From the previous post in this series Day 275: I have been listening to the Atlanten’s Interview Series on Annoyance from Eqafe. It seems like it was done just for me, lol, as it ‘hits the nail on the head’ with regard to so many points I have faced throughout my life. As usual, I am realizing the universe/god has not been ‘against me’ rather I have allowed my mind to interfere and this has stopped me from having the patience and perseverance required to face/take on a new task/skill/hobby… I can see that I bring the past with me to the task, all my memories and self-belief like, ‘I’m not good enough, I’ll never excel at anything, that is for other people, I’m average’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to become annoyance and as annoyance think, ‘This is just too hard and will take too long to learn. I’m tired and I can’t do it’ especially within learning some new technical point on the computer, learning to play the piano/guitar/singing/songwriting, learning about economics/how the world operates and within that LIG (Living Income Guaranteed), learning about my own process-mind.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to have the basis of this thought be a fear, fear of failure, and a self-belief of ‘I’m not good enough’ existing within and as me. Because I am fearful I then go into panic and because I am in a state of panic I then RUSH. When I rush I am in my mind and not present within the task at hand, when I rush I am looking inward toward a future moment and not focusing on this moment and the physical reality before me.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to begin a new task/or go back to learning something new from the starting point of the past-as ‘I can’t’ and then prove myself to be ‘right’ over and over again, so all in complete self-sabotage. This happens within my mind of imagination, imaging how I will fail in this current or future moment, having pictures/scenarios of people pop up who I compare myself to (someone I admire -who has perfected this thing I am attempting) and I make myself inferior to them and inferior to the task, memories playing out -as moving pictures in my mind-from the past where I gave-up/did not complete the task or I did not take it to a point of perfection. Or I go into the opposite polarity of excitement withinimagining myself done/perfected within the task/skill and receiving praise–in both cases I am not present so am not being self-honest with what I can learn, not ‘giving it my best’ as in all my focus/attention, thus I am limiting myself/my potential to a past moment.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchat like: I’m not smart enough like other people, I have nothing to offer, I can’t give anything of value to my world, I’m not talented like other people, I am average at best, I can’t learn this because it takes to long-i’m too old-it’s too late-i’m tired-i’t too hard, I’m just a loser and I’m lazy, I’m not good enough, there isn’t enough time, I have too much to do/responsibilities in my life already, I’ll sound stupid, OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE CAPABLE WILL DO THIS FOR ME/others’
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a feeling of excitement & and the emotions of: annoyance, fear, anger, frustration, dread, self-hate, hopelessness, inferiority & guilt in and around the issue of learning something new.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences, in and around this issue of annoyance with learning something new, such as : I never really get to know me/who I am within this skill/task, what I am capable of. I only ever believe my limitations and not my potential, I only ever believe my thoughts of failure and emotions of gloom/depression/hopelessness/inferiority and thus am in a process of diminishment versus a process of life expressing itself here, in each aware moment of breath, growing/expanding/directing/moving. Thus I stay stuck, I am unable to grow/change/expand and in that I am unable to stand as an example for another within their own potential to become life, to grow and enjoy life to the fullest.
Cool Google Hangouts: To watch and to join in! You can participate in live hangouts each week, ask questions.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.