Please read the previous post, Day 108 for context to this blog in which I outline the problem -a lifetime of increasing debt, caused by a pattern of fear of failure, manifesting as the ‘I’m not good enough’ character and then using hope/dreaming/spirituality, basically chasing my tail around instead of practical movement in reality, to not really try to better my income, thus getting entrenched into and living out these characters AS ME.
So now for the SOLUTION: Applying self-forgiveness and living/walking a self-corrective application with each breath throughout one’s day.
From the previous post:
Thought: I hate that I borrowed money throughout my life and that I still owe people/institutions money. I wish I could turn back the clock and act responsibly. I would not do it again
Note: If you are new to this blog, I have been sober now for 9 years! Lol, I have received some comments from very upset readers concerned/angered about me as a mom. Also, to note, when I say I was drinking alcoholically, it is a slow progression of a disease, you are not a full blown drunk right away, so the years when my children were young it was very easy to ‘hide’/I would appear completely normal to people/could handle it very well. Not an excuse or to say it had no effect/influence on my life or children’s lives. They did not see me drunk until near the end of the drinking years, which was horrible enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘the debtor’ and as the debtor think, ‘I hate that I borrowed money throughout my life and that I still owe people/institutions money. I wish I could turn back the clock and act responsibly. I would not do it again.’
When and as I see I am falling into this character and this re-occuring thought, as the beginning of a pattern, I say ‘NO, not participating, back to breath’ and I stand and I use breath to stabilize myself here in physical equality and oneness, as I now see/realize/understand I cannot effectively direct myself/my day if I am lost in my mind of continual thinking, participating in this one thought leads me down the rabbit hole of all sorts of backchat and pictures/memories and it does not change the past and is therefore a waste of my time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my engagement in this thought is based on a foundation of fear of failure and leads me into another character ‘I’m not good enough’ and as this character I give myself an ‘out’/excuse to not remain with clarity (out of consciousness as/with the starting point of the past) and move freely throughout my day/ move forward with tasks that will lead to/can lead to a resolution of this situation.
I commit myself, to assist and support myself, to be aware of this fear of failure and tendency to go into a state/feeling of hopelessness around this situation, so I stop all such participation in this fear as I now see/realize/understand there is nothing to be afraid of, as in reality the past is the past and what remains is pictures/memories in my mind, which when I go back to breath/my physical body and focus on staying out of my mind, dissipates until it vanishes completely, so it has no power-reality in itself-except what power I give it in the moment, so I let it go and continue on with my day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage in my imagination around this thought with moving pictures/images/memories/fantasies of re-paying debt or being vindicated somehow, lol of : imaginings of receiving a boat load of money and how the relief would feel, winning the lottery, winning a car from my coffee purchase (promotion from local coffee shop), pictures of all the various people and institutions I owe money to and me paying them back -smiling and apologizing, writing a letter to people explaining why/how this happened and why taking me so long to re-pay, dropping off a letter at a house, imagining what my creditors say about me/think about me, imagining me as the ‘good person’/victim and my creditors as the ‘wolves at the door‘ (personal and institutions) and them realizing one day equality is what is needed in the world and they were wrong to want re-payment-not let me ‘off the hook’ for the debt and I was right, imaging seeing some of my creditors–and some other people who I had asked for a loan but they said no (these were acquaintances)– at some upcoming social functions and me feeling ashamed/embarrassed and explaining to them why I asked -so planning out my speech so I come out looking/them thinking better of me.
In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust my process of staying aware with breath here, because I am worried if I don’t think about it, it will not get resolved, I want to change my negative energy of the emotions of guilt/regret/shame to positive energy experience of revenge, relief, happiness in self-interest-so failure to success-which is just another character–in polarity– using energy from the physical body to feed the mind consciousness systems! In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I use the imagination I am strengthening my mind of illusion INSTEAD OF STRENGTHENING MY STAND HERE in physical equality and oneness.
When and as I see myself participating in my imagination around this thought/the character of the ‘the debtor’ I immediately bring myself out of my head and back to the physical with a firm statement ‘no, not participating, back to breath’ (if others are present, I simply say this in my mind or whisper it) and then continue to focus on ONE BREATH AT A TIME remaining here, as I now see/realize/understand engaging in my mind of imagination leads to further mind energy manifesting in the form of emotions and then physical body changes and can lead to consequences ie. postponement so not accomplishing my daily tasks and family responsibilities or work responsibilities, it does not change the past, it keeps me from changing in any substantial/lasting way as my starting point IS THE PAST and not here-where real power manifests moment to moment.
Note: About half of my debt has been payed OR resolved in a settlement=partial payment, over the last 5 years, through re-financing (again) and coming to an agreement with creditors, and also to note most of what is left is personal debt I owe to ex-relatives.
To continue with the SOLUTIONS the next post, as examining internal conversations, reactions of emotions and feelings, physical body changes, consequences and then outlining some of the REWARDS of change that result from this process of writing yourself to freedom! (see below Dip Pro and Dip Lite)
Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.