Day 227: I am the Elite: Guilt 2

aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRjMuYnAuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tJTJGLU9KVkMxUDU1Z1RRJTJGVW53cFlIU0RuRkklMkZBQUFBQUFBQUZvbyUyRkw0SWRESElFMjFZJTJGczMyMCUyRkRlc3BlcmF0aW9uLmpwZw==From the previous post …when I look at the nearly finished project I think, ‘Ah, it’s so awesome to have this done, it looks great’ but then very quickly -almost in the same moment- fall into a pattern of guilt. It is all mixed in with thoughts and memories of the past … So there are 2 areas of guilt I must examine and correct: *about having the money to have the home I have always wanted  *about judging others in the past who had nice homes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to not see/realize/understand when I think/fall into the thought pattern of, ‘it’s so great to have my main floor renovation done, I’m enjoying it’ then go into guilt and think, ‘I shouldn’t be enjoying this when others are suffering. Wow, I really judged others harshly in the past, who I thought had a cool living space as greedy/uncaring/elitist, I had no right to assume anything.’
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to see/realize/understand that I am participating in the emotion of fear around this point, from the starting point of self-interest like: I wonder if I will be punished somehow -by myself/life-unknowingly like karma for being superficial/greedy/elitist?
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to see/realize/understand when I start participating in my mind with memories and pictures from the days I used to hang out with very wealthy people and I experienced jealousy and envy of their homes, of moving images/fantasies of Destonians being angry at me for being so materialistic/trapped in consumerism, of Anu saying I am of no use anymore and zapping me from existence, of shopping and talking with my sister and my daughter enjoying myself and their company.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to see/realize/understand when my mind/the machine starts up with a inner chatter/dialogue controlling my actions and behaviors such as: oh god I can’t even enjoy myself now, I never been able to make the living space I want and now I can’t even do it without feeling like shit, I should give equally to Desteni, no that’s too much but I”ll give more, I have to do this cause my partner wants it too so I really have no choice and may as well get stuff I like…wow now I can understand what rich people go through, how they have to work so hard at justification to turn off or at least turn down the guilt!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to engage in the emotions of guilt, fear, self-doubt, shame, and self-pity around this issue.

splashleftI forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to see/realize/understand when I have gone so far with this thought pattern that I have created emotional energies that have a negative effect on my body, which can cause harm, especially when manifested again and again over time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to see/realize/understand how participating within this thought pattern creates the following consequences in my life/daily living: I strengthen my mind within the guilt energies instead of strengthening my stand here as my beingness/awareness, when I focus on the reaction of guilt I disempower me because I am not focusing on directing/correcting the thought and therefore I do not change me into a being who is stable and trust worthy as life, I allow the energies of guilt and fear be in control of my actions/my day/my decisions and so I am just reacting to life instead of creating moment to moment, I am thus living in the past and this is no longer acceptable to me.

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