Day 58: Walking the Solution: Why would I Do this to Myself?

Continuing with Commitment Statements–as the practical living daily solution, after walking the self forgiveness (Day 53 and 54) as to WHY I would accept and allow myself, to torture myself, with continual thoughts about ‘the little things’ that needed to be done in my day.

I commit myself to assist and support myself, in breaking my cycle of incompetency by remaining focus on the task at hand/job and commit to completing tasks, within my day that I have set forth as a considered and realistic goal, and to not engage in inner chatter/backchat about what I have to do or engage/entertain a feeling or attitude about what I am facing/the task at hand, based on past experience as I now see/realize/understand this is all energy feeding the mind and does not support me but imprisons me in a stuckness and a fear so absolute I cannot grow/change but can only postpone/make excuses/escape by using sleep.

In that, I commit to giving myself no backdoor/excuse as postponement of a sweet treat, a smoke break, choosing another activity such as a phone call/texting/ e-mailing friends and family, a simple/pleasant chore; all of these things as a positive energy experience instead of -to avoid-  the perceived negative energy experience of facing the task at hand (ie. writing) as I now see/realize/understand this is an addiction to energy-mind energy-a excited or high feeling/experience and I am simply, sometimes literally, feeding it, only to have it bite me in the ass later if I do complete my responsibilities on time,  instead of standing firm in the moment and declaring ‘NO, I will not stop until this is done’ and pushing myself on, to complete what it is I am doing/facing in the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, and a daily self-corrective application, complete tasks thoroughly and not from a starting point of fear and so rushing, as I now see/realize/understand there was always not enough time because I did not take the time, as in really SLOW DOWN, my thinking so I could perform a task calmly, assuredly, in self-honesty knowing I can trust myself to ; get /ask for assistance if I require, be flexibe as in work thoroughly until the day is done and continue the next day if need be, trust I can figure most things out when I slow down and when I do these things there is AMPLE TIME and I am quite competent.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to remind myself to be patient and kind to myself as I am learning many new things/new tasks and it takes time to learn and that I do not need to take myself to the point of  FAILURE in my mind before I have even tried this new thing I am thinking of doing (whatever it may be) but need to go slow as I now see/realize/understand I can literally only do things one breath at a time, it is not possible to move faster than that and to be like the snail and remind myself ‘it is in their very slow movement that they have the most access to the physical existence as a whole‘. So, the goal is to slow down/stop the mind-using breath in each here moment.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is no longer acceptable to me to participate in comparisons, labels, polarities based on competition amongst/between men and women/women and women from the starting point of fear of survival-self-interest- due to a belief I am not good enough/inferior/average so I need to be on guard so that what I have is not taken from me, as I now see/realize/understand this is to give my power away to the mind, and use energy instead of me here to make decisions for me, based on the past as memory experiences! I do not need to do this as I am here–indeed not in the past–it is only pictures in my mind/moving images of experiences long gone that, in reality, have zero control/power over me except what I decide to give them. Instead, I now decide in each breath to remain here, out of the mind of illusion, firmly here in the reality of my world, so I may move calmly but swiftly to create a world that is best for all.

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