From Part 1: I have been listening to the Reptilian series on ‘Taking Things Personally’…I can see that I have lived ‘on guard’ … which really harms/limits my relationship to others and to myself, as it’s sole purpose is to create mistrust. Therefore, I keep my distance …This guard is forever looking/fishing for a certain look/word/movement, any little thing to take personally from the other person, which I will then jump all over as it is validating what I have already been brewing in my own mind. So, what is in and behind this thought?
Thought: ‘I don’t want to talk to her, it’s always uncomfortable/difficult’
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize and understand how engaging in my mind of memories/backchat/emotion gets me all worked up and limits my interaction with this person, as I live in the past as memories, and has the consequence of bringing on physical body changes like: stress building from the emotional energy created in my solar plexes- causing my stomach/neck/shoulder muscles to tighten and stiffen, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, slight headache at the back of my head and forehead.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize and understand the many consequences of taking things personally with this person creates, as: I completely separate myself from her and thus destroy any chance of a relationship of support/enjoyment/sharing with her, this has a wide reaching effect as cutting off others we mutually know-or will come in contact with-within the AA (alcoholics anonymous) community who may require support/assistance, I feed my mind, validating/strengthening memories as opinions/assumptions/emotions instead of strengthening my stand here as life-speaking self-honestly in the moment, I live in delusion and not here in reality, I do not ‘do unto another as I would have them do unto me’ when I judge and separate myself from this woman based on the past as memories.
Solution: Self-Corrective Application
When and as I see myself avoiding this woman and hiding behind a person I label as ‘easy to talk to’ I stop, I breathe. I remind myself I am a physical being and to treat her as I would want to be treated, and so to refuse to take every little thing personally with this woman, by remaining out of my mind of the past, when I am with her. I no longer accept and allow myself to access my imagination/imagining her criticizing me thereby creating all sorts of energy inside my body, essentially allowing my mind in that moment to direct me instead of directing myself and thereby allowing myself to say hello. I commit myself to my physicality by remaining with breath when I am with her and commit to speaking with her at the next AA meeting.
When and as I see myself being controlled by fear of this woman’s disapproval, by projecting my own fears onto her, I stop, I breathe. I realize whatever is going on inside my own mind is my responsibility. It is useless to blame another as then I never can face myself for real and effect a change! I understand she was -for the most part-kind and supportive of me in the past, I have context of the past so do not require memories/pictures coming up in my mind creating fear, and I can trust myself/remind myself that some people, unfortunately, participate in gossip therefore cannot be trusted and behave accordingly with her. I remind myself, I know who I am and why I have chosen my means of income (I have foreign students boarding in our home) thus I do not require to doubt/judge myself as ‘not good enough’ and project this fear onto another in blame. I am here, I am doing this.
When and as I see myself participating within my mind of imagination and spiteful backchat about this woman I stop and bring myself back to the physical, with what is real before me, with breath. I realize, when I see her at a meeting i can simply in that moment decide if I want to talk with her and walk up and do so-no thinking required! I understand, in that way, I can communicate self-honestly -and I commit to stay with breath during our interaction/conversation and NOT take her movements/voice tonality personally but to stay aware of any/all movements/reactions within myself, so as to correct myself in the moment and carry on with the conversation.
When and as I see myself engaging/conjuring up emotions, as I have allowed the mind to take me down the rabbit hole by following the first thought, Be-LIE ving ‘I don’t want to talk to her, it’s always uncomfortable/difficult’ when all that was before me in reality was this woman-no more no less- everything else is self-created and therefore my responsibility to correct. I commit to be present in any interactions with her in any given moment, when I see her at AA meetings.
When and as I see I have taken this thought-taking things personally -so far that it has created stress/uncomfortability within my physical human body, I stop , I breathe and remind myself breath is the physical means/tool we use to re-constitute the body/heal/bring the body back to it’s natural state, as what is here as life. I realize I am one and equal to this woman and also to everything that I allow within myself. I remind myself to treat her as I would want to be treated, thus no longer accept and allow myself to drag around the past and forgive/let it go and so also let go of the consequence of physical changes happening within me, when we have an interaction or I simply see her at a meeting.
When and as I see myself creating consequences from taking things personally with this woman I stop, I breathe. I now see/realize and understand, although I do not control others, I do control-am responsible to control -what is going on in my own mind, so to stop all inner chatter about this woman, which is causing a separation between us. I also understand I do not enjoy the company of some beings as much as others, for various reasons, but I do not require to use my mind to know this. I realize I no longer find it acceptable to exist unaware, as a hypocrite, who holds ‘grudges’ against another, instead I commit to ‘do unto another…’ in self-honesty and be here in the physical with another being. I also understand I no longer accept the blind strengthening of my mind but make the decision in each moment to choose to strengthen my stand as a physical being. I am here, I commit to change me!
An Economist’s Journey To Life: