Please refer to the previous posts beginning at: Day 356: Fearing my Thoughts moving too fast: Part 1
To re-cap, it seems like all the major fear points-existent within me, are coming up, one after another throughout the last month or so. Although I understand they are not me/I don’t have to take them personally (as I did before I started my course) they still have power over me/are controlling me/directing me to some extent and this is unacceptable. Thus, it is my responsibility to examine/investigate my self-doubt and replace it with self-trust, BUILD STRENGTH & SELF-TRUST. Rather than stay in a reaction of fear,here I begin the process of slowing down my thoughts and removing these reactions from me, so I am instead able to- in a moment- stop, breathe and bring myself back to stability and reality.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anxiety building up as the day goes on, where I have thoughts about rushing/or catch myself rushing, ‘oh shit, I was rushing, oh no it going to trigger anxiety‘.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to, when the first hint of anxiety/fear comes to my mind-in the late afternoon/evening- then look for the thoughts instead : of breathing through them, continuing my dedication to focus on what is before me in the physical, and bringing my awareness back to my stability point (which for me is my solar plexes).
In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate and beLIEve my own backchat/voices in the mind, telling me, ‘no I can’t do it, I am too weak, oh no it’s happening again, I am going into anxiety and it could become extreme again! , freaking myself out/feeding into the fear energy making it worse/more difficult to stabilize with breath and body awareness.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to actually LOOK for the fear/react in self-doubt when I am stable instead of just trusting myself to stay here with breath and move throughout my day.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fear process, meaning the quantum mind & quantum physical merging that is occurring in human beings now, and think, ‘well, I just suppressed this before with alcohol so now it will kill me’. Note: I am taking something for anxiety through my doctor, for a short period of time.
I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to want a magic pill/answer for my own fear/anxiety-which has been created over time through: the mind wanting to survive/create energy any way it can to fuel it’s existence, my dna/generational download, my own history within this lifetime as I did not learn how to deal with emotions -except to suppress – using alcohol , obsessive relationships & for a period depending on a god/higher force to save me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have established a stable grounded stability point within myself -wherein I know who I am in relation to the voices in the mind & emotions that arise- and wherein I am the directive principle of myself and I know that I value the life within and as myself. Therefore, I will not continue anticipating and fearing the return of anxiety & and believing all such thoughts as ‘I am too weak to get through this.’ Realizing of course, this is a process, and as such will take time.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that any thoughts about weakness or /and fear of loosing myself are not in alignment with who I know I really am as a being, which is self-value and self-appreciation, self-trust and someone who is building strength – and that by me reacting within fear to these thoughts coming up about loosing myself or being too weak, is basically me giving away my awareness, power and directive principle of who I really am, instead of immediately realizing and understanding that these thoughts cannot possibly hold any power over me, because they are not in alignment with who I am as life
When and as I see myself going into anxiety and fear I stop, I remind myself I am physical and ground myself by bring myself/awareness out of my mind and back down to reality. I now see/realize/understand that the mind of energy – emotions/thoughts-can and is producing a fear that is very unstable/all over the place & starts a vicious cycle of self-harm within me. I understand as I bring myself back to physical reality I calm/stabilize and so it is vital I remain out of mind throughout the day.
I commit myself to remain with the physical as the solution.
I commit myself to take a stand towards and in relation to my own thoughts where I state ‘No,this is unacceptable and a waste of my time, I do not harm me!’
Thus, I commit myself to stop all such self-doubt and continue focusing on building strength and self-trust through (besides the stated DIP tools of breath, self-forgiveness, commitment statements):
stopping what I am doing at the first sign of anxiety & support myself by doing a online guided meditation, stabilizing with breath and body, then continue my day in a slowed down state of movement/aware of body and moving with the physical vs. moving with energy. For me, at this time, this includes gentle in-breaths and taking longer with/on the out breath.
participating in physical activity/exercise in the evening and/or late afternoon instead of beginning a pattern of worry about going into anxiety-fearing my own fear, where I can be outside enjoying healthy fresh air, moving my physical body and continue to focus on breath awareness, where there is stability.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs