artwork by Andrew Gable
Please read: You Don`t Like Me so I Don`t Like You Part 1
From Part 1: Most of my anger I work through as it occurs but there are some incidences which linger within me. As I have been working on this anger point, I find a connection of I dont trust that person so I will stay away from them, almost like they are the enemy… because I do not have much contact with these 2 people, I find my anger fades into the background and I just feel mistrust, some mild resent. I was not going to address these points but when I reviewed the memories, there was the anger , alive and well coming up as emotional reactions, into my physical body!
The Thought: You don’t like me but you don’t even know me. I don’t like you either and do not trust you. You think you are better than me.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage within the emotional/energy reactions of: anger, resentment, dislike, judgement, self-judgement, fear, self-doubt, regret, victimization, blame, superiority, inferiority– in and around these two people.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to take this thought so far as to cause physical/behavioral changes within my human body, creating/causing anxiety, stress. Thus, creating discomfort in the form of an actual contraction/constriction of the muscle tissue/flesh as the emotional energy charge takes a piece of the flesh and literally consumes it for the mind (consciousness systems) to re-charge themselves-so I am strengthening the mind (to further deplete the body) and not my stand here in an aware stability. I am allowing the stiffening of the muscles, the bones to become brittle and shrink over time as the substance of the body gets weakened/eaten over time.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘take it personally’ as in take it that there is something I did/said and that is the reason this person ignores me/doesn’t seem to like me/criticizes me
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in assumption, in ass-u-me-ing the other person does not like me/is purposely ignoring me/thinks I can be overlooked because I am not important, when in truth, I do not know how these 2 individuals experienced themselves at the time of our interaction.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think/beLIEve/perceive that others should know what I am going through/how I am experiencing our interaction/conversation, so if I am uncomfortable in any way lol, they should accommodate me/take care of me/be responsible for me and my ‘feelings’.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think someone needs to know me and/or someone needs to like me because I need them to validate my personality/characterization of myself. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in creating separation, through the idea of ‘friendship’ which is really alliances, groups of people who ‘agree’ with each other on a number of topics, therefore they ‘like’ each other because there is no/less conflict than with others, so this ‘feels good/warm and fuzzy’(of course there are people in our lives who are close to us/even geographically close to us, who we enjoy spending time with).
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is ‘rude’ to not say thank you and to judge another as ‘wrong’ and me as ‘right’ in this case. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is important to say ‘thank you’ when someone has spent money on you/bought you a gift.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a victim and another as a bully, within the mind’s design of polarities, ever separating me from another through inner turmoil/conflict, the idea of divide ever festering within my mind so we may never be able to work together/come together/keeping us locked into individuality-personalities suits, personalities with a history/memories that must use protection and defense mechanisms (such as the emotional/energy reaction of anger) in order to stay alive/re-charge themselves so the person never self-realizes and then joins another (equality equation 1 + 1 = 2) as a force to change the world!
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