Here, I am sharing a word re-definition of what it means to be an individual. This is a process I have learned through taking an online course, Desteni I Process Pro-see links below. Throughout most of my life, this is something I have struggled with, feeling boxed in during my childhood, I simply did not know who I was or what I was capable of. I felt/experienced myself as ‘less than’/not good enough/inferior to others and was suspicious, even jealous, of people who stood out within a confident individuality. I lived in fear of life/others and so chose to hide/stay ‘out of harms way’. I saw another’s talent as threatening as they were ‘special’, they stood out amongst a crowd but did not identify this specialness within myself. I also saw how this individuality/specialness was most often ‘unfair’ as these people seemed to be rewarded for a quality they were ‘born with/inherited’. Hiding, either alone or one of many in a group, was the only way I knew how to exists-stay safe- but if I am invisible, how will I cope/survive in this world, in my own isolated bubble? Hence, in this post, I explore the word and re-define it.
SELF’S ALLOCATION POINT: The state of being confident to the point of ‘showing off’, where one is insensitive to others within showing off their superiority, causing another to feel inferior/less than, within who they are either inside and outside, so ie. From expressing freely/comfortably laughing/sharing and/or having expensive clothing/the latest fashion/hair/car/etc.
DICTIONARY DEFINITION: the particular character, or aggregate of qualities, that distinguishes one person or thing from others; sole and personal nature
SOUNDING: in-division , duality
duality: the state or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy– 2 parts
CREATIVE WRITING: I can see I have pictures/imaginations coming up from high school here. In how I have lived this word so far in my life, I see blame/judgement of another, no self-responsibility, I also see self-blame and much INFERIORITY. I experience this word with a reaction of jealousy, from the starting point of comparison and competition, like when I was a child/youth, I felt very afraid of the world and people and would meet someone/see /hear someone who seemed whole/confident/happy‘in their own skin’ kind of thing and I knew ‘I am not that/do not have that within me’ but desired to be that/like that person. I felt controlled by my parents, as ‘who I should be/how I should act ‘ to please them thus not ‘get in trouble‘. So I was shy (I used tothink this shyness was strictly intimidation and fear) . I now understand, I did not know myself, had never explored my own expression much, so I was not comfortable experimenting and/or standing out in any way. Thus, I backed off from people /stayed in the shadows when I was young and then hung out with those who did not intimidate me as I got older. Whenever I did ‘try ‘ to be something else/do something new in front of others I felt like a fake, like I had to fake it, I found alcohol ‘helped’ me feel free and moreconfident and used it for this purpose for many years.
WRITING THE DEFINITION: Bernard told me once: we are individual yet not separate: A person expressing differently yet freely, in a holistic way , meaning within the idea that the whole is more than merely the sum of its parts, so in consideration of the whole, without an idea of specialness or separation/division, within knowing we are all part of the whole and so inter-dependent, each individual being/person effects all other parts of humanity.
REDEFINING THE WORD AS A LIVING expression OF SELF: How a person unconditionally lives their unique expression, from one moment to the next, within a genuine sharing, care and consideration of the whole, standing as an example as what it means to be life.
Personal Growth: DIP: https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess