Day 193 – Regret Part 1 Jinx my cat is dead
Day 194 – Regret Part 2 Jinx letting go of blame and sadness
I can clearly see how investigating a situation, such as this, has a ripple effect, which is equally beneficial/healing, within my life/living as it alters/changes my reactions to other memories of-in this case- regret. So, I will proceed to ensure I am addressing all dimensions thoroughly.
One point that clearly stands out for me is that regret arises in the form of questions: why didn’t I … I should have… I must have… This haunting questioning/self-doubt can possess one’s mind and is self-sabotaging as it does not bring about self-change in a constructive way within one’s physical living. It keeps me stuck in the past, timelooping within my mind, instead of seeing and understanding how I can change so this does not happen again. As I said in the last post, I cannot change the past but I can change me here!
Another point that stuck out for me (in the above mentioned Eqafe interviews) is that for every question, there is an answer existent within us-we already have the answer we just need to be self-honest and introspect the point. In fact, the answer exists first-within your own self. That is why there can be a question, they exist together, if you will.
So, going deeper within Regret:
Why didn’t I get a tag and/or have Jinx chipped?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, within the emotions of regret/blame/self-pity/self-victimization, with questioning myself ‘I should have had Jinx chipped/wear an ID collar, I was right there getting a tag for Pika (my dog) and I had the thought I should get one for Jinx, why didn’t I ?!’ When I know the answer: I did not think he needed any ID as he was now an inside cat & I did not want to spend the money when it was not necessary.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I looked into and as that memory as self-judgement. In that, I cannot effectively assist and support myself to change if I access memory within reactions of emotions, especially judgement, because then all I will see within such moments are my reactions, how I am then compromising/limiting/bullying myself . I cannot then change/transform me in my reaction toward the memory or look into those memories and see what I can learn .
In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look into and as that memory (being in the pet store buying a ID tag for Pika) as self-judgement and from that point then beLIEve I deserve to be punished and so drag myself through the memories because I deserve to suffer, I don’t deserve to forgive myself , that I deserve to punish myself because of what I’ve done -not spend another $20 for an iD tag just in case he got outside – what else is there but to punish myself.
In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that such a belief -that I deserve to punish/victimize/pity myself and really go into the depths of blame for what I had done, I cannot ever give myself the permission to learn and from that learning to in fact change.
So I commit to never accept and allow myself to do that again, specifically to slow down and think the situation through in common sense, even though he was now an inside cat he could somehow get out by mistake. Therefore, realizing that $20 is not a lot to spend on a tag or getting him chipped (not sure of exact amount of a chip). In that, I commit to slow down and properly assess each situation that arises in life and not put a dollar amount on any beings safety, to remind myself the life of an animal is of utmost importance and value, to get Baboo chipped (our other cat-he also does not keep a collar on). I commit to remind myself that accidents can happen and it does not take much time/effort /money to do all I can to ensure our animals comfort and safety. Therefore I will not repeat the same mistake again and go into emotional reactions-of regret and self punishment- in the future and I will know I did all I could, if the unforseen should occur.
Why didn’t I have my son look after the animals, instead of the student living with us?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, within the emotions of regret/blame/self-pity/self-victimization, with questioning myself in this way when I know the answer is because my son, although most of the time he is cooperative/helpful, can be difficult when I ask to him do something like this for me (I went on an overnight visit to my daughter’s house, so was away for 24 hours). So sometimes he seems angry/negative and then I react with emotions of guilt and worry . As well, I thought he may not be home anyway and the student would be home for sure and she seemed very eager to help. So it was the easier way/path of least resistance for me –to not face myself in the ‘desire to be liked’ character and ‘taking things personally’ character, putting my self-interest, as needing to be liked/approved of by my son, over my animals safety security.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I have to step up within myself that I have to absolutely make that decision to directly face what I had done and REALLY forgive myself for what I have done to such an extent that I know within the self-forgiveness I will really change because then I can trust my forgiveness I can trust my change and transcend that point of believing that I need to punish myself because punishment is not going to change me, I am not going to learn from it. Only in the understanding what I did /why I did it will assist and support me to truly change and not repeat the past.
So I commit to not accept and allow myself to return to the same habits or behaviors of taking the easy way out/taking the path of least resistance-or following the thought patterns of the ‘needing to be liked’ character with my son- out of self-interest so I do not have to face his possible disapproval/anger when I ask him to do something for me. I commit to remind myself to be aware of my self-interest and own protection mechanisms when they first arise so I never again put my own ‘protection’ (in this case was just from fear in my own mind-no real physical threat) ahead of an animal/child/elderly person =vulnerable being in my care. I also commit to not to take another beings reactions personally and to do whatever is required to ensure the safety and care of another over my own desires/wants.
7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.
FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR