Day 160: Solution to ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking of the Paranoid Alcoholic

0Please refer to the previous post for context to this blog. From the previous post:

This blog series will focus on alcoholism but it is equally written for the social and heavy drinker.  Alcohol, any alcohol is not suggested/recommended as, it may quiet the mind/relax one for a short period of time, but the ‘coming down’ /hangover part, after one sobers up, is often, and increasingly filled with paranoid thinking and extreme feelings (ie. depression)  so is simply not ‘worth’ the quick high and definitely not ‘best for all’ when considering mankind/human beings as a whole. Within these blogs, abstinence is recommended.

definition of paranoid: baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

This website,   http://www.rightdiagnosis.com/a/alcoholic_paranoia/intro.htm

lists some of the symptoms of Alcoholic Paranoia as:

  • Delusional jealousy
  • Delusional suspicion
  • Distrust
  • Sexual brutality
  • Impotency after alcohol consumption
  • Recurring state of panic
  • Paranoid thinking

What is the solution to the ‘all or nothing’ thinking of the paranoid alcoholic?  First one must stop drinking-total abstinence.  It assisted me to belong to a group, AA (alcoholics anonymous).  Then, equally as important, after one has been sober for minimum of 3 months to begin a self-honest investigation into your thinking processes, understanding of your thinking processes and stopping & changing your thinking processes.

STOP TALKING INSIDE YOUR HEAD. STOP CONTEMPLATING.. THEORIZING..HESITATING.. DOUBTING,  STOP ISOLATING

You do not require thinking to be here as life, you require breath, breathing in and out, here in stability.  Sound too simple?  (favorite pass time of the paranoid alcoholic-we complicate things).  Try it!  Stop thinking right now and just focus on your breath, in and out, for 60 seconds.  Are you ok?  Now, stop breathing, for 60 seconds, not so easy is it?  In fact, breath is the very thing that gifts you life, without it you will die.

I realize this is a massive task but not an impossible task.   A few blogs ago, I redefined the word impossible:

Impossible =I’m Possible         I’m possible, in that the trinity I exist as, of mind/body/beingness, is the actual manifestation of ‘possible/possibilities’, being in the process of becoming life as the living word in the physical, and so I become the directive principal of me here, thus no longer search outside of myself but realize all is me, within and without, and I take full responsibility of what occurs in both universes and direct both in awareness, moment by moment with breath.  As ‘I’m possible’ I am pulling this life force/awareness into myself in the very movement of investigation, participation and integration to become part of  my whole self to create what is best for all.

Please investigate the Quantum Mind Interview Series for incredible support into understanding the mind in absolute detail of how each thought you ever had was made and why.  I also understand how many alcoholics love the dramatic, excitement, a challenge, especially when they are told  ‘NO, you can’t’ …well, this is an exciting  journey and challenge, unraveling the mind.

In order to stop using your mind of consciousness, you need to understand why and how a thought arises-over and over and over again or why a pattern comes up, almost relentlessly until you cave in, after being tortured , hounded, hunted into submission. I recall thinking,  ‘Hell, just forget it, I can’t stand the noise in my head, I need to shut it up and I know how’ and then going to get a bottle.

Where did my extreme thinking come from ?  Why did it manifest?  As I look back, I can see as a child being very fearful of my father, when he would be coming home, if he was coming home.  As a chiropractor he worked 2 nights a week and I would always be relieved when it was just my siblings and my mom for dinner.  As we got older, the first thing anyone asked when they arrived home was ‘is Dad home, is he drinking?’ and then I would go into combat mode if he was home and/or drinking.  My father picked on his children, sometimes when he was sober but always when he was drinking. I felt on guard, unsafe and unsure, like in a war zone.  Home should be a safe haven but it was often (not always) the opposite.  Also I often did not like what we had for dinner when my dad was home.  Later, when I was a teen, he cooked sometime and it was pretty awful.

When it was just my mom at home, as I walked through that door after school ,COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY, she was light and friendly and interested in our day, for the large part she was very respectful of us and made great food, she seemed to enjoy being our parent and preparing healthy and delicious meals!

So basically, throughout my 18 years living in my parents home, I never knew which home I was going home to! And the two experiences were opposites to the extreme. One home I dreaded/felt under attack, the other I welcomed and felt safe and secure.

To continue

self seed 4 new earth -Andrew

 

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