Day 1: Resistance

What does it mean to face yourself? How do you do that and why would you want to? How will it change you…sounds like a drag…what’s the point?

I begin here, my 7 year blog, in which I will journal the patterns I fall into each day to eliminate them from and as me. I will start with facing the point of resistance as I have been putting off starting my process of walking the physical with all sorts of excuses. These excuses come in the form mostly of thoughts (ie. this is just too much to tackle) and emotions (fear, anxiety). They are completely invalid as all one has to do is sit down and commit to writing for 30 minutes a day, simple! In doing this daily exercise I will reveal me to myself (through writing out self forgiveness statements) and in doing so: stop, see and correct (through writing out commitment statements) myself.

When I am satisfied I have covered all the pertinent points of the days pattern in writing, I will speak the words aloud, bringing the exercise into the physical dimension of sound, to assist my physical body in bringing the words to life. Thus, to ensure that the words I have typed and spoken become the living word.  Indeed, since I am one and equal with the written and spoken word, I am the living word. But more self honestly I am becoming the living word. In common sense, I must then walk this change/commitment in each moment of each breath so that is indeed real.

This is a process, a 7 year process, as one die as a mind consciousness being (constant participation with the mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions) and re-birth myself as the living word, a completely physical being.

This, to ensure the end of the enslavement of mankind, once and for all, as the mind, as systems (numerous world systems and internal human systems) we are hardly aware of but that have created, through time, the consequence that we see manifest in our world currently as poverty, starvation, rape, war, slavery, etc. Till here no further! It is no longer acceptable to me to participate in this world as it currently exist. I see no point to exist as a mind being any longer.

So, we begin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist a process so clearly designed for my benefit and for the benefit of mankind and thus continue to accept a programmed response, that is not even me, in its place. Thereby stating to the universe in each breath that this is who and what I am, just a programmed human in the act of continual thinking, being fed thoughts and constantly reacting to them, an organic robot and not life, here as breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist writing because I am allowing my thoughts to run on fast so as to signal to me that it is too much information (as how I have lived one and equal to/as resistance) to get through this blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use sleep (nap during the day as I work at home) as an escape from my process of writing as one of the tools to self awareness and change necessary to birth myself as life in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think ‘Desteni is trying control my whole life’, as an excuse to not blog each day when I know the opposite exactly is true, in that I was completely controlled as a mind, living with constant thinking in my head, constant fear, worry, regret and more and more depression as I was aging and looking back at my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so consumed with self interest, only concerned with how I feel, what I have and don’t have, that I let myself slip into a state of being overwhelmed and tired and fall into bed, for more than 30 minutes (acceptable to rest the body mid day) and waste the time I could be writing to assist my process and share with others, which is doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider I am others, I am part of what is best for all as I am one and equal with all that exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my children and family ‘special’ and use them as an excuse as in ‘I am too busy after work with family commitments’ to not do daily blogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time wallowing in self pity that ‘NOW I have to blog daily’ when it is actually, in fact a privileged position to be in to focus on self when millions of children are suffering and dying of starvation today, wars are continuing going nowhere but more murder and suffering in the name of capitalism, consumption, country, & ownership.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear that I will not write blogs as competently as other Destonians, therefore they do not need me, I should not try and thereby not embarrass myself. I am older and not as competent on the computer, they move too fast and I cannot keep up therefore I should step back, be meek.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself about being meek and wrongly use it as an excuse to do nothing, not participate in my own/all of mankind’s awakening and transformation from a mind being to a living physical being because I screwed with the definition. Being meek means being -doing, moving, participating, breathing, supporting, assisting- without your ego shouting ‘notice me/I’m important/look at me/give praise to me/ honor me/like me/love me…meeeee !’. Being meek does not imply doing nothing/participating  but doing perhaps in the shadows/not centre stage at times and not being concerned as it is what is best for all, at this time.

I commit myself to be here as breath in awareness of each moment so as to state to myself, to my mind and to life itself, that I no longer accept and allow a program of resistance to control who I am and what I do.

I commit myself to no longer engage in the continual act of thinking and responding with emotions and feelings that control me to move in a certain way to produce certain, self interested outcomes and not what is best for all life.

I commit myself to stop my mind, to indeed command out loud ‘Stop!’ when it is moving/running too quickly with thought after thought, bringing up a reaction of fear that I am overwhelmed. Instead I remind myself I do not require the mind to function here but am much more steady and calm and ready to direct my actions with clarity and not in a panic state of mind.

I commit myself to push through the resistance of a feeling of tiredness during the day and to only take a 30 minute rest mid day for the optimal use of my physicality within a days activity. I commit myself to sleeping 6-7 hours per night and continuing to progress towards sleeping only 4-6 hours each night as this is all the human physical body requires. note: working through some sleep issues currently.

I commit myself to daily blogging as I know I am writing myself to freedom as the gift given by/through all involved at Desteni and a gift given to myself by myself. A process of self discovery to free oneself of the bondage/slavery of the mind and separation from all living things. To be born into equality and oneness as the only thing that has ever made complete sense to me in my entire life on this planet, to live in a constant state of awareness of doing what is best for all, in all ways for eternity.

I commit myself to never again forget that I am not alone, that I am not separate but I am part of everything that exist here and in all of existence, in it’s entirety. Therefore, I can in no way limit my responsibility to just this much or this way or that way, as it is all me/you/us together that requires a complete overhaul on earth. Each one must begin with taking responsibility for their own mind, therefore, I commit to investigating my mind daily by writing until it is done, as what is best for all.

I commit myself to write on behalf of those who cannot because of poverty, no access to a computer, illness, disease, confinement, abusive relationships, war, violence, threat, homelessness, etc. To not complain that daily blogging is ANOTHER thing I have to do to birth myself as life in the physical but the opposite, in that, as one stands there is a ripple effect and we will continue until each one has the same opportunity I have been given.

I commit myself to stop mind participation in the mind consciousness systems design of competition and polarities whereby I think about my blog or participation within my process at Desteni and have pictures in my mind of people and thoughts of better than/less. I commit myself to no longer allow myself to be directed by my ego and fear of failure or rejection.

I commit myself to being meek, in so much as to kill my ego/not participate in the ego of polarity thinking of better than/less than, good/bad, beautiful/ugly, young/old, smart/stupid but to take a responsible stand as part of this online group of beings, doing all I can to contribute and knowing that as  I  grow/change over time I will be able to  contribute more/handle more responsibility as what is best for all and that I am exactly where I need to be in my process and I can trust myself, as me here with breath, more and more and not engage in the mind with fear and self-doubtImageImage.

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