Day 242: Anger at My Ex’s Family: Part 2

Dont-Believe1dip liteFrom Part 1 I have been working on my Dip timelines, in which I am seeing how I fear speaking up/standing up for myself/ saying ‘no’ in family situations so as not to cause family conflict. I actually resist conflict because I feel inadequate to ‘handle it properly’…This is no longer acceptable to me as it is my responsibility to myself and others to stay out of energy and simply answer self-honestly in the moment.

From the above excerpt, we can see both the PROBLEM AND THE SOLUTION, the solution being a process, which I will walk here.

Thought: ‘What are they being so mean about? In common sense they don’t need the money and it was-I specified- an idea/suggestion, ‘what do you think?’ I stated.  A simple ‘no, just send us the cheque’ would have sufficed. Damn, I have to see them next year at a wedding and probably at a shower or two. How will I handle this? I’m so angry at them!’

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to, through participation within the thought, ‘What are they being so mean about? In common sense they don’t need the money … A simple ‘no, just send us the cheque’ would have sufficed’ —  become angry as an emotional energetic reaction  of defense.
I forgive myself for not realizing that I have  accepted and allowed myself to react in worry and fear at the prospect of seeing them next summer, taking myself out of the cutting edge of time (the reality of each moment in awareness), by projecting some perceived future moment, and seeing myself as being awkward/bullied/insecure or condescended to, and assuming I will not ‘handle it well’.
In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself/think of myself as a character in a box=my past and so limiting myself here, not allowing myself to grow /expand/explore but defining ‘who I am as how I will respond to this’/ ‘this is how I will feel when I see them’ versus the limitless and freedom of expressing myself in the moment when I see them, uncomplicating the issue; I owed them money, I paid them back, period, when I see them I simply behave appropriately, within how the world system operates currently, and am pleasant/friendly and we can all enjoy ourselves!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that others are aware/understand what I have experienced/what I am experiencing /how hard I worked/ how much I gave-contributed in the past to my ex-husband’s family.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think if they are not aware of how I feel/what I’ve been through, they should be!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think they are greedy and selfish and I am innocent of this.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the mind’s design of judgement, bouncing around in energies up and down within polarities.  Where I judge myself as superior to them and feel quite confident within this assessment and then fall into the polarized reaction pattern of insecurity and fear where I see myself as inferior to them because they `succeeded`and made-received alot of money and I did not.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotional reactions of: anger, resentment, spite, jealousy, pity, self-pity, blame, fear, in and around this issue, using characterizations in my mind, for example I am the poor/innocent/kind victim and they are the rich/mean/greedy ogres.  Thus, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my ex’s family, in my mind of illusion, instead of just being here in reality; I asked a question, they said no/answered, period, staying in practical physical reality, I owe them money and pay them back.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past as experiences to determine who I am here, in each moment, so not being enslaved to what happened in the past but living self-honestly, communicating self-honestly, so I simply would have replied (I made no reply as I was in a reaction) ‘ok, I’ll send you a cheque, thanks for the loan’.  Then I would be free, a master to nothing: not to my mind, not to the past, not to my ex’s family, not to money.

To continue

cover_block_2Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution for a Failing Capitalism
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events and Solutions.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.

“What could have been, what has been, what can be, what will be, what shall be – all is unimportant. What is Here is all that any being ever has.” Bernard Poolman

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Day 242: Anger at My Ex’s Family: Part 2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s