Day 118: Consequences of CONsciousness

aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRmJvb2dlcnN2aWV3LmZpbGVzLndvcmRwcmVzcy5jb20lMkYyMDExJTJGMDQlMkZ5b3UtYXJlLWhlcmUuanBnPlease refer to day 115/116/117 for context to this blog, in which I am deconstructing my fear of stopping thoughts.

Today’s blog will examine the consequenses of participating in the continual act of thinking/CONsciousness.

From Day 115: Thought:  If I stop my thoughts I will be bored and lonely, as in nothing going on inside to occupy/entertain/inspire=manipulate me.  As well, I’m afraid I might access some power I cannot handle  because I do not know if I”m  responsible enough to take on such power. I don’t know if I want the responsibility that comes with birthing ones self as life in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I am creating consequence    through the continual act of thinking. Some examples being:  I go into imagination cycles of  the same scenarios over and over again and so am not productive within my day, I use energy and thus ‘feel’ tired very quickly and then start thinking about ‘escape’ to my bed for a nap thus am not using  my time productively and do not accomplish tasks. Some thoughts from this morning:  thinking I need to lose weight, thinking about moving to a more affordable house, worrying about my mom’s health and pictures of her in the hospital, pictures of my siblings in my mind and our get together planned for this weekend, feeling guilty about the woman in my mom’s room who has no visitors thinking I should bring her in flowers and sit and talk with her. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing I am not moving myself effectively to birth myself as life in the physical but instead I am living from the starting  point of the past, as memory experiences and am only REACTING TO LIFE instead of living it HERE, behaving as an organic robot-programmed-to be a character in the ‘story of Sandy’ and this is not self-honest but self-interest as I am possessed with thoughts about how to make my life more comfortable and luxurious, being directed by ego, when millions (billions?) are in need of food, housing, child care, medical care, etc.

Why am I afraid to stop my thoughts and stop the consequence of thought?

Because I am afraid of ‘leaving’ those I love/respect behind, I am concerned I will ‘forget’ something, I am not trusting my process of becoming life in the physical, I am not using restraint as in patience with perseverance to see where this will lead me-who I will become as the directive principal of my life instead of the mind as the director/dictator of my life/movement, I DO NOT WANT TO LET GO OF THE IDEA THAT I AM IMPORTANT-that my character in isolation from the whole is important and that ‘the meaning’ of my life is to ‘be the best I can’ while I learn certain lessons basically just within myself and not the greater of humanity/earth as a whole, these lessons being to overcome ‘shyness’/inhibition/learn to act spontaneously as this is more attractive to the opposite sex lol and so ultimately good for my survival.  I don’t want to give up the idea that the meaning of my life is to survive- so from the STARTING POINT OF SELF-INTEREST- and ACCUMULATE WEALTH for me and my family- to survive the ‘best I can’ and to have fun ‘while I can’ and not worry about the WorldEqualMoney-1rest of humanity, the plant kingdom, the animal kingdom, the oceans.  I do not want to let go of the idea that I cannot effect change within and without-so change myself to become someone who lives breath by breath to do what is best for all/will accumulate into what is best for all on this planet, I do not want to give up my dreams (stemming from my personalities I have built over my lifetime) of wealth, fame, ease and comfort, fun and excitement-travel. I don’t want to give up the idea I am a ‘good/caring person’ and it is enough to be kind and do some random acts of kindness or give to charity.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop creating consequence outflow from desiring to hold onto consciousness/the continual act of thinking, living isolated within my own mind, living in separation from the whole of life, earth as one living organism/body, by bringing my awareness back to breath HERE each moment I find I am in the act of thinking. I realize I can move with the physical and get things done and take time for planning so I do not forget any task that is important to accomplish within my day, I realize I am actually more effective/accomplish more when I am focused on breath and not in my head/mind with random thoughts popping up and then following them. I understand/realize to worry about others is useless, my family/friends are in their own processes and I do not control them nor can I ‘push them’ but can live as an example of stability, moving here in the physical, so when/if they should ask I can share my process, all I am learning within the Desteni I Process, with them.  I also see that I am learning, one breath at a time, restraint and patience and perseverance and so to engage in frustration with myself is useless but I can remind myself to be gentle /kind to me. I understand that I am not important-as in the story of my life- in isolation but I am part of the whole of this planet and my reason for existence is not to just survive but to become an aware being in each moment so as to act in full awareness able to create a life that is worth living for all on earth and not just some ‘fortunate’ ones who have the money to do so, in that I realize EMC Equal Money Capitalism will be a step towards this goal. I realize I am not here to just learn lessons of survival and overcoming some small personality defects and write some songs-WHICH IS LIVING IN LIMITATION-  but to learn the ultimate life lesson- that LIFE IS NOT A CONTAINMENT OF LIMITATION AND I AM LIFE- therefore I am here with breath and moving in the physical, out of my mind of thought, to create a world that is best for all where all have what they need -and when that task is done we can then focus more on enjoyment and expression and perfecting the physical.

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