Continuing with Commitment Statements, after walking the self forgiveness (Day 53 and 54) as to WHY I would accept and allow myself, to torture myself with continual thoughts about ‘the little things’ that needed to be done in my day.
I commit myself to stop myself when I find I am going into my mind with memories of my father, when I was growing up living at home, of being humiliated, fearful, anxious about being verbally abused when he was drinking and then to immediately stop myself, saying NO and move my attention/awareness to REALITY in paying attention to what I am facing/doing in the PHYSICAL as I now see, realize and understand the more I participate in these memories, the more I am giving energy to the Mind and the less I am actually contributing to myself/my living here and will so no more accept/allow memories to decide who I am, as I WILL myself to move myself into and as actual, physical, practical, real application. As well, I see/understand it is useless and a waste of my time, as it does not change the past but who I am/how I move here in each moment of breath, does effectively change my living/life.
I commit myself, through a daily application of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, to assist and support myself by stopping all connections of memories and thoughts of being female/a woman and memories of my father’s sexist remarks, as I now see/realize/understand that to take my mind as thoughts/memories seriously, personally, as me IS FALSE and is not self-honest but self-deception and total SEPARATION from this world, other beings and my very self, as I indulge in illusion of the mind as memories and this is no longer acceptable to me.
I commit myself to assist and support myself, to remind myself, that sexism/racism is existing in/as the design of polarity thinking/of the mind consciousness system (opposites good/bad, positive/negative), to keep mankind fucked up with notions of strength/power/self-importance instead of living here, one and equal, doing/creating what is best for all mankind, from the starting point of equality, as I now see realize /understand this polarity game is what my father was caught up in and I do not need or want to participate in it any longer.
I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, to remind myself much of my father’s abusive nature/insane talk was largely due to his alcoholism, which indeed brought out the devil in him, and I AM AN ADULT NOW and to no longer suppress what I see as injustice in this world just because my father/other male authority figures/someone I perceive to be a ‘strong’ female SAYS I SHOULD/CAUSE THAT’S THE WAY THE WORLD IS, I say this, not to blame but because I now see/realize/understand I am equally responsible to stop living as/within all such abuse and polarized relationships/ SECRET thoughts/imaginary playouts in my mind, otherwise, if I/you do not take responsibility for the injustice in this world- by actually changing ourselves, our very walking/being/nature – then it will continue, as the sins of the father are ALWAYS passed on from generation to generation. SO… me just being aware of abuse and not taking responsibility (just blaming my Dad-he was verbally/physically abused as a child, as well) is useless as nothing will change in me or the children to come, but by standing and declaring NO, to the mind, and refusing to participate in the design of polarities (rich/poor, superior/inferior) WILL change the world, a process, one person and one breath at a time.