Day 250: You Do Not Like Me so I Do NOT Like You

woman-taking-off-mask1 the-spirit-of-breath_91114554_stdMost of my anger I work through now, as it occurs but there are some incidences which linger within me. As I have been working on this anger point, I find a connection of I dont trust that person so I will stay away from them, that seems to go along with my anger, almost like they are the enemy. Sometimes this is acceptable for a period of time but other times it is impossible. Note: I realize staying away is avoidance and no solution and am facing all anger points in this process. In one case it is a relative of mine who I see now and then at family functions and in the other case it is someone in a group I belong to, so same scenario, I deal with them from time to time.

Therefore, because I do not see or have much contact with these 2 people, I find my anger fades into the background and I just feel mistrust, some mild resent. I was not going to address these points but when I reviewed the memories, there was the anger , alive and well coming up, through emotions, into my physical body as reactions!
My relative is through marriage. I assume her husband has spoken of me as she seems-they seem- mostly distant-friendly in a superficial way. I was at a shower recently in which I bought a gift and she ignored it, just opened it and put it immediately aside and did not look at me or thank me. I dont care about the money, I thought it was rude to not acknowledge a persons effort to get to the shower-it was a 2 hour drive-it was a snow storm-to shop as it takes time out of ones day and costs money-gas for the transportation to and from the shower-a whole Sunday taken up. I understand she had already received the same gift but that should not matter. No smile, no nothing. I would not have come if I knew she would act that way towards me. A few weeks later, at a holiday gathering she said nothing to me all evening, which was ok but then near the end of the night she comes up and asks me about my daughter. Nothing else, not a how are you doing, what are you doing, it made me feel like she doesnt like me and validated my mistrust of her and her rudeness, once again angered me.
The other person is in the same AA  (alcoholics anonymous) group I am in. About a year ago she said something I found to be very harsh and over-the-top and not exactly accurate. I understood the point and corrected myself, I had made a mistake and took responsibility for that mistake. She is in an higher position than me but this is no reason to take advantage of that position and put down those you are supposedly leading. I get the feeling she thinks she is smarter, better, superior, ahead of me, therefore I am of little importance. It frustrates and angers me that some people because of their position in life, get to say whatever the heck they want but I have to walk on eggshells-that is how it feels anyway. In a group setting I get the impression she thinks it is ok to ignore me, not answer me. I understand everyone is in their own process so I let it go but I cannot deny it angers me, not often, not severely but somewhat.
What have I learned so far?
It is not to judge another but to understand them and my self-responsibility to examine and direct my own thoughts and reactions.
Why do I take it personally?
It is important to answer this question because we are actually inter-dependant beings, not living in a bubble but together -connected-on earth, we are not separate.
Thought: You dont like me but you dont even know me. I dont like you either and do not trust you. You think you are better than me.
I realize I am separating myself from these two individuals by holding onto anger-resentment. This inaction only festers within ones mind and body, eventually harming oneself and the other. Therefore, in the next post I will deconstruct this thought and answer the question (why do I take it personally), within the above 2 examples, facing my anger as the problem, and then re-construct the thought, using commitment statements as a first step in the process to walk, which is the solution to eliminate the anger for good!

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