Day 63: The Dutiful Housewife: Re-Programming My Subservient Nature

For context please read the previous post:  Day 62: Social Engineering: Raised by Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, I Dream Of Jeannie

I commit myself, to assist and support myself, to stop myself whenever I think of light housework/getting ready for a dinner party as fun and easy and relating it to a positive feeling/experience and choosing to follow/act upon this by avoiding/putting off daily writing because I have related writing/facing myself as difficult/negative, thereby replacing the negative with a supposed positive experience, as I now see/realize/understand in this act of postponement I am being completely controlled by my mind of energy (positive/negative) and not directing myself here, in the physical. In that, I also see how uncompleted tasks build up and create stress/anxiety, more mind energy, thereby I am strengthening my mind and not STANDING as stability within who I am here, a physical being.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and a daily corrective application, stop all blame toward another/my partner as it is only my guessing/interpreting  how I think my husband would react should I say no to a social engagement, as I now see/realize/understand to blame is actually a form of projection, not reality, and an indication to me that I need to look at myself /points within myself and not point fingers. In that, I also realize my partner, if not always immediately, is very supportive of me in all ways and would arranged the dinner party for another evening if I had explained to him that, as it was my day off, I had several important task to accomplish that were a priority.

I commit myself to, assist and support myself, to stop myself immediately when I become aware I am in an energetic state of rushing, which is of the mind, mind energy I have created from
putting off tasks/postponing and then being directed by fear that there is not enough time to complete my obligations, as I now see/realize/understand I can only move as fast as one breath
at a time, anything else is an illusion and not productive, as me directing myself in awareness here, and therefore, in fact only causes me to take longer as I hesitate/second guess/worry and causes me
to become physically tired -which makes me move slower, take longer and think about having a nap, a total mind fuck!

I commit myself to, assist and support myself, to speak up in the moment, whenever I become aware I am holding anger, toward my husband/another, within and as me and not let fear, as past memory experiences, direct me/my actions.
In that, I commit to stop and breathe (a deep breath in and out) and to then trust myself to be self-honest in the moment in my communication, remaining here with breath and sticking to the topic at hand without emotion, as/with clarity and stability as I now see/realize/understand this build up of
energy emotion has consequence, it doesn’t magically disappear, as such if I suppress it, it will surface again as resentment in a rage or, alternatively, it will be stored in the physical body and over time create disease. I also realize I have no right to throw my anger around, causing others to feel uncomfortable, in disguise of speaking about another topic, but in truth letting it all out to rid myself of a crappy feeling inside, because I did not take responsibility for how I was directing myself within my day.

I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and a daily self-corrective application, to be aware of and stop playing the role/part of the dutiful housewife, who is subservient in nature, putting the needs of her husband/others first as I now see/realize/understand I am not a picture, I am not a story, I am life-here, therefore to act from the starting point of memories as past experiences and not absolute equality is self-deception and not serving what is best for all, as I cannot effectively direct a situation to its optimum outcome from the starting point of fear, based in self-interest of my own survival- when this is a lie, as I am fully capable of taking care of myself, providing for my needs, eventually meeting a new partner, taking care of my health, further more this fear is a lie from the starting point of what my partner expects, as he is flexible, respectful towards me and on his own path of learning/expansion. In that, I realize it is unacceptable to me to use him as a scapegoat any longer.

I commit myself to, assist and support myself, to stop myself from using this role, of the dutiful/subservient housewife, to hide from myself by playing the victim, so when/as I see this character popping up from within me, I STOP, I BREATHE, and bring myself out of my mind and back to the physical, as I now see/realize/understand that I am allowing myself to play the victim/helpless female within this role,  and I then blame my lack of self-will/discipline with regards to time management and writing, on my partner! Subsequently letting the anger/tension build within me- THAT I HAVE TOWARDS MYSELF-  be inappropriately directed towards my partner! This is no longer acceptable to me.

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