Day 6: Relationships: My Mom: Being rude and bitchy to store clerks & partner

Yesterday was Mother’s day and I visited my Mom and we went out for dinner and did some shopping for her. When  we were at the cash paying for her goods she became agitated with the store clerk and was subtly rude (I have seen her on several occasions be very rude).  This reminded me I have the same trait/habit and my children have pointed it out to me many times (I do not have the same relationship with my Mom where I feel comfortable pointing something like that out to her).  Although I have become more aware of this it still happens where I am rude/impatient with store clerks. It has also been pointed out to me by partners I have had in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to store clerks in a way that is rude/impatient and acting in a way that comes from a point of me assuming I am superior/better than store clerks. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to treat another human being as less than, like they are the slave, there to do my bidding/serve me and their feelings do not matter and that I have a ‘right’ to do this . (Note: I am not talking about instances where someone should be ‘called’ on their inappropriate actions or behavior)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient/rude to my partner as if he is also there just to do my bidding/serve me and if he retaliates I justify my behavior/actions, that I am right, in a emotional reaction of anger and an argument ensues.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think my time is more important than another’s time and they should behave accordingly and comply.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to treat my partner or another being differently than I would like to be treated and in this, act/speak in unawareness that I am separating myself from them as me and in separation from the whole and in that not directing myself as/in oneness and equality of all life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to believe/think I am entitled to be bitchy/self-serving towards my partner/another because of my ‘relationship’ to them being one of wife/girlfriend/customer and thinking they ‘owe’ me this thing/attention/service.

I commit myself to stop myself whenever or before I speak to / or act rudely to a store clerk or partner and remind myself I do not have the right to treat another human being in this manner. I commit myself to not only say I am not ‘better than/superior to‘ another but to act in that way.  I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am beginning to feel impatient, remind myself I have nothing but time as I no longer accept and allow myself to rush and it is not how I would like to be treated.  I commit myself to never expect another to do my work (assistance and support is often necessary/welcome when one is learning new things), like they owe me something and are my slave, and until such time where there is an equal money system in this world, I commit myself to treat store clerks and my partner as one and equal to myself.

I commit myself to not react in anger or manipulation or criticism if my partner is not doing something the ‘way I want’ around the house, in that I commit myself to stop and breathe if something he has done/is going to do is not exactly what I want and realize I care about him more than whatever the chore/decorating/renovating/cooking etc is. I remind myself to slow down, not react, and breathe and trust that we can figure things out peacefully and usually, together, we create something awesome.

I commit myself to stop rushing and creating anxiety within myself and within my enviroment by being impatient, worrying about some future event/destination and then getting angry at the situation and verbalizing/or using body language, to a store clerk or my partner, to communicate that I am basically pissed off and wish they would hurry up.

I commit myself to treat another, specifically store clerks and my partner, one and equal to how I would like to be treated, as equal to all life here, with tolerance,  patience and kindness when one is obviously doing all they can in situation.  I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness  and self-corrective application,  to my process of being aware at all times of how I am acting, how I am speaking so not in separation of another or my enviroment and thinking there is no consequence for my self-interested behavior.

I commit myself to not getting lost in my mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions/memories/pictures in the mind/opinions but becoming more and more aware of my thoughts/actions/deeds and my environment and how I am participating/acting within my environment as well as the people within it.

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