Please read the previous post for proper context to this blog.
From the previous post : I am facing a number of points within myself around the issue of being told I need to have a breast biopsy. Interestingly, the point I will face today is about ‘exposure’ meaning I really did not want to share this news with anyone (I did tell my sister and daughter). Unfortunately, I was sent to the wrong clinic, for the required procedure, two days ago which has put me in a more difficult position around my idea of ‘keeping it secret’ as now I have to wait for another appointment and face the stress/build up of the waiting again.
When and as I see myself time looping within thoughts and emotional reactions about telling my husband of this situation I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to access what is here in physical reality and stop participation within my mind. I realize anxiety and stressare not supportive to my mind/body/being and serve no purpose but can be harmful. I also understand I prefer to be quiet within myself and do not want to discuss this with him (at this time) as it will not change anything. After the procedure I will tell him if more treatment is needed and/or I would probably tell him anyway, as he will see physical bruising/possible incision etc. Thus I commit myself to stop all such participation within this decision being a dilemma/back and forth inner chatter in my mind, as I will speak to him about this when and as needed.
When and as I see myself going into fear that I will be seen as less valuable a person/woman/wife/partner if I have breast cancer/pre-cancerous condition and require further treatment I stop, I breathe. I make sure to access the physical, out of my mind and back down to earth, I remind myself where I am and what I am doing in reality. I realize my husband is not my father (believing women are inferior), he loves me and is quite understanding/supportive. I also understand I do not control him/his thoughts and if he has some superiority issues/fear issues, it is for me/my responsibility to understand him instead of judge him or go into fear reactions. I also understand each one here is equal in physical reality as substance, if someone thinks otherwise that is a point for them to face, within walking their own process in their lifetime.
When and as I see myself negatively charging the words exposed and biopsy & reacting with fear/stress to the words exposed and biopsy I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to stop participation in my mind and focus on what is physically before me in my day. I realize having a biopsy is very important and I am grateful such a test/procedure exists to identify early stages of problems in the body and so be able to undergo treatment before the condition manifests into something more serious. I also realize ‘being exposed’ is really a preferable way for all human beings to exist here on earth (using common sense of course, it will take many years for us human beings to reach the point where we can live this way safely and effectively ) so each one is the same within (the mind) and without (how they act/behave in the world), no secrets/secret agendas, as in all is out in the open for all to see. I also realize this is a point I am facing and slowly changing within my life/world so that, it does not matter who knows what–as I see it is myreactions/reacting to another person’s reactions/communications that is what concerns me. Thus I commit myself to slowing myself down, so I am aware of how and when my reactions to others manifest/come up within me and thus can control/direct myself effectively in the moment, in a way that considers all involved/is best for all, which includes the other and myself.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime