From Day 171 : ‘I just got back from vacation for the last 2 weeks, in which we spent 9 days with my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law tends to -as my husband put it- find a person’s weakness and then attack when you least expect it…I am grateful eternally to Desteni for assisting/supporting me, so I may understand myself and the other so as to STOP REACTIONS AND STOP JUDGEMENTS AND TO INSTEAD COME TO A PLACE OF UNDERSTANDING …Having said that, although I was able to not become possessed or react with defensiveness during this visit, I found that as her abuse continued day after day, it did ‘get to me’ eventually. Not that I verbalized my reaction but I did suppress. Of course this is one of the reasons one does not live with/spend time abusers, as it is harmful to oneself.’
Thought: ‘I’m sick and tired of putting up with her abuse.’
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in my imagination by having pictures in my head of my mother-in-law and replaying the scene, in which I respond in the way ‘I would have wanted to’ so making points I did not make in the original conversation so I come out feeling better/satisfied that I got my point across fully and she ‘didn’t get the better of me’ kind of thing.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within changes occurring in my physical body as a result of this thought of: anxiety and stress as in shallow breathing, holding my breath, tightening of facial muscles especially my jaw, tightness within my solar plexes, holding onto energies in my solar plexes, bloating in my abdomen, tightening of shoulder muscles and upper back muscles.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to create the consequences of being directed/controlled by negative energies bringing up more thoughts-allowing the emotions to feed on themselves and creating more separation between my mother-in-law and myself instead of using breath to stabilize myself and remaining here, in reality so as to create a relationship of harmony versus one of harm.
WALKING THE CHANGE/SOLUTION: SELF-CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS
When and as I see myself thinking I can’t ‘put up with’ my mother-in-law any longer-this is the last time I will visit, I stop and I use breath to bring my awareness back to the physical and stabilize myself here, as now understand thoughts only feed upon themselves, creating more mind energy and building negative emotions/energy which can harm me and others if I act/speak from this starting point of anger. I also realize my mother-in-law (and my father) were/are quite ‘tragic’ in that they are , for the most part, very kind, enjoyable to be around and supportive but they have a problem within themselves and become possessed at times and act out a feeling/desire/need to feel superior/right and so verbally attack people closest to them. I also see I am in the process of transcending the point of beLIEving there is something ‘wrong’ with me/I have caused this attack in some way and/or blaming the other and I will continue walking this correction.
When and as I see myself participating in judgmental backchat about my mother-in-law I stop and breathe. I remind myself internal conversation is me living in an illusionary world and quite useless as it does nothing to bring about a resolution which is best for all, in this situation. I realize I am in the process of transcending the point of needing to be right and needing to be liked and so I remind myself I do not require to re-play/talking about the conversation as it went down/resolve it internally to make me feel better with opinions, judgements, projections, memories, comparisons as I have not ‘walked in her shoes’/lived her life and I do not, in fact, know everything she is experiencing within herself causing these statements to flow out of her.
When and as I see myself being controlled by fear within this thought I stop and bring myself back to the physical with breath as I now see/realize/understand I am capable of living on my own financially, it is extreme thinking on my part-and I am using this fear of my husband leaving me if I should speak up-to not use my voice/speak up in self-honesty in the moment, it is also extreme because I showed myself I am in the process of transcending this point as I did speak up several times during my weeks stay with her and made my points quite clearly (not perfect), my husband wouldn’t leave me for speaking up unless I was ruthless about it or gave him an absolute ultimatum (even with that he understands I do not want to stay with her again-a hotel instead), it is actually self-interest as I feared to make things worse for the future and how this would be difficult for me.
When and as I see myself suppressing emotions-anger, confusion, frustration, fear, worry, guilt, saddness- around this issue I stop and breathe, bringing myself/my awareness back down to earth and I focus on my physical body, as I now see/realize/understand engaging such emotions only leads me into physical reactions which can harm my body, it brings up further thoughts I could react to and say something I will regret, it could lead to conversations with my husband that could cause problems between us.
When and as I see myself going into my imagination around this thought I immediately stop and bring myself back to breath, to the physical reality as I now see/realize/understand it is useless to re-play scenarios where I ‘come out the victor/winner’ as it does not change what occurred and it is only my ego, as in self-interest- and not what is best for my mother-in-law and myself, as it only leads to further separation, I also realize I have- in my life- spoken in spite to others where I have been possessed with a desire to harm another to feel superior and thus better about myself when I was drinking or sober so I cannot judge her, I cannot judge her regardless as I have little understanding of what she has experienced in her life/where she is coming from. I also realize -from conversations with my husband-that she feel jealous and threatened by my relationship/time spent with her son. As well, I understand she is going through the aging process and experiencing some dementia and I witnessed her waking up in the middle of the night, confused asking my husband where her nanna was /afraid she had ‘lost’ her nanna (her grandmother basically raised her) and wanting to know where her son was (although she was speaking to him) and this must be very frightening for her.
When and as I see myself having gone so far with this thought that is it causing behavioral changes/physical changes to my body I stop and bring myself back to breath, to stabilize myself here as I now understand this reaction does nothing to change the situation but only harms.
When and as I see myself creating the consequence of increasing/feeding into the separation between my mother-in-law and myself I stop and bring myself out of my mind of thoughts the subsequent emotions that arise and stabilize myself with breath, as I now see/realize/understand I and my mother-in-law are one and equal as physical beings here and it is unacceptable to me now to see her as my enemy or someone to fear or be obsessed with worry, when I can simply slow down, stabilize and respond in common sense (or if I am not stable within, simply stay silent for the moment and address the point on my own or with her at a future appropriate time).
For more about Self Education on Words, visit the Desteni Forum and Desteni I Process
Read the 7 Year Journey To Life blogs
- Re-PARENT YOURSELF: RE-BIRTH YOURSELF TO BECOME THE LIVING WORD!
The Natural Learning ability of the Physical Dissected
Overview of the 3 Phases of Child Development:
Phase I: 0-1 Years
Phase II: 1-3 Years
Phase III: 3-7 Years