Day 29: Facing The ‘I Don’t Know’ Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the ‘I don’t know’ character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as the I don’t know character, not realize that I come up with a  BLANK SLATE to activate this character, as Protection/Defence Character, that manifest in confrontation/fear when I do in fact know, but don’t want to see/face the situation and  ‘make me see nothing’ and will stick to that point, until the other believe me where I’m trying to protect myself from a threat/danger to my character,  to not face conseqence/fear of consequence because I actually do know but I want to hide.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as the I don’t know character, not realize I am participating in backchat/internal conversation of sentences, ‘How long are they going to continue with this pushing for answers?, I really need to go now, oh man stop talking, I hope someone comes in now and asks them something/interrupts so I can gather myself again’  the mind in the conversations going to all sorts of future projections, trying to avoid the moment–anything but self in the moment to suppress the truth and present the lie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as the I don’t know character, not realize I am participating/engaged within and as the mind of the following emotions:  fear – accumulating into anxiety the longer you have to maintain the Character, irritation, frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as the I don’t know character, not realize how my body is changing /responding to the emotions of the ‘I don’t know’ character in the following ways: increased heart rate, become hot-as one tries to maintain a stability, hunched shoulders,can’t sit or stand comfortably, or standing stiffly, tense as one try to maintain composure presenting idea of stability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as the I don’t know character, not realize it is FEAR OF CHANGE, to actually face myself in the moment the blank slate thought arises and to stand/take responsibility as life here, to breathe and say, ‘I do know’ and slow down and look at the point. And it is FEAR AS LOVE, as I love/trust this character to protect me-whatever character I want to protect at the moment- for example to not face learning a new task on the computer but rather remain incompetent because I am used to and I accept the victim/less than/ incompetent character who is ‘not as good as others on the computer’ and so not change.

I commit myself to assist and support myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and a daily self-corrective application, to stop all participation in/as the  ‘I don’t know’ character by being here in breath awareness each moment and so to be aware when the blank slate, as character activation, arises as I now see/realize/understand to allow this ‘train of thought’ and the reactions and behaviors that inevitably follow is to allow my acceptance to slavery of the mind, and thus I will not be the directive force/principal of my life here but simply re-live the past over and over as an organic robot, not changing me as what is best for all life on earth.

I commit myself to show, through writing, self-forgiveness and a daily self-corrective application, it is possible to be aware of and stop participation in following/relating to inner conversation/backchat in the form of sentences as a defense character, defending my stance to not face self and change, as I now see/realize/understand to engage in my mind of excuses only compromises me, leads me down the path of reacting and giving up/powerlessness because there is a hidden want, need, desire still existent within that point/character (FEAR TO CHANGE/face self and LOVE AS FEAR as I love what I know/am ‘comfortable’ with as Sandy the victim/less than character) and so will protect/defend it with a ‘I don’t know’.
 
I commit myself to assist and support myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and a daily self-corrective application, to stop myself whenever I become aware of the emotions of fear, anxiety, frustration, and irritation arising within me, activated by the ‘I don’t know’ character, as I now see/realize/understand reacting to it will only compromise me and make it impossible for me to effectively direct myself.  Thus, I breathe and take responsibility to find a solution/new approach from frustration in the mind to a practical physical solution. I realize there is one of  2 reasons I am facing this character in this moment, 1: I am trying to hide/not face myself, so I stop, I breathe and bring myself out of my mind of illusion, commit to NOT letting the mind manipulate me, and back to physical reality and focus on the task at hand to completion. Or 2: I really do not know, as I realize in process (DIP Desteni I Process) there is much in the subconscious and unconscious that I am not aware of yet, therefore, I use TOOLS to walk/self-investigate and ask for assistance and support from other Destonians, as a cross reference, to give me a perspective/consideration I hadn’t looked at/considered.
 
I commit myself to show, that it is possible to stop all behavior changes, as in changes in the physical human body, brought upon by the ‘I don’t know’ character through emotions as reactions, as I now see/realize/understand these reactions can be stopped/eradicated in their tracks by not allowing/engaging in them, in that moment, and face the FEAR and LOVE AS FEAR of giving up my secret want/need/desire to remain with ‘the devil I know‘ so to speak, the loser/failure/weak/victim/less than character I have played and not stand up/take responsibility to act as the directive force of me/my life and thus as/for what it best for all life.
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