Day 131: You’re So Negative! 3

303792_10150426682206084_218119553_nPlease refer to the previous 2 posts, Day 129 and Day 130,  for context to this blog.

PROBLEM:  I Exist In Negativity

from the previous post:  I jump to the positive to combat the negative, like I am at war with myself, to kind of cancel it out thus make myself feel better/ok.  Although, this seems to work for the moment or few hours, I’m back to the negative thinking once again, mostly unaware so jumping to the positive is not an effective or lasting solution.   It is simply an attempt to deal with the consequences of how shit I feel about my life and the world around me by cramming in a bunch of ‘light’ thoughts but what it does in fact is delay and build up more consequence from the within,  by suppressing/denying the thoughts and subsequent emotions it actually causes harm to ones physical body and from the without, by turning a blind eye to the very real and vast array of problems the world is facing.

Thought:  I’m so negative!  Oh, I have it better than most, stop complaining and be grateful, carry on, you can’t change the world, think I’ll pick up a chocolate bar.

SOLUTION:  To examine this thought, within it’s muti-dimensions, and reconstruct it applying commitment statements that I am able to live/walk as living words responsibly, which are best for all life.

Internal Conversation and Backchat Dimension

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I am engaging in internal conversation/backchat within my own mind and then often replying to myself, lol, like:  I’m doing it again, I’ll never get this, it’s impossible to change, nothing is working, I can’t break this habit, no one watches my vlogs anyway, the world is a mess, no one hears the message of equality, human beings won’t change, it’s too big of a goal, no one ‘gets’ equal money. In that,  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I then switch to the positive polarity looking for a ‘treat’ of something to eat or a cigarette as reward/diversion or when I think something I believe will make me feel better for a positive energy experience to distract myself and motivate to ‘keep moving’ within my day.

I commit myself, to assist and support myself, whenever I find I am talking inside my own head in a negative way, by using breath awareness to bring myself back to reality, to the physical as I now see/realize/understand I do not require the energies of positive or negative thinking to motivate myself here as life, I know my responsibilities within my day and I move myself/direct myself to stand and contribute, I also realize negative thinking is not productive and keeps me stuck by leading to fear/hopelessness and then becoming immobile, thus it serves no purpose but to control me into doing nothing.

Emotion and Feeling Dimension

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I am reacting to negativity within the following emotions: guilt, hopelessness, helplessness, overwhelmingness, sadness, and FEAR, self-pity, blame, self-blame.

I commit myself, to assist and support myself, whenever I find I going into any of these emotions by using breath to stabilize myself, as I now see/realize/understand I am using these emotions as an excuse to stop/do nothing/make a  mediocre effort and to not stand up as life for myself and all in existence. It is no longer acceptable to me to ‘let myself off the hook’ just because a task seems large. I realize change is possible -not inside the mind of energies going up and down-but through day by day/moment by moment physical participation, to grow/expand/change as an individual and as the world systems, into a being and species (humanity) that no longer exists within self-interest but within oneness and equality.

main-qimg-3394ef4740aa31074c0ce652c4be0b40Physical Reactions and Behaviors

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when negativity within thinking has led to: lethargy, an overwhelming sense of being tired, headache at the base of my head and in forehead region, shallow breathing, stiffness of my jaw, tightening in my solar plexus, nausea in my stomach.

When and as I see myself going into physical body reactions from participating within negativity, I immediately stop myself and bring my awareness back here, to what is real before me in my reality and day. I remind myself how useless it is to engage in negative thinking-as it does not change anything- and is making me literally feel sick as my physical body reacts to the energies of the negative. I do not allow myself to go into the positive, instead  I use breath to stabilize myself and focus on breath until I am clear and can move without energy and get on with the task at hand.

Consequence Dimension 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the consequences of living within negativity, some being: one tends to give up/go into ‘it’s useless to even try’ allowing the energy of the mind to possess one to the extent of becoming just a reactor/spectator of life instead of creating life and standing up to change whatever it is that is bothering you about yourself/your environment so as not not face oneself and do what needs to be done , one tends to jump into the positive to ‘feel better’ but then does not  act/move to create change to better the situation/condition within yourself or your environment, one continues to live inside ones mind and does not ‘see’ reality of the suffering on our planet that is caused directly by the human being, one tends to exaggerate as the energies of the negative snowball /accumulate to become something that cannot be tackled instead of taking one point at a time so it is not overwhelming.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to the process of stopping the many consequences of negativity by bringing myself back to the physical with breath, as I now see/realize/understand I cannot effectively direct myself within my day if I am lost in my mind of energy, playing games with myself, back and forth from negative to positive and I do not accomplish my responsibilities but waste time as the energies suck me dry and I become tired. As well, I no longer want to wallow in self-pity, fear and blame and use them as an excuse to not be the best person I can be for myself and my world-I am responsible. Lastly I remind myself I do not want negative thoughts to get so exaggerated the task seems too large to even begin, as there is no point in this.

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