Day 28: Postponement Character: To NOT FACE CHANGE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become postponement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as postponement, think the following single thoughts as one word : ‘Noooooo, hard, uhhhhg’  or a single picture of a clock, me sweeping the kitchen floor, doing laundry or smoking a cigarette come up in my mind, thereby activating the postponement character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as postponement, participate/listen/follow a train of thought-after the first initial picture or thought-as inner conversation /backchat; ‘ I’ll just to the garbage, the dishes won’t take long, these things all need to be done anyway so I’m not really wasting time/postponing, the laundry needs to be put on and it’ll just take a minute, first I’ll do my e-mails and phone calls then I’ll do my blogging, I’ll just do these few things that I didn’t get to yesterday then I’ll be caught up and feel good, I didn’t sleep well so I’ll just lie down first, I got up early so I have lots of time today, I should walk Pika/dog’. In that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am letting my mind control me instead of being the directive principal of my life, to allow myself to change through writing and self-forgiveness, instead by accepting the postponement character as myself,  I am only re-living the past as thought patterns and thus destroying any opportunity to effectively direct myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as postponement, not realize I am still letting the mind manipulate me with energy, by engaging in/participating in emotions and feelings, by letting the mind start with a negative and then take me into itself with a positive, thereby stopping me from facing myself; first: apathy, depression, anxiety, fear when facing my morning blogging and then to a feeling of relief, lightness, happy, like I am being/doing something constructive and am supposedly free, when the mind moves to doing an apparently positive experience of doing a household chore or making a phone call.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as postponement, not realize the mind uses the negative emotion to align itself to the reality I am facing/doing in the moment- and then takes me to a positive feeling in illusion/fantasy, like going for a walk with the dog, to control my actions/doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as postponement, not realize I participate in changes in my physical body when I am the postponement character as in; shallow breathing and then shortness of breath, tension/aching in my shoulders and back of the neck, listlessness, a heavy/tired feeling like being weighted down, pressure on back of the head.

I commit myself to show how, through a dedicated process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application (Desteni I Process) one can become aware of the initial thought/picture in the mind, which sets off running this postponement character and activates a pattern of thoughts that run/come automatically from that initial point/thought, AND STOP IT in it’s tracks. As I now see/realize/understand by stopping the life of this destructive phony-postponement- I can now begin a new life as the directive principled force of me, no longer enslaved to the mind as existent program(a pre-programmed life, which is the opposite of what we claim we have in free choice/free will) and thereby live/act in a way that is best for all, out of my character of self-interest.

I commit myself to show, through a process of self-awareness that it is possible to, whenever I find myself in the backchat dimension,  I stop the participation, say ‘NO, I am here getting this done’ and then DO IT, and in that self is changing self from a postponement character to a directive-principled responsibility living, as I now see realize/understand these automated thoughts/sentences in the form of inner chatter are based on the PAST/memories/pictures in my mind and not in fact reality here! I do not , nor does anyone else, have to use these past experiences in what/who they are in this moment.

I commit myself to show, through a daily application of principled living, that it is possible to stop reactions/energy experiences of emotions and feelings before/when they arise as I now see/realize/understand this strengthens my stand in the decision of who I am and what I do by NOT allowing the mind to manipulate me with energy, and thus using the tools of writing and self-forgivenss I assist and support myself with energy layer releases each time I remain here and say NO to the mind.

I commit myself to show that it is possible to be aware of my physicality in each breath, and so to stop myself when I see I am allowing changes in my physical behavior as in;  shallow breathing and then shortness of breath, tension/aching in my shoulders and back of the neck, listlessness, a heavy/tired feeling like being weighted down, pressure on back of the head, when faced with the postponement character, as I now see/realize/understand participation in this reaction, will only compromise me and in this make it impossible for me to effectively direct myself . Thus, I breathe and take responsibility to remain here, as the solution, and carry on with the task at hand, out of my mind of illusion and back down to earth, reality. I remind myself to be patient (as breath awareness is new to me) and grateful for I have all I need.

I commit to change myself from a mind/character to a physical living being. I begin this by re-defining postponement as;  When/as I see postponement manifest, I instead utilize this point as a cross-reference where I have the ability to assist/support me to REVERSE the moment from the mirror of my Mind, to me directing myself to utilize that reference of postponement as an actual opportunity for me to align me into and as specificity/detail to complete the task.

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