Day 156: Judging Another’s Decision As Wrong 2

aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjQuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLW5hM3hQUy1zUkdJJTJGVVkzaF94VF9CNkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUJ2QSUyRnIzcy1YeTJaYnlrJTJGczMyMCUyRmp1c3QlMkJkbyUyQml0LmpwZw==From the Previous Post:  I have been doubting my decision to not socialize with someone in my life. This is a man, my partner’s good friend, who recently spit from his wife. We did many things together over the last 7 years and all enjoyed ourselves extensively. It is unfortunate that their marriage has ended but he has ‘moved on‘ and is dating another woman. My partner and I were discussing the possibility of him asking us, sometime in the not too distant future, to meet/spend time with this new/or some other new woman in his life and I shared my concerns with my husband. This caused some stress between my partner and I.  I will examine this situation here in this blog.

Thought:  I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend. I think that he was wrong to leave his wife and I don’t like that he hurt her.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words ‘new girlfriend’ to:  a negative charge, to my ex-husband, to memories of my previous marriage, to a female who is younger/slimmer/prettier, thus to competition and polarity thinking versus one and equal female relationships, to threat/warning/danger/loss/ownership.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/be possessed by the emotions/negative energy reactions of:  anger, fear, dislike, blame, worry, judgement, regret, sadness, self-righteousness, helplessness, victimization, superiority, inferiority.

Why am I allowing this energy to direct and control me?  I do not want this man’s wife to suffer as I did in the past and I do not want to go through a separation/divorce again-so I am using my mind of memories and past experience as a starting point in this moment/in this situation, I  ASS-U-Me his wife will take a victim stance as I did in the past and I desire to protect her from emotional pain so she can move forward in her life in a healthy way, I do not want to let go of my past associations/relationship to husband=mean /abusive & wife= innocent/victim because I want revenge for what I blame my father and ex-husband for-verbal and emotional abuse of me and my mother over many years HOWEVER this is based on memories and memories have a way of being changed within our minds to suit our own personal needs to be ‘right’ and validate our characters we have built up over time-in that I/my mom could have spoken up/taken action/made changes but stayed silent (for the most part) and ineffectual within our marriages.

THUS,  I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to DESIRE TO PROTECT this woman and myself from the consequences of a ‘bad marriage’ thereby absolving her and I from blame and not taking responsibility for circumstances within our lives  but putting it all on the ‘husbands’ so I can have my positive energy reward/experience which is the ‘good’ feeling of innocence instead of /to replace the ‘bad’/negative feeling of- pain/uncertainty/fear/anger- I am facing at the moment.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on men/husband’s in general by blaming this man for leaving his wife and judging his decision as wrong, thus turning him and his wife into polarized characters of;  the good wife/the bad husband, strong/weak, right/wrong, bully/victim, happy/sad, etc.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to cause the following behavioral changes within my human physical body, due to my reactions around this thought and situation:  a feeling of anxiety/excitement in my solar plexes as much energy is created from all the emotion that arises-like a danger/fight or flight response which is automated, stiffness in shoulders/neck, tightening of jaw, shallow breathing– sometimes holding my breath unaware, increased heart rate.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences within my life and others within this situation, some of which are:  I give into my desire to be ‘right’ making another ‘wrong’ thus create a positive energy experience where I am validated and I feel good and I am comfortable with this BUT this is done in delusion and not reality as I do not know all the circumstances within this situation or what would in fact be best for all involved, I cause stress within my marriage through conversation that becomes increasingly polarized and negatively charged between my husband and I, my husband feels attacked as a man/husband and thus I create tension/stress in my marriage-the very thing I say I supposedly do not want!

To continue:  with Commitment Statements, as the Solution that is walked breath by breath

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