For proper context to this blog please read the previous post: After listening to the Eqafe Interview: Blame, the Hidden Nature I can clearly see how I missed a huge point in regards to someone I blame for my past. In fact the point I missed, within my taking self-responsibility for what occurred, was MY VERY STARTING POINT! The mind is tricky. I say this because when I think about this person from my past with my conscious mind, what comes up is a feeling of liking and acceptance with a slight amount of regret/frustration but what is resonating in the background is direct blame and anger for many years of struggle.
Walking the Corrective Process:
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my anger and blame towards my ex for what happened after we split up.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve my ex was the indirect cause of my alcoholism, mental illness and financial struggles for about 10 years after we split up.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the fact that I ignored all the warning signs that indicated he would not be a stable partner to have children with, that he would not be a suitable partner for me when we were opposites in that I enjoyed the home life and he enjoyed staying out late/n the city life, that he would not be a financially stable partner to purchase a home with, that he would not be a stable partner to carry the financial load when I had children and so I would have to continue working full time when we had a family, that he would not be a suitable partner if I wanted a monogamous marriage & that he would not be a suitable partner for me if I wanted responsible/no use of drugs and alcohol in the home.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my ex for who and how he was during our marriage, when I knew this before we married. In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my ex that he was not honest with me when we got married, `never thought it would be forever` when I was deceptive within my starting point of marry him under false pretenses, meaning I did not love/accept him for who he was but an ‘idea’ in my mind of him as someone he would become; responsible/stable/committed/reliable and I did not share this openly with him but kept it in my secret mind of desires.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control my ex throughout our entire relationship and not just let him go, seeing in common sense, if I wanted so much to change about him, he was not a practical partner for me to be in a relationship agreement-marriage with.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to desire-need my ex to be a certain way as in a `the nice guy-good guy` when we were together because I felt incomplete, broken inside due to my own childhood and wanted my ex to fix it by re-living and thus re-creating my past, this time with a man who treated me well (kind-loving-respectful-attentive), and this was in direct opposition to my role within the marriage and the face I presented to the outside world as `the strong one-the together wife with the troubled husband`.
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where one is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course