Listening to the interviews from Eqafe this last few weeks, has got me to examine/look at exactly what is it that preoccupies me. I can identify 5 major areas/themes that ‘take me away’ from reality and down the rabbit hole of the mind, into a simulated life, versus simply being life here/present with breath each moment. These are: health, family, entertainment as in tv series, group participation (Desteni online participation/DIP course) and finances.
Of course, it changes from time to time, depending upon what is going on in my life. Also these main themes can overlap and sometimes there are very specific characters within the theme ie. the paranoid wife within the family character. In this blog series however, I am looking at them in a larger/overall context so that I am more aware within catching the first thought or image that pops up in my mind, thus I am not lost/’caught off guard‘ for several minutes and then suddenly realize ‘holy, I’ve been in my mind for the last 5 minutes!’
In this blog series I will focus on the quantum mind/unconscious mind reactions, asking myself: what is the emotional energy fueling/behind this thought and where does it come from-what memories? And addressing that with self-forgiveness and a corrective application statement, which must be applied in my day to day living to be effective. Please Read: Practical Desteni
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to, after finding out my biopsy results were benign, almost immediately, shift from having obsessive thoughts about cancer/death/operations into a ‘health’ character. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to again rush=panic note: I am in the process of stopping and stabilizing myself when I see this happening.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become the ‘health’ character and as the health character think about: my niece’s health condition and all the information I want to share with her, future tests/mammograms for myself, to question how the biopsy report is ‘graded’, question why they don’t want to send me the report ?(which is ridiculous as it is about my body-I will continue to insist it be sent to me),which alternative treatments to apply, overloading my body with too many supplements, how expensive it will be to follow a treatment plan.
They are all coming from the starting point of fear: of loss of control of my body and my life, of the suffering I would have to endure if I were to get ill, of the test/procedures I would have to go through, of the future = fear of the unknown. Please note, I am not suggesting to not care but to replace worry/fear with actual caring and sharing in a practical way-a physical way- through companionship/getting together with others either in person or online/virtual world, investigating information for yourself and if appropriate passing it onto another, purchasing/consuming proper healing supplements and foods, etc. So doing what you can , step by step to move yourself towards your goal and supporting/assisting another as much as possible to do the same.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come from the starting point of fear, within these thoughts in and around the issue of my current health and how I am walking a treatment plan. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create worry and anxiety putting even more stress and strain on the physical body.
So, why do I get ‘lost’ at times throughout the day within this ‘health’ character? Because of associations/connections the mind consciousness system makes! It happens so fast, boom boom, one thought after another that you don’t even notice! Like, I have a thought and from that thought a picture pops up in my head…then a memory comes up…..another thought, ‘oh I feel so lousy about that past experience‘…then another thought-‘I was a terrible person’… an emotional reaction of guilt and lethargy comes up…then a thought ‘I ‘m so tired, think i’ll lie down for while’…. and there I go down the rabbit hole, completely preoccupied, completely (or partially) taken away from my day and daily responsibilities, no longer focused on what is actually before me/reality at all! I am no longer focused on a process of self-realization/growing/changing/expanding or usefulness to others but instead I am thrown back into the past and remaining stuck!
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within mind associations, connecting one thought to another to another…instead of remaining with breath awareness in each moment, thereby catching the first thought and bringing myself back to the physical/reality, I am thus able to move/flow, within a calm stability, throughout my day and able to get through all of my daily responsibilities.
When and as I see myself going into the ‘health character’ within thoughts, imaginations and emotions I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to access only what is here in physical reality and stay out of my mind. I realize jumping into a new character is not productive/supportive to my being and my body whereas moving within physical space/time, facing points one by one is how I get things done, how I change and grow and how I heal, heal my mind/body/being toward a one and equal relationship to all/the physical. Thus, I commit myself to slow down and live breath by breath, aware of myself as a physical being here on earth, grateful and so not wasteful of the time I have here.
When and as I see myself being controlled by/participating in the emotions of worry, anxiety and fear, in and around the ‘health character’ I stop , I breathe. I remind myself to bring myself back down to earth, feel my feet firmly on the ground, and out of the mind of energy. I realize the quantum mind/unconscious mind is going to use whatever it can-in the form of associations to keep me captured in the mind: memories/imaginations/relentless number of thoughts coming at me one after another, creating fear energies-sucking this energy out of me/my body and my being to fuel it’s own existence/keep it alive and indeed in control of me/my life. Thus, I commit myself to be ever more diligent to not give these emotions and associations ‘life’/to not participate/not strengthen them even more though engaging in them but instead to strengthen me/my beingness/my stand here as life, by remaining with the physical in that moment!
Please Read: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer
From Eqafe : My Life With Cancer
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime