant to a sustainable Earth that enhances Life for all participants.

Review the Full Document Here: https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation/posts/137442196442458

http://equalmoney.org/wiki/Health_Care

Healthcare will become that which supports life

Healthcare will become something that will actually support life and not merely the economic system or individual corporations, not the ego/pleasures of (a select few) men. Healthcare will support the physical body and the human-being as the measurable support that is required to be able to practically and effectively function within this physical-reality we all share. Isn’t that what healthcare is all about in the first place, to support the physical to so support the Human-Being within and as effective living in this world? Obviously, disease on earth will start to diminish and eventually start to disappear, because the attention given to the physical – both through ourselves in ‘who we are’ within as well as through external, actual real support and assistance as Health¬care – will be effective. Equal Healthcare, for All as One – with Equal Money and equal consideration of each individual and life as a whole.

REWARDS: 

*Researchers and scientists, as beings who are interested in investigating illnesses and finding cures, will be given all the time, space and opportunity to experiment and ‘look outside the box’

*Health Care will be available for all equally. No person will get more Health care than another

*Research will no longer be dependent on a set outcome based on profit

*the existence of diseases such as cancer, that occurs quite often in people, will be looked at from every angle as time and money will no longer be an issue

*Money will not be the motivation or set back of Health Care in an Equal Money System and therefore there will be no limitations to the possibilities for research and development.

*All research Equipment will be available as required

*all research will be done by the highest qualified people

• Visit the Group Capitalism vs. Equal Money group on Facebook.

• Read the Equal Money Wiki

• Read Economist’s Journey to Life

• For more about Self Education on Words, visit the Desteni Forum and Desteni I Process

• Read the 7 Year Journey To Life blogs

• 
• It is Time for a New World System. One Based on Prevention, instead of Reaction. One Based on Honoring the Right of Life, Equally for All. Join the Journey to Life, and Become Part of a Solution.” ~ Bernard PoolmanFor support and participation visit:
  http://forum.desteni.org
  
  
  http://equalmoney.org/forum/
  
  
  http://desteniIprocess.com
  Check out the Desteni I Process Lite –
  a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

Day 145: Is Philanthropy Evil? Equal Health Care Should Be A Basic Human Right

PROBLEM:  Is Philanthropy Evil?

Philanthropy, according to one definition is : the  altruistic concern for human welfare and advancement, usually manifested by donations of money, property, or work to needy persons, by endowment of institutions of learning and hospitals, and by generosity to other socially useful purposes.

I was watching 60 minutes Sunday evening, a U.S. television show offering investigative reports, which did a story on a well known American billionaire. He has amassed such an over-the-top fortune during his life, estimated 67 billion dollars, that he decided some years ago to dedicate his life to acts of charity/philanthropy.

http://www.tv.com/shows/60-minutes/watch/may-12-2013-2823278/

The show focused on his quest to eliminate various diseases in third world countries, through the development of vaccines, within the next 10-20 years as well as the invention of a thermos that will keep a vaccine “alive” so it can be delivered and administered to a population, in remote areas/where  typically it is difficult to reach a large number of people, who are in need.

So, the problem with this is twofold:

* 1.   It is not questioned that this need of philanthropy should exist in the first place. There was no guarantee that this ‘good and generous’ person would appear on the horizon, or that another one will when he is gone, so what then? Would this thermos have been invented had this man not made his personal fortune?  Isn’t that like playing God?  Would there be an agenda in place, as there is now, to conquer these diseases with new vaccines by 2020, without this man’s money?  Why don’t we all have the same dedication and quest?  Do we not care or is it lack of money, therefore resources, to reach the solutions that this man is able to?  Why do we leave it to luck, a spin of the wheel, that ‘the bottom 2 billion’ (as this person describes the population that most requires these vaccines) should suffer unnecessarily from disease and die?

The answer is both, it is our preoccupation with self-interest (for ourselves our families)  and survival AND our lack of money, that we do not address this issue but leave it up to this larger than life, super- sized, character/person and his charitable/non-profit organization.  Money moves things, gets that job done and he’s got it.

* 2.  All his efforts and money will not eradicate the problem because the root of the problem is not addressed within the philanthropic acts.

At the core of these issues is INEQUALITY. I do not know why this person and his foundation do not address the root/cause of these vast problems-millions dying each year of preventable diseases. I do know, in order to stop/solve this massive scale murder, I say murder because we are accepting and allowing it to occur and most of the deaths through disease in’ third world’ nations (we are all one nation, earth) are preventable.  Thus they are treating the symptom, even though one could consider a vaccine a prevention, a new strain or disease could emerge at any time in the future, once he has passed on,will his foundation continue with the same zest/conviction he has demonstrated or be as effective or exist at all ?  No guarantee, just another gamble. So he is not actually focusing on a prevention that will last, be effective whether he is here or not, it is but a temporary fix, another band-aid solution. This foundation is not empowering the population, in an absolute way, to guarantee a  solution. There is no equality in the solution.  The area is still wrought will problems of poverty, lack of clean water, remoteness to major centers and lack of transport, lack of education for the children and university opportunities for the youth, it goes on and on.

Is it evil to help a baby live but then leave it in poverty?

This foundation/philanthropist currently exists in a very small bubble, as he has the money to gather ‘the best’ scientists to work on his projects and invent what is required to deliver and administer effective vaccines. However, on his team are but a few of the talented individuals in the world, who have had the good fortune-again luck-to be born into a family who could afford to give them a university education, provide a healthy upbringing/home environment, etc. and so a number of things fell into place for  these few people to one day become a member of this philanthropic force.

IMAGINE how many of this ‘bottom 2 billion’ ,whom they are saying they are doing this philanthropic work on behalf , given the opportunity, are also capable-have the natural ability /talent to become scientists, invent the next great idea, contribute to the betterment of humanity, ‘discover’ a new cure/vaccine. Undoubtedly, many!  But they will never have the opportunity to find out.

Is it evil to present yourself, and your small army of saviors, to these villages with a magic thermos and vaccines but not provide them/all the village with the same opportunity for their children to ‘shine’ in a occupation area/to excel and invent/create/expand as a human being?

Presenting EMC  (Equal Money Capitalism) as the Solution in the next post. And answering the question, ‘Is Philanthropy Evil?’

The Equal Life Foundation
Bill of Rights:   https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation/posts/137442196442458

It is Time for a New World System. One Based on Prevention, instead of Reaction. One Based on Honoring the Right of Life, Equally for All.

Join the Journey to Life, and Become Part of a Solution.” ~ Bernard Poolman

For support and participation visit:

http://forum.desteni.org


http://equalmoney.org/forum/


http://desteniIprocess.com

Check out the Desteni I Process Lite –
a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

Day 144: Changing Myself in Relationship to the Word ‘Impossible’ 4

Please read the previous 3 posts for context to this blog .   From Day 141:  The next word I will examine and deconstruct, in relation to my eyesight is ‘impossible’. Interesting word on many fronts, it is actually an end point, a final bowing out, an admission stating, ‘I am powerless to change this’ …Apparently,  it is quite acceptable, in today’s world, to wash your hands of any and all responsibility to any breakdown of the human body, including ones eyes as I am facing here, as it is god/the way it is /the circle of life/the universe/whatever and not in fact ourselves–as part of that ‘force’ one gives all power to. Well, if that force/god encompasses all,  ARE WE NOT PART OF THAT ‘ALL’?   Yup, so why do we abdicate our responsibility?  That is all I am doing here, removing blame and self-pity and beginning a process of investigation.

Continuing: Self-Commitment Statements and Self-Corrective Application

Internal Conversation and Backchat Dimension

When and as I see myself participating within my mind of backchat/internal conversation around the word ‘impossible’, specifically with regards to my eyesight, I stop and breathe and pull myself back to reality and the physical, and state ‘No, not participating’  as I now realize engaging in ‘talking to myself ‘ is just talking to my memories based on the past, knowledge and information I have accumulated throughout my lifetime and what I constantly fed as stimuli to keep me pre-occupied and obsessed within self-interest and survival and NOT what I, and all as I, are capable of becoming and living here.  In that, I understand that the mind as it exists currently is not functioning in a way that is best for all within-as in ones mind/body/beingness OR without-as in the world systems.

Emotion and Feeling

When and as I see myself going into fear, anger, blame, helplessness/hopelessness around the word ‘impossible’ and the thought, ‘This is useless, I am being a fool again, I cannot heal my eyes, it is impossible’ I remind myself  ‘no more, I do not accept/allow my awareness, my who I am, to be defined within/as such energies’.  I stop. I breathe, and I commit me to change, as I now understand how these energies control my behavior and my actions to be that of apathy, compliance, and giving up using the excuse of ‘human nature’ and how you can’t change human nature and you can’t change the world and so…I don’t.

Physical Reactions and Behaviors

When and as I see myself allowing physical reactions/changes to occur within my body-through fear and apathy-within my accepted relationship to & associations with the word ‘impossible’ I stop and breathe, I relax and focus on the sounds around me and what is here in my reality/my day to get grounded, as I now realize how I am instructing, layer by layer, my body to respond to words-as words are codes within the physical- and are alive as a force/are part of a sequence of how the physical behaves and so I commit to take greater responsibility within the words I speak so to change the relationship from one of harm, to one of harmony, to make each part of the  physical aware, so as to ‘..assist each other as part and as whole to a more sustainable functioning unit that will be best for all parts.’  Bernard Poolman

Consequence Dimension 

When and as I see myself having gone so far down the rabbit hole with this thought pattern & relationship to the word ‘impossible’,  that I have manifested consequence, I realize I cannot change what has occurred but I can continue my process to prevent further consequence in the future, by stopping participation within the mind of consciousness and remaining diligent to be here-using breath awareness-also by being aware of the words I speak so I eventually become the living word-as self-responsible- instead of just living unaware and thus having to react to what I create/manifest all the time, not realizing I created it in the first place!  In that, I now understand by becoming/standing in full responsibility I am no longer helpless/hopeless but a directive force/being alive and able to support and assist another.

Re-Defining the Word ‘Impossible’:

Impossible =  Im-Possible = I’m Possible        I” m- Poss- Pull       I’m- Pulling

So as I forgive ( fore-give) this, I am gifting to myself-even before I receive it- the possibility of change of growth and repair of the physical eye, so it may learn /become aware with me and take steps to heal/reconstitute and so re-gain it’s closer range, focusing/functioning abilities.

Impossible:  I’m possible, in that the trinity I exist as, of mind/body/beingness, is the actual manifestation of ‘possible/possibilities’, being in the process of becoming life as the living word in the physical, and so I become the directive principal of me here, thus no longer search outside of myself but realize all is me, within and without, and I take full responsibility of what occurs in both universes and direct both in awareness, moment by moment with breath.  As ‘I’m possible’ I am pulling this life force/awareness into myself in the very movement of investigation, participation and integration to become part of  my whole self to create what is best for all.

Blogs:

• Day 367: Investigating Human Rights

• Day 366: The Human Right of Individuality

  Day 365: Is God a Fundamental Human Right?

• Day 363: Basic Human Rights and Crime (Part One)

• Day 364: Basic Human Rights and Crime (Part Two)

• DAY 362: Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation

• Day 368: “Please Save a Child”

• Check out the Desteni I Process Lite –
  a FREE course that will assist humanity to end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.
• Check out the Equal Money System –
  a solution that can be established in this lifetime to end the disaster of a profit driven system.

Day 93: Anger: Suppressed…Medicated will kill you eventually

Please read the previous 2 blog posts, Day 91 and Day 92, for context to this blog. I am continuing deconstructing the thought, ‘‘I don’t trust your friendliness and big smile, you seem nice, but so did the other women in my life and they dumped me when I was down and needed their friendship the most, they are shallow and unforgiving people.’ AND ‘I don’t like my girlfriend and her husband as much now that I know they have gossiped about me/judged me behind my back.’

I will include here the last paragraph of Day 91, as it is important to refer to as I  continue to write.

SO IN THE FIRST 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE-THE MOST PROMINENT LEARNING  YEARS  & the years where the mind develops the base/main personalities within/as the mind consciousness systems I LEARNED:

from my dad:  to react with anger when you are feeling out of sorts/bad/tired/drinking alcohol-this is how I perceived him as I now look back and translates for me as ‘when you feel threatened/less than/inferior/over-looked’ and blame others for how you are feeling (especially others who are vulnerable /weaker than you and so no threat to you)  and this anger will give you all power/authority/control over others as they hide-cower in fear from you!

from my mom: to be submissive, when there is trouble- stay silent-suppress any /all reactions or temptations to speak up or interfere-Do not fight/argue as it only makes things worse.

Continuing:  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate/be possessed by the following REACTIONS OF emotions and feelings around this thought: fear, anger, jealousy, inferiority, superiority, self-doubt, blame, revenge, guilt, dislike and/but to then suppress most of these emotions.

I commit myself to the process of breath awareness so as to be aware of when these energy reactions arise and to stop myself and bring myself/my awareness back to the physical, here, so as not to be distracted/preoccupied in my own mind in/of separation but present in the conversation/moment of whatever is occurring in reality as I now see /realize /understand these reactions are COMING FROM ME, I AM INDEED THE CAUSE AND EFFECT of them IN THAT MOMENT and I cannot blame another for my reaction, blaming is useless and spiteful and only serves to separate me from the beings I am with so I am unable to hear them for real/enjoy their company/contribute to the conversation in any meaningful way, I am re-living the past as memories-memories that I have perhaps changed to suit my ego in which I am right and another is wrong in polarity- and not existing/sharing as life here as I am lost in my own private world of thoughts and reactions. In that, I realize these reactions of anger cause me to ‘pull away’ from other beings resulting in me being isolated and cause me to want to go to extreme thinking of ‘ending’ relationships and sever ties with others. I see that the combination of reacting with anger and then pushing it down, so as not to ‘make things worse’ by speaking up, as my mother always told me, left me overtime-overwhelmed and brought on depression. I now understand the point is not to lash out in anger but to express how I am experiencing myself in the moment (or if inappropriate/impossible at that moment, to write it out later in private) so that one way or another, it is expressed and not suppressed as and within me. I realize, over the years, a huge amount of anger, emotions of inferiority, jealously, fear, dislike, and the emotion of superiority all built up inside of me (and then the consequential guilt that inevitably followed -at having the negative emotions- because ‘nice’ girls ‘like’ or ‘act like’ they like everyone so have no ‘right’ to be angry, etc. )and when I was faced with a crisis (my marriage ending and having no money and two small children) I had no practical tools to deal with all the emotions and became mentally unstable (I transfered all the emotions onto another man and obsessed him) and then turned to alcohol to medicate myself. No wonder I became an alcoholic, I could no longer push down the emotions and I did not know how to cope with them BUT  ALCOHOL DID, ALCOHOL PUSHED THEM DOWN FOR ME. Therefore, I commit myself to the process of not ignoring reactions but expressing myself in self-honesty in the moment (or in writing) in the physical to release these reactions and to also use breath to stabilize myself in the moment/s they arise, so as to not ‘sit’ with the emotions but clear them as and within me, so that I am no longer the embodiment/slave of/to the mind in the form of ANGER, but I am life here!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage in the following behavioral changes within my human physical body with/as my reaction of anger and the other emotions mentioned above, towards this woman, my girlfriend and her husband:  a stiffness very quickly within my chest/shoulders/solar-plexes/jaw, shallow breathing, anxiety as in a queesy-almost excited -feeling in my stomach, a hyper alertness-like being ready for or under attack.

I commit myself, to assist and support myself, to stop all such participation in these physical body reactions due to anger arising within and as me and to bring myself out of my mind and back down to earth, to the physical, with breath, and so in such moments, to take a deep breath in and out and relax and hear what is being said/shared and take my time to respond as I now see /realize/understand it is often my rushing ( which I understand is fear, my need to be taken seriously/to be heard/to be not overlooked or rejected TO SHOUT I AM HERE) is that is the reason for the inner turmoil which builds upon itself bringing one emotion after another in increasing intensity and speed, which most often (and in this instance) results in an internal outburst/storm and then the pushing down of that internal outburst/storm, as I wouldn’t want to  ‘risk’ ‘making things worse’ by daring to speak up (and I never learned how to ) to clarify a point/voice an opinion calmly or rationally/release any confusion/OR I would speak up in anger/reaction -too extreme a response as my father would, to exert power and control by use of intimidation/fear and then have to deal with the consequences later of guilt and remorse, timelooping myself, having to repeat this same pattern/experience over and over.  Another consequence being, this suppression of the reaction of anger creates dis-ease as/within me. It is no  longer acceptable to me to allow myself, as the mind, to use energy-specifically the in the form of anger- to infiltrate my body and my very life and essentially consume the flesh.

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race on EQAFE

RE-PARENT YOURSELF: RE-BIRTH YOURSELF TO BECOME THE LIVING WORD!

	The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected Overview of the 3 Phases of Child Development: Phase I: 0-1 Years Phase II: 1-3 Years Phase III: 3-7 Years
	The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected Specificity of Child Development 0-1 Years: The relationship to Sound and Energy of Words.
	The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected Specificity of Child Development 0-1 Years: What happens when the Baby Resists the Energy of the Words?
	The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected Specificity of Child Development 0-1 Years: What happens when a Baby Accepts the Energy of the Words?

