Day 260: FEAR: aware of physical reality vs only aware of my own fear

fear1 fearmanI just listened to a cool Eqafe interview, Swept Away-Death Research-Part 1 in which the being reviews his life and shares a fascinating observation, something which led to his untimely death! Something that I can see I do as well, I have participating in this all my life, which is fearing the fear in my own mind instead of being aware of my physical circumstances/reality.

As a perfect example, yesterday I went skiing with my daughter and my husband, it was quite warm and therefore the snow was soft and heavy. I have not skied much in the last 10 years because I have not had the money, however like riding a bike, I found I quickly ‘picked up where I had left off’ and was whizzing down the hill in no time. Interestingly, the ‘bad habits’ came back as well, in equal force, of self-doubt, self-criticism and caring about how I looked to other people lol.
Several years ago I had fractured my knee (small/hairline fracture) in the same ‘spring skiing’ conditions so I was concerned. I had fear of falling and injuring myself again, which is understandable. A healthy initial fear is quite useful in such situations, and it was there. However, all that was required was a quick but serious reminder to myself to be cautious and then carry on. But I found that the inner chatter/thoughts not only continued but escalated.

I was focusing on my thoughts-fear as I was making my way down the hill instead of focusing on the hill and act of skiing itself! This created more fear-the fear snowballed lol- as my attention/awareness was diverted from the physical before me, into my mind. Some of the thoughts were, ‘oh man, I could break my knee again, slow down, oh now I look crappy, P. will think I’m a lousy skier and not love me as much, I look terrible, shit I’m so embarrassed in front of my daughter…’

Since starting the DIP pro course I am much more aware of what is going on inside my own mind,  and so I did catch my mind/self chattering away with all sorts of insecurities, comparisons, memories, as I made my way down the hill.  Mostly I was worried how ‘cool’ and competent I looked in the eyes of my partner, as it was the first time we’ve skied together.  Then there were the old familiar comparisons, self-criticisms like, ‘I always start out good/strong, then I loose it’, ‘I’m not as consistently stylish as other skiers, how do they do it?’, ”I’m so slow, I can’t keep up’, ‘Oh good, P. is not a perfect skier like my first husband’ lol….  On and on, my mind would literally not shut up.

So, when I realized I was in a total mind possession, I STOPPED myself/my thoughts. I took a breath and reminded myself/made a commitment to stay with breath as I skied down the hill. Immediately and somewhat surprisingly, I found I was skiing the hill with much more skill, I was skiing MUCH BETTER AND FELT PHYSICALLY SAFE, STURDY, STEADY, I was ONE WITH THE HILL kind of thing. Then I became more relaxed and was able to enjoy myself.

This practice, staying with my breath awareness, as I skied each hill, changed my entire experience for the rest of the day! I did not allow myself to separate myself from the physical any longer but focused my entire awareness with the snow, the hill, the curve of the bumps/moguls, the feel of the snow as it changed throughout the day, I literally allowed myself to be physical and stopped the separation between myself and what was physically, really before me.

To accomplish this, I had to be aware of and stop the initial self-sabotaging thoughts (after I made that commitment to stop my thoughts as I skied) that often arise within me such as : oh, so now you’re Bruce Lee, what a joke, no your not, you can’t ‘be one’ with anything like others can, you’re just trying to impress your husband and daughter and that is vanity/self-interest, you’re not important …blah blah…

I am learning more and more, through my participation  within the Desteni I Process, to let these thoughts go/pass, to not follow/participate/relate to them/take them personally!  Seems strange to not take your own thoughts personally but it is not only possible but remarkably empowering.  Btw, the repetitive nature of most thoughts and thought patterns are far more universal than I initially understood, we are not so different from each other as human beings, in fact we are remarkably similar.  I would encourage anyone to investigate DIP Lite, a free online introductory course so you can begin your own journey to free yourself from how you have programmed your own mind.

This is cool for me to see/realize that when I am participating in fear within my own mind I AM NOT WITH PHYSICAL REALITY AND THIS DRAMATICALLY AFFECTS/CHANGES/ALTERS HOW I ACT/PERFORM A TASK IN THE PRESENT .

So, I will remind myself of this realization often as I begin another series of blogs about fear. Specifically, I will examine how I have turned  two fears,  fear of disease and  fear of loss of a family member, into phobias,  thought patterns of fears that come up often, over and over again.

To continue

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Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

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