Day 193: Jinx My Cat is Dead

JinxJinx warmed my heart. He was always cuddly and purring.  Life has been a little rocky for both of us lately and we comforted each other. Now he is gone.

I was away for an over night at my daughter`s house so had the student, who is boarding with us this summer, look after the animals. We have a dog and had two cats. Not much for her to do but, unfortunately, I did not specify for her to put Jinx inside-he stayed on the fenced in porch almost all day this summer-when she went out.  He had lost weight lately, so I guess he squeezed through the pickets on the porch fence.

Jinx was a beautiful, soft, all black cat. He was about eleven.

He was sweet and meek. The other two animals beat up on him.

Two months ago, he had a stroke but he was very much ok, enjoyed much quality of life. He did walk in circles sometime and showed signs of being confused, but mostly he walked straight ahead and was doing well.

On sunday afternoon, one of our neighbours found him walking around-just across the road-and called animal services at 5pm.  Animal services took him to a veterinary clinic at 6pm. They made a very quick decision to euthanize him and he was dead by 6:50  :-(

I do not understand it…why did they not wait even 24 hours…they say ‘he was in distress’. But I do not ‘buy’ this, yes he would have been upset but any animal would. I think they just ‘got rid of a problem’ and got needle happy as a quick and easy solution. They made a very bad judgement call-decision. I will be calling a lawyer and following this up.

I am furious with Animal Services and the veterinary clinic.  I am so sad.  There has been much death lately in my life;  my father in law, my Mom, Bernard and now Jinx.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to go into regret, self-blame and punishment with thoughts like, I wish I could go back in time and protect Jinx one last time, I wish I got an id collar for him (he was indoor cat since his stroke and always took collars off-once got his paw stuck so seemed dangerous for him to wear a collar), why did I not get him chipped, damn, he needed me and I was not there to protect him, why did I not specify to the student to not leave him outside if she left for the day.`

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotions of anger and blame  toward the other two pets, because they have always picked on Jinx, attacking him so he lived up on counters to stay safe and away from them, so thinking this is why he had the stroke because of all the years of torment-wasn`t so bad first 5 years just the dog but when i got married 6 years ago the other cat came.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotions of anger, guilt, sadness, regret and self-blame toward myself thinking I should not have had Jinx as a pet-as in he could have had a better life in another home and-or perhaps he would not have had the stroke if was not tormented by the other two animals in our home.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotions of regret and sadness and think, `my poor Jinxy. I wish he was stronger and would have kicked butt so those other two would leave him alone and i wish he was not by himself with uncaring people when they killed him.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotions of anger and blame toward the student who left Jinx on the porch.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame and anger at the neighbour who found Jinx and then called animal services, which led to his death.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame and anger at `Animal Services` and the veterinarian doctor who interestingly enough, seem to be blaming each other, as the A.S. say they make the decision whether to euthanize or not based on  the recommendations of the doctor and the doctor says they do not make the decision, the A.S. decides!!

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think they are both cowards for not standing up and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a feeling of hatred and desire for revenge toward animal services and the vet clinic, for making the decision to euthanize Jinx.

to continue

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4 thoughts on “Day 193: Jinx My Cat is Dead

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