Day 272: Changing versus Avoiding part 2

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From the previous post:   Avoid =  A  Void

Dictionary Definition: Void:  without contents; empty useless; ineffectual; vain.devoid; destitute, a gap or opening, as in a wall. a vacancy; vacuum.

So if I am allowing a void to exist in my mind, by avoiding/not facing certain issues, I am essentially saying to my mind, ‘oh, hey, here ya go, I’m not doing anything with this thought so you can take it and run with it’ and so abdicating any responsibility to what comes up in my own mind!

NOTE:  I am writing one forgiveness statement and one commitment statement for each issue here. However,  I have, in previous blogs, written about most of these issues  in detail, as in all of the mind dimensions:  Here are some of them:    Fear of Disease   Worry About Health    Shopping Guilt/Finances   Fear for the Safety of my Children    Insecurity/Inferiority 

Fear of Car Accidents

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a reaction of fear that my children and/or myself will be injured/killed in a car accident , specifically my daughter when she is driving up north where the winter conditions are very snowy and icy. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I don’t want to live without them, if they are not alive then I don’t want to be alive’ and then participate in a reaction of fear of being alone/without them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in pictures in my mind /imaginings of my daughter’s car spinning out on the highway (this happened to her last year), her in the hospital, police coming to my door, a funeral, a casketimagining how devastated I would be, thinking that is the worst thing that can happen to a parent/to me, a crushed up car, the moment of impact and the noise it would make like loud crash/screetching/sirens.

When and as I see myself going into thought patternsimaginings and emotions about my children/myself being in a car accident or other fatal incident I stop and breathe. I ask myself ‘what is it that these relationships are giving you that you are not giving/gifting to yourself?’ I remind myself to look at the point from a physical reality perspective and thus direct it in a practical manner, like contact my daughter about road conditions that day, educate them about driving in winter conditions. I realize they are grown adults with common sense, I cannot control others or the weather nor do I want to, worrying does not change the facts, people die and I do not control when. I commit myself to use my time here effectively by doing what I practically can to support/assist my children when it comes to driving and safety and then letting it GO so I can LIVE each moment instead of obsessing about things I cannot change.

Fear of family alcoholism

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/fall into thought patterns about family alcoholism/my alcoholism, which in turn create emotions/projections/imaginations in and around this issue, mostly fearing my children will become alcoholics because I and several of their relatives experienced alcoholism.

When and as I see myself going into fear that one or both of my children will become alcoholics I stop and breathe. I make sure/remind myself to assess the point in physical reality/space/time and not within projections in my mind. For example, if I observe one of them is creating consequence because of drinking I communicate to them about it by opening up a discussion: asking questions/offer support/make suggestions. I realize they see me and their step-dad walking a daily commitment to not drink alcohol and have witnessed this for the last 10 years, I realize they have much information on this subject and supportive people to talk to if this should happen to them, I realize some young people drink/party alot then greatly reduce the amount they drink as they get older, lastly I can see that my daughter is (at this time) a social drinker-does not drink much at all.

Inferiority/Insecurity with Authority Figures 

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a pattern of ‘needing to be liked’/feeling secure/ ‘good’ when a person, who I see as an authority figure, gives me feedback/responds to me and if they do not respond/’ignore me’ or respond in a way I perceive as ‘negative’, I then go into insecurity and inferiority, then I swing to superiority and gossip in my mind saying all sorts of nasty backchat, about that person and/or the organization in general, to make myself feel better because I feel I do not belong/am not part of the clique/in crowd/do not ‘fit in as usual’- kind of thing.

When and as I see myself participating in the ‘needing to be liked’ character within and around the issue of authority figures in my life I stop and breathe. I remind myself no one can make me feel anything about myself, it is my reactions to whatever is occurring that I am experiencing , and it is my sole responsibility to look within myself and sort out whatever is going on and stabilize myself back to physical reality. I realize flying around in emotions is self-sabotaging behavior, as it disempowers me because I cannotcommunicate self-honestly or see thing clearly-as they are in reality- when I am in paranoia in my mind. I also realize when I am participating in emotional reactions, I cannot assess what is going on in any given moment for real. Thus, I commit myself to stay in the moment with what is physically going on when around authority figures/groups in my life and out of my mind of backchat and harmful emotions.

Inferiority/Insecurity with Peers/Friends/Relatives 

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with a desire/need to be liked by another, specifically certain relatives/peers, who I believe/perceive don’t like me/think I am inferior. Within that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to THEN engage in nasty inner conversation about that person and react/experience myself as inferior to that person, going to my ‘safe’ place of in-security. Or I fall into the pattern of beLIEving myself to be superior to another based on my interpretation of another’s action/inaction/ communications.

When and as I see myself becoming/reacting with emotions of inferiority/insecurity in and around ‘needing to be liked’ by others I stop and breathe. I make sure I assess the point from a physical reference and not my own mind of past experiences. I remind myself it simply is not important how another sees/feels about me,  it is not about ‘liking’ or ‘disliking’ another that is important but about respecting all others as one and equal to myself and all , and being there as an example to others as how I live this truth.  I realize I do not control others but I can and am, indeed responsible to control what goes on in my own mind and thus can support /assist another. I also understand I cannot see reality/what the situation really is when I am all caught up in myself/how I am interpreting the situations. Thus, I commit myself to the process of stopping all such reactions to external stimuli from others and start living/directing myself within physical stability and physical reality.

to continue in the next post


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