Day 92: Anger: What’s the Solution?

Please read Day 91 for context to this blog. I am continuing deconstructing the thought, ‘‘I don’t trust your friendliness and big smile, you seem nice, but so did the other women in my life and they dumped me when I was down and needed their friendship the most, they are shallow and unforgiving people.’ AND ‘I don’t like my girlfriend and her husband as much now that I know they have gossiped about me/judged me behind my back.’

I will include here the last paragraph, which is what I uncovered in/from writing the last post:

SO IN THE FIRST 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE-THE MOST PROMINENT LEARNING  YEARS  & the years where the mind develops the base/main personalities within/as the mind consciousness systems I LEARNED:

from my dad:  to react with anger when you are feeling out of sorts/bad/tired/drinking alcohol-this is how I perceived him as I now look back and translates for me as ‘when you feel threatened/less than/inferior/over-looked’ and blame others for how you are feeling (especially others who are vulnerable /weaker than you and so no threat to you)  and this anger will give you all power/authority/control over others as they hide-cower in fear from you!

from my mom: to be submissive, when there is trouble- stay silent-suppress any /all reactions or temptations to speak up or interfere-Do not fight/argue as it only makes things worse.

Continuing:  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage/participate in my imagination when I was at the hospital visiting and later that same day, in revenge fantasies  where I came out the ‘victor’/superior telling this woman she was acting selfishly/self-important, imagining leaving in a huff -but cool on the outside- from the cafeteria after defending myself perfectly after the discussion about smoking, connecting this woman to the other women I had a difficult history with and indulging in nasty thoughts and pictures in my mind.

I commit myself to stop myself if/when I find myself falling back into imagination when there is a reaction of anger welling up inside of me and to bring myself out of my mind of ‘moving pictures/images’ and back to the physical with breath as I now understand feeding the imagination only serves to feed the emotion of anger further and cause more reaction and inner turmoil and I cannot effectively direct myself here when I am lost in my own head of delusion.

Heal Yourself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate-unaware-in backchat when I was visiting my friend at the hospital and the drive home and later on the same day of some of the following–this includes silent backchat/inner self-talk, which means you may not exactly speak the words inside your mind but you know you are thinking them, they are definitely there– ‘I don’t like you, I don’t trust you, you have such a big, beautiful smile, you are all consuming, you talk to much, let me talk, I came here to see our friend too, do you have no manners? I ‘d like to talk, you are taking all the attention away from me, even her husband is consumed with you, I am not noticed, I’m not important, I should just leave if she’s so wonderful, they don’t care if I leave, he doesn’t like me either, he’s only giving you attention, just like the other women-I don’t fit in,  I wish I could just leave, how dare they raise their eyebrows at me, I am not an idiot, I don’t need them, I ‘m not visiting as much, how humiliating-they think  I’m a rebel, they don’t take me seriously, they don’t care about my opinion, they just want superficial talk-typical, they just want you to shut up, I’m leaving, I”m not giving her or him a hug when I leave.’

I commit myself to assist and support myself to no longer accept such ‘voices in the head’ chatting away inside -coming from memories of the past-and thereby creating my present and future from this starting point of the PAST, but commit to the process of breath awareness and so when I find myself engaging in backchat I bring myself back to the physical  as I now understand it is indeed isolating and takes me away from reality of who is speaking, what they are communicating, how people are looking–all the details IN THE PHYSICAL I AM MISSING when I’m lost in my own mind of chatter, I am unable to offer any real feedback/sharing/support, I am in fact guilty of what I accused this woman of as I am concerned with ME-HOW I AM PERCEIVED/BEING NOTICED/being LIKED and not my girlfriend at all and so I am behaving in a selfish/self-important way! I realize I could just be quiet and enjoy the conversation and understand that perhaps this woman needed to talk alot at that time (I did find out she came a much further distance and cannot visit as often as me) and just listen, often when I assume what others are thinking/think about me I am wrong (as I am more vocal/ask now in the physical when unsure about a communication from another), I HAVE BEEN A REBEL during various times in my life and to most people, I still am, with my participation within Desteni.

To Be Continued

Show your vote for a Life where all have value at www.equalmoney.org

Mind Control, Cool documentary to watch that explain in Detail how we got here:

Social Engineering in the 20th century