When and as I see myself becoming possessed by emotions of fear, anger, hatred and spite, wanting revenge, humiliation, regret, resent, shame, guilt and blame in and around this issue I stop, I breathe. I remind myself it does not change the past to engage in these energies but only harms the body more & I remind myself to not separate myself from another using the mind (delving into the past as memory experiences) but that we are all here as life on this one planet we share.
I realize I was trying to abdicate my responsibility around this issue, as I would do anything (not too out of the ordinary but nonetheless) to manipulate this man so he would see me.
I realize I was drinking alcoholically during the years I dated this person and this had an adverse effect on my decision making. Mostly I realize I was afraid of life/to face life on my own, as a single parent and so focused/projected this fear onto this other being so I would not have to face myself!
When and as I see myself participating in backchat/inner chatter around the issue of anger toward this person, I stop and breathe. I make sure l look at what connected me to the first thought and bring my awareness back to the physical so I am able to focus on my daily tasks, accomplish my responsibilities without getting further distracted in my mind, talking to my memories. I realize I was drinking alcoholically during the years I dated this person, as I was using alcohol as a tool to stop the voices/thoughts running wild in my own head so I was not mentally stable. I also realize, while my illness was not my ‘fault’, as fault/blame is not the point here, the point is there was a problem in the physical with me being mentally and physically unstable and to FIX IT, as in take self-responsibility to find a solution and heal. This is exactly what I did/am in the process of doing within stopping the use of all alcohol and drugs and taking DIP, gifting myself back to myself and then to all, as me.
When and as I see myself going into my imagination, with moving images/memories/scenarios if I should ‘run into’ this person, I stop and breathe. I make sure I am in reality and stabilize myself with breath, touch my body and hear the sounds around me, I remind myself I am a physical being and I am not able to effectively direct myself here if I am lost up in my head of imagination. I bring my awareness back down to earth and carry on with my day. I realize I was into spirituality in and around the time I was involved in this relationship and thought my dreams were a message/sign from ‘my higher power’ and I should continue to pursue him.
When and as I see myself letting anger control me, telling me how to feel and how to act in an instant, which creates behavioral changes in my physical body and consequence in my life, I stop and breathe. I remind myself that holding onto anger and/or suppressing anger creates disease as the energy gets layered & stored within the physical body and eats away at the flesh, causing (one of the causes) aging and eventually death/decay.
I realize I have done much healing over the last 10 years, as I stopped drinking and began the long journey to piece my life/self back together. Thus, I am no longer abusing my body with alcohol, sleeping pills, poor eating habits OR my mind with believing in some higher force/being communicating with me/directing my life. I am in the process of birthing myself as life in the physical with Desteni. Through Desteni, I have come to understand my/the mind and thus have been able to let go of much fear and so experience less stress/anxiety/harmsin my body. I realize I have much to be grateful for and get on with the task at hand and focus on the physical, where the real power is, the real solution is, the real answer is, which is: we are one and equal here on earth and must create a planet which reflect this. To accomplish this for all please investigate LIG, Living Income Guaranteed.
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