I had a strong reaction of anger to an e-mail I received in which the sender said some things about me -which were true but I thought harsh– as I had intended a message I had written to be perceived differently than the way it was, which was taken literally versus as an ‘ideal’. However, I understand, how a communication-that I have written-is perceived is largely my responsibility , especially in the context of this particular one because I cannot assume (ass-u-me) that the reader will understand what I write as a ‘ideal’ or whatever–but that they will take what I write literally (in most cases-of course there are humorous writings) UNLESS I SPECIFY OTHERWISE. So this is common sense and my anger was a reaction to protect myself and mend my ego. To examine this in more detail:
The problem with this anger is not so much the initial reaction but then following that reaction! So when I react to anger I am going inside my mind with all sorts of thoughts, memories coming up, feeding off the energy so bringing up other emotions and this energy all building–SO THEN I AM NOT PRESENT in that moment-in reality-to deal with what is happening in a CALM, LOGICAL WAY and I speak too fast/make decisions too quickly-from the past and emotions connected to the past and do the same old thing/timeloop myself by having to face the consequences of guilt/shame for reacting in haste, perhaps apologizing for my rash behavior/speech, possibly cut ties with people-being directed and controlled by fear-fear of rejection and fear of loss so leave them before they leave me and fear not being good enough so I give up or make rash decisions that I regret later.
Another problem is I live in a illusionary bubble, polarizing my relationships, as me the weak one/victim and the other the strong one/bully, me the ‘right/good’ one, the other the ‘wrong/evil’ one. As I am one of MANY on this planet who react in/with anger, there are millions of us reacting with emotion which leads to further separation and possibly communication breakdown and conflict! In that, conflict can result because/as the emotion of anger unresolved tends to fester (memories can be exaggerated/changed to suit /feed one’s ego over time)and become resentment, hate and this can lead to conflict in the form or verbal exchange/arguement, gossip, physical violence, and even war.
Each of these solutions leads to the next, builds upon the other.
1. The first solution to this problem is to SLOW DOWN. If I can slow down, in fact STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, several deep breaths in and out and commit to not THINKING but to staying present. Give it a little time, as in just listen (if someone else is present), tell them I’m going to get back to you on this if I am too upset or just breathe and know you will face the reaction later, also one can physically leave the space/room for a break to assist in calming down (excuse yourself if you are with others).
2. Ok, once I have slowed myself down, the second solution if to LOOK at the situation calmly: In this situation, I initially felt anger arise inside of me because I felt insulted/threatened like someone was attacking me and so I need to defend myself. (note: I also trend to read too fast, in these cases, like ‘what else did they say’ looking quickly for more damning word against me and can therefore misinterpret the actual response) So it is important to go back and read/review what this person’s actual response was. With the LOOKING, can examine/ask myself WHY am I feeling angry? SO TO GO TO THE ROOT/SOURCE/CAUSE OF WHY YOU ARE TAKING THE MIND PERSONALLY? What do I not want to give up/is there something I am deriving from it/how is it serving my ego/self interest/how does it empower me/do I want revenge on someone? In this case it was because I felt threatened, like ‘how dare they say that about me , how dare they say I am wrong’ and so fear that maybe they are correct. If they are correct and I am wrong then fear that I am not good enough, I doubt myself and my ability and worth and I am uncomfortable with having to look at myself, it doesn’t FEEL GOOD AND I WANT TO FEEL GOOD-this coming from childhood and society reward/punishment systems to motivate a person, so I fear the negative energy of punishment and change it into the positive-through the act of thinking- and as the reward I receive an energetic high, this is what I desire-the energetic high of feeling high and mighty- so if I defend myself (in my mind) I can CHANGE MY FEELING FROM NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE, from a negative energy reaction (anger/inferiority/victim/weak) to a positive energy reaction (blame, victor, winner, superiority). In that, I am vindicated because I am right AND THIS FEELS GOOD. However it is only deceptive ‘power’/justification and thus temporary, as it is not based on reality so this anger point will arise again and again. Therefore, to uncover the ‘why’ is the process of a permanent solution-to eventually eliminate the anger as and within you.
3. The third solution is to STOP PARTICIPATION in this reaction the next time it comes up, meaning be aware of what you are experiencing and even say ‘stop, NO , not participating‘ ( out loud or in your mind if you are with others) and use your breath to stabilize yourself. Then, do not engage in inner conversation or self-judgment but commit to investigate what happened when you have time and in so doing-you are not suppressing the reaction of anger but taking proper responsibility to direct it/clear from within you.
*Each time you stop participating in a reaction of anger, you are one step closer to your own freedom! Freedom from the mind as energy and freedom from the past as memories, which means you have a whole new life-you are life-born in innocence in each moment here!
*You won’t be dragging around the heaviness of guilt and self-judgement that is a consequence of speaking out in haste when you react in/with anger.
*You will be more healthy, mentally and physically. You will have less tiredness, more hours in your day to enjoy!
*You won’t need to blame others, vilify others, to make yourself feel better/ok/good.
*You’ll be standing as an example for others, as a source of stability and true strength, and thus you will be in a position to support and assist your fellow man.
*You will have more stable relationships.
*You will create a true empowerment/strength within yourself which will grow over time, as it builds upon itself, a strength that does not need to win/be better than another but has humility with no ulterior agenda/motive based on self-interest.
*You will stand as an example for your children and create a safe/open/respectful/truly loving family/home environment.
To continue with Self-Forgiveness and Corrective Application Statements in next post
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