Please read Part 1 – 3 for proper context to this blog.
From the previous post: Here I am looking at the relationships between myself and my two children, in order to understand certain thought and emotional patterns I have developed toward them. This series and specifically this interview greatly assisted me: Eqafe Interview: Parenting Part 50: Sibling Rivalry: The Gifts, to realize that this is something I need to investigate and correct within myself, in order for that correction to pool out and into our relationships, to create an environment for growth.
Self-Corrective Application and Commitment Statements
When and as I see myself putting my son in a box with words as labels supposedly defining him, where I compare him to other men who have been in my life past or present, and I project my own emotions of anger, fear, worry, anxiety about my life and past onto him, with the excuse ‘I don’t want him to suffer like I did’ or ‘I don’t want him to abuse like X did’ I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to focus on/access what is here in physical reality. I realize he is walking his own process in life and has matured much in the last few years, I have no right to judge him as I do not know all that he is experiencing in each moment, I can practice patience with him as I was much the same with my own parents as I matured in life. Thus, I commit myself to take responsibility for my ownreactions by bringing it back to myself/examining what is coming up in me. I also commit to seeing /interacting with my son genuinely and self-honestly in each moment, no longer carrying the past as memories, within thought and emotional patterns, with me, so allowing our relationship to be unlimited, based on a true love and respect versus based on self-interest, my own desires and fears.
When and as I see myself : connecting caring to ‘thinking about’ / obsessing as’ worrying about’ my daughter, where I create disaster scenarios in my imagination instead of looking practically at the reality of her life, when I see myself participating in the mind’s design of polarities, specifically of my son being the ‘difficult artistic one’ within a negative energy charge and and my daughter being the stable, responsible one giving her a positive energy charge in my mind, when I see myself going into anger if she falls from the pedestal I have placed her on/reacts to me in some way I perceive as negative, when I see I am projecting her accomplishments onto myself/my life in order to make me feel successful through her, I stop, I breathe. I remind myself I am a physical being and bring my awareness back to what is really here/happening in my day. I realize I did not like it when my parents had certain labels for me/placed me in a box and I cannot actually see/experience my daughter for who she is as a dynamic/changing/growing individual, expressing herself within her own process, if I have a need/desire to see her in a certain way/keep her in a containment because of my own self-definitions and if she changes I have to change! Thus, I commit myself to these ideas go/let her go to freely emerge from the cocoon of childhood into adulthood, as I do not ‘own’ her but was merely the ‘vehicle’ which she came through, into this world.
When and as I see myself connecting loving my children with ‘thinking about’ my children, where I allow myself to fall into imaginations and then thought patterns that bring up the emotions of worry, fear, anxiety and excitement I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to get out of my mind of illusion and back down to reality. I realize I am able to best support, assist and enjoy my children’s company by practically reaching out to speak with/share with them, making suggestions/communicate /research or plan something of value versus just being in some energy while I only ‘think about’ them, as this is quite futile. I also understand, when I participate in the negative energy of fear/worry/anxiety in this way and/or I swing to the polarity of expectation/excitement, I do so from the past/memories keeping us all in boxes with pictures and labels I have attached to the words son, daughter and mother. Thus, I commit myself to free all three of us, by opening up these boxes and allowing us to emerge with no definitions/labels as restrictions as the truth of who we are, unlimited beings/life thus birthing the opportunity for all 3 of us to live to our utmost potential.
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