I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on’ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I. I will examine this situation here in this blog.
Thought: I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become judgement and as judgement think, ‘I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.’
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by fear as the foundation of this thought, as in I am afraid for his wife’s future and mental health/stability, I am afraid this could happen to me again, I fear I cannot trust what he says in the future, I fear I will be in a situation again in which I am uncomfortable with what he is sharing regarding stories of his past, I am afraid I will be angry at him and this could come out in the form of a reaction or communicated by my body language and then I will upset others and I will have to face the consequences of my communication, I am afraid my husband will be angry at me for not wanting to socialize with his friend and there could be consequences from this.
Why am I possessed by all these fears? Because of holding onto memories, of past experiences, in which my first husband left me and I went through much emotion/mental turmoil and spiraled into mental illness and then alcoholism. Also, because I hold an opinion that some men are liers and cheaters and this has harmed me and harms others. Because I did not speak up, in self-honesty in the moment, in the past and simply tell this man I would prefer if he not share sexually explicit stories of his past, as I did not want to come across as ‘no fun/too stuffy/uptight’ when his wife and my husband just laughed so I joined in, because I am blaming him and allowing myself to judge him as the villain in this situation and his wife as the ‘wronged one/innocent/victim’, because I still hold onto a belief in ‘ownership’ of another within a union/marriage, and finally, because I do not trust myself in that I could react and ‘act cold’ or blurt out something I regret later, not considering all involved in self-responsibility,if we got together with him and his new girlfriend.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my imagination with: memories of my first husband leaving our marriage, a specific memory of walking on an icy street-when I realized our marriage was over- feeling ‘devastated’ and full of fear and regret for having chosen him as a partner and guilt about him being the father of our 2 children (lol, very self-righteous) and relating this /assuming this is how the wife in this situation must feel-so projecting my stuff, from my past, onto her. Also, imagining the man ‘happy’ and relieved his marriage has ended and the woman sad and lonely, pictures in my mind-moving images- of my husband deciding he want to leave me.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in internal conversation/backchat within this situation like: So X is just discarded like garbage and voila here is the replacement, because the replacement is slimmer, not so shy and quiet, blah, blah… , so this is ok? I am suppose to say this is cool with me, to just switch partners? How about supporting your partner when they need it? ‘For better or for worse?’ Did those words mean anything?..I DO NOT TRUST HIS WORDS/WHAT HE SAYS NOW, I only listened to his gross stories so as to not make waves/go along with the evening, he was always saying how much he loved his wife and then just dumped her so I wonder if my husband could do the same?’
To continue: with Self Forgiveness Statements and Self-Corrective Application Statements as the Solution that is walked daily.
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