From the previous post : Immediately a memory of this woman came up of this woman saying things like ‘well, I don’t pay much for things, I got this for free at the side of the road, someone was thowing it out, you don’t have to spend much Sandy’ BUT what she neglected to consider-as many elite (including myself) do is: SHE HAD A CAR TO PICK UP THIS FREE ITEM, SHE HAD A PARTNER WHO MADE BARRELS OF MONEY so she could drive around looking for great deals, SHE HAD NO STRESS OF MONEY WORRIES AND SO HAD THE TIME and freedom-NO JOB- SHE HAD THE MONEY TO RECOVER/upholster THIS OLD CHAIR.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within negative energy experiences, when I access these memories and play them out in my mind. And then, because I do not enjoy these reactions (feeling low/depressed/less than) I swing to the polarity of a positive energy experience by using justifications to access feeling superior/better than this person.
Thus, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the following emotions (negative reactions) around this issue: anger, resentment, spite, wanting revenge, jealousy, inferiority AND the polarity of superiority, judgement, self-judgement, blame, self-blame, self-righteousness, pity and self-pity.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider/forget that I have a physical body, when I fall into one of these memories and the subsequent reactions of anger/etc. that arise. Because I am not here with breath but lost in my head, I thus create many behavioral changes in my physical such as: the tightening and stiffening of the muscles in my jaw/arms/shoulders/back, a tightening of my chest muscles and shallow breathing, holding my breath, anxiety within my solar plexes and then stomach creating bloating and/or nausea.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to create vast consequences when I become the angry friend character like, imprisoning myself within the control of the mind consciouness systems, forever churning thoughts/re-playing the past so I am indeed reduced to a slave of the past and never living from this moment-as what life really is-never allowing myself self-honest expression, never allowing myself to find out who I really am! As well, I cannot simply be real when I do see this person because of all the assumptions/opinions (based on the past as memories-like a programmed robot) I have running in my mind, which is quite hypocritical actually because I do not know all she has endured in life/the details of her existence/how she experiences herself and so I am in fact guilty of many of the things I accuse her of–being insensitive, blinded, chained, ignorant.
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