Please read the previous post for proper context to this blog.
From Day 215: Reacting to Interviews from EQAFE
I will consider Together we are Strong – Life Review – Part 3 because there was a reaction that arose that was very clear to me and almost an old ‘friend’ because I have carried it around for so long. Within this audio, it is emphasized one must move within a group to be effective for changing self and the world systems, to participate to your utmost, remember your RESPONSIBILITY to the group/as a group member and be consistent within how the group is moving/what it is doing… remain vigilant within your participation. Yikes, even typing that last sentence makes me want to run and hide!
Ah, the old ‘I’m not good enough’ excuse. It has served me well, or has it? Basically, this ‘I AM ‘ statement is a self-belief. It has given me permission throughout my life to give-up, to seek refuge in a bottle of alcohol or in my bed (I still do enjoy a rest mid day, lol) to think in extremes-first all excited and motivated with energy and then when something is perceived to be too difficult, to sink into the low energy of apathy/mild depression. It has also been the excuse for not staying/sticking with a group, whether it be work related or social but to go into fear of not being good enough/fear of failure in comparison to others or to go into blame and self righteousness but in either case the general M.O. is run and hide!
I recall Bernard saying to the group, during a chat, something like, ‘It’s time to stop believing you are not capable to support and assist another. It’s just a fear, why are you listening to those voices? Why are you letting energy decide for you? It is time to stop listening and believing your own backchat, to the voice that says ‘others can do it better’, so you can step back, so you don’t have to do anything.’
And this was straight up advice that I appreciated and respected but only understood a little. Some time has passed and some points and more understanding has opened up for me.
HOWEVER, when I listened to the Life Review: Together we are Strong: 3 there were a number times I experienced the energy reaction of fear, specifically to the phrase: ‘STAND TOGETHER AS A GROUP’ I felt the fear grip me, I held my breath, felt a slight nausea in my stomach and anxiety in my solar plexes.
Thought: ‘But I could let them down’ (the group)
Backchat/Inner Conversation: I’m not capable as they are/I’m incompetent and I proved it to myself again in the google hangout/I’m not as smart, quick on my feet, don’t have the vocabulary/phrasing others do, I’m not as articulate as comfortable
Fear: of failure
Other phrases that shook me: ‘You must find your individual one point to contribute to the group and future of humanity… if you cannot bring your own internal awareness of change and live it you cannot do it externally/within the world systems...to work with groups of people to assist/support move their beingness-which is currently consciouness- into awareness…the longer individual/internal process takes the longer the external/world systems process will take’ AND THAT ALL THIS COMES DOWN TO EACH INDIVIDUALS RESPONSIBILITY
Backchat/inner conversation: BUT I DON’T KNOW MY ONE POINT! I’m just ok/average at everything. I don’t last/I’m not consistently strong, I fall, I fail. I’m too scattered to know that. What about my nap?
Fear: fear of death
Imagination: saw a picture of my bed and bedroom-my refuge/escape, saw a picture of the google hangout I participated in- in which I thought the other participants articulated themselves well/had enough knowledge and I fell short.
Huge waves of fear overcame me throughout the interview. Why? From what I can discern, so far in my process, is that I require to slooow down and take things point by point, thereby not overwhelming myself and going into the energies of fear and frustration, when attempting something new or working away at a task. When I look at/focus only on the big picture I can only seem to stay with it for a certain period of time (depending on what it is).
What I did not take into consideration was, something isn’t necessarily more difficult than anything else, it may simply have more intricacies to it, more steps to comprehend. So to look at one point versus looking at 100 points at once-master/comprehend fully/thoroughly the first point only—then the next point becomes the point you are facing. So, that is the next thing I have learned to perform a point/complete a task slowly and thoroughly otherwise you will just have to go back and do it again = don’t rush!
Therefore, when I do these simple thing: slow down, focus on/look at one point = the first point, don’t rush-take your time, take that one point to its completion, do it thoroughly so you don’t have to go back and do it again, I am then able to move through a large task or learn/take on something new, thus growing/expanding as an individual and as part of the group.
To continue with Self-Forgiveness as the Solution
`Human Rights and the violations of human rights is directly related to Money. Currently, money is the blood of the system. And the soul of money is the blood of the people. We currently have a system that costs the blood of innocents by placing profit / self-interest before life.’ Bella Bargilly