Day 257: Reacting to Night Sweats 2: Walking a process towards healing

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From the previous post:   I have been waking up with nights sweats for I suppose 2 years now. It is very severe and continuous…I have been pretty diligent about not letting thoughts possess me but I noticed lately, the sweats seem worse and I am going into reactions more, like a hopelessness and panic/fear that I cannot cope any longer…I will deconstruct my reactions to these sweats within the thought:

‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, ‘I can’t take it anymore, is this ever going to end?! I could take the estrogen again and be perfectly fine, it is just a precaution for god sake!’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to negatively charge the words/phrases: menopause, hot flash, night sweats.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as boring/old/uncool/uninteresting/unimportant around the thought, ‘Everyone (other ‘Journey to Life’ writers) is writing about such cool stuff, menopause is so unsexy/unhip, I used to be cool/people thought I was cool, this is embarrassing and humiliating.’

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an energetic reaction of fear, as the very foundation of this thought, fearing I will be tired all day and not be able to accomplish my daily responsibilities, fearing I will ‘loose it’ like my sanity and have a mental breakdown, fearing the ‘design’ of my human body like it is hopeless/helpless in the face of time and I am aging and walking toward death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in backchat/inner conversation like: nothing is working, I have tried everything and wasted my money on all sorts of homeopathic remedies, I am weak and a fool, why do somewomen not suffer through this and I am, it is my fault for being such a drama queen and alcoholic all my life (been sober now 10 years), I built up all these energies inside of myself and now I am paying for it, I deserve this, I am a helpless victim of my body, OMG it’s getting worse not better, my sister said some women still have sweats into their 70’s I cannot bear that thought, if I take the estrogen then I could get cancer, I could get cancer anyway, I don’t know what to do, it is overwhelming.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of emotions such as: fearanxiety, dread, helplessness, hopelessness, victimization, self-sabotage, self-blame, blame, impatience, self-pity, and misery in and around this issue.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to aggravate the situation/hot flash-through participating within the negative emotions which creates energies of anxiety causing my breathing to become shallow, holding my breaththereby holding on to the energies-not releasing them, tensing my facial muscles and jaw, tensing my neck/shoulders, creating a stirring fear in my solar plexes/chest/stomach, causing me to go into all sorts of thought patterns thereby not being able to fall back tosleep.

to continue

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