Day 301: Fear of Conflict: Detox Gone Wrong 2

detox 3detox 4So, I went and spoke with the person who gave me the detox and I did not get angry and react!  Neither did I ‘lay down’ but asked questions and we basically explored my situation together.  He explained-as does the info from the previous blog-it was my own toxicity that was poisoning me -making me severely ill.  It could also be a reaction to Msm (a heavy metal detox agent which contains sulpher/sulpha and I had an allergic reaction to sulpha as a child) or chlorella (a plant algae similar to spirulina).  I had wanted these 2 substances included to assist in detoxing/breaking down the calcification in my breasts.

I will  make this a 7 day detox versus the original plan of a 3 day detox.  He has made a few suggestion and I am adding fiber to my detox.

The lesson for me here is to slow down, this has been a major theme throughout my life, but at the same time keep moving.  Easy does it  but DO IT !  Do not ‘throw out the baby with the bathwater’ living in polarities/extremes, it is cool to start slow and build gradually.  I did try to begin slow by having the contents of these drinks at only 50% potency however it is clearly not enough.

I no longer feel  taken advantage of or that I have wasted my money. I am able to let go of blame and rather work with another toward a solution.  This is something new to me, no need to judge myself or another harshly, instead look and see how what we had originally planned can be altered/changed to suit my needs and my body so that I am able to do the detoxing without throwing up/being completely immobile with migraines.

See the problem and then look for/focus on solutions.

When and as I see myself assuming the worst, when something does not go as I had planned I stop, breathe.  I realize when we are doing something that is new to us, often there are unexpected occurrences that arise. Thus I commit myself to slow down when approaching new endeavors, focusing on what is before me and sticking with practical-physical solutions with each step so as to not fall into the trap of reacting to the unexpected.

When and as I see myself approaching an issue from the starting point of fearing money  I stop, breathe.  I remind myself this worry and fear is useless/does not change the facts of the situation.  I see that I am financially stable and usually make careful financial decisions and that this was not a significant amount of money. Thus I commit myself to stick with reality when looking at money and not exaggerate/go into extreme thinking inside my mind.

When and as I see myself fearing conflict, specifically when I require to speak to someone about a situation I stop, I breathe.  I realize much of my fear comes from imaginations inside my own mind prior to meeting up with the person and so I remind myself to focus on what is before me in the physical.  I also see that my ‘voice’/ability to speak up in a self-responsible/stable way has improved over the years and significantly improved now I am walking the Desteni I Process.   Thus I commit myself to stop conjuring up images in my mind, creating my own fear, prior to meeting with someone to talk things over.

When and as I see myself going into reactions of anger and blame, and thus diminishing another while making myself superior, I stop, I breathe.  I realize to attempt to make myself ‘feel better’ by making someone else ‘less than’ in my mind is unacceptable.  I remind myself to feel my feet on the ground and that I am a physical being here. I understand that emotional reactions to do solve anything but only add energy/fuel to the fire of the mind.  Thus I commit myself to stop engaging in reactions of blame and anger and look for solutions when an unforeseen event occurs.

When and as I see myself participating in reactions of  inferiority and self-victimization  I stop, breathe.  I realize I am only inferior and a victim if I choose to be.  I remind myself I am not a little girl but a woman who has proven to herself, through living actions over time, that I am capable to use my voice and can use it in a stable, responsible way that serves what is best for all and not just me, in self-interest.    Thus I commit myself to stop participating withing dramatizing  the past, bringing a character into the present based on memories, one who is frozen by self-doubt/feelings of ‘less than’  and constantly self-sabotages/victimizes herself.  I commit myself to just being me here, with breath and the physical, free to express myself moment to moment.

forgive yourself2DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support

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