I have been facing the point of guilt lately, in relation to becoming a shopper! I never enjoyed shopping much and gave it up, the idea of keeping up with fashion/being a consumer, even more when I joined Desteni about 3 and a half years ago. It was a relief to me as I found it exhausting to choose/decide what to buy, be it clothing/jewelery/home items. So I simply used what I had or made a careful purchase only when absolutely necessary, like new winter boots or a coat for warmth.
I really enjoyed giving up wearing/buying jewelery (except my wedding ring), high heels, make-up, high-lights in my hair, keeping up a hair ‘style’, uncomfortable pants, tops for fashion, wearing skirts/dresses (except in summer when I find them light and sensible) and just focused on being me-comfortable/natural. I never bought much for my home anyway, so continued to pick up something used at a garage sale or on the side of the road, as someone else didn’t need it anymore. I have basically only bought things for my children as needed and a few things they wanted as gifts, throughout the years.
Recently, however, we have been working toward finishing the renovation of our main floor that we started 4 years ago! My husband and I have done most of the work ourselves, slowly plugging away, removing a wall here, a wall there etc. With the unfortunate passing away of my mom and my father-in-law, my husband and I received some money so we decided, as our home is our only investment, to pay down the mortgage and to finish the renovation properly/with quality in mind. As the main construction is almost done, I have the job of buying some furniture/lamps/carpet etc. Although I mostly stick to necessities, I find myself getting greedy, becoming the ‘elite character’ the mind consumed once again with items that are ever more expensive, replacing furniture I already have, thinking of another thing to buy. No wonder people shop alot, it just goes on and on, there is no end to what you can ‘up grade’. I have basically decided to purchase items of quality as I can see from the past, when I purchased cheaper items they do not last and I am now in a position where I can afford to do so.
But I keep hearing Bernard’s voice ‘BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY ON’ and from various EQAFE interviews, the beings saying how I will regret my life if I do not focus on improving the lives of all.
OR the Bible’s warning ‘it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven’.
Well, we are hardly rich but I do understand the point and that is exactly why I am in process with Desteni and promoting LIG (Living Income Guaranteed).
When you consider we still have a hefty mortgage (paid it down somewhat-the bank only allows so much per year, lol) we actually still just have debt. Nonetheless, we were able to pay back most other debts, finish the renovation, assist our children with university/car repairs/an upcoming wedding and make some principal lump sum payments on the mortgage. So we are less stressed and very grateful. As well, now I am able to have one part-time job instead of two, the intense stress of daily survival is off, my partner and I argue less and we can grocery shop without having to worry about running out of money before the next pay cheque.
Thought: I shouldn’t be spending my money this way, I feel so guilty.
I seem to go into my imagination with pictures of shopping with my sister and my daughter, hearing our voices in conversation, pictures of stores we would go to. This is because I value their opinion as ‘experienced shoppers’ lol and characterize them as ‘being good at decorating’ and judging myself as not being competent at this, meaning I can’t make the right choice/I am not talented this way. Also, because I enjoy their company and am very comfortable with both of them.
Then I go into memories of an old girl friend, who was very wealthy when I was a single parent and didn’t have a dime, and these memories bring up old emotions (and new ones as I am re-playing the memories and allowing myself to re-create the emotions, experience them again) of jealousy, anger, revenge fantasies and then going into to guilt and self-judgement because I am the shopper now, the elite character I judged as ‘wrong’ in the past.
I will deconstruct this thought, as myself/as how I experience/live it, in the next post, as the solution of re-programing myself, so changing my inherent human nature into a new nature, living from the starting point of what is best for all life.
Join Us in the Process of ‘freeing’ oneself from Consciousness as Provided in the Desteni I Process LITE which is a FREE Course and the Desteni I Process PRO, and returning to one’s Source-Beingness and equal and one Physical Body Relationship.