Today, I will pause for a moment to reflect on what I have learned and how I am living/incorporating what I have learned throughout each day, so that I ensure I am not just accumulating a bunch of knowledge and information, useless in itself without a physical and mental application. I will do this by writing about strengths and weaknesses I can identify within my process, DIP (Desteni I Process Pro).
Daily Writing: I have begun writing a blog each day (6 days a week, as Sunday I go support my mom, long drive). I can see how it is much more beneficial to do daily writing and actually it is ‘easier’ as I am not fighting with myself as much about, as in internal conversation ‘I have to write my blog tomorrow’ kind of thing. I also find I stress about it less as it is consistent, a constant in my life. It has been assisting to remind myself -when I find I am going to start thinking about it, ‘I start my day with self-forgiveness’ and leave it at that. Each time I start having thoughts (complaints usually , lol ‘I can’t be spending my whole morning every morning writing, for god sake!’ Note: I just had a monster cold so did not publish a blog yesterday but am back at it today.
The Observer: I am becoming more and more aware of my thoughts, as in observing them. I notice this more often throughout my day AND IF I DON’T I STOP AND REMIND MYSELF TO BE MORE AWARE AND STAY WITH BREATH as they are almost constant. I am realizing how constantly and consistently I think, no wonder I needed to drink , lol, to stop the machine or ‘committee’ in ones head (as they say in AA Alcoholics Anonymous). I catch myself, maybe 10% of the time, with a single picture in my mind, usually of a face-person I know-and often apply SF (Self-forgiveness) for the first thought as a picture-so I do not follow the thought, down the rabbit hole into: fear/imagination/backchat/emotions and feelings/behavioral changes/consequences, so that is very cool. So I say, ‘I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the first thought as a picture/pixel in my mind, of X’. I can also see how, as I have simplified my life quite a bit to do process, the same thoughts keep coming up, circling over and over and the uselessness of this and how it just occupies me/throws me off track from accomplishing/staying focused on certain tasks throughout my day.
Back to Breath: I can see how I am staying in imagination less, so I catch myself-become aware I am lost in/within my mind of moving images of the past as memories or a fantasy of the present or future and I tend to keep following it less often and /or am aware of my tendency to continue to follow it. Often I do this because I am fearful to forget something so, as soon as I am able, I find paper and pen and write down the thing I find so important so I can be comfortable not thinking about, OR a few times lately I have asked myself ‘do I really need to write this down? No, I will remember.’ or ‘It is actually not something I need to remember or do at this time’. Then I relax and let it go. Most importantly I say , ‘Back to Breath!’ and continue moving in the physical.
Sleep as an Escape: It is a little hard to say as I have been quite sick for the last week with a brutal cold, so have needed more sleep. Regardless, mid morning, my mind and body are quite conditioned to feel tired and I find specific pictures pop up in my mind and the words tired/little nap/rest/little sleep/lay down popping up–after I have a cigarette usually. I enjoy 5 cigarettes per day and they are at certain times so it is very habitual and I have trained myself this way, lol. I am going to have to walk the point of changing the association between cigarette and bed-the words the pictures-as I really enjoy my smokes and have no plans at this time to give them up.
Fearing doing Vlogs: It seems my mind just loooooves to fear something! I have been doing vlogs for a few years within my Desteni participation, so I am all over this one, as I can see I have developed a small fear –better face it while it is still small—of doing vlogs. Lots of backchat: I don’t like what I chose for my channel title, how do you put on a channel title, my vlogs are weak, too much effort to plan, I don’t like to plan vlogs, when I plan vlogs I get waaayyy more hits/views, shit ’cause I don’t like to plan vlogs, I’m not good at vlogs, maybe I’ll be hurt or one of my children will be harmed because of doing vlogs- by some radical viewer who doesn’t like equality, blah, blah…’ Also, an irrational fear, based on self-interest that I will be punished either now by being zapped/killed/replaced or later when I face death BUT what difference does it make, I will face death regardless and I have made a commitment to myself, to make the best use of my time here as possible, being to remain with process and communicate a message of EMC, Equal Money Capitalism, as a solution (a step/part) to the world’s many problems.
So I can see also that , as soon as I started writing daily, I stopped doing my weekend vlogs. I was not /am not ‘used to’ the time and dedication it takes, as of yet, so this is somewhat understandable but not acceptable, as it is my responsibility to push through my pre-programming, to not accept myself as limitation/life as limitation but to become expansion/expression of self as life. I will begin the process of doing every other day vlogging to spread the message of equality and how it is possible for us to change and create a new world that is best for all, vocalize what I am learning in process for myself and share what I learn, and to thus introduce people to DIP (Desteni I Process).
Breath Awareness, I Can Loose it Quickly! Finally, I have noticed I can get lost very quickly and loose breath awareness so fast and then become frustrated /discouraged, so I am reacting to my mind and may have a thought, ‘this is impossible’. The correction is simple enough-I remind myself ‘don’t react to the mind, back to breath’. I am doing this but I am finding I can get away from here as I am concerned about my mom and have lots of thought/emotions/feeling circling around. Going back to breath assist greatly in stabilizing myself , so not go further go into anxiety and feeling sick in my stomach of nausea, which was starting to happen.
Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.