Day 194: Jinx: Letting go of Blame and Sadness

the-etruskan-holding-up-a-mirror-1976-m-pistolettoPlease read the previous blog for proper context to this post, as it is a continuation.

From the last post,   ‘Jinx warmed my heart. He was always cuddly and purring.  Life has been a little rocky for both of us lately and we comforted each other. Now he is gone.

Self-Corrective Statements and Application

When and as I see myself  participating within guilt, self-blame and regret about Jinx’s death  I stop, I breathe.  I realize he used be an outside cat and always stayed close to home before his stroke, these emotions are useless as they do not change what happened and they lead to imaginings pictures in my mind which just bring up more energies,thoughts and emotions and do not change reality and it is therefore a waste of time and has the effect of making me sleepy and I escape to my bed to nap and thus waste time.  I commit myself to change me and remain here is reality.

When and as I see myself going into blame and anger at the other two pets for picking on him I stop, I breathe.  I realize I do not know what led to his stroke, it may have been his dna/pre-programed life, they are programed to behave that way (nature is cruel), I am in a process of birthing myself as life in the physical and myself and others will work towards changing the animal kingdom to no longer attack/kill each other in time.  I commit myself to stay out of my mind of emotions and focus on what is before me as in my daily tasks/responsibilities.

When and as I see myself  engaging in thoughts about Jinx having a better life with another family  I stop, I breathe.  I realize if I had not taken him, his previous owner may have had to put him down 11 years ago, I loved/respected him for 11 years and he had a loving/good home, I do not know what kind of home/life he would have had with someone else, he was a happy cat/enjoyed his life even though he had to be on guard of the other animals as they mostly ignored him and it was just now and then (every 2 or 3 days) I noticed they went after him, they never bit or harmed him it was more alot of noise and a scuffle, he did defend himself quite well.

When and as I see myself going into blame and anger at the student (who is boarding with us this summer) for not putting Jinx inside, before she left for the day, I stop, I breathe.  I realize I did not specify for her to do so, I assumed she would know to not leave him on the porch, she obviously thought he would be ok (so did I ) as he stayed on the fenced in porch for hours at a time, the only reason he got out was he had lost weight (as he was eating very little) so he must have squeezed through the pickets (as I do not think he could have  jumped over) In that, I realize he may have continued not eating or drinking much and died soon anyway, he could have escaped the porch when I was home as well because I did not watch him all the time, he was not thinking right because of his stroke.  I commit myself to not participate when such thoughts come up within me.

When and as I see myself blaming the neighbour for calling animal services I stop, I breathe.  I realize they thought they were doing the right thing as Jinx did not have an ID collar (he took them off and got his paw stuck once so we did not put another on), they wanted him to see a vet, they did not think the vet with euthanize him or at least so quickly.  I commit myself to remind myself blame is harmful to myself and others, as it is spiteful and vindictive and does not change reality.  I remind myself I was fortunate to share time with Jinx for 11 years and that he is life-now and always-and back in the physical as all animals re-incarnate immediately upon death.

When and as I see myself going into anger, judgement, blame, spitefulness (revenge fantasies suing them/facing them) and worry toward the vet and Animal Services I stop, I breathe.  I realize to spite them is to spite myself, as this desire vengance is coming from within ME!  I realize I would not want anything bad to happen to any of them or to cause them mental anguish/upset but I do want them to consider/change their policy about euthanizing animals (just to wait at least 24 hours-*if appropriate-to see if a family comes for their pet), I also understand they thought they were doing the right thing as they thought Jinx was perhaps a stray and had neurological damage and would not be adopted if no one came for him, I understand they cannot look after all sick animals they come in contact with, it must be a difficult job/position to be in, hopefully they were gentle and kind to him, I am going to talk to the doctor on Saturday and ask her what happened/why she made this decision/how she handled Jinx :(   I remind myself I am doing all I can and carry on with my day, out of my mind, moving with the physical to get things done.

Jinx

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