Please read the previous post for context to this blog.
So where to start? I am feeling a little better, no more tightness/constriction in my stomach and solar plexes. But now I have been experiencing extreme tightening of my throat/neck area, like I am choking! To assist myself I looked up the throat in Veno’s Stuctural Resonance document. Just scroll down, you will see the throat point at number 5. The following two quotes are from this document:
`..The words and sounds in which you communicate have been separated from yourself, within yourself, in totality. Meaning that when you communicate, all the words together with the sounds they are expressed within are actually done in support of consciousness systems within you and within the world and not spoken and voiced (words and sounds) as an unconditional expressive statement of who you really are..`
`..All the words you continuously speak, the specific sound frequency of each word, the emotional and feeling connotations to each word, the accepted picture or definition connected to each word, the specific symbol allocated to each word, the mathematical equation of which each word consist of: All this that each and every single word consist of and is designed as is manifested within each and every single human beings’ Voice Box within the THROAT point and is connected to and one with your entire mind consciousness system within you..`
Wow! So this is how I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to self-talk, my own inner chatter (from the conscious, sub- conscious and un-conscious mind). It is all the words I speak aloud and within the mind ! It happens so fast, quantumly in fact , that I am not often even aware of it, I am not aware of the words I am speaking to others and to myself ! I am so used to them flying by that often I skip the words and go right to the emotion or feeling! I require to SLOW DOWN. Now, slowing down is not an excuse to not do-move-complete daily tasks but it is a serious kick in the butt to stop rushing for real as it is useless. I do not get more done, actually I accomplish less in a day because the anxiety = energy tires the body and it thus requires more rest and sleep. As well, it makes me physically sick! I can only do things one breath at a time-one moment at a time- and that is the truth in common sense reality.
Thus I will begin facing this point by de-constructing the thought: `I can`t get rid of this anxiety, it`s making me sick, its choking me!`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have become the living manifestation of fear, and as fear think, `I can`t get rid of this anxiety, it`s making me sick, its choking me!`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am being controlled by fear within this thought, and allow the fear to dictate /tell me to rush, using energy, which just has the effect of me focusing on the time it takes to do a task-and many thoughts racing through my mind-one layered upon another- and not on performing or completing the task thoroughly, thus I am less effective within my application of that moment.
In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I was afraid that I would never get out of the anxiety, forever destined to be choked by own thinking patterns, so fearing my own fear lol, because I am not good enough, I am not as capable as other Destonians.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I am participating within backchat/inner conversation like: there’s so much to do, I don’t have enough time, what time is it, I hate having to do this, I’ll do it tomorrow… I’m going to die, this is going to kill me, what if I never stop having this anxiety, I’m so weak, no one else is going through this, what is wrong with me, maybe I’ll go crazy again and die, maybe I’ll have to medication my whole life and be a zombie… I won’t make process because I can’t handle it, I’m such a loser, it’s my husband’s fault, it’s Desteni’s fault, my life is ruined, I have so much guilt, I’m screwed, damned if I do damned if I don’t …we’ll never get through all this legal/will stuff, I hate this financial stuff, I always react, I can’t handle it, I don’t trust him…’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am participating within the emotional reactions and energies of : FEAR, anxiety, self-doubt, self-sabotage, anger, spite, guilt, blame, self-blame.
To continue in next post