In this post, I am continuing investigating and deconstructing this thought: ‘To transcend pain without using the mind-just words- is bad/wrong’. Please refer to yesterday’s blog, Day 124 for context to this blog.
From the previous post:
The experience last week was much more definitive and clear than ever before … then I very clearly and somewhat ‘strongly’ stated in my mind: ‘I release all aches and pains’. Then I JUST FOCUSED ON TAKING ANOTHER DEEP BREATH-no thoughts-no images in my mind. I was still lying on my bed with my eyes closed. Then something happened, it was like a space opened up, like a clearing with a whiteness or blankness-a nothingness. Then, or at about the same time, I felt a total/complete release of the aches and pain in all areas of my body and head, like a wave but from the center of the body out as a opposed to from top to bottom kind of thing. I just kept using breath and not the mind. When this has happened in the past, often the aches and pains would return shortly after but this time they did not. I’m assuming-since the only thing that is different is my participation within Desteni I Process/JTL blogging which is about focusing on becoming a more physical being and less of a mind being-THAT THIS IS WHY-so I was able to remain out of my mind of thinking-doubts as in backchat ‘is it coming back?it will return.this won’t last’ that I would usually engage in. That is the only difference ! I did not go back into thoughts!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the foundation of this thought-the root cause of this thought is fear, in that I am afraid to use words-as the living word-because it is somehow wrong/evil because it is using a power I don’t not understand or know how-yet-to control and so I connect it with witchcraft/occult/dark side and I fear I would somehow use it for bad deeds as in make a mistake -for example, I am confident I wouldn’t do that in revenge but maybe in a fantasy of revenge and then harm myself or another when I did not intend to. In that, I fear I am not disciplined or responsible enough to learn to use this tool as life, as the living word and so would then have to face consequences of others punishing me, criticizing me, making fun of me.
I commit myself, to assist and support myself, to stop myself whenever I see I am going into the mind within the emotion of fear as I now see/realize/understand I am no where near having some great power, lol, it is at this point a slow, thorough process of self-awareness and I am just starting to consider words as myself and myself as one and equal to the words I speak, so just beginning the process of purifying words. I also understand how, whenever I have moved too fast in my life-that is when I fell the hardest-and I can trust myself to live what I am learning as in the importance of thought, word and deed AS THAT IS WHO I AM WITHIN EACH MOMENT HERE and to live that in a way which is best for all, so I must always be aware of my starting point-as what is best for all life- and stay with my breath out of my mind of illusion.
Internal Conversation & Backchat Dimension:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when/as I participate in talking inside my head with some of the following: ‘ I should not do this, it is like magic and could be dangerous. I can’t make it last anyway. I’m not the type of person who can do this kind of thing. What does it mean if I can transcend pain using just words? Others will think I’m ‘too big for my britches’ “ dictionary.com: asserting oneself beyond one’s authority or ability. Is it coming back? It will return. This won’t last.’
When and as I see myself engaging within the mind of backchat and internal conversation I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself I am a physical being and bring my awareness back to the physical and squeeze my arm or leg if necessary, I hear the sounds around me, feel the breath going in and out of my lungs-as tools to stay out of one’s mind. I now see/understand that AS I STAY AND TRUST THE PHYSICAL ALL DOUBT/FEAR-BS IS GONE AS THE EXERCISE IS WHAT IT IS -IT WORKS AT THAT MOMENT OR IT DOESN’T-IT IS SIMPLE-AN EXERCISE USING WORDS TO ASSIST ONE TO LET GO/RELEASE PAIN IN ONE’S MUSCLE TISSUE-PERIOD.
I also realize that the simple act of breathing stabilizes oneself and relaxes the muscles so breath is in itself releasing tension which is one factor causing the pain. I also see/understand that meditation-using visualization/listening to music &/or someone’s soothing voice and using breath-is also using sounds and words, it is just slowed down-not as direct as the approach I used- therefore it is all really a matter of time/moments, stretching it out or using the words in a more direct/simplified/immediate way, if the words work to relax/heal then they work!
Another point of realization is I do not control what others think, but I do control and am responsible for what I think and I am not asserting myself beyond my ability if an exercise of releasing a point of pain is working, I have only done it with this degree of success once so many times more ‘practice’ are needed to come to any conclusion, there is no harm in investigating this any number of times, it is in no way dark/evil it’s just me lying on my bed lol, I am not asserting myself beyond my authority as it is actually my responsibility to heal my human physical body and to take care of it (sometimes with the assistance of others/health professionals and medication if required) and to share my finding with others, as what is best for all in equality, in case there is anything that may support another.
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