Day 137: Taking Responsibility for Words: ‘Middle Age’ in relation to eyesight 2

2009_03_Shattered_490X327From Day 134, ‘I wear contact lenses, a relatively strong perscription. In the last few years I have needed reading glasses…So, here I am beginning the process of examining  this physical point, by firstly looking at the key words I associate with reading glasses within my life and how I live them and incorporate them-as myself and into myself.  I will apply self-forgiveness and a self-corrective application to each word in order to live in awareness with the words I speak, with more understanding of the pre-programming the physical body has to live with, and how I have been instructing my eyes, in each moment of my life, with information about age/time/doctors etc. and so how to act/be.   So it will be a fascinating undertaking to walk my muti-dimensional realtionship with my eyes, specifically with the point/thought of ‘I need reading glasses’ and the process of  changing this relationship/taking responsibility so I become the living word!’

In this post I am continuing to examine my relationship to the words:  middle age

Imagination Dimension

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate, within my mind unaware, with pictures and imagining (like a movie playing in my head) of memories within my own life,  books, movies, school of what the words `middle age`  look like and mean, like it is factual information that can be trusted, when I know the mind as memory cannot be trusted as we often embellish or change the past to suit our own agenda and ego, of some of the following:   seeing myself with grey hair, sagging skin, in the hospital ill, as an old woman, in a nursing home, my mom in a nursing home, seeing myself as `dumpy`as in weight gain with no curves  and wondering if my husband would still find me attractive, imagining a doctor or my dad saying it is normal for a woman to put on weight around her mid-drift in middle age, seeing a man and woman peering over their reading glasses looking and having an opinion they look silly, imagining young girls saying I`m cute when I`m old and not liking that, pictures of younger looking women and comparing myself to them.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself and others forward in time, as in a fantasy, or back in time, as memories of the past, thereby not remaining within reality, as what is here before me.

Why do I do this :  Because I often want to assure myself I don`t look `that old`or `that bad`, lol, as I associate growing old with loosing an asset, beauty, due to fear of survival by not having a man to provide financially (partially) for me and because I fear pain and death and I associate both with the process of aging, both points of self-interest, caring solely about myself and my survival instead of seeing myself as one and equal within existence.

I commit myself to the process of stopping participation within my imagination around the words `middle age`. When and as I see myself in my imagination around this point, I stop and breathe and bring my awareness back to my physical body and what is before me, as I now realize I am indeed responsible for all relationships and associations within  these words, as what I have created over my lifetime. I also understand I am not an island, I am but a part who is becoming aware  and require to bring awareness to all of my cells, the eyes and physcial body, as the within, and to all human beings ( life forms) without,  from the smaller to the greater, it is up to me to stand in each moment,  to begin a process of physical communication and repair.  As well, I see that  it is useless and does not change reality to engage in the mind with pictures and I cannot effectively direct myself  here when I am lost in my imagination.

Internal Conversation and Backchat Dimension

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within internal conversation and  backchat within my own mind of some of the following, pertaining to the word `middle age`: oh god I don`t want to look like x, he looks so creepy peering up from those reading glasses, it`s so frustrating I can`t read anything, I don`t look like my parents when they were  `middle aged` I `m way more hip, arn`t I, I can`t believe how much I`ve aged, I look so old, f** I have such deep lines in my forehead from all that boozing and I never noticed I was aging, Oh well, I can hide the lines with my hair, I hate my legs and now my skin is starting to sag, my hair is so grey, should I keep dying it, I don`t want to be vain, well I have to for my marriage, just do it for the money, I don`t care if he leaves me, OMG I look awful ,how much worse are my eyes going to get, I`m afraid of blindness, I`ve gained weight, I used to look good in clothes.

Why:  In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess, within my mind of inner chatter, about `middle age` because I am allowing fear to direct me and I need to quell my fears, calm myself by talking to myself (but in actuality most of the inner talk is negative), as if this somehow changes the situation, or to justify how I have changed physically like `well, I am 52, this is normal, so its ok, you look ok`.

I commit myself, to assist and support myself, to the process of stopping participation with internal conversation and backchat. When and as I see myself going into my mind of backchat about middle age, I immediately stop and bring myself back to the physical and use breath awareness to remain out of my mind , as I now see it is not an effective use of my time as it does not change reality and stops me from moving and directing myself to actually take the steps necessary to grow and change and expand as a human being, it is indulging in being negative and I am committed to stabilizing myself with breath awareness and not using energy, so not positive or negative or neutral but here. I also realize these relationships as characters i speak about and to inside my head are my own making, I am responsible for all relationships and associations I have toward the words ` middle age` and cannot blame any structure, system, person, god outside of myself  .

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race on EQAFE

RE-PARENT YOURSELF: RE-BIRTH YOURSELF TO BECOME THE LIVING WORD!

The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected

Overview of the 3 Phases of Child Development:
Phase I: 0-1 Years
Phase II: 1-3 Years
Phase III: 3-7 Years

The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected
Specificity of Child Development 0-1 Years:
The relationship to Sound and Energy of Words.
The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected
Specificity of Child Development 0-1 Years:
What happens when the Baby Resists the Energy of the Words?
The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected
Specificity of Child Development 0-1 Years:
What happens when a Baby Accepts the Energy of the Words?
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