I had an interesting dream this morning about my ex-husband’s family. I was at my father-in-laws chalet and I challenged him about the fact that I was accused for not helping out enough around the cottage and chalet. My challenge was just a few words in a soft voice but he reacted in extreme anger back. I recall, in the dream, I was surprised at this reaction and I said ‘I hardly said a thing! in exasperation. To my horror, I realized I had re-married my ex and wondered why the heck did that and how would I get out of it, lol. Him and I get along very well and have for years, btw.
Then my ex and I were in our old
marriage councelor’s office ( you know
dreams lol) and in walk all of my ex’s family. I thought
, ‘oh no, I am in big trouble
now’, as they were all upset with me about speaking
up/talking back to my father-in-law and wanted a big discussion about it. I was so angry
, I screamed at my sister-in-law, ‘You all don’t how much I have given
this family over the years, how hard I have worked!’
I have been working on my Dip
timelines, in which I am seeing
how I fear speaking
up/standing up for myself/ saying ‘no’ in family situations (and other situations) so as not to cause family conflict
. I actually resist conflict
because I feel inadequate to ‘handle it properly’. Like I tell myself I’m not good
at it, as an excuse. When/if I do I speak up, often react
, an emotional response of anger. So many times, I have chosen to simply remain silent.
This is no longer acceptable to me as it is my responsibility
to myself and others to stay out of energy
and simply answer self-honest
in the moment, a process I am currently walking.I am currently paying off an old debt to my in-laws, so I suppose this is why I had the dream. Half of it is paid, the other half will be paid shortly. I had asked my 4 creditors (my ex’s parents
, his brother and his brother’s wife) if I could put the debt towards my son’s schooling as the four of them are quite wealthy. My ex’s brother and his wife were extremely angry at me for this and sent a nasty email to me.
So, I am struggling with reacting
towards my ex’s brother and his wife. I did not respond to them but will send the money
I owe them shortly.Thought: ‘What are they being
so mean about? In common sense they don’t need the money
and it was-I specified- an idea
/suggestion, ‘what do you think
?’ I stated. A simple
‘no, just send us the cheque’ would have sufficed. Damn, I have to see them next year at L’s wedding (my daughter) and probably at a shower or two. How will I handle this? I’m so angry at them!’
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